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Only Want Married Men
I know people are going to criticize and tell me I need to see a shrink. I honestly probably do need to. But it doesn't help me now in this moment.
I am only attracted to married men. Twice my age, gray hair, sexy as fuck in my opinion. I want to fuck their brains out, give them head until they cum down my throat, etc. I'm 21 years old, and a virgin.
So yeah, this probably makes no sense. How do I know what I want if I've never had experiences? I know. I get turned on and wet whenever I am around these men I speak of. One is my boss, the one I want to sleep with the most, and that is dangerous. But I can't help it. I want him. I want my friend's husband. I want any married man willing to call me a dirty little girl and fuck me.
WHAT CAN I DO????
I'm sick of sleepless nights because I'm lonely. I want a man next to me. But I hate guys my age; they're unreliable, poor, irresponsible, and ignorant. I want a MAN. I'm so depressed about this, I selfharm and I purge. I just...I need help?
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A 21 year old virgin, a rarity these days but nothing to be ashamed of. While I by no means a psychologist or psychiatrist I think being a virgin plays into your fantasy of wanting older men. I agree with you guys your age are still clumsy and everything you said about them plus in bed they are still all about their own pleasure.
Now what I believe you want and I agree you deserve is; you want to be made love to. Not screwed, fucked or any other slang word you can up to for your first time. From my point of view this is what you deserve for remaining true to yourself for all this time.
The only thing wrong is how you wish, or feel you need to go about finding someone who will make love to you. Yes older married men are more practiced in the art of lovemaking, RED FLAG THEY ARE MARRIED & OFF LIMITS. If you were married you would not want some 21 year old going after your husband, would you.
There are older men who are not married, never been married maybe divorced or widowed. These men are just as practiced in the art of lovemaking as a married man and they are available with no restrictions on them. There is nothing wrong with a 21 year old girl dating an unmarried 31, 45 or 55 year old man if this is what she TRULY wants. The operative word here is UNMARRIED. There are plenty of unmarried older men out there and if this is your desire & I will support you 100%. For this you do not need any medical help or advice.
Now as to the self harm. This does require medical intervention, especially the purging. While the self harming is dangerous if you hit a vein, the purging is more dangerous for I'm sure you are not aware of the harm you are doing to yourself.
When you purge on a regular basis, this means any time you force yourself to vomit more than once, you upset the electrolyte balance in your body. The body is a machine which runs off of electrical energy of sorts and when you upset the balance of this energy you can cause a heart attack or kidney and liver failure. If these things are severe enough you die. To a lesser degree the acids in you stomach can erode your esophagus causing other problems to the point you may need a feeding tube.
Purging is very serious and is called Bulimia. People who suffer from Bulimia are called Bulimic and are suffering from an eating disorder. This is serious and needs the intervention of a psychiatrist and a psychologist. Sometimes hospitalization is required.
While I consider the first part of your question totally normal. The second part about self harm and purging concerns me lot. My advise is: Go ahead and date older men if you want to just not married men if you wish. Though I urge you to get professional help for the cutting and purging. This would start with a visit to your family doctor telling him or her about it. Then follow the doctors advice.
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Hi. As a fantasy scenario it is entirely harmless. Finding yourself aroused in the physical presence of guys who fit nicely into the fantasy image...no problem. Since your 21 the actual realisation of the fantasy would be in no way immoral, illegal or inapropriate for you or the guy (since you are obviously not a 'little girl' - dirty or otherwise). You would probably both find it rather difficult to identify with each other on many levels (it might be that you ONLY really connect and hit it off sexually!) given the great age gap. Specifically desiring married men is perhaps a little destructive. Do you find the fact that they are responsible and mature, and (presumably?) well acquainted with women and their pleasures the arousing part? Or do you like the idea of taking them from their wives, as an act of control...to show your power? The first case is not really malicious of course, more likely just that you'll find them more satisfying sexual partners. The second is malicious and you really should make the effort to find out just why you want to be so destructive. Throwing yourself on your boss or the husband of a friend is more than likely to be extremely SELF-DESTRUCTIVE mate! Especially if there is no real evidence that it would be in any way welcome (getting 'turned-on and wet' yourself is of course NOT sufficient evidence...that's all about YOU, not them). The 'dangerous' side of things are often an attraction. It is perhaps more common for young girls to find the irresponsible and unreliable young guys more like exciting bad-boys and dangerous dudes...forty year old married men are more likely to appear old/safe/boring etc. OK, guys your own age don't appeal or get you feeling horny? And in fact, this is almost certainly why you lack sexual experience and feel lonely. You'd maybe rather be lonely than settle for easily available guys your own age...who you admit you don't see any attraction in? The guys who do turn you on are much harder conquests, more difficult to attract...a bit unattainable? That's sure to make them seem even MORE desirable? This is a tough one...are we getting anywhere? Are you starting to see motives and patterns in how you feel? Think we ought to get one thing straight. Purging and self-harming we want to jump on before it gets out of hand. It ain't nothing but a psychological coping mechanism. I know. It feels sort of good, liberating...and helps relieve some of the stress you're under, eh? And you feel like loads of the stress is caused by things outside your control. But purging/cutting/harming...they are your decision, right? You're in control of those things...you can even control your feelings by doing it? In fact, it is proving the opposite. You are old enough to see where I'm at with this, I'm sure? Get on top of this before it becomes an obsessive/compulsive act (or addiction, if you prefer the term). And anyway, the reliable, well-off, responsible and intelligent guy you like the idea of won't be much impressed with a date who throws up after an expensive dinner, and has nasty looking scars here and there, will he?? It's a no-win set up all round mate! Hope I may have given you a few things to think about? I'm not shocked, there's nothing to criticize or condemn or anything that's making me think you are psychotic. Quite enjoyed the 'chat' actually. Get back to me if you want to discuss anything, you're quite welcome to! Best wishes. X
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I don't think anyone can say what is in the realm of normal and what is not when it comes to what one is turned on by and desires sexually. Pretty much anything goes and I have heard of some extremely gross stuff in my opinion, such as those turned on by a partner willing to throw up or poop as a part of sex play and turn on.
Finding men in your age bracket who seem capable to inspiring satisfying sex with a girl is hard. Because for the most part, they are still inexperienced, have little knowledge or even desire to please the female first.
Older men often do make better lovers for several reasons: It takes them longer to recharge after an orgasm and sometimes they have difficulty in becoming erect as easily as they did when in their teens and 20's, or even 30's. They tend to learn how to hold off their own orgasm until the female has been fully satisfied, having been given multiple orgasms in various ways. Its not about giving him head anymore as much as him giving you orgasms by clit stimulation, g-spot stimulation with fingers or perhaps the a spot stimulation with a toy or when they are inside the female. the last doesnt work as well for all depending on the angle/tilt of her vagina and the angle and shape of his penis sometimes.
On the flip side, you must hear this---just because a man is older does not mean he ever learned how to please a woman and his knowledge in that area is still the same as when he was a young man. I have talked to many a married woman. We all discussed our husbands and yes even the topic of sex and every single married woman in my dept. told me they dont want sex anymore with their husband because he was never able to please her so having sex other than to make kids, was something they had no interest in participating in.
I say this because if you can find a man who is married who wants to find sex partner because his wife wont have sex with him anymore...(you might think this ideal) theres a good chance that he has no idea or even desire to please a woman. It's still all about him and at this older age range, the mid life crisis becomes a real thing for some men, wanting to prove they still have it in them to please a girl in sex or if married, they are beginning to feel old and think the way to feel young again is by finding themselves a twenty-something female who wants him as well and that is their way to recapture their youth in a way. The majority of these men are NOT willing to leave their wives in case you fall for him. How do I know? I did not knowing date any married men and made that plain in my dating profile after I divorced and was looking for a new mate. I did meet my 2nd husband but before then met with men who swore they were not married. And on the 2nd date out for dinner or coffee, confessed to me that they were married. Every single one confessed to still loving their wife as their best friend. In most cases, the real problem was not always wife refusing to give him sex, it was a case of the two of them from the very start, never having that sexual chemistry to begin with. Or one felt it, the other never did.
Getting involved with a Married older man is looking for a heap of trouble, first of all finding your heart broken, his wife finding out and divorcing him and he ending up heartbroken because he loved her as his closest best friend and wife even tho they were mismatched sexually.
Never believe the story that a wife is frigid. There are so few women that really have such a problem. The problem almost always is that the woman has not yet met a man who can inspire, and excite them and cause them to desire their man sexually often for lack of sexual chemistry. I thought I had the perfect guy at 20 when I married...I just had not yet experienced the ultimate that you are seeking. It wasn't until I left him that I finally had a chance to experience several different men and slowly began to realize what it was that I really wanted, and not just wanted, but Needed to inspire me sexually.
Even though you have not yet had sex, there must be some things you've experienced that turn you off, even just in kissing or touching, a lack of self confidence or experience.
From what you said I can't tell if you are looking for one solid sex partner in an older man or want to find several or go after as many as you can.
If you are determined to do this, then at least make sure you are on birth control first for long enough for it to be active, always carry condoms in your purse, dont count on the guy to provide one for STD prevention, and try to focus on older men who are not married. If you think a man who never married and has always been a bachelor is not going to be a good bet, then at least focus on men who are widowed. They will still have sexual needs and long for companionship but not be willing to remarry.
Now that I've given you some things to think about as far as sex goes....a female who selfharms and purges due to not being able to handle the stress of not having a mature sex partner, is not going to be appealing to every older man. Unless the man is desperate for anyone who will have sex with him no matter what, you need to know that one of the biggest turn offs for males is females who lack self confidence and have a low self image. Even in the teen years, boys are already avoiding girls like that.
So might I suggest that you find a way to deal with your issues first, get your depression under control? You will be more successful if you do.
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