about

I'm that person that everyone calls or e-mails when they need advice. It doesn't matter the subject, they contact me. I don't give you the answer you want to hear and most of my advice is not your mother's advice, if you want your mom's advice--Go ask your mom or mother figure. If you ask a question you will always get an honest answer--note: I did not say the answer you want-- I said an honest answer. If you ask me something I have to research to answer, I will research it and provide you with the source if you ask.

advice

im 14 years old, and for some time i thought i might be sexually abused as a child, but i cant remember. i was adopted at 7 an before then i wood visit my biological family, an they wer into things children shouldnt be around. but anyway, recently i found a book on telling if you wer sexually abused as a child, i have more than half the symptoms, and i have these flashbacks of a white man, who had white hair and white facial hair. growing up ive been terrified of santa clause, the dark and open closets at night. i never added it all up til i read that book. i cant remember exactly though, so what should i do? leave it alone or tell someone? but i dont think anyone wold believe me anyway. im really not sure if im ready to face the truth if it happened, and besides if i cant remember, then maybe its my imagination right?

There are a lot of therapists that try to say everyone who has a reaction like yours is repressing hcildhood memories. It's possible you are scared of santa because one scared you when you were a child at a store--that's just as plausible. Thousands of people are scared of open closets at night---I'm a grown woman with children and I still close the closet doors at night when I go to bed and I was not sexually abused.


People who write books like that are usually trying to create popularity for themselves and can take common symptoms of life and change them to fit a particular scenario. They are looking for their 15 minutes of fame and seem to not care for the people they hurt in the process.

Being adopted means your parents probably have an entire history on you from before they adopted you. I would think that if sexual abuse had been a part of it they would have you in therapy. If you really believe you have been abused you need to see a therapist anyway. I would ask my parents if I were you if they have your medical history from prior to your adoption. At your age you have a legal right to your own medical records. You may not have a legal right to your adoption information until you are 18 depending on the state you are in but your medical records are fair game unless sealed by a judge. Talk to your Dr and see what he/she says.


Remember most of those books are written for a purpose and a lot of them are written by quacks. Just because you read it in a book and show the symptoms doesn't mean it's what really happened. For example: I have been nauseaous, had breast pain & swelling, no periods, mood swings and weight gain for more than 3 months--all common symptoms of pregnancy in a normally healthy 33 year old female. I had severe pain that sent me to the hospital recently and the ER Dr said "you're having a miscarriage, we need to do an ultrasound" He didn't ask any other questions and made his diagnosis based on the symptoms and not the facts or my medical history. I had a partial hysterectomy almost 10 years ago and can not get pregnant or have children---I'm starting menopause and had a kidney stone. See why it's best to have ALL the facts before thinking the worst? Hope this helps.

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so i have serious confidence issues when it comes to men. if i dont know them or are a bit wary of them or even just in an uncomfortable situation. i freeze up. i wont talk, make eye contact or even talk to my girl friends till they've gone.

if it gets really bad i will start shaking and sweating pretty much uncontrollably. i will usually make an excuse and leave. i fear being left alone with a lad.

that is my worst nightmare as i cant handle the conversation and make a fool of myself which just makes me feel even worse. i just want to be rescued.

its never the individual's fault its just cos there are male. stupid i know but i have very irrational and fucked up thought processes.

i have never revealed the extent of this problem to anyone although i have briefly mentioned it to a few people.

the reasons may be to do with the lack of male presence in my life growing up. (my dad left when i was 4.)

i want to overcome it as im restricting myself to half of the population. im also desperately lonely and would love someone to talk to and be at ease with. my friends are great but they all have boyfriends so i tend to get pushed aside.

i dont know how to overcome it. but i know i want to do it. its just that im soooo scared.

any help??

I wonder more if it's because it sets off a trigger in your brain to something that happened to you that you have blocked. When I was taking psychology one of the girls had a reaction to any men with beards. If she saw a man with a beard she'd shake. If he tried to talk to her she totally freaked out and had to leave. In the course of her therapy they found memories that she had blocked of her uncle who had a beard molesting her sister and telling her if she ever told he'd do the same to her.


You need to make an appointment with a therapist--it could be as simple as working on confidence building techniques to finding out there is a root cause to the problem. I don't think it's because your dad left when you were 4. You had to have had interaction with some men over the course of your life after he left, uncles, cousins, grandparents, teachers, principals, etc. Get with a counselor and choose one that's female and she will help you. I say psychologist because they are usually less likely to want to have you put on medication as a solution.

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is blow job considered as cheating? doesnt that depend on a couple's thinking? it isnt the same for everyone...but i mean in general, would it be cheating?

It depends on the person. Everyone has things they do and don't consider cheating. I happen to believe that anything sexual including kissing is cheating if it's not with her person you are supposed to be in a relationship with. Ask yourself this "would I consider this cheating if I gave a blow job to another guy or if my guy received a blow job from another girl"

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I'm 16 female and i really want to get my nose pierced.. the cute diamond stud nothing crazy or anything does anyone have any suggestions how to bribe my parents to let me.. or just like their own experiences anything would help thanks =)

I signed for my daughter's tongue piercing when she was 14 and her nose when she was 15. I also signed for her first tattoo when she was 16.

I did it because she is a good kid. She gets good grades and doesn't give us any grief. She has a job and does as she's asked. We believe that children should have self expression to a point. A piercing doesn't change the person you are--it's just decoration. We also chose to let her do it at a shop and sign for it because we owned a tattoo and piercing shop when she was younger so she knew all the care it would take and kids were piercing each other in the bathrooms at school and didn't want her to do something stupid like those kids.

Feel free to use any of the above reasons in your quest for parental permission. You can also tell them that at least piercings can be taken out and close if you decide you don't want them. The nose will probably discourage you from any others anytime soon as my daughter says it hurt worse than the tongue or tattoo.

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i want to know if

1) a septum peircing hurts, and if it does; how badly?

2) same for getting your belly button peirced.

I owned a tattoo and piercing shop for several years and yes the septum hurts. How much depends on your pain tolerance.

I had more people pass out from belly button piercings than all others combined. It's not that it hurts any worse than any other place--in fact most people said the piercing didn't hurt it was the clothing that rubbed on it after that hurt. The reason they passed out is because they could see the piercing happening and would forget to breathe and then stand up too quickly.

YES the clothing that rubs on it will bother you for a while.

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srry if its too long

14/f yeah ..
so i tried out for my high school cheerleading team and i made it. i trust my coach cuz i know her outside of cheerleading but idk if i should tell her about cutting.i dont want her to tell my parents and i dont want anyone talking about it on the team if you catch my drif with the cheerleader-cutter thing. the scars are kinda easy to see and i cant cover them with bracelets like usual soo what should i do?

HELP?!

Yes you need to tell her. You also need to seriously talk with your parents or other adult that can help you get to a counselor. Cutting yourself is not okay. It means you need someone to talk to that can help you learn other ways to cope and deal with issues other than hurting yourself.

If you don't ask for help, sooner or later someone will catch on and will force help on you. You're 14 and have a lot of life left to live and you're young enough to move past this and live those years happily. I speak from experience.

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well i just recently got married to the most wonderful guy you would ever meet but i always seem nervous around his family and i don't seem to get any better around them and i always feel self consious around them.............could someone tell me whats wrong with me and give me some advice

I suspect you think they are judging you and you're afraid they won't like you or think you're good enough for him. My advice: be confident that he loves you and picked you. You aren't married to his family--you are married to him and it's his approval that matters and you obviously have that or he wouldn't have married you.

Have any of them done anything to make you uncomfortable or is it just new people nerves?

Do you have anything in common with any of his family members? That would be a way to converse and interact and allow you to be more comfortable.

My husband has family members that I can not tolerate. For the few minutes I have to endure their company I smile and act civil because I know that I don't have to love my husband's family to love him.

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I'm overdue..whats some natural ways to induce labor?

I've heard about nipple stimulation - tried it, didn't work..or I'm not doing it right..I am at the point now where I am miserable and sick of being pregnant..I want my baby out so I can return to normal and complete my family.

Please tell me how I do what you suggest because obviously my own blunders didn't work to well.

Thanks so much.

If you think you're miserable now just wait until 3 a.m. feedings, teething, toddling and potty training. Just when you get your bearings there you'll have grades, sports, school plays, tests, first loves, first heartbreaks, first dates, broken curfews and a lifetime of worry and wearing your heart outside your body. Then when you get them all grown and out of the house---they come back and bring spouses and children. LOL.

Seriously, don't be in such a hurry, babies come in their time, not your's or the doctor's. I was supposed to be a Halloween baby but didn't arrive until the last of November.

Sex is usually a good way to start or progress labor if you can handle it so late term. My sister made me walk for MILES when she was one day late with my nephew and that didn't do a thing so we rearranged all the furniture in the house. That finally sent her into labor but I think it was more my nephew taking pity on me. :) Don't try caster oil. Don't try to take anything, natural or man made, that people say induces labor.

By the way--you'll never be "normal" again. You'll be a mom and that's so much better than normal. Good luck and check out this video. You may find something that will help you and if not it's interesting information anyway.

http://quicksilverscreen.com/watch?video=45525

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Do you think it's right for my sister who is 3 yrs younger (I'm 59) to insist my grandchilren (5&4)call her GRANDMA instead of AUNT? She married my ex-husband 6yrs ago. She has 6 grandchildren of her own! I realize her husband is their grandfather and I divorced him so he says she can do whatever she wants but she is their aunt and they are confused because everyone refers to her as two different people. I have let my feelings be known and I feel it's in bad taste and disrespectful to me but also it's causing problems in my big family. Should I let it go?

Both of you should let the kids pick what they want to call her. You have voiced your opinion and while I agree they should respect it, it doesn't sounds as if your sister or your ex care what you think. I had multiple grandparents growing up and they let me choose what to call people. I have done the same with my children. It doesn't really matter what they call her, they know who grandma is and who loves them and does for them. They also know who plays childish games. If she is insistent on grandma call her grandma ______ whatever her first name is. That's what we finally did. It settles the arguments, the kids aren't confused and while it annoys some people it's the easiest solution. Remember when your kids were growing up and you had to pick your battles? This is the same thing only with your own sister and ex who should but obviously don't have more respect for you than they do. My daughter has a Grandma Gail, Grandma Anne, Grandma Betty, Granny, Grandmommy, Nana and Mimi if that helps.

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do guys like pussy better trimmed or shaved

Depends on the guy. They are all different and all have different preferences.

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Im getting a tattoo on friday. I'm going to a respectable place, but I'm afraid of risks! Like what could happen? Whats the WORST things that could happen to me? For example, what if I get hepatitus? Can that be cured? I've tried researching tattoos (I've been researching for a month), but so many articles don't include enough information for me.
So please help me out, what are the risks?
Experiences would also be good
Thanks so much :)

I have multiple tattoos myself. I also owned and operated a tattoo shop for several years. You will not get hepatitis if you go to a reputable shop. You can watch them open the needles that go in the gun. You can watch them pour the ink into individual cups that are thrown away after your tattoo is done.

You run the risk of the artist having a "heavy hand" meaning he/she will go deeper than normal and the tattoo may have raised places. You may also have raised areas on the outline if you jump around. (take a sucker/lollipop, I have found that having that in your mouth keeps you from jumping and moving as much)

I read a book during my last one which took over 5.5 hours to complete. You also need to follow their after care instructions exactly. You will probably "push" ink back out. That is part of the process and depending on how much you push or bleed back out you may need it retouched in 6 to 8 weeks. Don't worry and just relax. It will be fine most likely and if you have any questions let me know.

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My Bf cheated on me when I was 7 months pregnant. He actually slept with the giel who later claimed she was pregnant from him. He later on told after I had our baby at 7 months pregnant. Now i don't know what to do. I want to wrk things out and put this behind me but I can't. We have two kids toghther and we've been with each other for 3yrs. Its so hard to let go of him when we have kids together.I really feel confused and hurt. I don't know if he'll do it again. i want to leave but I"m stuck....

You're never stuck--- you just haven't found the way out yet. I truly believe that once a cheat always a cheat and once you leave you never go back. They are exes for a reason. I always say that staying for the kids is not a good enough reason. Most kids who have parents that fight or are unhappy but stay together for the kids would rather they just split up because two single happy parents are better that an unhappy couple. Sounds like you also need some support so check out www.cafemom.com and the groups there. There are several that give support for women who are seeking to leave the husband or fiancee or baby daddy--whatever you choose to call it-- and they give tips and support.

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Does anyone know any websites for designs or designers that show a "wacky" style ?

The thing is i am doing my higher in art and need ideas of clothing which has a very wacky and flamboyant kick to it. I live in Scotland, Glasgow so if anyone knows good designers from there that would be amazing. If not anywhere in the world would do.
thanks xx

Google "fashions from fashion week" under the images tab in the top left corner. It's not broken down by designer I think but it should be a place to start. Here is a shortcut for you to start with.
http://images.google.com/images?q=fashions%20from%20fashion%20week&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi

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i'm 16/f...and i have a big butt. i mean, it's proportional and round..and i guess it looks good in pants. but it makes me feel really self conscious. and its weird..because some girls tell me they wish they had it and some guys tell me they love it. and i look at them weirdly and take it to offense. i dunno. is it considered attractive? i'd rather have bigger boobs anyday..

If you had bigger boobs instead you'd wish you had the butt instead. Trust me the grass is not always greener. I have the boobs and would love to be rid of some of mine. Just like girls who have straight hair always want curls but the girls who have curls spend hours straightening their curls.

Whether something is attractive or not is different for each person. What some men find attractive is big boobs but other men find smaller boobs attractive. Some people are turned on by legs and some by butts. It's different. Be glad for what you have and be glad people compliment you rather than telling you what you should change.

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ok how do i this but um my sister is sorta emo and stuff and im like preppy and always happy. so my parents/siblings think its ok to put me down because i have a lot of friends and a boy friend and stuff. and when i tell them its bothering me they say your life is to good you need someone to put you down. but it kills me to think that they might acually might be true.well what can i do to make them stop

It will be hard but simply ignore them. They are unhappy themselves and trying to bring you down. Your parents are probably kidding and trying to make your sister feel better about her life and lack of friends, etc and they probably don't realize how much it truly does hurt you. Didn't they ever tell you that you could have anything and be anything in life? Next time they say something like you have to be brought down simply say, "I'm sorry you see it that way but I would rather believe that I deserve the happiness I find with my friends/boyfriend and would appreicate it if you would respect my happiness" and leave the room. That to me is not disrespectful and I wouldn't punish one of my children for saying it like that. However, I do not make my children feel as if they should be brought down and wonder about people who see the need to bring one child down in order to make another child feel better about a choice they made. Your sister has made the choice to be who she is and the lifestyle she is living and that is her CHOICE. No one ever said she couldn't have the things you have---it's probably just easier to blame her issues on you. Just remember---EVERYONE deserves to be happy and so long as your happiness isn't at your sister's expense--you shouldn't apologize or feel undeserving of what you have or your good fortune.

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hi, i'm have a small sleepover at a hotel with some friends, there is one girl whom i've known since the 5th grade (i went to the new school and the teacher put me next to her) we haven't even been CLOSE we just happen to hang out with the same people although NO ONE in my entire class likes her, i guess its just her attitude, and she is a tattle tell, she can also be immature (by the way we are eighth grade)my mom wants me to invite her because she "is a part of the group" like i said no one likes her, i know if i didn't invite her and she saw pictures we take she will feel bad, and i will feel bad
but at the same time i don't want to invite her and have her annoy everyone else (including me)
another thing, she has a medical problem (not terminal or anything serious) but i know her personality and i don't want her to go all crazy on me (knowing her she might confront me and get very man)
i hope its not too long, or complicated
but please help! should i invite her so i don't feel bad, but feel stupid for inviting her
or should i not invite her enjoy my party, but feel bad for not including her (or get guilt tripped by her)
thanks so much
-kelsy

Just explain it to your mom the way you explained it here. She sounds like a lonely girl who is getting attention however she can even if it's not positive attention. Kind of like little kids who are ignored by their parents so they get into trouble so their parents will yell at them because negative attention is better than no attention. However, that should not be an issue you have to deal with on your birthday. My daughter was in this position and I told her that she could only invite XX # of girls for the sleepover and the number was exactly the number of girls she wanted to invite so she could honestly tell the girls that she didn't want to invite that her mom said she could only invite so many and she was sorry but she'd already invited that many when I told her the limit and that didn't leave room for any extra.

If the girl gets mad just tell her the truth--you could only invite so many and that if she continues to act mad over something like that then you are sorry but that is the reason people don't like to hang out with her.

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how would you "pleasure yourself" with a pillow?

i know some girls finger themselves... but is there any way to "pleasure yourself" without doing that

I think you are talking about the friction that is created when someone rubs on their pillow. It takes a lot longer and doesn't always give you the satisfaction you would get from manual stimulation. You should learn to be comfortable with your body regardless of the method you use to "pleasure yourself" and not feel as if you have to be ashamed or self conscious of your body.

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There is this boy... I have been interested in him for almost two years now. we have been on and off and he has hurt me really badly... twice. the first time me and him got together, i was going through a really rough time with my family and I told him that i wasn't going to be myself until everything worked out. i told him that i still wanted to be with him very much, but that i had to figure stuff out with my family before I really had time to focus on him. He said he understood and that he would wait, but when my fanily problems got worked out.. he had moved on to another girl. i tried really hard to be okay with this because i was the one who made him wait, but seeing them together everyday was killing me. So i told him and he said he still had feelings for me. once him and this girl broke up, we got together again. by this time I had changed schools and i didnt get to see him as much. again family issues arose and i told him that i was going to be hard to hang out with for about two weeks while i was figuring everything out. he than told me that I was not worth it. this hurt me so badlly but I have been working really hard to get over it. It has been two months since then, and today he left me a message on my voicemail that sais his life was incomplete without me in it and he really wanted us to give it another try.

Sorry this is wrong, but do i give him another try? or is it time for me to just move on?

any help or advice is appreciated :)

If he hurt you once shame on him. If he hurts you twice shame on you. There shouldn't be a third chance. If you weren't worth it to him for two weeks then he is probably just trying to get you back in order to prove to himself that he can. He will deny it but that doesn't mean it's not true. Or you may be his fall back--meaning that when he is single or doesn't have what he wants in his life he comes back to you. That's not love--that is convenience and it's not fair to you or the truly good relationship you might overlook if he is in your life. Very few people meet their forever love in middle or high school. Those that do are the exceptions and not the rule. I would tell him you appreciate the sentiment but that you do not feel he has supported you in the past and relationships are about supporting the person you care for during good and bad times NOT just when you want to. I would move on. Will it hurt? Yes. Will you get over it? Yes. Will you eventually find someone else? Yes. You also need to understand and learn that being "single" doesn't mean being alone. You build a support system of friends that are there no matter what.

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There is this girl, sammy, last summer she got with this guy i really really liked. i didnt know her at first, but after she realized that me and her boyfriend had a really long and meaningful history she got extremely jealous. She would often wait until i was walking by and kiss her boyfriend, the one i liked, or tell him how much she loved him and how glad she was that they were together, just so i could hear. and i knew this because she would give me a very smug smile after she saw the look of hurt on my face.

..well sammy and her boyfriend broke up and i had finally moved on from him. two weeks ago i was out on a date and she happened to see us. then just two days ago i found out that the guy i had been on the date with is now her boyfriend. I am not really mad at the boy, i mean yea it sucks that he blew me off for her... but hey thats life. but i can't help but thinking that this is a really bad coincidence?

any opinions... is this just a crazy coincidence? or is this girl out to get me and hurt me whatever way possible. i just dont want this guy to get hurt if she is just dating him to get back at me!

There are two options.
1. She's really good at picking up your leftovers
or
2. For whatever reason she sees you as competition and is out to get whatever you have in order to try and make herself happy. Apparently she thinks that you are so much happier and have a better life than she does so she is trying to find that for herself. The best thing you can do is ignore her. Make sure that anyone you get involved with is someone you really trust and won't fall for any games she tries to play. Other than that just go on with your life and enjoy living it.

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ok, my friends and i have recently started going to clubs where we grind with guys and stuff. me, being the white girl i am, have NO RHYTHM haha. i can kinda sorta semi dance when im in front of a mirror and watching myself do it, but even if i take my eyes off the mirror, its like i lose cordination. i know people say just move with the music, but i feel like such an idiot because there's no rhythm in me. when i grind, its like my lower back has soo limited movement. i dont even know like.. when you grind, do you do your hips in a circular motion, or like in the "wave" kinda motion up and down? people say to watch other people and music vids and stuff. but i just cant move like that. well i kinda can, but not. at least not without a mirror hahaha. any help? and this is farfetched, but can anyone tell me how to 'vibrate'?

Maybe a good way to spend some free time would be belly dancing lessons. They teach you how to move your body and it's great exercise. You can also buy "How To" dvds online that will guide you step by step through "hip hop" lessons. Check ebay, google and amazon for instructional dance videos.

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