I'm Abby, a 21-year-old college student with way too much time on her hands, thus resulting in my participation in sites like this. I'm currently a sophomore, and double majoring in Creative Writing and Psychology. My career goals are to make a living as a writer, and to work at Disney World. I have many random hobbies, such as reading, writing, listening to music, playing video games, watching anime, etc. I'm a huge nerd. I'm a tomboy, weird, and opinionated. I think that's about it.
As for this column, obviously it exists for me to give advice. I'm not the most qualified person in the world--I'll be the first person to admit that I've lived a rather sheltered life, and I'm not much of an expert on anything. (I'm one of those people who's read about everything, but hasn't actually experienced a damn thing.) But I like to think I've picked up at least a little bit of wisdom from the experiences I HAVE had, plus some knowledge from my endless curiosity. So if I can share that with somebody and help them out, then awesome, right?
Gender: Female
Location: Macon, Georgia
Member Since: December 30, 2006
Answers: 66
Last Update: January 7, 2010
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I'm 13, I have never had sex before and I'm not sure that I have ever even popped my cherry, just so you know.
One day I gave my boyfriend a hand job then he went in the bathroom and finished up. After he did that he washed his hands then came back and started fingering me. That month I got my period and it came on time but now I'm not feeling the greatest . And it's been like a month after that.
I was wondering could there be a chance that I'm pregnant ? someone please reply to this I'm freaking outttt. (link)
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You probably couldn't be pregnant anyway, because if he washed his hands after he finished there wouldn't have been any sperm on his hands. And since you got your period afterward, you're definitely not pregnant.
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Okay so I'm gonna be completley full out honest. I know how girls always say they think something is too big or small and apparently its normal but I really thing that the lips on my vagina are to big. Like I thought they should be pink and sometimes they are but other times they can be like a dark brown and I don't know why. I don't have sex and I never have. I'm 15 I'm 5'7 and I weigh 130 pounds. Its always been like that and yeah. Idk it really bothers me and I'm really insecure about it. Is there anyway to make them smaller ? Please helppp (link)
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I promise you, there's nothing wrong with your vagina. There's a LOT of girls that feel like their vaginal lips are too big--I used to be one of them--but it's perfectly normal. Vaginas come in all sizes, shapes, and colors. And if you're insecure because you're worried what a future partner might think about it, don't worry. Guys are nowhere near as picky about such things as we girls tend to think they are.
This site has a lot of info that might be comforting if you're concerned about such things: http://www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/clitoral_and_labial_size.htm
It DOES have explicit pictures of vaginas, so be forewarned. You might want to avoid it if that's going to make you uncomfortable. But it can be comforting to see some of what other women have, so you can realize how normal your own is. The same site also has a gallery elsewhere with a bunch of different pictures so you can see how much variety there really is in what's normal.
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I'm like bipolar about this. I love being in relationships and seem to always be looking for one that I think will last a long time but once I'm in one after about 3-4 weeks i get bored with the person and either dump them or end up cheating[I'm working on that though cause i know cheating is wrong]. When I'm single though i get very lonely after a while even if m talking to someone. Even now I've been single for about a month now and I'm lonely. I really do want i long relationship but I don't what usually happens to me to happen yet again.
advice please:) (link)
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The thing about love is that people expect it to be thrilling and passionate like it is in the beginning all the time, the way relationships are in movies. But real love isn't like that. And a lot of people, when the passion starts to fade a little and they start getting more comfortable in the relationship, they get bored and look for someone else they can feel that spark with. Which is really sad, because that's the point in the relationship where REAL love actually starts. And then people end up doing just exactly what you described, and jumping from person to person without ever staying with anyone because nobody can ever give them that "new love" feeling permanently.
Either it's that, or you're just not ready to settle down yet, in which case I would recommend dating around for a while without getting involved in anything serious until you're ready to commit. Hell, that might be a good idea anyway.
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My gf is worried because i was touching my penis and i know i didnt touch any juice on it but even if i did lets say if afterthat i fingered her and she is worried she might become pregnant after that? is that possible? (link)
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If you touched your penis and got semen on your hand and then fingered her, yes, she could be pregnant. It's not LIKELY--not as much as if you actually had unprotected intercourse--but it's definitely possible. If she ends up being late for her period, she should take a pregnancy test (you can't test before then and have an accurate answer). But chances are, if you know you didn't have any semen on your hand, you'll be fine.
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Help! I am 2 weeks late on my period.
I am never regular (and usually late) but this time especially, I am freaking out. I have not had sex since October, but I have done other things (in a safe manner) since my last period involving male body fluids. I am not on birth control.
In October, I had 2 periods and it was really weird. In November, I was on my period from around the 19th to the 24th. December has been super stressful for me because I have had college midterms and I found out my boyfriend of 2 years has cheated on me and I broke up with him.
Do you think I could be pregnant? Or what the chances are of becoming pregnant without having sex? I can't think of any reasons I could be pregnant. No fluids ever went inside of me.
Do you think it could have to do with doubling up on my period in October? Or the stress?
Exactly 1 year ago I had the same problem and skipped my December period all together.
I don't know what to think anymore and I'm very scared. (link)
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All things considered, you're probably not pregnant. If sperm hasn't come into contact with your vagina, then you can't be pregnant. As far as you being late on your period, since you've never been regular, I wouldn't worry about it TOO much. And it could definitely have something to do with how stressed out you've been. Stress can make you skip a period entirely. (And I'm very sorry to hear about your boyfriend, by the way. -hugs-)
With all that said, if you REALLY want to be sure so that you can stop freaking out, go buy a pregnancy test. You should be able to test now and get an accurate result. I really can't imagine that you would be pregnant, but if you go test, you'll know for sure and you won't have to stress out while you're waiting around for your period to come.
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hi :)
my hair is kind of short, it just about touches my shoulders. i really want to grow it to about where my ribcage ends in the front, you know what i mean? well anyway, i know that could take a couple years for it to grow that far itself, but what i wana know is what can i do to keep my hair heathly and what shampoos/conditioners can i use to maybe help it grow a little faster. thanksss (link)
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You don't want to get your hair cut, but do get just the very ends trimmed to help take care of split ends. A lot of salons are scissors-happy, so to avoid losing too much hair, you might want to get a friend or family member to trim your hair for you, or even do it yourself.
Especially once your hair gets longer, don't pile all your hair on top of your head when you're shampooing. Let it just hang down your back the entire time you're showering--it helps to avoid tangles and split ends. And never use a brush on your hair when it's wet, always use a comb. (Actually, I've had pretty good results sticking to a comb only even when my hair is dry.)
As far as what shampoo and conditioner to use, I don't know if there's anything that'll make it grow faster. All I can tell you is to experiment until you find products that work well for your hair. I've had pretty good luck with Pantene products, but your mileage may vary.
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so,i want my boyfriend to eat me out but i dont know how i should look "down there." im embarrased but i want to do it at the same time. (link)
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How you should look "down there" is exactly how you do look. Vaginas come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.
What exactly are you embarrassed about? Whatever it is, chances are he's not going to say or even think anything. Most guys are far, far less picky about things like boob size and the way vaginas look than girls tend to think.
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- f / 14
hey, so this is whats up.
this guys is into to me, & he likes me a lotttt but i just don't know at all how i feel about him, cause, i hung out with him tonight and he was hinting that he liked me and such and in my head i was like hm, i really don't know how i feel about this kid cause, i'm the type of girl who hooks-up with guys but. doesn't really want relationships.
& never likes to be tied down cause i feel it's too easy to get hurt that way, so we were in his car and he was on the phone with his friend who's house we were going to, and he was like yoo i'm with my girl and i was like ..... what. and i was like were best friends silly jokingly and he was like no i never said that, and i just ignored it and went on with the night and then we were at his friends house and he was like putting his arm around me and shit, and i was just like uhh. i don't know ! in my head. & he already asked me out in the past so i know he's into me a lot and he asked me out, and i said i don't know... and he wanted a yes or no answer and i couldn't give it to him. then later on that night after he dropped me off i texted him and i was like, are we hanging out tomorrow best friend? and he was like, listen. i'm not your friend i don't need a friend i need something more then that. & i didn't reply i don't know how to make up my mind i just don't what to do hes liked me for a while now, and i don't want to hurt him and leave him hanging i just don't know what to do, if were friends with benefits that would be weird for me i think because, i find if it doesn't work out as friend with benefits then it would just become award, so please help me i don't know how to make up my mind or what to do or say to him, i just don't wanna hurt him cause, i'm just not the type of girl to be tied down and he seems like he would tie me down. please help! (link)
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You know what you want to do. You don't want a relationship with the guy. So quit leaving him hanging and giving him false hope, because you're being cruel. Just tell him you don't want a relationship with him. It's not that difficult.
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Female-16
First of all, I have a pretty good relatonship with my mom. We can joke about stuff and get along well. Except when it comes to my clothing. She hates how I dress...skinny jeans, band tshirts, eyeliner, converse. It's the typical attire of a teenager today, right? She wants to dress me in leggings and dresses. I hate dresses and stuff like that. She sometimes makes me wear a dress and leggings when we go on an errand to walmart! She said to me twice already "I'm starting to question your sexuality." She obviously doesn't notice my crushes on rockstars and hockey players. I even have a boyfriend. I'm NOT gay.
What do I do/say to my mom to make her accept the way I want to dress? (link)
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You could try telling her that it's your choice how you want to dress, that you're old enough to pick out your own clothes, and that it doesn't have anything to do with your sexuality. Point out that most people your age are dressed much the same way, that a lot of women don't go around wearing dresses unless they're dressed up for something, and that you wouldn't have a boyfriend or get crushes on guys if you were a lesbian. And maybe try reminding her that SHE probably dressed in ways HER parents didn't particularly understand or approve of when she was your age.
In the end, though, there may not really be anything you can do or say to get her to accept it. It sucks and it's not really fair, but...sometimes parents aren't. All you can do is try to deal with it, keep dressing the way you want to, and hope that eventually she'll come around.
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Okay Well I Would like To Know What It Means When A Guy Eats You Out...And Thanks In Advance. (link)
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Eating out refers to oral sex, when someone pleasures a girl by using their mouth on her vagina. It's the female version of a blowjob.
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I've had an iPod video for a long time, and for christmas i got an iPod touch. I always have $100 Bose earphones, and i've had them since september. I've used my iTouch atleast once everyday since christmas, usually while running on the tredmill, but also in cars and stuff. everything was fine with my earphones,and i was using my bose earphones in my laptop to watch something. then i put them back in my iTouch and was listening to music, when i realized that music was only coming out of the right earphone, and the left earphone was almost compoletely silent. this has happened to me before, but eventually with both earphones, and i thought the problem was the bose earphones so i bought new ones. but now i wonder if my iPod is the problem? although the first time this happened i had an iPod video instead of an iTouch. what can i do to fix this on my own? i can't ask my parents to send it back to get repaired or take it to a store to get repaired because i'm already on my 2nd pair of bose headphones and they're soooo expensive, and also i JUST got my iTouch they would not get it fixed if i broke it ALREADY. so please someone tell me what i can do? thanks. (link)
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I've had that experience with a lot of earphones, of various brands, using them with an iPod, non-iPod MP3 player, just on my computer, etc. I honestly have no idea why it happens, but I don't think it's the iPod.
If you just got your headphones in September, they might still be under warranty. If they are, you should be able to send them back to Bose and get them fixed or replaced for free. If not, you might still be able to send them in, but they'll probably charge you something. (It might be cheaper than buying a new pair, though.) If all else fails, your only option is going to be buying a new pair of earphones.
And for the record, if the problem WAS your iPod, it would almost definitely still be under warranty. So you could send it to Apple and get it fixed for free. But I doubt there's anything wrong with your iPod, unless the earphones are working with your laptop but not the iPod.
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Hi,
I was looking at stuff online and was really surprised to find all this conflicting information on the effectiveness of condoms. My girlfriend doesn't take the pill so I've been using condoms.
She's not goin on the pill since she's from another country and only here temporarily. I only use the latex ones too.
So if I use non-outdated condoms, and put it on correctly and at the end it doesn't tare or anything and after inspecting it before throwing it away I see that no semen is leaking out somehow then shouldn't the chances of her getting pregnant be close to zero?! I hope so anyway...
I'd like to hear what others think about this.
Thanks a bunch- (link)
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Condoms used properly are supposed to be 98% effective. With "typical use," they're 85% effective. "Typical use" involves things like not using a condom every time there's genital contact, not using them at all (the whole "well, it's just one time, what'll it hurt" thing), not putting it on properly, etc. And of course, there's always the risk it'll break or slip off. But as long as you're doing everything right, they should be pretty effective.
Even so, like another answer said, it's always best to have a backup plan. Whether it involves adding in another form of birth control, getting some Plan B ahead of time, or whatever. That way, if you ever DO have a mishap, you'll be less freaked out because you'll already have it covered and know what to do.
(For comparison, a couple not using any birth control at all is 85-90% likely to get pregnant within a year. So even using condoms poorly, they're still pretty helpful when you think about it.)
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I have a crush who doesn't like me. He doesn't even talk to me. And I'm just too shy to talk to me. He is part of the "gang". And the gang makes fun of people, like me. My Crush won't even add me on facebook. Theres nothing really that I love about him, except that he's handsome. Not really handsome. But Joe Jonas is way handsomer. :) If my crush won't even talk to me, add me on facebook and be nice to me. Is he a good choice? Because I only like him because hes handsome. And I also want to stop liking him. There are other guys in my school who are kinder than him but not so handsome. Any ways I could stop liking him? Im really obsessed by the way. If I see a letter of his first name...I go crazy! I also tend to stare at him a lot (which was last year) but now I hardly look at him. I don't show that I like him. Just so he likes me more. But seriously I love him!! (link)
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I'm pretty sure you know the answer already. Not only does he act mean towards you and refuse to acknowledge your existence, but you even admit that you only like him because he's hot. It's perfectly normal to get crushes like that, but try to just look at it and treat it as what it is--a crush on a hottie--and not take it too seriously or obsess over it so much. I mean, look at it this way: would you rather have a hot guy who treats you like crap, or a not-quite-so-hot guy who treats you wonderfully? Looks aren't everything.
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i have a really hugh crush on this boy in the year above me in school and when i say huge i mean im in love with him. he knows i like him because my friend told him lol but hes got a girlfriend and at the moment it looks like this relationship will last quite a while. im not sure weather to just try and fogget about him wich would be hard because i see him in school and my sister is best mates with his sister and alwasy tells me storys about him, or should i just wait and see if they do breake up and then ask him out ? im really stook on what to do please help :( (link)
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As hard as it may be, the best thing to do is try to forget about him and move on. IF they do happen to break up and you still like the guy, go ahead and make a move on him. But don't count on that happening--just assume they'll stay together and try to move on with your life and find someone else. That's the only way that's really fair and will avoid people getting hurt. I know getting over someone you really like is hard, especially when you have to see them all the time, but you'll make it. Try to minimize the exposure you have to him, if you can--it'll help. Good luck. =)
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Ok yes i know i could figure it out by having sex but like that seems to risky and i've been on the pill for a few months, like 6 or 7 months maybe more but the thing is i didnt start using it for having sex, it was for my skin. So i havent really been very punctual about it. Sometimes a few hours off and every rare once in awhile i miss a day and just take two the next day but that happens rarely. My period is extremely regular i get it on the exact same day every month, if that'll help. I just wanna know if its safe for me to have sex without a condom or is it too risky? (link)
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Is it safe, not necessarily. Regardless of how well-protected against pregnancy you are, you're only protected against STDs if you're using a condom. Unless both you and your partner have been tested and you know for sure that you're both STD-free, then no, having sex without a condom isn't safe.
As far as being protected against pregnancy, however, you should be okay. If you really want to be sure and avoid worrying about it, go ahead and use a condom anyway. A condom and birth control pills together are far more effective than either one alone, and greater effectiveness is never a bad thing.
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Hi.. 14/f/120 pounds
How do I get the same type of body as Paris Hilton? I have thigh muscles from soccer and they are big, but I dont really like how they look.. Thanks (link)
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Paris Hilton is hideously ugly and anorexic. You don't want to look like her, stop buying into the media BS. I can't say for sure without knowing your height, but I would bet you're at a perfectly healthy weight. Stop worrying so much.
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ok well i am 13 ok n my bf iz older then me ok nd he keeps pressuring me into things what should i do? cuz like i have been goin out with him for awhile now n he iz like telling me wat to do n shit n its very confusing n on msn he keeps telling me to flash him n finger myself on cam ok nd i dont no wat to do about that either ok plzzz help me i dun no wat to do!!! (link)
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No one should ever be pressuring you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, especially since you're only 13. My honest opinion is that you should dump him. You can find someone better who will actually care about you enough to not pressure you into doing things you don't want to.
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how can i look prettttty.
i have blonde hair and blue eyes. (link)
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Makeup.
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19/F
Ok this seems long and soap-opera-ish but please bear with me. I’ve gotten rid of some of the details to make it shorter but please tell me if it isn’t clear enough. And please don't rant at me about being a cheating b**** or anything. I know I am a bad bad person. I just need you to tell me what to do.
Nate has always been the typical "rich bad boy" type. He gets a pack mentality when he is with his boys so he’s labeled an official ***hole. He's had a pretty bad past and when you get him alone, he’s different. He and I go a few years back when I wasn't into the party scene, and it got around that he "wanted" me. I shot that down and he gave up. I've been intrigued by him (i.e. had a crush on him) and we always used to exchange looks all the time at school and parties and I could feel the sizzles (but wasn’t sure it was mutual). Only last year did we start talking a bit inside and outside school. Then I finished school and didn’t see him.
In May, I met Blake. He’s ridiculously good-looking, the sweetest guy ever, and a cook. I didn’t think he was into me so I backed off then recently, Blake started showing interest in me and I was thrilled. We were perfect for each other, our life goals and views were the same, we had minor arguments sometimes, which ended with practically no resentment on either end, and we always made up quickly. It was the perfect relationship. I was still a virgin but he understood because he had only been with one chick (his year-long girlfriend in grade 11).
End of last year, Nate and I ended up at a party together. I was hammered out of my mind and we had sex in a bedroom. It was harsh to the point that he did it, shoved me away and left. I was broken after. Eventually, I told Blake and he was mostly sad for me and he did whatever he could to make me feel better. Including sex and it was just like the rest of our relationship, comfortable.
Then one day, Nate showed up at my house after I saw him at the mall and went home all shaken up. We had sex. We have had sex about five times now altogether. Usually it’s when I’m vunerable. It’s pretty much casual sex but it is explosive as in really really hot, stuff I thought didn’t exist outside novels. Blake and I haven’t even come close, even though there is some sizzle, it isn’t comparable. Told Blake once and he was mad but he came back and told me he’d still have me and he didn’t understand. Usually Nate just has sex with me and sticks around for a while and leaves but one time, he actually stayed after and kissed my face and stuff.
This is what confuses me. Blake and I are perfect for each other and it’s not a completely devoid of sexual drive either but when I’m with Nate, it feels right like it’s exactly where I belong.
I’m just so afraid of hurting Blake. I want to stay with him but at the same time, I feel like puking when I think about what a disgusting unfaithful slut I’m being. And I’m pretty sure Nate doesn’t want a relationship. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to look back twenty years from now and regret it. I know that bad boy’s can’t be tamed but I know his history and I kind of still ache for Nate but Blake is just perfect.
Help? (link)
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I haven't read everything other people have answered with, so forgive me if I'm repeating things you've been told before.
You already know that what you're doing is wrong, that much is obvious. So, I won't waste any time being judgmental. Thing is, you have GOT to just buck up and STOP doing this. All you're doing is hurting everyone who's involved.
Before you can do anything, you have to figure out what it is that you want--or, more correctly, WHO you want. It seems from what you've said that you have a great relationship with Blake, and maybe you'll end up deciding that's what you want to keep. He's certainly a very understanding and forgiving person--that's obvious from the fact that he's stuck by you throughout all this. On the other hand, maybe you'd rather have the passion you feel with Nate. And if that's what you want and what you're happy with, then by all means, go for it. To each their own, and you're going to end up hurting one or the other of the guys anyway.
Probably the best thing you could do would be to just be single for a while, until you figure things out and decide who it is that you really want. Until you know what you want and are willing to stick to it, don't be with Blake, and don't do anything with Nate. And if you DO decide to be with Blake, it's probably for the best if you just stop hanging out with Nate altogether. You obviously can't resist the temptation he presents, so if you want your relationship with Blake to work, you'll have to let him go.
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I like this guy who likes me back. Only problem is, he has a girlfriend. He cheated on her with me, and we were hooking up for a couple weeks. Then we talked about it all and he said "im confused, because i mean i love my girlfriend but then i see you, and i like you too. i dont think we should hook up until i know whats going on with her." so i left it at that. i was really upset for the next few days. we still talk, and i saw him the other night and he was standing behind me with his arms around me. little things he does makes me know he cares. but i dont know what to make of it. he tells me he misses me, and he was sad today when he said that he doesnt think i still like him because i dont call him or IM him all the time. i told him i dont want to be a pain. i miss him so much, and i know he misses me. but whats the deal..? sorry this is so long (link)
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The best thing you can do is tell this guy to #$*#(% off. I know you probably don't want to hear it, and I know it's hard to do. But the fact is, if he cares so little about the commitments he's made as to cheat on his girlfriend with you--not just once or twice, but for a couple weeks--then even if he DID break up with her and get together with you, there's no reason that he won't turn around and do the exact same thing to you. Take advice from someone who's been in a similar situation--you don't want to be "the other girl." Have more respect, both for his girlfriend and yourself, and just walk away from the whole situation. You can find someone better who WON'T cheat, on you or anyone else. Best of luck. =)
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