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How do you forgive someone when they cheated on you?
My Bf cheated on me when I was 7 months pregnant. He actually slept with the giel who later claimed she was pregnant from him. He later on told after I had our baby at 7 months pregnant. Now i don't know what to do. I want to wrk things out and put this behind me but I can't. We have two kids toghther and we've been with each other for 3yrs. Its so hard to let go of him when we have kids together.I really feel confused and hurt. I don't know if he'll do it again. i want to leave but I"m stuck....
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Damn.
I KNOW exactly what you are feeling and It is going to hurt me to have to open up this door of communication with you, but it needs to be done. I am actually going to give you my email address too so we can talk more b/c I am not going to go into depth on this web page.
A man who cheats on you, will do it again, over and over until he feels condemned within his self not to do it. A man who cheats on you while you are pregnant has No respect for you or the unborn child, to add insult to injury there were already children in the picture, which means he had no respect for them either - Why? B/C he doesn't respect himself. If this girl claimed she was pregnant by him, then we know he used NO protection which put you and your unborn at a risk - he didn't think about that because he is selfish.
I know that it's hard to let go because of time invested, and I also know that you will not be able to fully forgive because you won't be able to trust him as you once did. You will worry yourself to the upmost and never have peace within yourself. You will stay in the relationship, not being to believe him or in him or trust him ever again because he betrayed you and your family and your life together as a family.
It hurts like hell to be dogged. I was married and he dogged me too. We have 3 kids together,we married in 2001, I divorced him in 2005, I couldn't let go completely but I had to let go. I let go and stopped talking to him for a little over a year, and ended up messing around with his lying tail again, it becomes a cycle. He was my highschool sweetheart and we had been involved for 17 years, and married for 4 years only. I NEVER KNEW or thought that he would ever cheat on me. When he cheated on me, I found out on my own because I felt it and went in his cell phone and his email and there it was! he still tried to denie it until the girl emailed me back and told it.
This is a cycle to see how far they can get without getting caught - when you leave,it becomes a game or challenge to see if they can get you back and it goes on and on and on, and before you know it, you are in an unhappy, dysfunctional, relationship for over 17years as myself!
Seek counseling, read books on self motivation to let go, pray, love your kids and yourself more - there are tons of other things I can tell you but they would most likely boot me off of this site for advice too long. LOL anyway, email me. OH this too: I have been seeing him now, and he has asked me to re-marry him again because he claims he has changed, but you know what? because of the time involved, experiences gone through and lessons learned, I will never remarry him because I know who he is, how he is and because I still haven't forgiven, but I have let go to the extent of knowing that what we do is simply what we do, it can never be more than that, regardless of the way I love him and the 17 years invested. - It isn't fun to always watch out of both corners of your eyes, to sleep lightly b/c you are listening to phone calls, or to worry about why the cell phone is on vibrate - the pettiest things become big things - most importantly it takes away from attention that your children need and should be getting and NO MAN OR NO THING is worth that. In closing, I compare it to this: we all know that chocolate isn't good for us, but we tend to eat it anyway and make excuses to why we have done this. We always want things that aren't good for us. Some books of recommedation to help you mentally: Why do women love men who don't love
them back
How to Let Go and Let God
I haven't learned how to completely let go from within my soul, but I have learned how to sepearate my heart, soul and mind and they all agree with one thing: Peace, wisdom, understanding and self worth. You will always love him but you will have to learn to feed him with a long handled spoon if you chose to feed him at all.
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i think the only real thing you can do is to follow your heart. i know it sounds cheesy and all but i can't think of anything else to do. i mean does he feel like 'the one'? if i were you i'd dump him in a second, but i'm not so idk. he did something really hurtful and i think you should really let him know that. i'm really sorry for all of your missfortune, and i wish you all the best.
-maddie :)
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You're never stuck--- you just haven't found the way out yet. I truly believe that once a cheat always a cheat and once you leave you never go back. They are exes for a reason. I always say that staying for the kids is not a good enough reason. Most kids who have parents that fight or are unhappy but stay together for the kids would rather they just split up because two single happy parents are better that an unhappy couple. Sounds like you also need some support so check out www.cafemom.com and the groups there. There are several that give support for women who are seeking to leave the husband or fiancee or baby daddy--whatever you choose to call it-- and they give tips and support.
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