I am a 26-year-old wife and mother of two. I may be young but I have a well-rounded variety of life experiences. Some of that includes dealing with blended families, in-laws, parenting, and strange dreams. There are other topics I have a broad base of knowledge in and I will typically lean towards those more than others. They happen to be my favorite categories.
If you ask a question, the typical response time is within 24 hours.
**Please note that I am not a certified counselor. I am just an average lady who wishes to give you an honest opinion.**
Gender: Female
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
Age: 26
Member Since: November 18, 2006
Answers: 35
Last Update: April 2, 2007
Visitors: 4055
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Vikki27
Erronius
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Should it be a red flag if your bf was calm one minute and then the next he was flying of the handle? My bf for no reason a couple of nights ago just yelled "you're not listening to me"! Another time he stuck his face in mine and yelled "I'm SO sorry". This is because I told him I wanted to leave a party that his friends were being jerks at. It kind of scares me how he can switch from charming to beast like that. He lately has been critzizing everything I do and making me feel like crap. In the beginning he was so polite and charming and sensitive that's what made me fall in love with him. But now I'm mostly seeing a monster. I've heard stories about how he treated some of his ex gf's. One said he was constantly calling her stupid and yelling at her too. What should I do? (link)
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He has a past of treating the ones he 'loves' poorly. He has treated you poorly on several occasions.
This is not the makings of a healthy relationship, not at all.
His problem is one that you cannot control or change, no matter how much 'therapy' or convincing you try, he has to be the one to make that choice, and by looking at his past, he is not willing to do that.
If you stay with this guy, you will continue to suffer and he will continue to berate you. This is not something any woman should hope for or want. What you deserve is a solid, stable, and loving relationship, and honey, he's just not able to give you that.
Please do not convince yourself that you can change him. The one glaring truth is that he doesn't care enough about you to even treat you with respect. If he truly cared about you he wouldn't even consider saying or doing any of those things. These are his issues, don't make them yours. There are other, more suitable men to spend your days with sweetie.
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I have a brother who is in college. He is 3 years older than me. We used to be really close, but now he has a girlfriend and I barely get to see him anymore. We used to talk like all night but now all he wants to do is hang out with her. On my birthday we went on vacation and he didnt say happy birthday or anything but the first thing he did was buy his girlfriend a present. Now whenever I see them I just start acting really mean and stuff. I dont mean to, but I just get mad because I used to be able to talk to him so easily. I know im just jealous, but I really wish I could spend more time with him. Is there any way for me to get over my jealousy? Im worried his gf thinks im really rude and stuff. But I honestly dont mean to act that way. Please help!!! (link)
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First and foremost, apologize, to both of them, for your past bad behavior. It will show that you are ready to work on making things right. It is not the girl's fault your brother spends his time with her, it is his choice after all. Don't displace your anger for your brother onto her shoulders.
This can be a very confusing time for a little sister when an older sibling 'outgrows' the relationship.
It is okay to feel a little rejected, but one thing to remember here is that he is not doing it to deliberately hurt you, so try not to take it so personally. As the two of you get older, your lives will change and you will naturally want more time away from each other. Eventually you will also find somebody and will want to start 'settling down' and make a new life for yourself.
For now, he is spending time with somebody new, somebody he cares for very much. He may not mean to be distancing himself from you, but, in a way, it is necessary for him to be able to build up his relationship with this girl, especially if he is 'serious' about her.
If you miss him, invite him (or both of them) over to your house or out to lunch or dinner once in a while. Keep communicating with him. Even if he stops dating this girl, his relationship with you will never be the same as it was when you were younger. This is because you are both 'growing up'.
It is OK to be angry with him for forgetting your birthday and for inadvertently slighting you (I honestly don't think he did it intentionally to hurt you), but it is also OK to forgive him.
It is NEVER OK to use that anger as a tool against him or his girlfriend, or to try to manipulate him to be somebody he is not anymore. You can still be friends with him and even close to him, but try to remember that your relationship with him has evolved now, and if you can accept it and make the most of it, then you two will have a healthy sibling friendship for many years to come.
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Well over this past summer, i walked in a lot on my dad watching porn and using a webcam.. wouldnt a webcam be considered cheeting for the most part? Anyways, he's always at work, and he's always at meetings. After i had accidently wakled in on him this summer and gone through the thoughts of omg he might be cheeting on my mom what do i do, he completely changed for awhile. He acted soooooooo soo weird, it was scary. I could honestly say i didnt feel safe around him and i felt like he was hiding something. Well anyways, my mom works nights.. and like 97% of the time those are the nights my dad has outta town meetings. Every year he has a work christmas party and usually the spouses and sometimes family go too..this year it was just the workers. So he gets home last night from it at 3am, drunk as helll... and this morning, hes acted so weird. im scared, i just dont know what to believe and what not to believe. what should i do... (link)
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If you have a good relationship with your mom, tell her. Focus mainly on how it makes you FEEL and how your Dad's actions are creeping you out. Those are the most important issues here, that you feel insecure around your dad.
Also make sure you have a backup, some other adult you can go to for help, like a guidance counselor or a teacher. If this is causing you emotional distress, then you need to discuss it with somebody. I recommend not going to your dad right now because he has already made you insecure enough to feel 'weirded out'. Talk to him WITH your mom or another adult.
I wish you good luck sweetie.
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Hi, I'm only 17 years old, but throughout my life I've been fascinated with the Jewish culture and religion. My family doesn't really have a religion, although we always observe christian holidays such as Christmas and Easter, mostly because of tradition and the town we live in. My Uncle is Jewish, so my cousins are, but they don't really practice much of the faith except around their gradnparents. Is it weird that I want to convert to Judaism? Is it possible? If so,how would I go about doing that? Can you be Jewish without being of Jewish descent? (link)
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If you are curious, I would encourage you to visit a local synagogue if there is one. They are usually very gracious with visitors and will help you learn as much as you want to know.
It IS possible to convert if you are willing enough, however, it is not something to be taken lightly. There will be classes to go through at the synagogue and you will need to worship on a regular basis to remain an active member.
For more information, try Judaism 101 at:
http://www.jewfaq.org/
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how long do you think a perfect sex should last,and please don't answer "as long as it should",i mean some girls say 30 min some say 20 min at lesat.and what is your ideal sex time?or what was the shortest sex period you had?
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My personal answer is "as long as it takes to please the both of you." Read on...
If you finish too soon (before she does), obviously you enjoyed yourself, but did your partner? If not, then you might as well have masturbated instead, or asked her for oral. Most women can climax between 10-20 minutes on average. Some sooner, some much later, the average among me and my girls is 15 minutes (to climax).
My 'ideal' is long enough to enjoy the sensations, and not too long that I get bored and/or overstimulated. For the majority of women I know, it is between 20-30 minutes, not including foreplay (which should last long enough to get your partner 'wet', and to that, do not put a time limit on it).
The important part is that you make the experience something pleasant and erotic, and not just a 'chore' or something that has to be finished in a certain amount of time. Mindless pumping, no matter how long it lasts, is not worth the orgasm, in my opinion. Petting, touching, kissing, and so on should continue while you are inside.
The amount of time you spend on sex is not nearly as important as the amount of pleasure the both of you experience.
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My mom says I can't cook, but I want to prove her wrong by cooking a good meal. Can someone give me an easy meal to cook?(directions included) (link)
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Here is one of my favorite 'simple' recipes. It takes a few hours, but the effort only takes five minutes. The hours part is the actually 'cooking' .
What you need:
Four chicken breast, boneless/skinless, thawed
Eight pieces of Bacon
One bottle of Balsamic Vinagrette Dressing
Five pieces of aluminum foil (four that can wrap the chicken in, and one to put veggies in.)
2 cups fresh, raw, veggies, like brocolli, corn on the cob (two cobs), baby carrots, or shelled peas.
Nonstick cooking spray.
two ice cubes
a frying pan
a casserole or pie pan.
First, put a 10 inch frying pan on the stove, spray with cooking spray. Turn the burner to MEDIUM heat (on a gas burner, the flame is halfway turned on). Let the pan warm up for a minute, then place the chicken in. Only leave the chicken there for 1 minute, then flip and count two minutes. No longer, you just want to slightly cook the outside (should look white).
Put each piece of chicken on a seperate piece of foil, cover with some of the dressing, and wrap tightly. Place in the pie pan.
Take the raw veggies and rinse them and cut them into fork-sized pieces. Place them and two ice cubes in the last piece of foil, then into the pan on TOP of the chicken.
Place all into the oven and cook at 250* F (not sure what that is Celcius) for two hours, then turn it to up 350* for one hour.
You can do this with any dressing you want, really. One thing I do as well is add some of the grinders seasoning. McCormick makes Italian and Steakhouse Grinders. You grind the spices right onto the chicken as they are in the frying pan.
Whoops! I edited to add 2 cups of veggies instead of one.
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I have a cooking problem.
What is the difference between soda crackers and saltines?
If you have an old recipe that calls for "Soda Crackers," can you use regular old everyday Saltine crackers?
Thanks! (link)
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I have heard they are the same, as granny said, and I have also considered the 'oyster' crackers to be 'soda crackers'. If you don't know what those are, look for a bag of small octagon shaped saltines (they are nickel-sized) at the grocery store.
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-- I'm currently 32 years of age.
-- Obviously, a female.
-- I have a cup size of AA.
-- I am very embarrassed.
-- And this is where you fall into place.
-- I need an IN-HOME REMEDY or MAKE YOURSELF
CREAM or something to increase my cup size.
-- Buying something is not an option.
-- Thanks in advance.
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Most people do not greet others by judging their breast size, and if they do, then they are extremely shallow people that do not deserve your time or friendship. If you are worried that the opposite sex will think less of you because of your chest, don't. Men like breast of all shapes and sizes. According to my husband, it is not the breat itself, but watching the woman react when they are touched, that excites the man.
Also, men base their feelings of you not on your body or their own lust level, but on your personality and compatability. You want a man who will stay by you even after your skin wrinkles and your teeth fall out because he loves you.
If you are just wanting this for yourself or for higher social status, then I can understand. However, why do you think bigger breasts will make you 'better'? The most they will ever do for you is attract more attention (a lot of that will be negative too), and there are far more effective ways to achieve this. Recognition and affirmation should come in response to your personality and attitude, not your physical appearance.
Sure, being asthetically pleasing is desirable, but you don't need knockout boobs to gain status as a 'hot chick'. Dress up the ones you got by wearing low cut tops and tight shirts.
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I am 20 years old an i am engaged to my wounderful boyfriend of 2 years..i recelty found out that this month he has been poking holes the size of tumb tacks in our condums.. i was woundering if there was a chance i am now pregnant...and what should i do..he dose not know that i found out???? i want kids i am just scared that we are not ready (link)
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Vikki said it beautifully, listen to her, it is great advice hon.
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I'm on Depo Provera, the birth control injection, and I started spotting today. I know it's supposed to happen, but does it continue for long? Is it going to get heavy? If anyone has experience with this, please let me know, because I want to see my boyfriend tomorrow. (link)
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No two people will experience the same symptoms while on Depo Provera. Did the doctor or pharmacist give you an information sheet on the side effects?
It is typical to spot during the first 3-6 months, and in some cases, up to a year. The majority of women who take Depo will experience 'ammenhorea', or, the absence of a period altogether. If you are spotting between periods, look at the color of the discharge. A dark red or brown is typical, but if it is bright red or clots when you are not schedule to menstruate, talk to your doctor. Also, call your doctor immediately if you experience sudden severe cramps, pain or swelling at the injection site, or unusually heavy discharge (more than one tampon or super absorbant pad in an hour).
Depo has also been rumored to cause weight gain and mood changes as well (such as depression), and after you stop taking it, it can take up to a year to return to your natural cycle.
In case you are wondering, I took depo for four years in between pregnancies, and again for a year after my youngest was born. I did experience light spotting the first year both times (in place of a 'real' period), and then the absence of a period.
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I've always been a very conservative girl when it comes to sex. I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend months ago & recently we broke up. He played games with me afterwards and me being lovestruck, gave in and we had sex. He broke it off again, then came crawling back and me being stupid, had sex with him again. I feel like a complete slut; he played me both times, and now I'm left with a bigger broken heart. I'm never that stupid, but something came over me and now I feel like he totally used me and I can't rid myself of this horrible feeling. I used to be a good girl with her head straight and now I'm so mad at myself. How can I get over this? (17/F) (link)
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No, no, NO, you are not a slut. As another advisor said, this is a label reserved for those who have sex for the sake of having sex and are indiscriminate about whom they do it with.
You, on the other hand, had a natural and genuine attachment to this boy and made a few honest mistakes. That is all they were, mistakes. Everybody makes them, and it is OK.
You have already learned a valuable lesson the hard way, that boys will manipulate girls to get them to have sex with them. Take this lesson to heart. You are already wiser now for having made this mistake, and strong enough to prevent it from happening again with this boy. :)
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Okay, well, I used to have a boyfriend (let's call him Nick), but we broke up about a week ago. Now, we are just really good friends. But, a couple days ago, Nick invited me over his house to watch a movie with some other friends. During the movie, he started getting close to me, and he hugged me when I was crying (for the movie). Then, while he was hugging me, he touched my ass, and started kissing me. Finally, he told me to go into his bedroom. Knowing me, I was so gulliable, and I went. We started making out on the bed. Finally, he took out a condom, and we started having sex. During it, we stopped for a couple mintutes when I hesitated. Some how, we fell asleep, and the next morning, I woke up, but it wasn't him! It was his friend, Steve! I went to the other room to tell Nick what happened, but Steve acted like nothing happened, and denied it. What should I do? (link)
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You knowingly and willingly engaged in sexual contact with Nick, and he stopped when you asked him to, right? He didn't rape you. What concerns me also was that you fell asleep almost soon after and then woke up next to somebody different.
At some point Nick woke up and moved into the other room, and you did not wake up when this happened. How or why Steve joined you is the part the bothers me. You did not give Steve permission to join you, so he did violate a boundary there. But Nick, being that this was HIS house, allowed it to happen. This is not normal behavior from somebody that is supposed to care about you. This means that Nick is really NOT your friend, at all, and you cannot depend on him to act like one.
Unless you had a rape kit done, you can't say whether or not Steve did anything but sleep (and I don't mean have sex) with you. If you feel that Steve did something wrong, file a police report against him.
And for your own sake, sweetie, keep a large distance between you and the BOTH of them. Neither of them deserve your company at this point, and it will not benefit you to associate with them anymore.
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me and my boyfriend are both virgins. we tried having sex the other day but it hurt way too much so i stopped him. i know its supposed to hurt ur first time but is there any way to decrease the pain.. or should i just stick it out? (link)
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First and foremost, before you have sex again, make sure you are practicing safe sex.
The biggest causes of pain during sex is tightening of the muscles in your body and insufficient lubrication. The body will tense up when you are nervous, and being that you both are new to having sex, there is a lot to be nervous about. First of all, relax. Take a few deeps breaths and make sure you are not so tense when you begin.
Before he can enter you, make sure you are sufficiently lubricated. To do this naturally, have him engage you in more foreplay. Breastplay and kissing you softly on the ears, neck and stomach also work well, so long as it is not too soft that it tickles you. Soft music in the background helps if you can do that too. Go slow. Massage your inner thighs from the knees to the groin, but not touching the groin, also helps relax you. Don't forget about doing things for him as well. Let your hands wander, kiss him, explore his body, and even feel free to lightly rub his naked penis. You might be surprised at how this works for both of you.
When you first start out having sex, foreplay should last until you are 'wet'. If you are in a hurry, try some KY liquid. I prefer the warming kind. The jelly can be ice cold, so stay away from that if you can.
If you are using condoms, make sure you are buying the lubricated kind, some of the come with extra lubricant designed to enhance pleasure in both partners.
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Not sure if what I am experiencing is mental or spiritual.
OK, I am not depressed. I have been treated for that in the past. So I know what depression is like, this is not it. I have a decent job, a great family and no real problems. I am an easygoing person who loves everyone.
Here's my story:
My family and I were waiting at a stoplight when suddenly out of no where I got this powerful urge to cry. I tried to fight it, I had nothing to cry about. As we sat there at the light waiting, an ambulance appeared in the distance. It was in front of us, heading our direction fast. The closer the ambulance got the stronger the uge to cry became. By the time the ambulance had reached us, I could not fight it anymore. I was quietly crying when my boyfriend noticed and became concerned. He asked me what was wrong and all I could say was "I don't know." It wasn't just the urge to cry. I had an overwelming feeling of deep sadness as the ambulance passed. I didn't feel like myself. I felt lost and extremely confused.
I think I may have even blacked out for a few seconds. Everything went blurry and my body felt limp.
Our light turned green after the ambulance passed.
As the distance between us and the ambulance grew the feeling faded. Before 10 minutes had passed I no longer had the urge to cry. I was able to sit up in my chair and see clearly. The emotional heavyness that hit me so fast, was gone just as fast. Afterwords I felt drained, exhausted and emotionally raped.
This does not happen every time an ambulance gets near me. Just sometimes. Never had one quite so strong before. When I am next to someone at the store or workplace, no where in particular. I feel as if I know how they are feeling. The stronger the emotion the more sure I am of the feeling. Sometimes, I think I can tell what an animal is feeling. Not what they are thinking, but how they are feeling emotionally.
Could this be real?
I cannot run everytime an ambulance passes me. Although the thought has crossed my mind. I hate the feeling of being emotionally raped.
Is this a question for the mental health section?
Thanks for letting me ramble. I am open to any advice you have.
Thanks,
Tammy-AKA hnstymtrs
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You might have been responding to a subconcious trigger upon seeing the ambulance. What I mean is, if something negative happened in your past that is related to hospitals, accidents, or emergencies, it is a very real possibility that seeing and hearing the ambulance triggered the response you had in a way much like those who suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome respond to reminders of their past.
Also, the presence of an ambulance in our society rarely brings good news, as a medical urgency always precedes the need for the ambulance. Those who have had depression in the past (I have had and been treated for this as well) tend to have a heightened awareness of our emotions, good and bad. In some cases, one cannot help but 'feel' for the victim we know is out there, and as a result, it is very easy to experience the uncontrollable urge to let our emotions overtake us.
Or, and this is just a silly wild theory, you are a psychic empath and can pick up on the emotions of others, but there really is no way to prove this. However, if you experience these things more often in a variety of situations and do not again receive a diagnosis of depression, then it woudl be something to consider.
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Does anyone know of any good deism or "natural religion" websites or books? (link)
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If you type 'deism' into google, you can actually be overwhelmed by the sheer volume of sites connected with deism and natural religion.
The following is a site that is mostly from reference standpoint:
http://www.experiencefestival.com/natural_religion
While these sites are geared more towards internet-based community discussions:
http://www.positivedeism.com/
http://www.dynamicdeism.org/forum/phpBB2/index.php
As for books, really the best bet is to head to your local book store and sift through their 'religion' section. The larger stores (Barnes & Noble) have more selections to review. If you can't get out of the house, a friendly book site like Amazon can help you sort through a plethora of titles, which offers customer ratings and reviews at the same time.
For example, I managed to find this book on deism that has excellent (five stars) reader reviews:
Dialogues Concerning Natural Religion (do a search in the amazon search toolbar)
The key is to sort the results by 'Avg. Customer Review". Once you find a book that interests you, either purchase it from the website, or write down the title and head to the nearest book store or library.
Edited to add you may need to copy/paste the URLs to your browser address bar.
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