about

advice

Whenever I'm alone, I keep thinking about how bad the world is and writing dark poems and stuff. Once I nearly cut my wrists with a sharp knife. Do you know any way to help me have a brighter outlook on the world? Thanks. -Elie

you could be less of a fag.
Get some friends.
Get a sex change, and get some bitches.


Or, you could just kill yourself and give everyone else a brighter outlook on life.

[view]

so the guy im going out with recently asked me if i was a virgin and i told him yes. Even though im not i really didnt want him thinking i sleep around with people because im only 16. i know im very young but yea. i dont know if i should tell him the truth or not

thanks

Tell him the truth while giving him a handjob.
He'll get confused.
and no one will care anymore.

[view]

Okay , this girl moved from another part of the town to the part i live in around last year . I was quite popular in school. I became friends with her because i thought she was sweet and friendly. But since last month ( or maybe even before that ,who knows?) she started backstabbing me , but still acted nice and sweet and oh-so-innocent in front of me .I have been busy for some time because of some commitments i have , so i didn't realise this until last week . None of my old friends talk to me as much as before , and now even when i sms my best guy friend , he'll talk about her smsing him at the same time .And it seems as though all of them like her more than they like me , and my best guy friend ( former ? ) he'll say stuff like :" oh , me and her and ___ and ___ and ___ are real close man " Without even including ME ! And if he wants to go somewhere he'll say :"if she goes , i'll go . " It turns out she's been saying stuff behind my back , and now , SHE'S where i used to be , with MY friends , and MY popularity .Even my crush seems to sorta like her , and pay attention to her like how he used to do with me . WHAT SHOULD I DO ?

Write a book.

Then brutally murder this girl.
Then write a book about that.

[view]

My boyfriend and I are celebrating our 2 year anniversary next month. Any ideas on what to get for him? I want to get him something nice and special, but he doesn't wear jewelry and he already has a really nice watch. What should I do?

give him sex.

The really naughty hardcore kind.

[view]

I know a girl, who i played soccer with and who was in 1st period with all year during school, and it seems like we have a lot in common. The only problem is that she is a senior, and i am a freshman. I've always been nice to her, being that she is an upperclassman, and she has always been nice to me. I think we could be really good friends, but i feel like something is holding both of us back. Could it be because of the age difference? If anyone wants to know more to answer the question better, comment me back.

touch her boobs.

[view]

Ok ive been going out with my boyfriend for about a month and 1/2 and i love him so much. I know it seems to soon for love but i have been his best friend for many years previous. Everything is going down hill and i dont know what to do. I care so much and i dont know where he stands. We never talk anymore and if we do it goes nowhere. Everyone tells me i should break it off but i cant i dont feel its right. Hes into my friends, and really pays no attention to me. its almost like he has gotten to comfortable.
What sould i do?

Make out with him, then tie him to a bed, then run off with his clothes.

[view]

I've read before that pink eyeshadow is not a good shade for your eye for some reason- is this true, and if so why?

It's not good because you look like a prostitute and random people will come up to you and punch you in the eye.
Therefore, it's not good for your eye.

[view]

f/13
ohk so i've gone out with many people b4 ... some were crushes, dares you know your typicall 12 -13 year old stuff only like one or two i really truly loved . yes loved i would do anything for them. i have had my heart broken a couple of times and i have broken a few ... but why is it that all a sudden i feel like love can be/ is such a scary thing ?

Because your parents hate you and they told you that there was a terrible monster that eats the spines of little girls like you and it's name is love.

Then of course they slapped you around a little.

[view]

ok so i just started using tampons and like when i put on in it feels like it falling out does that mean its not in all the way or is that just how it feels??

plz help ill rate high to anything thats not ignorant

It means you should take a hammer and slam it in there really hard.

[view]

OK, i am 14, and just going into highschool.I am going to an all girls school. I have never been boycrazy, i havent even gone out with a boy or anything. I do have a lot of friends who are guys. I really want a boyfriend, but going to an all girls highschool will make it harder. I am also an EXTREME tomboy, and i'm not really fat, just bulky and muscular. How do i get guys to like me? And what can i do to get a bf when im going to an all girls school? help me, i rate high!!

Become a lesbian.

[view]

KK well see my cousin is like older then i am and im 16 but i was wondering (i dunno wanna go search something incase my mom check history) or the links i go too. so i was wondering if you can tell me some symptoms about cocaine and stuff. shes alway wearing sun glasses and when there off her eyes are alway puffy... she`s really quiet and keeps to herself. she changing alot and its scaring me. why i got the cocaine idea was from her sister. she caught her doing something but wasnt sure. im really worry and i can say anyhting.. to no one. besides uses but its not like your gunna go and tell someone. please help me with this situation and how i can try to stop it from ruining her life.

Well, you could steal all of her cocaine, and eat it.
Which would prevent her from doing it.
Until she finds out that she can just buy more.

[view]

Ok,i have this friend Tina. I know tina id going to become friends with my other friend. I do not want them to be friends but i no they are going to become really close. Tina always puts me in the shadow and she gets all the attension. How can i except that Tina and my friend are going to be come close..and not care? Not feel sad and left out inside? Not feel missing and alone? How can i just be happy with everyone? please help

You should notice Tina is better than you.
Tina knows it, and your other friend knows it.

You know what would make you feel better?
Drinking the stuff under the sink.

[view]

I'm having a party tonight and i dont know what games we should play. Does anyone have any suggetions. Please no dirty suggestions b/c my parents will be home!!!

The "lets kill ourselves" game.
you can pretend your in a cult!

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
humorist-workshop
eXTReMe Tracker