I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172986
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I am 72 years old. Mother of two grown children.
Now i find that one of my 'lips has disappeared' and the other showing signs of wearing away.
Is this normal with age??? (link)
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I'm not sure what you are talking about, but will assume you are talking about your vaginal lips.
Any significant changes in your vaginal region should be checked out with your doctor. While there might be abolutely nothing wrong, it's still better to get a doctor's opinion.
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I was just wondering if i could get pregnat the day after i end my period iam trying to get pregnat agin.I all ready have a 3 year old son.My next question how do i get him use to the idea of not being the baby no more he is very spoiled.And does not like babie he is very mean towards his cousins who are babies.My son is the kind of kid who gets what he wants when he wants i have only left him with a sitter 3 times in his whole life.And it was only for a few minets.how do i start getting him ready for a baby brother or sister.I never though I would want another child this is kinda why i made him the way he is.He is my every thing he has an older brother who is 8 and an older sister who is 5.we all live together.Please help
(link)
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There is a chance of pregnancy at any point during the month, though your chances are much higher when you are ovulating. You can google for info about ovulating, since there are at-home ways you can tell if you are. There are also ovulation test kits you can buy at pharmacies.
Whether you end up with a baby or not, you might want to rethink the situation with your 3 year old. While of course you love him and want to give him the world, you aren't actually doing him favours in the longrun if you are overprotecting or spoiling him. It's probably not helping your relationship with his brother and sister if you are showing any favouritism towards him.
One way to help him get used to other kids is by joining a play group with kids of varying ages, including those slightly younger than him. You will need to be very firm that it's not okay to be mean to children that are younger than him.
One way to help positively reinforce a good relationship is to have him be a 'helper' with his cousins. Give him little tasks he can do - singing to the babies, playing peek-a-boo, etc - and then really, really offer him praise when he does well. Let him know that babies can be fun, and that being a big brother can be fun, too.
Most children have trouble adapting to a new baby, and your son might have more difficulty than most. Perhaps it's time for him to learn that he needs to accept some boundaries - which means not getting everything he wants, sometimes being left with sitters, etc. While you might feel mean doing this, you are doing him (and your future child, and yourself!) a big favour.
I wish you the best.
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Can you get pregnaunt by having annal sex? (link)
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Nope. Unless the semen somehow drips down into the vagina, you cannot get pregnant.
Anal sex is a great way to get STIs, however, so make sure you and your partner are tested before you have unprotected anal sex.
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if a boy cums in a girl does that mean she is instanly preganet (link)
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No.
A girl has eggs in her. She becomes pregnant when an egg is released and a sperm (cum is full of sperm) manages to make it to the egg.
Some times of the month are more likely for pregnancy, as eggs are only released once a month. Likewise, a guy's semen/cum might have problems.
Any time a guy and girl have sex without a condom, there is a chance of pregnancy. It is not automatic. There is also a chance of giving someone a sexually transmitted infection (if one person has one). It is possible to have an STI/STD and not know it.
Even when an egg is fertilized by a sperm, it still needs to attach to the wall of the womb. Many women have miscarriages (lose the baby) within the first month of pregnancy and do not even realise they were pregnant.
It is always best and safest to use a condom.
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i am 21yr old femal, i had sex the day after i came off my period.
this mite sound silly but how likely could it be that i am pregnant?
how soon can i tell?
that was the 25th november.
please help (link)
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There is a chance you could be pregnant if you had unprotected sex. Sperm can live in the body for up to seven days - most women are fertile around days 13-15 of their cycle. (The first day of your period is day 1.)
Do you know when you are expecting your period? Sometime in the next couple of weeks is what I'm guessing, from the dates provided. You can wait and see if your period comes, and then take a pregnancy test if it does not.
Alternatively, you can go to the store and buy a pregnancy test that specifically says it will work BEFORE a missed period. Most will say on the box how soon after sex the test will be accurate.
Please let me know if you need follow up advice. I wish you the best.
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This is to all psychologists and psychiatrists out there. How do you know if you have a good psychologist or
psychiatrist. In other words, how do you know if you have one that is helping you. Reason being I am asking
because Joe (a friend of mine) went to see one and the psychologist is helping him with work related issues but
never is right when it comes to Joes life outside of work. Joe said that he asked his girlfriend when did this
particular thing (he did this particular thing quite a few times) does it bother her. And she said why do I care; Then
Joe told his psychologist what his girlfriend said and his psychologist said oh yes it really bothers her but she wont
tell you. Joe asked his girlfriend later on that day does it really bother you but you wont say and she said no I
really dont care. (link)
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A good counsellor/psychologist/whatever should make the person they are with feel understood, listened to, and well supported. People in this field should be offering empathy, respect, and themselves as genuine people.
Just because someone has a certain qualification does not make them a better person than those they work with. A client is the true expert on their own life.
If Joe feels his psychologist isn't helping him, or is making unhelpful assumptions about his life, his first step might be to talk to the psychologist about that. A good professional would be open to discussion rather than getting defensive.
Joe always has the option of finding another person he feels he can work better with. Therapists are all different - not only are they trained in different approaches and styles, they are all unique individuals. It makes sense that someone might need to meet a few therapists before they found one they felt comfortable with.
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I used to hang out with these people.The used to gang up and bug me.I fought with the leader.Big mistake.They ganged up agaist me and fought.I miss being in their group.When I hear them having yelling and fun from my house i feel left out.I try to make excuses and pass by them but I rarely have any.I want to be a part of their group again but I do not want to look to desperate.I get really bored at home alone.I can't remember the last time I was invited to a party or had fun.Without social contact my state of mind has switched to bored mode.What should I do?
(link)
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I think you should try to step out of 'bored mode' for a minute, since if you're bored it's easy to understand why you are craving people to hang out with.
But you said these people used to gang up on you, pick on you, and fight with you. This doesn't sound like the best group of people to spend time with. Friendships onviously have their ups and downs, but most are based on respect - and hopefully more fun than fighting.
Are there other alternatives to get to know other people? Does your school have a group you are interested in? Whether it's sports, drama, choir, or chess, joining up with an activity you are interested in means you'll be meeting other people with similar interests.
Local communities often offer classes in the evenings or weekends as well - dance, pottery, photography, music - all good ways to meet people in your local area.
These people might have taken a bash at your self-esteem, but there ARE people around who will like you for who you are. You deserve to have friendships where you don't feel bullied, and if you open yourself up to the possibility of friends outside of this particular group, you might be surprised.
Best of luck.
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hey
im 18 and a female and want to find new ways to masterbate. i have been using my fingers since i was about 14. i really want more than just my hands! i cant buy any sex toys because i live with my parent and stuff. do u know what house-hold objects i could use that will make my time more fun and enjoyable? I havent got a boyfriend so i need to be able to do it on my own . Please help im really wanting more excitment i have been thinging about a toothbrush (electric) but i dont know if it would be safe plus if it would be quiet enough to use so my mum and dad dont hear !! (link)
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Some sex toys are so tiny you could quite easily hide them away. This is particularly true for toys that are intended to be used on the clitoris rather than inside the vagina.
The best shops are those that cater exclusively for women, and the shop assistants should be able to offer you practical advice about which are the quietest, how to clean them, etc.
Another possibility is buying a small electric massager (like a back massager). This is essentially the same as a vibrator, but without possible embarassment when buying it - or if your parents saw it.
As for household objects, I wouldn't want to specifically endorse using something that isn't intended for that purpose. However, when it comes to masturbation, a lot of fantasy and a little common sense go a long way.
Only use things which are new. Make sure to clean them after every use, with soap and warm water. Keep them somewhere safe and dry, preferably away from anything that could get gunk on them (pets, dust, etc). Beware of things with sharp edges, or anything which might irritate your skin.
Most parents are pretty clued up to the fact that their kids are masturbating, whether they are happy about it or not. As long as you keep whatever you use in a private, secure place, most parents would probably not confront or question you if things were found.
After all, masturbating is normal and healthy, whether you're a young person or adult.
I wish you much pleasure!
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last month i had sex with this guy when i had my period. he cam inside me...well at least i think so. he layed on me a few minutes then got up and left. so i think he did. now i feel like in gonna throw up in the morning and sometimes during the day and nite. idk if i missed my period cuz i dont know when its suppost to come. i dont keep track. could i be pregante? please help me! (link)
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Right. For future's sake, some quick tips:
Buy a calender or use your planner. Whenever you have your period, circle the days you've got it. The first day of your period is Day 1 - continue counting up to see how long your cycle is. The average menstral cycle is 28 days long.
Most women are fertile around day 14 of their period, which is when they are ovulating (releasing an egg). Sperm can live in women for up to 7 days, so having sex from day 7 onwards can lead to an increased risk of pregnancy. While it's not a high chance of pregnancy when you are menstruating, every woman is different.
No matter what time of the month it is, anytime you have unprotected sex you risk pregnancy (and STIs/STDs).
While it would be best if you knew if you were missing your period, you can still take some steps anyway. You'll want to access a free pregnancy test at a local health clinic, perhaps one specifically for young people. If this makes you feel uncomfortable or you aren't sure how to find one, you can buy a pregnancy test at any pharmacy.
Go home, breathe, and carefully read the intructions in the pack. Follow them exactly, and wait for the result. If it is positive, then you will need to access support to help you discuss your options.
If the test is negative, it does not necessarily mean you aren't pregnant. You can wait a week and retake the test if you still haven't gotten your period.
I would encourage a visit to your doctor (after asking about your rights to confidentiality, if this is important to you) to discuss this situation. Feeling like you need to throw up could mean, for example, that you've got some other sort of medical problem.
Only a doctor would be able to give you the specific guidance for your body and your situation.
I wish you the very best. Please feel free to ask for more info if you need it.
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I don't know if this is in the right category but anyways. I'm 14/f and I'm bi but I'm not out yet. But my 90% of my friends are gay or bi. But anywhos, I don't wanna come out anytime soon because I'm just not comfortable enough to say I'm bi. But getting to the point. There's this girl...let's call her jane. Well, she's a grade level above me and I really like her. We basically met through our good friend who is gay. But that's not the point. I don't know if she's bi or not. It seems like she has a little interest in girls. But I'm not sure. She gave me an unexpected hug today saying I was great with theorchestra (and oh my, no one cares about the orchestra so that comment was a shocker)
I don't know. I really like her and wanna go out with her but I don't know if she's bi or if she's even interested. Maybe she's just friendly. But I need to know if she is bi or not and if she likes me and what not. I was thinking about making a fake screen name and asking her and telling her that a certain girl likes her..blah blah. Is that a good idea? I'm willing to talk online with anyone who gives me their screen name!! (link)
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It's kind of hard to expect other people to be open abut their sexuality when you aren't be open with yours. For all you know, this girl DOES like you and has the exact same worries you do.
While coming out is a really personal choice, it'll happen anyway if you make the decision to date a girl. Maybe you would benefit from some time thinking about what makes you uncomfortable with coming out, when you imagine you will (if ever), and what it might be like if people knew you were bisexual.
Because, essentially, it's going to be much harder to start a possible relationship with this girl if you are uncomfortable with your sexuality. While no one can wave a magic wand and give you the answers, perhaps you can find someone to speak with about this issue?
Being gay or bi is perfectly normal and very okay. Even when surrounded by other gay/bi people it can be hard or scary to come out. When you add all this to the excitement or fear about a new possible relationship, it's a lot to deal with.
Take a deep breath and decide if you want to take action - or if you want to just sit back and see what happens. Action might be the idea you've already thought of, or something else which you decide is a better choice. Whatever way you go, it's always taking a risk to open up to a new person.
I wish you the best of luck!
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my boyfriend and i have a communication problem we don't never talk or have nothing to talk about he is 30 and i am 26 we just had a baby that is 3mnths what should i do. (link)
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Has this always been an issue, or just since the baby was born?
If it has always been an issue, I would suggest some sort of deeper reflection about what's going on. Which of you is holding back, or both? Why is this happening?
If this is just since the baby, I would suggest you carve out some time for just the two of you - no baby involved. Perhaps an activity you can do together (and therefore have a new topic to talk about the rest of the week!), or simply a date night where you can relax together with no distractions.
If you are both aware of the problem and both want to do something about it, there is a lot that can be done. This involves some honest reflection on each of your parts, as well as a commitment to try to communicate honestly about what's going on. Couples counselling is a fantastic space to speak truthfully with each other and try to figure out solutions.
I wish you the very best.
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i met a guy a month ago, we fell in love he's good to me good to my kid and last week i got a call from some annonamous person that he was married. he had left over thanksgiving and didn't tell me, when he finally came back he told me his dad had a heart attack, i told him about the phone call i got and he just simply said he wasn't married, the problem is this has happened to me before i don't know what to do. pleasse help me! (link)
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All you've got in this situation is trust - unless you want to become one of those people driving around and following guys, which is never a good recipe for success.
I guess some basic questions I would consider are:
Have you ever been to his house?
Have you ever met anyone in his family?
How would someone you don't know gotten your name and number?
Even if the answer to the first two questions is 'no,' it doesn't mean anything underhanded is going on. Assumptions based on past relationships can be a problem - like assuming that because your first boyfriend cheated on you, they all will. However, there is also truth to the idea that some patterns repeat themself.
In order to step outside of yourself and be a little more objective, try thinking about the situation first. Has your guy ever done anything to make you suspicious? Did his response make you feel something wasn't quite right? Logically, have there been periods when you haven't been able to get ahold of him?
Once you've thought, try feeling. Do you trust this person? Are you willing to accept their word that nothing else is going on, and then move on?
It's a tough situation, and one that can't be answered very easily - particularly by me, someone who doesn't directly know you or your boyfriend. All I can recommend is some soul searching, and possibly some counselling to help you explore this more fully. Counselling can also be helpful in recognising patterns and figuring out how to break them.
Best of luck.
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Do you guys know any books that includes the topic of homosexuality...like a made up one not one that explains about homosexuality..like the book Keeping You A Secret
Could you list the book title and the author? Thanks (link)
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Well, there are quite a lot. Some books about young lesbians or young people questioning their sexuality:
Annie on My Mind - Nancy Garden
Hey Dollface - Deborah Hautzig
Rubyfruit Jungle - Rita Mae Brown
Oranges are Not the Only Fruit - Jeanette Winterson
Amazon has booklists of books with a gay theme for teens, so that would be a good place to find more books and also some reviews.
Don't forget the wonderful world of film, either. One TV series is 'Sugar Rush,' while a fabulously funky movie is 'But I'm a Cheerleader!'
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My boyfriend and I were making out the other night and he decided to finger me. Before that though, I thought I saw him adjust himself. I do not know if he did this on top of his pants or underneath, but normally he wears warm-ups with a pair of shorts on underneath and then boxers under that, so even if he went underneath the top layer I do not know if he went to the bottom layer to adjust himself. Anyways if he had precummed and he got some one him by adjusting could I be pregnant? He fingered me a different day and before he did I had been rubbing him and I dont know if he adjusted himself but I just wasn't sure if i could be pregnant?
Thoughts Please- (link)
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Chances are everything is absolutely fine.
To avoid worry like this in the future, maybe you should have a chat with your boyfriend about the situation. For example, while he may need to adjust himself, you could ask him to always do it from the outside of his clothes. If he feels he needs to directly touch himself, you could say that's fine, but he would need to wash off his hands.
From how you've described this situation, I would venture a guess that it's unlikely he actually touched himself or got pre-cum on his hands. Also, whle sperm can live inside the female body for up to seven days, it's not a champion at survival outside of the body.
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I am 20 years old and have been in a relationship for 5 years. I have been telling him for years that I really want to marry him. I knew he wasn't ready so I just kept telling him that I wanted a ring and we could have a long engagement. I was really hung up on getting a ring until recently when I realized I could wait and told him that I'd rather he just start saving so when we are ready it wouldn't be such a financial strain. I told him for our upcoming anniversary the only gift I would like is a receipt from the bank showing he deposited money in his savings account.
We just celebrated our 5 year anniversary with dinner at home in our pajamas. It was very casual so we were just going to watch a movie after dinner when he surprised me with a ring. I was shocked, to say the least. I didn't say anything at first and then just started saying oh my god over and over again. I said yes but didn't feel comfortable really. Then I thought about telling people and I got really uncomfortable, and he could tell. Long story short, we decided that I would keep the ring and when I'm ready I'll ask him to put it on me.
Here is my dilemma: I have watched my mother go through three divorces and has since settled with a man whom I don't believe she is truly happy with. I'm wondering if I'm destined to be like her. Will I end up divorced like her? Will I never find true happiness? Do I already have true happiness and not really realize it?
The other side of this is my father. He has been making comments for the past year about whether I'm missing out on a lot by being in a long term relationship so young. I'm worried that down the road I will regret it.
Do I have a great thing and I'm just spending too much time worrying about the what-ifs?
I feel horrible for pressuring him into this and then making a big mess out of it all.
I've only told my mother and my priest because I don't want others to know this- it's personal.
I'd appreciate any advice or input on the situation. (link)
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I can understand that you've got a lot on your mind. But it's also important to look at what's going on inside your heart.
It's interesting that for years you wanted a ring, and then reached a point where suddenly you quite clearly realised you did not want one at this point. I would be curious what this was about, and I think if you spent some time really reflecting about this it might be helpful.
Sometimes people pin their very real worries onto outside things without even realising it - by wanting to save more money on a ring, by thinking about their mother's mistakes, by reflecting about their father's worries. I'm not saying this is what you are doing, but it does seem that your feelings/thoughts have gotten more complex about a situation you used to feel relatively sure about.
This could be because you are maturing. At 15, most girls want to marry their boyfriend and feel they will last forever. At 20, many girls are more into discovering themselves, realising they have more growing to do than they previously expected, etc.
I can't look into a crystal ball and say what you should or should not do, just as I can't accurately say what I think about your relationship. In actual fact, you may have a great thing AND be really, realy not ready for it.
What I do notice is that you don't speak about your feelings toward your boyfriend much in the question. It's all about outside things - the ring, other people, etc. Maybe you should take some time to think about how you feel. How you REALLY feel, not how you think other people expect you to be feeling.
There is no need to rush into anything at this point, and it's probably better not to. This doesn't mean you can't keep trying to explore how you feel about you, and how you feel about the relationship. Perhaps talking to a counsellor could help, or keeping a really honest journal.
Marriage is something you don't want to screw up. It's much better to have these worries and wavers before you commit to anything - whether you go through with it or not.
I wish you the very best. Feel free to ask another question if you need to.
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What is the difference between thrush and discharge? Can anyone please explain what thrush is please.. and how it is caused?
Thanks a bunch :) (link)
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Thrush is also known as a yeast infection. It can cause thick, lumpy disharge. It also can cause a strong, unusual odour as well as itching or burning.
Once diagnosed as thrush (and not an STI/STD), it can be treated very quickly with tablets.
Thrush is bacteria that it's nearly impossible to avoid in your life. Things that will decrease the chances of getting an infection are wearing cotton underwear (so your vagina can breathe!), allowing your vagina to air out at night (no underwear), and avoiding anything that might irritate your sensitive skin.
Discharge is how your vagina cleans itself out. A healthy vagina will have clear discharge (or white discharge during ovulation) that is not strongly or unpleasantly scented. This is a normal thing that happens to every female.
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i mer up with my boyfriend a few days after my period and we ended up aving sex. well the condom broke while we were making out and his pants were down.. [[i dunno how]] so i told hm we ccoodnt have sex. well he asked if he coodplz stick it in for like a min so i let him for like 10 SECONDS and he didnt cum until like 25 minutes later after i gave him oral... wat r the chanced im pregnant. plus hes never gotten a girl pregnant before and hes had ALOT of sex. [[ he was already tested and doesnt have anything so dont trip]] and he told me nothing came out.. so yea... (link)
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As soon as the penis becomes erect, it starts leaking a small amount of fluid called pre-cum. This fluid carries thousands of sperm in it - it's possible to get pregnant from this fluid.
While this depends on where in your menstrual cycle you are, it is best to be aware there is always a chance. To play safe, use condoms each and every time his penis goes in or near your vagina.
He's been lucky to not get someone pregnant this far - you don't want to be there when his luck runs out. Also be aware that some STDs/STIs can take a few months to show up when tested, so it's best if both of you are regularly tested - particularly if he's been very sexually active in his past.
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if you take the pill only the next morning after having sex, and you don't take it the second day, what will happen, if you stop taking the pill?
can you get pegnant even though its a day later that you dont take the pill?
thanks in advance
xo (link)
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The pill is the ultimate in routine. It is most effective when taken every day at the same time, and you should be taking the pill for a full month before you engage in no-condom sex.
Taking the pill randomly will not help prevent pregnancy, although it may manage to mess up your period and hormones a bit. You may be getting confused with emergency contraception, called the morning after pill.
This is a pill that needs to be taken within three days of having unprotected sex - though it's most effective if taken within 24 hours. Basically, it's a super heavy dose of hormones that can help prevent pregnancy.
If you're having sex, you should be seeing a gyno at least once yearly. Make an appointment (most doctors are bound by confidentiality - check your doctor's stance on your age, etc) and use it to discuss the best form of birth control for you. There are some types that you don't need to think about on a daily basis, such as the shot.
Best of luck.
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I've never to my knowledge had an orgasm. The closest I think I've got is this tingling sensation in my uterus it feels like someone blew butterflies inside me it only last a couple seconds or else this feeling in my legs where they start feeling tingly and then that goes away. I've only slept with 10 guys and the guy that I'm currently with is the first one who this really seems to bother. It use to bother me but as the years went by I cared about it less. I've tried a vibrator, gels, relaxing in the tub, taking the shower handle and spraying myself, in my bed, and so forth and nothing has worked. The other things that may be strange is that I'm writting this because currently I've been with this guy for 3 months and this is the only thing that bothers him about our relationship (he feels that I'm not getting anything and that he is getting everything eventhough I've told him that the reason I like having sex with him is because I like to see and feel his reaction but he makes a good point asking me how I would feel if the role was reversed). So is there anything that you can think of. Honestly I'm a pretty open person sexually so I'll try any position I can get myself and him into. Thank You I know this was a long one. (link)
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Is having an orgasm important to you? Or do you simply want to have one to please the guy you are with?
This is something to think about. Many women have a hard time achieving orgasm - though I'm not suggesting you give up - and some of them are really okay about not having orgasms. After all, they aren't the only good thing about having sex.
It does sound as if you've given up on yourself, though, and maybe you want to re-evaluate that.
I would normally suggest that it's easier to learn how to have an orgasm by yourself than with another person, and it seems like you must have thought this. I applaud all you've tried. Since you've got some basics covered, I'll try going really REALLY basic.
Masturbate only when you feel turned on.
No matter how much vibration, friction, or technique you've got, it's not worth much unless you feel like engaging in some sexual activity. When and if you're excited, why not try to explore and see what feels right. Clearly, trying out certain techniques isn't working - and why should it? We're all different.
Your clitoris is likely to be the most sensitive area, so that's a good place to start. Just see how things go.
You can add in spicy videos or read some saucy stuff to help you out.
The funny thing about orgasms is that the harder you try, the more stress/pressure happens - and the less likely you are to have an orgasm.
I would also seriously suggest that you consider some sort of counselling - sex therapists are there as experts who can help you figure out how to get things working the way you want them to work...emotionally and physically.
I wish you the absolute best.
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Alisonmarie:
My question is: how long does it take for a person who has untreated chlamydia to become sterile? I have recently found out that I have chlamydia. My last STD checkup was about 1.5 years ago. I had no symptoms.
Let's say that I had gotten the STI 1.5 years ago, does that mean I have become sterile? How long does it usually take to become sterile with untreated chlamydia?
Thanks (link)
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This is different for every person. Your immediate concern is getting treated for chlamydia.
Your next step is to enquire regarding your sterility. In most women, chlamydia doesn't get any further than the cervix. In some women, though, it can affect the fallopian tubes - this is called Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. This can cause pain, or not. If treated at this stage, a woman's fertily may not be affected - or some scarring and damage may occur to the fallopian tubes.
As you can see, it's complex and different for every woman. A doctor will be able to offer you more specific and detailed information, perhaps letting you know how advanced they think your case was. It is not common to be made completely infertile from a normal case of chlamydia, though, so perhaps that can help you relax a bit until you speak with your doctor.
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