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My prince turned into a frog- what should I do?
Should it be a red flag if your bf was calm one minute and then the next he was flying of the handle? My bf for no reason a couple of nights ago just yelled "you're not listening to me"! Another time he stuck his face in mine and yelled "I'm SO sorry". This is because I told him I wanted to leave a party that his friends were being jerks at. It kind of scares me how he can switch from charming to beast like that. He lately has been critzizing everything I do and making me feel like crap. In the beginning he was so polite and charming and sensitive that's what made me fall in love with him. But now I'm mostly seeing a monster. I've heard stories about how he treated some of his ex gf's. One said he was constantly calling her stupid and yelling at her too. What should I do?
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Why do chicks dig jerks?
Copyright © 1996 Drew Mcpherson
The human condition promotes learning through trial and error; it is a fatiguing and often frustrating means of education. Women are excellent teachers of the bitter lesson that being a nice guy does not get a man laid. An "average" guy (who is often the one most capable of love and trust) is routinely brushed off as a "loser", and passed over for an abusive jerk who screeches up in a Porsche, scores, and disappears. So in a woman's mind, if a man is nice, he's weak. The nice guy wanders through life in a state of psychic castration, his heart scarred by the talons of female avarice and flawed psychology. He is a poor fool who has listened too literally to the women who lie that what they want from men is adoration and understanding. He has not suffered enough trial and error to lay bare the clandestine agendas of the female gender. So the nice guy has to settle for the vicarious company of flirting with a photo in a magazine delivered in a plain brown wrapper. But what of the "bad boy" phenomenon? Every man knows, or has seen in action, that the more he abuses women, the more successful he will be in attracting them; and the nicer he is, the more likely he will wind up as a "friend". But most men are socialized to cultivate harmony, not discord, and so they refuse to participate in such pathology. Most men are nice guys, who have no interest in acting like jerks to women. Logic would suggest that a woman would want to avoid being brutalized, so why then does she so lustfully climb up on the back of a Harley, instead of, as usual, wait for a limo to appear? The answer has to be unraveled from the tangled mess of feminine psychology. What a woman really wants is a rich bastard who turns out in the end to be a nice guy-he is the storybook hero of her novels and soap operas. But she will settle-for the short term, at least-for a poor thug who can offer her excitement. In her muddled vision of the world, she equates abusive behavior with earning power, because she assumes that television and the movies actually mirror reality, so that successful men are always conniving, ruthless, and underhanded. Bad boys are untamed and reckless and charged with sexuality. They are a "challenge" (meaning that they don't instantly fall prey to her Pussy Power). Flexing their Neanderthal biceps they are apt to drag her off to the nearest cave, and she can feel-for once-powerless in their grip, a rape fantasy come to life. A woman's hormone-driven "logic" will equate excitement with money, at least until she tires of eating at taco joints. She glories in the sensation of raw adventure-it is the same thrill which ripples through her when a rich boyfriend pampers her and indulges her every whim. For as long as she dallies with the bad boy-and it will be brief because his budget is in his pants-she can afford to let herself be wild, to experience unfettered humanity, to freely express her sexuality as nature intended. For a few racing heartbeats she will cease to be a whore and become a human being. And when the fling is over, her "morality" has not been compromised in any way-she can reconstruct her delusional self-image by accusing the bad boy of abusing her.
The average woman is a spoiled child, a selfish and arrogant bundle of desires, raised to be a rapacious taker from men. By the age of 5 or 6 a little girl has learned to scramble up onto Daddy's lap and to manipulate him with flowing tears or a sly look or a downturned face. He responds by taking care of her every need. Daddy is only nobly trying to insulate his little girl from what he knows to be a hard world, but unfortunately he's green-lighting her future as an abuser of men. She has already begun to grasp the raw power of her femininity-by acting "female" she can get anything she wants from a man. For some reason these tactics don't seem to work very well on Mommy, so she understands that her power draws its energy from the opposite gender. By the time her breasts begin to swell and her figure rounds into soft curves, she's discovered exactly how this power works. She is well aware of the effect she has on the boys around her, how much they seem to lust after her ripening body. The more they want her, the more she realizes the value of her commodity. She exults in her new-found strength, sensing its awesome potential, and even chuckles haughtily to herself at the boys who ogle her when she wiggles by. She understands that she is in control-this is something she can use to her advantage. It is the birth of an attitude which will ruin normal relationships with men for the rest of her life.
Meanwhile, Mom and Church, witnessing the verge of her womanhood, begin to instruct her to withhold sex, sermonizing that her body is a "gift" which she must save to give to "someone special". But it's too late. She's already learned that it's not a gift, but stock in trade-boys are waiting in line to bring her presents and compete for her attention. She really doesn't understand what all the fuss is about, why they are so intent on "getting into her pants". She has already assimilated the knowledge that her body is a tool, to be used for gain, not pleasure. Her mother continually warns her that "nice girls don't", and the more she holds out, the bigger the pile of presents grows. She doesn't realize that "nice girls don't" is just a euphemism for dishonest prostitution; that as she flirts and sticks out her breasts and wears sexually provocative clothing she is exchanging the promise of sex for gifts (money). And Mom is frantic to make sure that she remains a "good girl" (dishonest whore), so she teaches her that if a boy really likes you, he'll: take you out (spend money on you); date you exclusively (he's willing to let you train him, and he won't be wasting the resources he could be giving to you on other girls); and not demand sex in return (play the game by your rules, so that you can extort as much money as possible from him without obligation before surrendering your "gift", if you do at all). Mom is teaching her that for women, love is power; for men, it is enslavement. The greater a man's sexual needs, the more obedient he will be forced to become. If she manages her "gift" astutely, the payoff will be a lifetime of ease without her ever having to lift a finger.
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He has a past of treating the ones he 'loves' poorly. He has treated you poorly on several occasions.
This is not the makings of a healthy relationship, not at all.
His problem is one that you cannot control or change, no matter how much 'therapy' or convincing you try, he has to be the one to make that choice, and by looking at his past, he is not willing to do that.
If you stay with this guy, you will continue to suffer and he will continue to berate you. This is not something any woman should hope for or want. What you deserve is a solid, stable, and loving relationship, and honey, he's just not able to give you that.
Please do not convince yourself that you can change him. The one glaring truth is that he doesn't care enough about you to even treat you with respect. If he truly cared about you he wouldn't even consider saying or doing any of those things. These are his issues, don't make them yours. There are other, more suitable men to spend your days with sweetie.
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I think you should suggest anger management courses to him, or tharipy, because his over reaction isn't normal. and if he yells at you about THAT you should break up with him. he isn't worth it
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maybe dont be mean about it try talking to him azbout it mabe you can convince him to see a doctor it could be serious.just be carefull
let me know how it all works out
lots of love,lizzie
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you can do way better. dump his ass. he probably has anger management problems and he needs to get help a.s.a.p!! hes not worth the pain he causes you. trust me you will find your price charming
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Not a lot of people know about it, but this is a common pattern called a "dry drunk". It means that the person has an "alcoholic personality", that is, they are as volatile and unpredictable as an alcoholic. It has nothing to do with drinking, it's a personality problem and it's just as hard, if not harder, to deal with as alcoholism. These people are often charming at first (my dad is one) but then become anger and controlling. The next step in the pattern is physical abuse. You need to break up with him ASAP! Think of an excuse if you have to, but don't stay with this guy...he will hurt you emotionally and physically.
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That red flag fell down along time ago. Girl, you diserve better than be critized by a guy net alone your boyfriend. Its time to leave him (Easier said than done I know) Don't worry about his past girls, what they say, what you hear. The only thing that matters is how is treating you NOW. which is badly, & you don't need that.
good luck<33
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The obvious thing to do is dump him. There's no reason you should suffer verbal abuse and such unpredictable behavior. There are guys out there that are everything you said, charming, polite, and sensitive that will not change. Yea they are rare, but they are out there :)
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