Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
Visitors: 29849
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So I'm a 13 year old girl and my bedroom doesn't have a door..... I feel like I have a lack of privacy. All that covers the entrance to my room is a thin see through curtain. I already share the room with my sister, so that's already one person who has the right to barge in, but my brothers and parents do it too! I'll be getting dressed or something and then they'll just shove right through the curtains. It's incredibly annoying. How do I ask for a door with a lock or at least a curtain that's not see through? I'm always afraid to ask for things because we just moved to this house (and I know that houses cost a lot. and I have so many siblings (which leads to more expenses) and I'm afraid that I'm being too expensive. I Harley ask for anything though besides notebooks to draw in (I don't even have a cell phone because I'm afraid to give my parents anymore bills). So how do ask? And since I ask for do little, do you think they'll say yes? (Oh and just a quick bit of extra info: I'm usually that "forgotten" child whose desires fall through the cracks, so I'll need a really good way of asking) Thanks!!!! (link)
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I should think you would not be asking too much for a door with a lock and they are not that expensive, and certainly in relation to the price of a house. Point out to your mum that at 13 a bit of privacy is more an essential than a luxury. There must be many a handyman who could source and fit the door at modest cost. Or your father, brothers helping maybe? Though not all blokes are good at building and carpentry!! Maybe mum is, or could be? Patience and attention to detail are quite often the key to modest do-it-yourself jobs around the home (not suggesting folks try their hand at re-roofing or installing central heating of course...but a door is much less daunting!). I understand that if cash is bit tight at present you might not be happy about asking for that phone for instance, which would possibly be quite an expensive purchase and as you point out, can quickly and easily run-up possibly huge bills for airtime and data-handling. This might be a bit of leverage? You aren't asking for something for entertainment, you appreciate that you can live without it. (Which will show a nice bit of maturity on your part, compromise and not hankering after instant gratification and amusement are pretty adult behaviour mate!) But a bedroom door would be nice! So you can just crash out, relax and enjoy yourself without being interrupted and disturbed. Good luck...and don't push too hard for an instant result...sometimes adults might have to say "they'll think about it next month". If there's a big bill (maybe home or car insurance?) this month cash can get pretty tight until the next salary payment rolls in...it's a fact of life sometimes. Give it a try. You need a bit of private 'me-time' at your age and they'll appreciate that. X
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How do you go about dating someone 20 years younger than you? Who has been a very special friend (link)
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By working extra hard to find things in common, trying things you might not do any more with someone your own age. By introducing them to things they may not try with friends their own age. I should add I mean socially! It's a big age gap, but that does not mean it's a no-go area. It does mean you have to both work that bit harder. By doing so you might well find you both become more understanding, tolerant and open minded than many same-age couples. More tolerant and more considerate. Appreciate that you'll each bring something a little different to the party, as it were. That could make for a VERY strong relationship indeed, don't you think? You will have MORE life-experience to draw on. But since when was life experience about quantity? More about quality I think? Poor experiences will leave you dull and jaded at any age. Good ones keep you more upbeat ('younger' if you like) and open for more...at any age. True, we often gather friends of a similar age around ourselves, but that can get stale...boring. For both the younger and the older person. If you click, if you feel some special connection, and it's what you both want...give it a go!
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I feel like my vagina is ugly is this normal
What if my boyfriend thinks its gross (link)
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No it is not worrying or unusual for a woman to have a feeling that her vagina is visually not very attractive. But it is a very sensitive part of your body, responsible for providing you with very strong pleasurable and satisfying feelings, and it is a very significant and symbolic part of being a woman and your sexuality. So I hope you don't HATE YOUR VAGINA. That would be quite worrying. You don't do you? You just think it doesn't look very attractive? That's no problem. Dismiss any idea that your boyfriend will find it gross, ugly in appearance or in some way an undesirable aspect of you. I virtually GUARANTEE he won't. Quite the opposite! Unless he's got some sort of unusual phobia or hang-up about such things...and that is his problem at the end of the day isn't it...not yours? Relax. I almost gurantee he'll love it. Try and think of it in the terms we discussed earlier rather than visual appearance. It's a special part of your physique, your womanliness and your sexuality. You don't show it to everyone, like you make-up a pretty face or show off your figure or great legs...and so on. But you would be a pretty odd woman without one, eh?? X
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I know even if I'm not a good singer, if I've got a good body and loaded pockets they'll just autotune me and I'm set, but I wanna get in because of my talent and hard work. More like Madonna, she started with $35 dollars, not miley cyrus who got on because of her dad. I can hit notes and control my volume, and I sound good singing to myself, but when I record myself and listen to it I sound like total crap. And my parents can't afford vocal lessons, so what should I do? (link)
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Just a thought. If you are comparing the sound of your voice to that of music and vocals recorded in a professional studio, it is unlikely to sound much like it. Just like snaps of yourself idoors taken with an on-camera flash don't look much like those taken under a big, complex studio lighting set-up. So in what way do we mean 'crap'? At base, a pretty model is still a pretty model (the rig won't save you if you are not, and the quick snap will still show bone-structure/physique/proportion etc if you are.)
I rather think something similar must apply with singing? If it just lacks polish and finesse, you have every hope. If you have no ability to carry a tune, pitch, phrase and time vocals and so on...maybe choose a different career plan.
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Miley Cyrus is naked on a wrecking ball,“OMG she must be a pig!" “what a SLUUUUUT!" Lady gaga and Nicki minaj dress like that,“eww, she must be, like, possessed!" “ugly illuminati ho!" But when Thicke makes a song singing about raping girls it is everywhere and populaur. Everyone loves it. When Taylor Loghtner is naked,“OMG he's so fucking hot!" “such a STUUUUUD" and raping girls is much worse than being naked on a WREEEEEEECCCCCKKKKIIIINNNGGG BAAAAAAAALLLLL. And Blurred Lines is annoying as Fuck. When Brittney Spears does...everything she did, people drove her to attempt suicide. When Justin Beiber cheats, drinks and drag races, eggs someone's house and spit on his neighbor, “he's going through a hard time" and his mom bailes him,“he's just a kid." Frankly I'd whip my brothers ass if he raped girls, and all the stuff JB did. I'd whip my sister's ass if she did the miley, Brittney and lady gaga and nicki minaj stuff. But why when a guy screws with 25 girls he's a stud, but if a girl screws with 1 guy, she's a slut. (link)
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See your point but be cautious about forming too strong a link between sexy and arousing images and rape. In reality most (male) rapists and violent sex offenders have strong underlying dislike or even hatred of women. The forced sexual act is more about humiliating the woman, about control and exerting his will over her. Not about finding her sexually attractive and wanting to have sex with her at all. The character-profile of most convicted rapists is not what you would think on the surface. I agree totally that music or any form of entertainment which promotes forced sexual acts against women, or makes the appear cool (or acceptable?) is totally wrong though. It is irresponsible, but whether it creates rapists is another matter. The text-book rapist wants to hurt and degrade women, using sex as a weapon, remember...Not a guy who thinks "Wow! She's hot and gorgeous!" And consider that attractive female stars putting out a strong, positive image of themselves (in control of their lives and their sexuality) can be a good thing. The sex offender likes to see women as victims, not confident and assertive like Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus and co. If a young girl looks at Miley Cyrus and thinks "Hey...she's great looking, cool, in control...strong...I bet she wouldn't take any shit from some creepy guy" that's affirming a positive image for herself (even if the image is manufactured by the media). It can be something aspirational, something to admire...even if it's fake. Overall, I do not think seeing sexy images of female media stars or even rappers singing about skets and ho's and rape actually makes real-world rapists. They have something wrong and twisted in them and at a fare deeper level. But I do find any media that glaomourises the idea of rape very distasteful and puts out completely the wrong messages to impressionable young people, especially younger males. Though it will be no more than a harmless adolescent fantasy to the vast majority and soon grown out of.
ps...Justin Beiber does seem to have experienced some sort of genuine personality crisis and melt-down to me, as it seems to impacted badly on his image and career. But who knows? Could be all contrived and set-up by his management to keep people talking about him? Aplogies if it is genuine!! Best wishes, and keep it real my friend. X
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I got a job interview for a patient access representative position at a hospital in two days. I'm a little nervous b/c I blow it on my last job interview. In the last one, I told them I was registering for college soon but swore that it won't interfere with the job. It's full time. I was going to take online classes. The agency that connect me w/ the company said they were hesitant about hiring me b/c I was in school. I felt like I should not have told them that. It was almost like they were shaming me for getting an education? I'm in debt and really need the job. Do I have to pick one over the other to get this next job? (link)
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Hi there. If a proposed educational course is pertinent to the job you are applying for, and the job has a clear pathway for advancement and promotion then mentioning the course will usually be in your favour as it shows ambition. They may counter it by saying they have an in-house career development plan which they might prefer you to follow. In either case it is usually a potential plus. Where the course has no relevence to the position they are likely to see it as a distraction which will be of no use to them (meaning no use to you in the job they have to offer really). I think the golden rule throughout the whole application and interview phases of job recruitment is include anything in which basically 'bigs you up' and makes you look desirable. Anything that is of no real advantage, or even might be viewed as a disadvantage...most certainly leave OUT. Where two paths are mutually exclusive to the point where you simply cannot do both, I'm afraid you will have to make a choice. But remember that choices are most usually tactical decisions, not always absolute and impossible to reverse. In fact one decision may well open up further avenues of exploration. Try not to see a decision as a dead-end, or even an end in itself. We can work as necessary and maybe pick up the reins of education a little later in life (many do, and find they become the holy grail of recruitment....a candidate with real-world job experience and an impressive academic qualification too). Since you state you are in need of work due to debts it may be a good idea to view work at the moment as the means to a greater end. Even if the job is not related to your long-term plan in any way, just a stop-gap and means to get where you want to go long-term. If you pusued on-line career development once you have the job you would not have to seek approval, or even let them know...providing it does not significantly hamper your ability to do the job to the reuired standard. Tactical choices have typically shorter range and duration than strategic choices (which are just that, the overall, long-term strategy you have in mind for your life). Clearing your debts is a tactical move, just one part of the big-picture strategy. See what I mean? When the job has served your purpose, and may begin standing in the way of your long-term plans...let it go and move onwards.
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My father took everything of value and left us.
My mother is mentally ill and now has no insurance(so she's off her pills).
My sister is a major suck up to our mother(Favorite child).
Were stuck in an Extended Stay hotel and,its sucking up all the income we have.We have tried all "free" places for medicine and help.But our income is too high,but its not enough for us to live on.
I barely make $150 a week from my job and, its considered part time.I'm at my job all day from 10AM to 4PM and,they don't consider it full time.So because of the time and all the work,I can't get a 2nd job.We have no car,so we take the public city bus everywhere(which is $1.50 there and back per person).
My problem is my mother.She's always been an mental abuser and only to me.She says that "I'll never be anything","I'll never go to college,and even if I did I'd fail it","Ill never be anything in life,or have a husband let alone a boyfriend"... That was just this week.
She said that to me because I told her to "hold on one moment" while I was filling up water bottles,and she wanted me to look for a phone number for her.It only took 2 minutes and I couldn't look away or I'd have water on the floor.
My sister is a major suck up to our mother.She sides with her even when moms wrong.She won't stick up for anyone and can't even keep a job that long.she keeps calling out at work and lying to them about why.I tell her to quit it and I get screamed at by mom (mom encourages her to call out).
Right now I got no friends,because I don't have time.I got no other family to go to,and right now mother plans on leaving with my sister.They plan to go to grandma's and I can't come.she made that clear.Were all old enough to be on our own,but we weren't ever encouraged or pushed to go on our own.Our mother was one of those ones that did everything for you,even when you didn't want her to (tried getting her to stop,but that only made her mad and she'd guilt me into letting her).
So where do I go?Do I leave my job and beg my deadbeat dad to go,live with him in another state?
Or do I take my chances on the street?If I do that I lose everything I own. (link)
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Sounds like a very difficult situation all round. I'd say your mother is a very controlling type and the constant negativity and put-downs are meant to undermine your confidence and so keep her in the position of dominance and control. And it usually succeeds, despite our efforts. There's almost certainly a link with her psychiatric condition, even if it is only one of intensifying everything. But your problem here is of course one of practicalities and logistics. You must indeed 'go on your own' to some extent I think, even though you have not been prepared for it in any helpful way by the controlling and volatile behaviour of your mother. Do not leave your job until you have something else. It might look like a tempting first move towards the 'new you' but I think you'd just be picking on something relatively easy to change, as a sort of 'statement of intent'. Any income is better than none and you will keep some stability to build around. OK, how much of a deadbeat is your dad? Have you kept in touch? Do you feel you might have a lot more in common than you think? It may not have been easy for him living with your mother, maybe he'd exhausted all other attempts at the relationship and leaving was the last throw of the dice for him? Maybe you should open-up a frank and up-front dialogue with him. I think that somehow you need to buy some time and point out to your mother that she must not cut you out of her new plans without giving you some time to arrange things. Whatever has been said and done between you, she is still your mother and quite honestly when I hear terms like 'take my chances on the street' it makes ME (who does not know you) shudder and worry about your prospects... so I cannot believe your mother would simply cut you off so abruptly without any pangs of conscience. You need a little time to prepare. Either securing some income and having a roof over your head, or to see if there is enough common ground between you and your father to make a go of things. Chat with your sister too. Open and honest. The encouragement to call out at work strikes me another example of your mothers controlling and rather manipulative behaviour. To me she seems to be playing a subtle and contrived 'game of favourites' with the the two of you (intending to divide you and set you against each other)...while actually only favouring and promoting her own ends. I doubt your sister is any better equipped to deal with life beyond your mums control than you? Try asking her that had the favour been reversed, and SHE was not welcome at your grandma's home...would SHE be able to cope? And were neither of you welcome, would she be any more secure? Maybe a good open and honest meeting and discussion would benefit both of you and help break the rather unpleasant and unfair dependency your mum seems to have engineered. Please do not consider letting things ride and simply taking your chance on the street. So many are forced into this, and maybe even have some vague hope that it will turn ou to be a brave and good move. It hardly ever is. You will become the prey of some real low-life, and some clever enough to make it look like they are helping you at first. They are looking only to help themselves. I hope I may have helped in a way. Best wishes. CJB. X
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I know people are going to criticize and tell me I need to see a shrink. I honestly probably do need to. But it doesn't help me now in this moment.
I am only attracted to married men. Twice my age, gray hair, sexy as fuck in my opinion. I want to fuck their brains out, give them head until they cum down my throat, etc. I'm 21 years old, and a virgin.
So yeah, this probably makes no sense. How do I know what I want if I've never had experiences? I know. I get turned on and wet whenever I am around these men I speak of. One is my boss, the one I want to sleep with the most, and that is dangerous. But I can't help it. I want him. I want my friend's husband. I want any married man willing to call me a dirty little girl and fuck me.
WHAT CAN I DO????
I'm sick of sleepless nights because I'm lonely. I want a man next to me. But I hate guys my age; they're unreliable, poor, irresponsible, and ignorant. I want a MAN. I'm so depressed about this, I selfharm and I purge. I just...I need help? (link)
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Hi. As a fantasy scenario it is entirely harmless. Finding yourself aroused in the physical presence of guys who fit nicely into the fantasy image...no problem. Since your 21 the actual realisation of the fantasy would be in no way immoral, illegal or inapropriate for you or the guy (since you are obviously not a 'little girl' - dirty or otherwise). You would probably both find it rather difficult to identify with each other on many levels (it might be that you ONLY really connect and hit it off sexually!) given the great age gap. Specifically desiring married men is perhaps a little destructive. Do you find the fact that they are responsible and mature, and (presumably?) well acquainted with women and their pleasures the arousing part? Or do you like the idea of taking them from their wives, as an act of control...to show your power? The first case is not really malicious of course, more likely just that you'll find them more satisfying sexual partners. The second is malicious and you really should make the effort to find out just why you want to be so destructive. Throwing yourself on your boss or the husband of a friend is more than likely to be extremely SELF-DESTRUCTIVE mate! Especially if there is no real evidence that it would be in any way welcome (getting 'turned-on and wet' yourself is of course NOT sufficient evidence...that's all about YOU, not them). The 'dangerous' side of things are often an attraction. It is perhaps more common for young girls to find the irresponsible and unreliable young guys more like exciting bad-boys and dangerous dudes...forty year old married men are more likely to appear old/safe/boring etc. OK, guys your own age don't appeal or get you feeling horny? And in fact, this is almost certainly why you lack sexual experience and feel lonely. You'd maybe rather be lonely than settle for easily available guys your own age...who you admit you don't see any attraction in? The guys who do turn you on are much harder conquests, more difficult to attract...a bit unattainable? That's sure to make them seem even MORE desirable? This is a tough one...are we getting anywhere? Are you starting to see motives and patterns in how you feel? Think we ought to get one thing straight. Purging and self-harming we want to jump on before it gets out of hand. It ain't nothing but a psychological coping mechanism. I know. It feels sort of good, liberating...and helps relieve some of the stress you're under, eh? And you feel like loads of the stress is caused by things outside your control. But purging/cutting/harming...they are your decision, right? You're in control of those things...you can even control your feelings by doing it? In fact, it is proving the opposite. You are old enough to see where I'm at with this, I'm sure? Get on top of this before it becomes an obsessive/compulsive act (or addiction, if you prefer the term). And anyway, the reliable, well-off, responsible and intelligent guy you like the idea of won't be much impressed with a date who throws up after an expensive dinner, and has nasty looking scars here and there, will he?? It's a no-win set up all round mate! Hope I may have given you a few things to think about? I'm not shocked, there's nothing to criticize or condemn or anything that's making me think you are psychotic. Quite enjoyed the 'chat' actually. Get back to me if you want to discuss anything, you're quite welcome to! Best wishes. X
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If you have a best friend who you can be sure you love, and is really a good person to you, and have been in a relationship with over a year, and then gets you pregnant but cheated before and during your first pregnancy, Do you think its worth and possible for that person to change and continue to try to work the relationship out as long as the male wants to?
I have been so confused, I feel like I am the only one going through this. My partner has always, always, been there for me. Always had respect for me and for my family. I always made him feel like he was the best person for me and our relationship was powerful and very bright. I gave him all the trust and benifit of the doubt a person deserves. But he abused it 100% because he was seeing someone else before I got pregnant and I found out during my pregnancy. He made everything fall apart. We were In the process of moving into a home together to make things easier when the baby gets here. He helps me financially but I have a strong grudge against him because he was with someone else who even lived close to me which I never heard about in my life. Social media is used so much now. He had many accounts to communicate with this other girl and would uninstall them from his phone every time we saw each other so he wouldn't recieve any notifications from her. And the girl was in my opinion very very naive for so long because he would only see her during the week after work (telling me he got home and slept because he was tired or went to the gym) and would only see her for maximum 3 hours. Never on weekends because he lied to her saying he worked ALL DAY, (I lived with him on weekends) so I would wake up and sleep next to him and spend all day with him. This other girl was someone on the side but he made her think he really cared about her just for the sex. But I don't know if he really did care for her and did not want to leave her. If that is so, does that mean he didn't love me?
Many things went down hill. He says he has lost all communication with her and has not tried to contact her at all. But he lied to me so much its honestly unbelievable now. He wants me and wants to have our baby together and live together and act as if none of this happened. I feel like it is selfish of him but I feel so confused and lost because I love this person but what he did was cruel. He didnt feel the need to stop, not even when we found out I was pregnant. I am due next month and I need advice but I can't ask any of my friends cause they take my side because they feel bad for me and my family also. His family might take his side so I can't ask them so much either. I think about this every night. I was my best for this person, changed a lot of my bad habits and I felt like I showed him how good life can be when your partner is your best friend. And I received it also, until I found out. The other girl told me she had no idea who I was until he started to act too suspicious. But I don't think I should believe her because she would go to his house, and when I told her to prove to me and tell me the address, she said she didn't remember the streets but that it was far. She also never had his real cell phone numbers. He ways used an app to text her, or would use snapchat, kik, or instagram. I had none of those besides a Facebook, so he blocked her from it. And I had no idea because I never felt the need to go through his things that deep.
We are all teenagers. Please don't think of me as just a little girl who needs to get over this. It feels horrible when people say that because I have been in many relationships and it doesn't mean I have slept with all those men. But I did comunicate a lot and really met people to see who would and would not be my type. Who its safe and unsafe to be around. Who is worth making an effort and who is not.. Etc. But I am not perfect. This is just very hard because a child is involved and someone I have yo spend the rest of my life knowing.
I am 19. He is 20. I hope I can revieve any type of advice. Please and thank you.
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Hi. There a a lot of really fundamental issues of trust and confidence here. From many of your comments I would say you are a strongly 'investment-reward' driven person and having invested a good deal in the relationship, your return has been poor. This knock alone will take some getting used to. I believe your only real hope is to attend counselling together (must be together), talking in the presence of a third party (the counsellor) who will act as mediator. And you must both be prepared to take on board and implement the guidance given. In effect, you cannot change what has happened...you really have to try to reach a point where you can say to him "I know you continued a secret relationship with another girl before and during my pregnancy...and I accept it". Not forgive necessarily, but accept. This is a very big ask, and getting to that point without sacrificing all your own self-esteem in the process is harder still. Which is why I think you should attend counselling together. Do not assume that the physical presence of the baby (when it is born) will miraculously make everything OK. Initially it will very likely seem to, but in the longer term it will have no power to change him, or resolve your strong feelings of dissapointment, resentment and betrayal (that learning of his act 'ruined everything'). We all have an overwhelming tendency to 'revert to type' after disturbances, it is usually only a question of how long before the previous character starts to re-emerge. It is going to come down to how much you both want the relationship. And keep in mind that at 19 your are far from likely to be condemning the child to a life with no father-figure. Many splendid men meet and marry a young single mum and turn out to be great partners and fathers, particulalry if the child is still very young. Your current partner is not your only life-option, remember that. Best wishes and I wish the greatest success with everything. X
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I have always had a fear of public speaking. Now coming monday I was informed that there will be a personality development seminar where around 45 to 50 people will be present. I am freaking out right now and am planning to bunk it. I would not have been this much bothered if all 45 of em were boys. There are going to be women as well. That is the main reason for me to chicken out. I have never had women friends as I only hang out with like 3 or 4 guys regularly. I usually bunk a class when someone asks me to take a seminar but right now I am feeling that being 23 its too silly to do that. On the other hand i can not imagine even entering a room with more than 20 people. Sometimes i cut myself as a punishment to the things I do but i do not feel like doing it right now. I am terribly confused. And also to carry around a face full of zits and the scars they leave, my confidence level has hit rock bottom. No offense but I honestly do not know whether I will listen or follow your advice. So its upto to you whether you want to waste your precious time responding to this. If you do, thanks in advance. (link)
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Hi. Public speaking is traumatic unless, or until you become, used to it. I am not sure there is any good way to pactice it or set yourself up for the actual experience. It will still be butterflies in your tummy and a cold sweat as you walk out there. It is sometimes a good policy to imagine just one person who is there and do it as though you are talking to them alone. Try and smile at the mass of faces. Try not to speak faster than usual to get it all done and dusted as quickly as possible. Rehearse what you are going to say. Write it down. Read it back. Two sheets of A4 paper looks like a massive speech, until you deliver it. It's all said in just a few minutes! Don't get caught out by this! First time I had to do it was giving presentations as part of a university degree. And in truth, it is all about 'personality development'...and the fact that you might have the best idea on earth, but if you cannot clearly communicate it to others it will never see the light of day. I know, it's scary...but it's character-building mate! I noticed that about half-way through something seemed to switch in my mind and I seemed to be able to hear my own voice as if I was listening to someone else talking....and it suddenly sounded sorted like ' waagh..waagh..waagh...' absolutely rubbish. Apparently it is not that unusal a reaction, so if it happens...expect it and just carry on! It's in your own mind and the people aren't experiencing the switch in any way. Correct a gabbled mistake instantly with an 'I'm sorry...I'll say that again' type comment and a smile. Try not to see this as a threat, see it as a challenge. We are all scared of things, but to go right out and do the thing you fear is what separates the quitters from the winners. If you screw-up you still win...you faced the fear and tried. If you back out and don't try...you lose. It seems easier and more comfortable, true...but you still lost and you know it. THAT is why it's a character-building act of personal development my friend. Now get out there and DO IT!!
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My co worker is hiv positive what exactley does that mean (link)
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Means they have contracted and carry the virus which ultimately progresses to AIDS. It is controlled by drugs, but cannot at present be cured or removed by any drugs, clinical or surgical process available to doctors. It is serious, but thankfully not highly contagious. Sharing cups or dining stuff, touching or contact cannot transfer it. Neither does sharing toilets or washing facilities. It is not spread by airbourne moisture droplets or particles (which the flu or common cold viruses are). The only way to contract the virus is via the exchange of live body fluids (blood, semen, vaginal secretions)and so it is absolutely no threat to you or anybody else around them. Unless they share hypodermic needles, are having penetartive sexual intercourse or somehow receive a transfusion of blood from them. Neither can it be transferred via clothing, as any blood, semen or vaginal fluids which have 'dried and died' in air cannot support the virus outside the body. The virus cannot live in saliva (spit) or urine, or faeces. That's all the dope, sorry if it's a bit graphic or unpleasant sounding. Hopefully one day we will find a real cure or inoculation. As it stands HIV is ultimately terminal, but what is called 'low contagion'. You can catch the flu virus ('high contagion') simply standing in a shop if someone with flu just breathes or sneezes near you. But NOT HIV. OK?
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what is the difference between non polariazed and polarized glasses? i really don't know what that means and if it makes any difference? help? (link)
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Strictly speaking, polarized optics cut the transmission of light which is not 'aligned'. Noticeably, the light from bright blue skies and reflections from non-metallic surfaces are significantly 'cut'. Thus glare and hotspots are reduced, and bright blue skies are significantly darkened. But the overall balance remains pretty true, meaning it is a bit more advanced than merely a piece of dark glass (which makes everything just dark and subdued, and rather 'muddy'). In fact, polarizers INCREASE the contrast in what you are looking at at (making them seem more resolved and distinct overall, albeit at a slightly reduced intensity). That's the photographers 'take' on polarized optics, (the 'pola' is a very useful lens filter. That's how you get a really deep, dark blue sky in your shot, but with the fluffy white clouds still bright and pure white and really singing out) but the characteristic/effect applies to sunglasses too. Which is probably why polarized shades are favoured by pilots, or for driving. Any help?
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You answered my question about making a job change recently. After initially accepting the offer, I recanted and turned it down. Later that day the HR Manager left me a voicemail stating management really liked me and wanted to sweeten the offer. I called this morning. Instead of making an offer, she asked me what it would take to get me to come. I gave her a number that was 6% more than what Iwas offered, but still well within the stated salary range. She later sent an email saying she gave the proposal to management and that they were going to pursue other candidates. They didn't even make a counter offer, and said they really didn't think I wanted the job. I thought it was bizarre. (link)
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Bit bizarre indeed, but company recruitment policies can appear rather arcane to the outside observer. Plus there is often a fair bit of 'cat and mouse' play that goes on and you (or I should say 'we' meaning any applicant) cannot always be sure of what exactly are their motives and processes. As a pure guess, perhaps they were looking to negotiate terms and details of the position rather than just a bottom line salary figure. Perhaps expecting you to ask about what avenues of advancement would be available after, say a six month appraisal, for instance? A salary review based on that? They may have taken it that simply a reasonably modest salary increase showed only an interest in the cash, not the job? But it is only a guess. Also, when a firm are recruiting, it is often a very dynamic and fast-changing scene. A few applications (or even just one) can change the game in an instant. It might be an idea to keep this in mind for future exchanges with prospective employers. Questions and negotiations that suggest you are interested and ambitious and see it as a long-term engagement will tend to push the right buttons with management. More so than asking how much cash I can have...and how many days holiday do I get featuring at the top of your list. Your best bit of boxing-clever (as you might put it) is by reversing the role in your mind. If you were hiring for YOUR company, what would you like and hope for an applicant to say and ask? OK? Then tell them what you think they'll be wanting to hear!! Recruiting can look a devious process, but they are only really using all their available firepower to help make sure they hire the right person, so do not let a few seemingly bizarre outcomes put you off in any way. It doesn not mean the move or promotion WILL NOT happen. This one 'got away' and that's all. Good luck.
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14/F
I barely leave my bedroom. I have frequent panic attacks, so that's part of the problem (I'm getting help for it). But I only go outside if I absolutely have to go somewhere. I only sit in my room and go on my phone, play video games, watch TV, etc. I'm not a overweight slob who has no life. I'm actually the opposite of that... I have friends, but we don't hang out much. I am homeschooled aswell. Any advice? I'm going to try to go out a LOT more when I get help for my panic attacks but for now, I just stay inside. (link)
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It is not unusual for the frequency and intensity of panic attacks to increase when we are 'out' (and 'out' can mean anywhere away from home and that feeling of security and protection being at home gives us. We feel, literally 'safe at home'). And people who would not claim any particular problems in this area can easily feel panic and anxiety symptoms in, say a very busy high street or large busy supermarket for instance. The symptoms may be mild or more significant. The expectation of panic attacks outdoors/in company will naturally tend to keep you indoors and alone. Possibly a little social interraction in as calm and controlled an environment as you can arrange would be good. Don't force things, (like throwing yourself into a big busy scene) and if/when you start to feel anxiety symptoms building up make that the end of your socialising for today and pop back home. And if the whole idea hurts rather than helps the situation, forget it for now. I feel pretty certain that when your panic attack problems are addressed and you start working towards a solution then the world outside your home will start to look a much less intimidating place and you will be much happier to go out and engage with it. And how about chatting with one or two of your closest friends on the phone, fully explaining how you feel right now and asking them to come round and visit you? Play video games and watch tv together? You seem fully aware of the link between your current anxiety condition and the tendency to 'stay home'. Hope I might have persuaded you that it is almost certainly quite a big "part of the problem" and the solutions will go hand in hand. Best wishes. X
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A few months ago I started to talk to a guy online and we were talking about having a relationship. About a month ago I abruptly stopped talking to him because I was slightly suspicious if he was legit. A week later, I was alone at my house when a man rang my doorbell and when no one answered, started to look in the windows. He didn't have a car with him. Yesterday, a car stopped in front of my house for at least two minutes. I don't know if I should report this because I'm a teen and I'm pretty scared. (link)
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It may or may not have anything to do the the online contact, and the car may have a link or no link with the caller at the house, but I would report it anyway. Might be an opportunist burglar checking out properties in the area seeing which houses are occupied at what hours and so on. It gets the word out there and makes everyone extra observant. If he has good reason for his actions he has nothing to worry about. If there are a handful of break-ins in the area within the next month, you will wish you had mentioned it.
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is mansturbation one of the big reasons for hairfall..??.since i have read it somewhere so just want to confirm that..!! (link)
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No. Masturbation does not make your hair fall out. All the myths about an excess of masturbation (or masturbating at all) causing the body and/or mind to go into decline stem from a long-disproven idea in biology and medicine which was held around 100 years ago. It was belived that semen was a a very important body fluid, needed for physical condition and particularly essential for the correct functioning of the brain. Beware any guy who let all this precious fluid escape and leak away by masturbating too much...he was sure to become a physical wreck and a raving lunatic! I can assure you the theory was completely disproven and discredited long ago. (I believe it all came about because the early, pioneering doctors and surgeons noticed various glandular secretions around the body which looked very much like semen. Lacking the advanced chemical analysis techniques we take for granted today, they (naturally?) assumed the fluids WERE semen. Reasonable attempt I guess, but turned out to be completely wrong).
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My some friends suggest me to use live chat on website, is that a good idea or not. (link)
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Perception indeed is key. People tend to engage more with a company which allows them direct input and specific response. It breeds an almost propriotorial feeling in them about the company, and usually greater loyalty. 'Write a review' functionality when you purchase an item is useful to other future customers, but not only that, it reinforces this feeling of involvement and engagement for the purchaser who writes the review. Think about setting-up an efficient work-flow to deal with it, you might become a victim of your own success and find you are spending more time on the customer feedback side than the nuts and bolts of being a vendor/retailer/service industry. Which might compromise the performance of the company. Then of course, your customer feedback will be far from complementary!
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I'm not justifying any crimes, but it seems that when there's a video of a women beating a man for no reason, everyone cheers her on and the man doesn't really get any justice, but when a men does it more men come over and beat the shit out of him, people call him every name in the book, then the cops come over and beat the shit out of him, then his innmates in jail probably beat the shit out of him for it, the women gets all these benifits, and goes to a nice home and a support group and everything. My mom actually told me if I get lost to find a women, preferably a (rich) mother, to help me. Don't try to ask help from a man. Then again, when I got lost at the beach other then the men who came with me only women helped out, but it seems when a women breaks the law, no one really cares. When a man does it, no one heres the end of it. (link)
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This behavioural pattern of male being protective of female is wired by millions of years of evolution of mammals. And we are mammalian. However much we agree or diasgree it is going to be virtually impossible to overturn this tendency. It has its positives and negatives. For instance, women in business often have to work much harder to assert themselves and reach the highest command levels than a man. Men are wired, even here to protect and therefore assume the more dominant role.
I believe our judicial sysytem is comendable in its impartiality. Women who commit crimes are indeed prosecuted. Even here we must take care, a jury (made up of men and women) may unwittingly side with the female and be driven to show sympathy where maximum punishment is perhaps a more fitting decision. But mostly, we get it about right. Violent crimes against the person are simply more often committed by males. They are physically stronger in most cases for a start, tend to have stronger aggressive impulses (think male stags fighting to be alpha-male and win the right to breed with the female deer. The contrary will NEVER occur!). Cases of domestic violence are overwhelmingly likely to involve the male physically abusing his female partner. As far as the desire to help, women are indeed 'wired' towards compassion and have a much greater tendency to put the misfortune of others before themselves. Again, this contributes towards women finding themselves in roles where they are servers and providers. It is something that just occurs, often without question or challenge. Or any sort of active prejudice whatsoever. Male doctor-female nurse? Recently (relatively) we have moved towards a society where there is much less distinction in the roles of males and females. The playing field, as it were is far more level. But I cannot see many of the intrinsic values ever changing. We might as well claim that men should have the right to have babies! Let's pull an example out of the air. Ever wondered why wedding photographers (at least good ones!) invariably pose the female to the left of the male? In our more warlike (but not that distant!) past this was how a man walked out with his partner. It left his right hand (his sword-hand) free and uninhibited and at the ready to protect her. (ps...ther were no left-handed swordsmen, you were taught to use your right hand). You might look at some arm-in-arm couples today going about town and make a mental note of how often the left-to-right arrangement just naturally occurs without either consciously knowing why. Values (especially those which stem from behaviour imprinted on us over millions of years) go very deep and have great inertia. They change very, very slowly and can only be legislated against with partial success. We fall back on 'instinct' readily and quickly. I do not think we will ever find people cheering a scene in a movie where a guy beats and abuses a woman, and I personally think that is a good thing.
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20,f
Honestly,I'm really frustrated because of my looks. I'm 162 cm tall,65 kg,blonde hair,blue eyes. I am a bit chubby but I'm not fat. I tried dieting,exercising,Herbalife products but nothing helped. Yet I feel like I don't stand a chance next to all those pretty girls out there. I see them always having a boyfriend and nobody notices me. Recently I confessed to a guy on college and he said he likes me too but treats me as just a friend. He is a shy person and he said he needs time but I think that if you like someone you don't need time and excuses such as that. I think he is put off by my body. I have a good face,I dress nice,I know what suits me but I still have no one who likes me in a romantic way. I wish some guy would eventually look beyond my unflattering body. Are there still guys in the world who care about personality? I am caring,reliable,compassionate,funny,smart,helpful and many other good things but it seems it simply doesn't matter. (link)
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There is a tendency for us to focus strongly on what we believe are our own flaws and faults and hold up others as 'more perfect examples'. Your eye will be drawn to the 'pretty girls ou there' purely because they will reinforce your negative self-image. Those who disprove it, you will tend to 'ignore'. It is about self-confidence. It is worth noting that professional models (one would think of as the epitome of perfection and self-confidence) are often quite insecure and extremely sensitive to, and aware of their own perceived imperfections. Quite understandable in a business where you stand or fall entirely on looks. You're pulling a lot of positives (good face, dress nice etc). Try not to focus and fix on the things you believe you are 'getting wrong' and concentrate on the many things you are getting right. Attracting attention is more often a case of how you come across than of how closer we resemble an example of visual perfection. Look and act confidently and the world will see confidence. Likewise, we have some strange way of sensing insecurity and lack of confidence in others. Your personality traits sound superb, but you have to get close enough to someone to let them shine, or they may as well not be there. The key I think is to somehow project an image (note I am saying image, not simply a 'look') that will make people want to get to know more about you. Then...you got no worries!
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My entire life everything was the media's fault. TV is “dumbing down" our children, horror/slasher movies and video games cause violent behaviors, slutty celebrities influence children. This isn't true. That's your own fault for not making them get off it, and I watch TV, but my grades are perfectly fine. Also, what annoys me is They got rid of cookie monster, because parents blame child obesity on it. Here's a fucking idea, stop buying your kids so much crap, and they won't be fat. I play violent killing games and despite what my mom thinks will happen, I don't go and trash offices, torture people, and stick knifes through peoples back. I listen to Miley Cyrus, but I don't take sex videos, or ride naked on wrecking balls. Songs don't influence me to “bight that" or “patron shots can I get a refil" so why to people do this? (link)
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You have some great observations and some very good points here. Of course 'the media' is a business. Big business. It strives to give people what they want. We want to be shocked by a hooror movie, if we wish to play an aggressive and violent virtual game we would like the action to be as violent as possible. We would like our female music celebrities to be overtly sexual (aka 'slutty') rather than 'girl next door' types. It is because the visual arts have long been a 'medium' through which live out our own, perhaps socially unacceptable or illegal and unacceptable desires. Mostly this is a safe and perfectly controlled way to give vent to them. We get a buzz out of shooting up the bad guys, sometimes the thrill of BEING one of the bad guys, face hordes of zombies through the character in a film, fantasise about hot sexy Miley for a minute or two (guys) or admire her positive and confident sexuality (girls). It works perfectly well in people who can draw the line between fantasy and reality. Unfortunately there are people out there who have difficulty with this. To a greater or lesser extent. So actors get abused on the internet and in the street by individuals beacause of something their on-screen characters are doing in a movie or drama series. Susceptible young males assume girls are simply objects for their own sexual gratification. Often the sort of guys who find relationships with girls difficult and have little opportunity to learn that this 'is not so' with real relationships. And an 'armchair sociopath' might get the idea that he can be the same avenging force for good or personification of all things dark and evil in the real world as he/she is in the virtual role-play video game. (Normally 'he' in practice...not sexist, just observation of the facts). And graphic scenes of violence and obscenity can de-sensitise the mind to the point where the unacceptable seems perfectly acceptable. There is invariably an escalation in quite what we need to shock us. Judging by the tone of your post, you are one of the 'most of us'. You comprehend the entertainment value of entertainment! I like your liberal views and maturity (more 'adult' than many adults)! But we must always bear in mind that a society will contain members who have a tentative (or non-existent?) grip on reality and indeed may strongly dissociate reality at random. And as populations increase, even if the PERCENTAGE (or proportion if you like) of people like this remains the same, the ACTUAL NUMBER of them MUST increase. Hence, everything getting worse every year/decade/generation. I feel a bit sorry for the Cookie Monster too mate! Like you said, he's not buying food and force-feeding it to kids and making them fat!! And do people think 'slutty' and sexually prolific Miley just popped into the studio dressed (as she always dresses, no doubt...even to go shopping!)like that and hopped on and the conveniently palced wrecking ball? I am afraid some do, yes. You're OK. Have a great day!
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