jada_lynne's advice column

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Q: Is it okay for a guy to finger a girl while she has a yeast infection? Has anyone done this? Would the guy know the girl had the yeast infection??

Anything you can tell me about this will help! :)

My question for you is why are you even asking this? Get your hormones in check, make an appointment with your doctor, get treated, and get your body healthy before you worry about some guy (or your boyfriend) getting anywhere near it!

Respect yourself and the guy...and yes, guys can get yeast infections.

Regards,
Jada

In response to your comment back to me, if you have had the yeast infection treated "about 100 times and nothing happened,"... then it's probably not a yeast infection. It's possible that it is and you need aggressive treatment but if I were you, I would see another doctor ASAP.

This would clear up right away if you were treated properly. Go back to the doctor and tell him that you want Diflucan. It's a one day pill that will treat it if that's in fact the problem. Don't have ANY kind of sex until it's cleared up!

If it doesn't clear up right away... go back to the doctor for tests.

Good luck,
Jada

Q: we are from texas. my family and i live on a piece of land and my mom and bro live next door. every year or so he gets my mom in some kind of financial mess. this time he's communicated with a love interest in Nigeria on the internet,got a car title loan and sent them 800.00 .he's been using my mom's debit card spending $ she don't have. we've kicked him out bcuz we r tired of constant drama/problems.he has mental problems,but will not admit it,unable to keep a job,won't listen to anybody.i hate to see him homeless but my plate is full w/family and work.

Call your local Social Services and see what they can do to help. They offer mental health and can assess your brother and hopefully get him what he needs, whether it's therapy, medication, or both.

He may be an adult but if he's your brother and this is causing you guilt, you need to try to obtain some help for his mental health issues. He may not be mentally healthy enough to take care of this on his own.

By the way, if he's stealing from your mom...don't feel guilty for stopping it. That's what you had to do to protect the family.

Best wishes,
Jada

Q: I have this vaginal odor, I CANT GET RID OF! I have done everything and it just keeps coming back....Plz help me!

Make an appointment with your OB/GYN immediately. Do not pass go and do not collect the 200 dollars. See a physician.

Jada

Q: My boyfriend pre cumed on the outside of my butt, my cherry hasnt been poped and he wasnt near my vagina. I also went and washed off and changed pants and underwear. Could I be pregnant?

Highly unlikely but the bottom line is that you are engaging in high risk behavior and need to change that.

Unprotected sex of any kind, is high risk. Tell the boyfriend to wrap it if he plans on getting it anywhere near you...every time!

You could not only have an unwanted pregnancy, you could get an unwanted STD.

Remember...if you're going to take it out and play with it...put a wrapper on it!

Sincerely,
Jada

Q:
I know most people might say no, men shouldn't hit a woman back. But I think that if a woman thinks shes big enough to hit a man she should be hit back. I think that a man should only hit a woman in self defense. There are women out there that hit men when they get mad over something stupid and expect not to get hit back and sometimes they try to fight the man, while they expect him to do nothing but walk away. Im a woman and I think that if a woman hits a man she should be hit back. Just like if a man hits a woman for no reason she should hit him back. Im not saying that a woman should be beaten by a man though. Ive seen women hit men, bite scratch,threaten with a knife and chunk stuff at them. The man is supposed to sit there and take that? Most women arent as weak as people think they are.

Just wondering to see people's opinions...

If a man doesnt hit a woman back after she hits him, the next time they argue, she will try to fight and hit him, some women are vicious catty fighters..Im not saying she she get beaten

If a woman doesnt want to get hit by a man like Mike tyson, then she shouldnt hit him because shes mad, or over something stupid.

I'm a woman lol, just asking.

My cousin used to hit her ex. and he would never hit her back. the one time he did though, she never hit him again after that. Shes Grown up since then. If I was a man, I would treat her the same way as I would treat a man who comes up to me and hits me, I do not practice gender discrimination. but the point is everyone deserves to learn that lesson if theyre askin for it. Im not saying men should beat women, Im just saying she should get hit back.everyone who believes in genuine equality and responsibility should agree..
Men: if she comes up to you and hits you multiple times are you going to hit her back? cause that would be self-defense right? for someone strong like her

Women: Do you think if that woman attacked a man he has the right to hit her back?

No... a man never has the right to hit a woman. He has the right to stop her from hitting him, and most men are stronger than women and can hold them back. If not, a real man will walk away. If necessary, he needs to call the police and charge her with assault.

Now, to get to the heart of the matter...the woman in question needs anger management. She has the problem and if allowed to continue is only going to get more out of control.

It's a simple matter of setting boundaries. In the case of physical abuse...your rights stop about 12 inches from my body.

Jada

Q: me and my boyfriend had sex the other day, and it burned during it. like it almost burned/hurt inside me. i thought that maybe it was just cause i had gotten off my period that same day. but we did it again this morning, and it still hurt. could it maybe be that i'm getting used to sex again? cause we didnt do it for over a week..cause i was on my period. does anyone know why it kinda hurts to have sex?

There really are many possibilities but the only way to know positively is to see your OB/GYN. Tell them what you've told us and have it checked out right away.

Anytime you have any burning or discomfort you should have it checked.

Regards,
Jada

Q: I went out with this guy months ago and he is pretty mean to everyone. We only dated for a month, but I still miss him. How do I stop missing him?

Time is the only thing that heals wounds. Take the advice of the person who posted before me. Find things to do to keep yourself preoccupied. Spend time with friends, meet new guys.

You can always direct your heart in the way it should go but this guy doesn't sound like he's good for you or anyone else for that matter.

I think you need to turn your focus toward why you are so attached to someone you only knew for a short time who was 'mean to everyone.' There's something not right in that and you need to figure out what it is in him that you're so attracted to so that you don't fall for another wrong type of man.

Good luck,
Jada

Q: i'm starting to think i might be slighly bi. i love my boyfriend to death, and i know i could never go out with a girl. i couldn't even hook up with one. i don't even like hooking up with guys. but when i'm drunk with my girlfriends or something, i always end up kissing them. i heard that drunk actions are sober thoughts, but i don't think about kissing girls when i'm sober. and also, most of my friends know that i'll admit that i think boobs are pretty. i don't know why, but they just are, and i like having them. my friends also know i'll be the first to admit that girls are absolute bitches, myself included, and i'll never go out with one, like i said earlier. does it sound like i'm bi or what?

No... it doesn't sound to me like you're bisexual. It does sound to me like you need to tighen up on your drinking though.

I know it's fun to drink with your friends and act crazy but when you start kissing other girls...you're out of control.

Now before you start thinking I'm older and don't 'get' it, let me explain. If you're at a bar, and some other girl starts getting too drunk and is kissing all the guys in the bar...what is your impression of her? Think that over. I won't bother to tell you what I think because I feel most of you will agree with me.

Swapping spit with the same sex somehow became the 'in' thing to do when drunk. It's attention seeking behavior...period.

The bottom line is you need to get control of your drinking. When you start doing anything under the influence of alcohol that you wouldn't do sober, it only means that you've had too much. Get yourself in check and learn to drink within acceptable limits. In other words, don't drink until you're drunk. It's unattractive and won't lead to anything good.

I wish you well,
Jada

Q: My boyfriend and I were going through a rough period. He started talking to my best friend on msn and they had a very very flirtatious conversation including them discussing having sex, him telling her her naked body would turn him on, her dancing naked would be hot etc. He asked her intimate and leading questions. He hid this from me and she told me, I confronted him and he'd deleted the chat log, but I made him recover it and it's disgusting. Is this cheating?

Yes, it's cheating. It's emotional cheating and it's no less destructive than cheating physically.

You've received some great advice already and I concur.

This is where you put on your big girl panties, learn what self-respect, honor, dignity, and loyalty are all about, and learn to set appropriate boundaries for all involved.

Your boyfriend should be told that he crossed three boundaries that you cannot accept. One... he betrayed you and two... he betrayed you with your friend. The third was lying (omissions of the truth - lying) and trying to cover his tracks.
Tell him you're sorry but you can't accept that in a boyfriend. And end it.

Your friend is even worse because men may come and go but friends should always be there. This girl doesn't value your friendship, doesn't respect you, has no boundaries, no self-respect, and no loyalty. Tell her that. And end it with her.

In the future, pick your friends very carefully. The ones worth keeping are sometimes few and far between. But real friends understand that your man is off limits to her at all times.

This is a hard lesson to learn and one you won't forget but in the lesson you should come out on the other side knowing what a friend isn't...and making sure that you yourself never cross that line with someone and making sure that your friends understand that any failure on their part regarding loyalty to your friendship will result in a termination of your trust & companionship.

Best of luck to you,
Jada

Q: 19/F. This is the third time this week I'm crying myself to sleep :/

If it weren't for work or school...I'd have nothing to do! I just feel really sad. I have some friends and they're all nice people, but none of them "get me". I just don't feel a connection with any of them.

I'm a friendly person and I'm not socially awkward (promise). However, I'm not a super social person. I'd much rather hang around with a few people I already know then continuously meet random people. What can I do to change my situation?

You may or may not have a social disorder...that's something we can't tell you over the internet. The only way to know for sure is to seek medical attention.

It sounds to me like you may be a little bit shy around new people, which can be normal for some people.

Either way, here is my suggestion for you. You have work and school. Your current friends are quite cutting it. Sometimes that's just what happens as we grow up. You may have simply outgrown the friends you have at the moment and that's okay too. Find something that you have a passion for and volunteer in that area. It could be working with underprivileged children, terminal patients, the elderly, the homeless, an animal shelter, abused women...you get my drift. Find something new that you can really put something into of yourself and I believe you'll make some new friends along the way. Friends that do 'get' you and share some of the same ideas and passions in life.

The easiest way to get over feeling sad, depressed, or sorry for yourself is to find someone who is worse off and make it your mission to figure out how to help them. Making new friends in the process is an added benefit.

Good luck to you,
Jada

Q: Here's my issue! I was in love with this guy Angel for about 3 years! We had our up and downs and I moved on a couple months ago. With his bestfriend Paulo. I was prego from Paulo but I had a miscarrige. There's a BIG problem with me and Paulo though, He HATES me! I messed everything up between us. When we were together I made lots of mistakes with Angel because I was still kind of in love with angel! Paulo told me one night "how could I be with somebody that's having sex with my homie, my bestfriend, Angels like my brother" And I couldn't answer him. I always said "Ohh, that's just an excuse you don't wanna be with me that's the truth" And we left it like that! I don't have anything for Angel anymore, I finally moved on, but now I really like Paulo, I'm not in love but I do really like him! On July 10, Me and a couple other friends got drunk, and everybody was everywhere. Like 2 weeks later, my friend Audi tells me that she had sex with Paulo that night! I started crying! Right then I stopped and said I can't be with him! How could I be with somebody that had sex with one of my friends! That's when I realized he did mean it and it wasn't just an excuse! but now I messed things up between us and I don't know what to do! how do I fix things! the truth is I can't leave him alone, I can't, I need him! I tried being with other people and I can't! I think about him 24.7! I just want him! HELP!

You need to RUN...not walk in the opposite direction. Then you need to stop, breathe, and get a grip! None of you have any clear boundaries and until you do, your life is going to be one chaotic mess after another.

You didn't give yourself time to get over your first relationship before moving on to the second one. That was mistake number one. Then you had no appropriate boundaries in place to STOP you from sleeping with your bf's friend. Mistake number 2.

Your 2nd boyfriend also had no boundaries and slept with you...his friend's ex... a NO NO.

And now your gf also has no boundaries and slept with the guy that dumped you.

Here's the real deal. You don't sleep with your former bf's friends. You don't sleep with your gf's exes. Those are basic human DECENT rules. PERIOD. There are so many fish is the sea that breaking these rules is just ridiculous.

And the most important thing you need to do is stop being so needy that you can't function without a 'man.' Get your own life together first and THEN find a man who will bring moral character, respect, and love to the table. That's when you will see that this mess you call a life was NOT the answer.

Good luck,
Jada

Q: My bf doesnt really seem to be on point as far as being professional in the future i know i deserve better its not that i have a self esteem issue because i know i can get anyone i want so why is it so hard for me to leave my bf and find better, is love really that blind

Your question leads my mind to question you. You say that your boyfriend isn't on point but where are you? Are you on point? Have you done what it takes to become self sufficient and independent or are you planning on your boyfriend making arrangements for all of that and you're just going to ride his coat tail?

Frankly, I think you need to focus on yourself and your future. Once you know where you're headed and going in that direction, you will know whether this is the right guy for you or whether you need to move along.

Frankly, when I read your question, it isn't put together well, the sentences are run on sentences, etc. and I'm wondering... are you from another country? Is English your second language? If so, then I can understand why your question would be written poorly but if not then it seems to me that you are finding fault with someone else when you should be looking at your own abilities, or lack thereof.

What is it about you that makes you feel you deserve better? I'm not saying that you don't, but if you can't even write out a sentence correctly, I have to wonder where you get off critiquing others.

My advice to you is to work on you and let the rest will fall into place.

Good luck,
Jada

Q: so im 17 and my bf is 21 i thought i would end up having a happy life with hin but 4weeks ago he got arrested and he told me it was because he violated probation. even though he was locked up he called me every day and he asked me would i wait for him and i said i will because he is my future husband. so one day i wanted to see his mug shot so i googled his name and i found out the real reason why he was locked up was because he's a drug dealer.... now im feeling like i dont really know him any more and is this what i really want in my life. he dont know that i know the real reason why he's locked up im just waiting till he gets out to confront him. should i try to help him change or should i move on. i really dont want to leave him. i love him soooo much.

You know the answer to this question without asking it. If you are asking it in order to confirm what you know in your heart...that's okay.

This guy has no future for himself and cannot offer you one either. He was on probation, which is the courts way of giving him a second chance and he screwed that up already. On top of that, he hasn't been honest with you. And last but not least, you are under age! I realize you are only one itty bitty little year away from 18, but that isn't the point.

The point is that this guy doesn't respect the law, himself, or you.

You don't need to stick around to comfort him. What you need to do is stay in school, figure out where you are going to college, get your degree, and then know that you will never be dependent on a man for anything. That way, down the road when a loser comes into your life, you can look at them and smile knowingly, and leave them in your dust.

You are worth so much more than what this guy can ever give you... please don't sell yourself short!

Best regards,
Jada

Q: I've written a novel series that I'm attempting to get published. And well, I included a character like a person who I had a falling out with a while back, and well, I'm kinda taking this chance to tell this friend that I will still be their friend, regardless.

Bad idea, or good?

No, it's a bad idea. If you wish to mend fences with a former friend, the least you can do is talk to them about it face to face. Inserting that into a book would be an insult.

My opinion is that you should make contact with this former friend and arrange to have lunch, drinks, coffee, dinner or something social and take that opportunity to explain your feelings. That way, at the end of the meeting, you should know whether or not it's possible to mend the fence and move forward with this person or whether the chance for that to happen is behind you. Putting it in a book seems...juvenile, and I'm not trying to offend you.

Good luck,
Jada

Q: 20F.

So i'm not gonna get into detail or anything but last weekend I hooked up with this guy, whatever. Well now this week I have my period and we're all going to be partying tomorrow so before he tries fingering me or going down my pants how do I warn him that I have my period?? And will he be grossed out and not want to touch me or anything??

Anything will help :)

Hi... I am older and wiser than you, ; ) so I can say this lol... if you have had sex with a guy but you are uncomfortable letting him know that you are on your period, that can mean only one thing...you had sex with him WAY too soon!

Sex is the most intimate thing you can do with another person. If you aren't comfortable talking with them about something as simple and normal as being on your period, I think you've rushed the sex.

And if he's grossed out by something that every woman on the planet deals with on a monthly basis, he's not old enough or mature enough to be participating anyway.

Maybe this would be a good opportunity to slow things down and consider taking more time with a guy before giving yourself to him. That isn't a judgement...just something I think you should take into consideration.

Good luck whatever you decide!
Jada

Q: My husband left his facebook logged in and i looked at the messages. He sent messages to some woman he plays poker with. the first two were innocent. She said yeah I made my bed i have to lie in it. My husband responded with. "next time you make your bed and lie in it..invite me over". I yelled at him, told him i would leave. He plays poker with her on mondays and said he doesnt like her "that way" and was just flirting.. REALLY? he is very apologetic and sweet to me. We have been married 8 months. I am very attractive and this woman is the exact opposite of me . What the hell is going on!! where do I go from here. By the wasy he is a wonderful husband otherwise. Thanks..Kim

I hate to disagree with the other advice you have received here but I do. Your husband has no business talking to any other women that way on or off line. It's disrespectful to you and to your marriage.

Before I answered this question, I put myself in the position of the woman he was talking to and asked how I would have felt if that comment was made to me. I can tell you, I would take it as an open door.

Emotional infidelity is not acceptable as others would have you believe and when married, privacy is out the window. In my opinion, you have the right to view anything he does and he has the right to view anything you do. If memory serves me, part of your vows were that two are now joined as one. As long as no one is doing anything that needs to be hidden... no problem.

This may not be the most popular answer but it is the most honest one that I can give you. More than one marriage has gone awry over stupid crap that begins over the internet.

The bottom line here though is what you are willing to put up with. I for one, feel that I deserve better than that. I feel that you do to and most people will push the envelope to see just what they can and can't get away with.

My advice? Tell your husband in a respectful way that this type of behavior bothers you and is unacceptable. Let him know that you will respect him as your husband and you would appreciate the same from him. If the two of you can communicate about this issue and come to an understanding, with any luck at all you will enjoy a long and happy marriage, and not just one where you have 'learned' to put up with each other.

Best of luck to you,
Jada

Q: My boyfriend recently confided in me that he was raped by a 17yr old boy when he was just 4 years old.

Now I understand why he relies on pot to "help him" through his life.

It makes me so sad. He cannot get a job because he is illegal (not his fault). He cannot afford therapy. I am really worried about him....I want to be there for him and help him. Any suggestions? please..

Hi...I am sorry to hear this happened to your boyfriend as a child. It's horrible.

However, relying on pot to get through life, as you put it, is simply and excuse that he is using in order to bury his feelings about what happened to him and avoid dealing with it.

You need to stop feeling sorry for him and help him realize that this isn't going to go away on its own. What you call understanding, I call codependence and you need to stop doing that before you find yourself in a postition of needing help yourself.

He may not be able to afford therapy but he can go to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) or NA (Narcotics Anonymous) for free and they are everywhere. There he can find some help, a sponser, and the will to man up and realize that sometimes bad things happen to good people, but self medicating is not the solution.

Is he under age? I would normally suggest checking with Social Service who offer therapy for those who are uninsured but his status as a illegal may not support that.

As for you, you need to pick up a copy of the book, Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie and read it. If affordability is an issue for you, go to your local library and pick up a copy for free. You need to understand that you cannot fix this. It's up to him to seek help and if he doesn't, he will only bring you down.

Good luck,
Jada

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Southern girl...loves family, Rotties, beaches, mountains, and being outside!

If you don't like the answer...don't ask the question!

Girls like us don't come along often. Like us and you'll grow to love us. Hate us and you're just wasting your time. You can't beat us and you sure as hell can't join us...