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ex boyfriend, stupid games, slut.
I've always been a very conservative girl when it comes to sex. I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend months ago & recently we broke up. He played games with me afterwards and me being lovestruck, gave in and we had sex. He broke it off again, then came crawling back and me being stupid, had sex with him again. I feel like a complete slut; he played me both times, and now I'm left with a bigger broken heart. I'm never that stupid, but something came over me and now I feel like he totally used me and I can't rid myself of this horrible feeling. I used to be a good girl with her head straight and now I'm so mad at myself. How can I get over this? (17/F)
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Oh, sweetie, you're not a slut, as the other advice givers said. You've only had sexual intercourse with one person whom you loved. In no way does that make you a 'slut.'
How CAN you get over this? By all means, continue to be conservative and selective. Of course you're still hurting - you feel ashamed at having given in to sexual intercourse when you didn't really want to - maybe you wanted affection, but not sex? Maybe you wanted closure on the relationship? Of course it hurts to know that someone you trusted and loved didn't treat you in the way you deserve. You're human, sweetie, we all make mistakes like this - I don't think you're unusual at all.
Don't let this experience sour you in relationships. Have fun, date, etc., but stay true to yourself and the boundaries you've set for yourself. Not all guys are like your ex-boyfriend. Really. They're not. If you don't want to have sex, don't. No guy will pressure you to have sex with him if he truly cares for you.
Hopefully,
Cavatica
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No, no, NO, you are not a slut. As another advisor said, this is a label reserved for those who have sex for the sake of having sex and are indiscriminate about whom they do it with.
You, on the other hand, had a natural and genuine attachment to this boy and made a few honest mistakes. That is all they were, mistakes. Everybody makes them, and it is OK.
You have already learned a valuable lesson the hard way, that boys will manipulate girls to get them to have sex with them. Take this lesson to heart. You are already wiser now for having made this mistake, and strong enough to prevent it from happening again with this boy. :)
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Being used and being too trusting does not make you a slut, just regretful. Learn from this mistake, that is all any of us can do, and we all make mistakes! What came over you was typical female feelings of attachement after being sexually involved. Guys can have sex with no emotional attachment, and gals for the most part cannot. This is not just my opinion, or psychological, but biological and scientifically proven by the hormones that releas oxytocin in the female brain during and after sex oxytocin which makes females feel more attached to the male. The guys don't have these hormones like we do! Women are full of hormones affecting us all our lives, so we have had to learn to be smarter than the guys and our hormones!!! Forgive yourself for making a mistake that was almost impossible not to make, and learn from it now, while you are young and able to avoid a million other mistakes of the same kind. You will save yourself much heartbreak and risk of STDs and pregnancy, if you can decide now to take control of your body. You are still a good girl, and the slut label needs to be thrown back at that ex-boyfriend, because he is the one who sleeps around without caring about the person. Better to let the anger and self-judgement go, and just hold onto the lesson learned. You are a wiser woman now!!!
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First of all, you're not a slut. Technically, this is a term reserved for girls who have sex with a lot of different guys she doesn't care about.
However, it does sound as though you suffer from low self esteem and it's this that is keeping you from being able to say NO to this guy and you need to overcome this. Perhaps the first time you slept with him after he dumped you, you could be forgiven for thinking he cared about you again, but once burned twice shy and if you really believed you deserved better, you wouldn't have said yes a second time.
The problem is, he is unattainable but he's showing an interest in you and that makes you feel good about yourself. You think maybe he cares about you and that maybe you couldn't do better and you don't say no. Now that you are aware of how big a problem this is, hopefully next time, you'll be able to turn him down. He's got you wrapped round his little finger at the moment and you need to unravel yourself!! Next time he comes crawling, tell him that you're over him and unless he's interested in a proper relationship. If he says this is what he wants, MAKE HIM WAIT! Give him at least a month before you sleep with him. It's as simple as that. Just don't do it.
You sound like a nice girl who's just made a mistake. Now you know you've made it, you know how to fix it. In the meantime, work on your self esteem. You deserve better and he deserves worse, so go out and find a guy who will treat you with the respect you deserve and help build your confidence, rather than knock it.
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aww im sorry he was so horrible to you..you have to forgive yourself. if you dont forgive yourself..you will be miserable. just forgive yourself..let it go because it is in the past..and take it as a learning experience..in the future you will be stronger and wiser. this was a horrible situation..but in the end you are now a stronger woman. take the good with the bad.
with time it will get easier i promise.
try not to think about it so much..get out with your friends and move on..and like i said..learn from your past because life is a learning experience.
i hope i helped a little bit
<33 meliss
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