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losing virginity at 20 years old
I'm 20 years old and I'm a virgin, usually when I'm with my bf I'm very wet and he'll finger me but as soon as I cum I'll instantly get dry or I can be wet and as soon as he tries to insert me I get dry can anyone explain to me why this happens or how I can fix it because he feels like I don't want to be with him
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Dragonflymagic hit most of the high-lights of why you may dry up when your boyfriend tries to enter you though she missed the biggest one. Stress and fear.
The fear of the pain losing your virginity will cause you is a very real emotion which will dry you up like a desert. This is normal and after a few sexual intercourses using a good lube you probably will not need the lube any more. It is also possible that you may not feel any pain given your age and the fact that your boyfriend has been fingering you.
The biggest pain females feel when losing there virginity is mostly from the tearing of the Hymen. Given your age, the fact that your boyfriend fingers you and if you use Tampons you may have already destroyed your Hymen. The cause of pain is when the male penis is larger than an average vagina will accept and needs to stretch to accept. It is the stretching of the muscles that causes pain to a much lesser degree. How much pain is going to depend on his size, how relaxed you can be and how tender he can be while making that all important first insertion. You will expand to accommodate him if you can relax. Just remember what the vagina is designed to deliver into the world.
Dragonflymagic is also correct in that you and your boyfriend need to talk. Communication is important in everything we do and this includes our sex life. Since sex is a learned experience we need to talk to each other to explain our likes and dislikes. In order for you to relax and accommodate him besides adding over the counter lubrication. You need assurances that he will be gentle. You can't have these assurances or accept these assurances when he is on top of you. You need to talk about what you need to hear before you get in bed so that you are comfortable that he will be gentle.
Also sex needs to happen someplace you are comfortable. Someplace that is secure from intrusion and safe. All of this goes into your ability to relax the muscles needed to allow him to enter you, especially on the special first time.
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Sillyrob is right. Lube is the solution. I will expand on this to explain why you are having this problem. The first wetness you are experiencing is a thicker fluid that lubricates your vagina. If I understand correctly, he always fingers you first and you cum, before he actually enters you.
If when you cum there is more liquid that flows from you so that you leave a wet spot, this would be the females ejaculation. Not all females can do it due to how their sexual organs developed in-utero. I have this ability and find that the second liquid of ejaculation (sometimes called gushing for females) is a much thinner watery liquid so it not only tends to wash away the thicker fluid that is much like lube, but it can also wash away any lube already used.
Even if you do not 'gush', this is no indication of whether you are sexually interested in the guy and or turned on by him. If he makes comments about it, then you need to educate him on it. If he doesnt believe you, he is a jerk and you may want to think twice about remaining with him.
If the two of you clearly haven't fully discussed the situation yet, then its' high time to do so.
Dryness can occur for other reasons, sometimes on days I am more tired, stressed, even depending on if I am a bit dehydrated will make a difference. Then women during and after menopause with their body changes will find often they produce less or no personal lubrication type fluid, such as in my case but can still ejaculate/gush.
There is no fault to be pinned on either partner, it is just a fact of life to be accepted with understanding and worked around by using lube.
Also, there are many different kinds of lube. Some dont work as well as others or wear off faster and need to be reapplied sometimes many times for us depending on how long we are going at it. haha.
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Lube.
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