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please please help
so i have serious confidence issues when it comes to men. if i dont know them or are a bit wary of them or even just in an uncomfortable situation. i freeze up. i wont talk, make eye contact or even talk to my girl friends till they've gone.
if it gets really bad i will start shaking and sweating pretty much uncontrollably. i will usually make an excuse and leave. i fear being left alone with a lad.
that is my worst nightmare as i cant handle the conversation and make a fool of myself which just makes me feel even worse. i just want to be rescued.
its never the individual's fault its just cos there are male. stupid i know but i have very irrational and fucked up thought processes.
i have never revealed the extent of this problem to anyone although i have briefly mentioned it to a few people.
the reasons may be to do with the lack of male presence in my life growing up. (my dad left when i was 4.)
i want to overcome it as im restricting myself to half of the population. im also desperately lonely and would love someone to talk to and be at ease with. my friends are great but they all have boyfriends so i tend to get pushed aside.
i dont know how to overcome it. but i know i want to do it. its just that im soooo scared.
any help??
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ok ill keep it short and simple...1st slap your self in the face relax breath in and out ok your chillax now right...ok! now when you see a guy and want 2 talk 2 em or they talk 2 them but get the jidders just stare at the tip of their nose itll look like your giving eye contact...you juat have 2 realize youll never get a boyfriend or guy friends if you dnt even talk 2 the opposite sex so just go 2 the mall w/ friends and practice just look at a guy 4rm far away and smile then move on look and smile look and smile...then you can go 2 a look smile and wave hi look smile and wave hi! k! its no big deal just pretend youve know them 4 years and relax...when talking just use short sentences keep it short and sweet..:]
most important believe in oyur-self you can do it i know you can! so go get em girl!!!>:]
14 girl call me xuya...need any more help just ask!=]
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I don't think that this is a thought process gone wrong. It seems like there is something else which is restricting you in socialising with other guys.
I guessing that you're a kind of person who just likes to hang around with your own peers and friends and get nervous if something/somebody new comes in like a boy/boyfriend. You don't know how to act around them and that is what I want to focus upon.
With your dad leaving your mum when you were four, can you remember if that affected you in anyway emotionally, like being incredibly sad etc? If you can't remember, that's okay but try and remember. But could also could be from something else? Like an inner dread of boys or scared as to what they would think of you? Or could it be that you don't think that you're good enough for them. Or could it be that you're scared of getting into a realtionship which might not turn out well and he ends up leaving you, like your dad did when you were four.
Think about it for a while.
I would recommend that you talk to your mum because she was the one who went through the breakup, so she could help you more than anyone. I know that this may not be what you want to do, but trust me, it's best to bring this out into the open and let her know how you feel and what you're going through. And remember, she was once your age as well!!
I'm also going to tell you not to isolate yourself from boys right now, instead, I'm going to tell you to go and talk to some of friend's guy friends. Why? Because if you face your fear, then you get over this fear. They aren't going to bite, they aren't going to make fun of you. Jump off the diving board into the deep end and you'll find that you can survive and float with ease. Later in life, you'll be laughing at how you were so scared of me.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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I wonder more if it's because it sets off a trigger in your brain to something that happened to you that you have blocked. When I was taking psychology one of the girls had a reaction to any men with beards. If she saw a man with a beard she'd shake. If he tried to talk to her she totally freaked out and had to leave. In the course of her therapy they found memories that she had blocked of her uncle who had a beard molesting her sister and telling her if she ever told he'd do the same to her.
You need to make an appointment with a therapist--it could be as simple as working on confidence building techniques to finding out there is a root cause to the problem. I don't think it's because your dad left when you were 4. You had to have had interaction with some men over the course of your life after he left, uncles, cousins, grandparents, teachers, principals, etc. Get with a counselor and choose one that's female and she will help you. I say psychologist because they are usually less likely to want to have you put on medication as a solution.
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