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jealous


Question Posted Friday November 17 2006, 10:46 pm

I have a brother who is in college. He is 3 years older than me. We used to be really close, but now he has a girlfriend and I barely get to see him anymore. We used to talk like all night but now all he wants to do is hang out with her. On my birthday we went on vacation and he didnt say happy birthday or anything but the first thing he did was buy his girlfriend a present. Now whenever I see them I just start acting really mean and stuff. I dont mean to, but I just get mad because I used to be able to talk to him so easily. I know im just jealous, but I really wish I could spend more time with him. Is there any way for me to get over my jealousy? Im worried his gf thinks im really rude and stuff. But I honestly dont mean to act that way. Please help!!!

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LadyAnne answered Tuesday November 21 2006, 2:22 pm:
First and foremost, apologize, to both of them, for your past bad behavior. It will show that you are ready to work on making things right. It is not the girl's fault your brother spends his time with her, it is his choice after all. Don't displace your anger for your brother onto her shoulders.

This can be a very confusing time for a little sister when an older sibling 'outgrows' the relationship.

It is okay to feel a little rejected, but one thing to remember here is that he is not doing it to deliberately hurt you, so try not to take it so personally. As the two of you get older, your lives will change and you will naturally want more time away from each other. Eventually you will also find somebody and will want to start 'settling down' and make a new life for yourself.

For now, he is spending time with somebody new, somebody he cares for very much. He may not mean to be distancing himself from you, but, in a way, it is necessary for him to be able to build up his relationship with this girl, especially if he is 'serious' about her.

If you miss him, invite him (or both of them) over to your house or out to lunch or dinner once in a while. Keep communicating with him. Even if he stops dating this girl, his relationship with you will never be the same as it was when you were younger. This is because you are both 'growing up'.

It is OK to be angry with him for forgetting your birthday and for inadvertently slighting you (I honestly don't think he did it intentionally to hurt you), but it is also OK to forgive him.

It is NEVER OK to use that anger as a tool against him or his girlfriend, or to try to manipulate him to be somebody he is not anymore. You can still be friends with him and even close to him, but try to remember that your relationship with him has evolved now, and if you can accept it and make the most of it, then you two will have a healthy sibling friendship for many years to come.

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ringerb9178 answered Monday November 20 2006, 10:45 pm:
Talk to the girlfriend,
When the three of you are together ask to talk to her for a second. when you get her alone explain to her that your really not the person that you have been pretending to be meaning rude ect. Tell her that you have no time with your brother anymore and ask her if you can tag along every once in a while. 10 to 1 she'll tell your bro and tell him how you feel and nothing is more attractive to a girl than a man being nice to his fam. The reason why they dont hang out with you could be because she thinks your her b-friends bratty little sister. I've been there only it was the other way around. I stopped hangin w/ my sister for the same reason. I didnt know she was jealous I thought she was just being a brat

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QueenVicki answered Saturday November 18 2006, 3:34 pm:
You need to apologize for acting the way you have, but explain why you're acting that way. Tell him that you understand he has his own life and needs his own space/time, but you need him to set a little time aside for you. He probably doesn't even realize he's doing this to you. Sometimes people get so wrapped up in relationships that they sometimes act like jerks to their loved ones. Don't shut each other out... just learn to communicate better. By handling this in a mature way you two might even become closer than before.

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liamluvinjodz answered Saturday November 18 2006, 11:42 am:
a know you used to hanbg about with him and that but he is gettin older nbow you cant change his life you will just have to acept that he will be with his girlfriend all the time but there is nothing you can do sorry!!

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Jolly337 answered Saturday November 18 2006, 10:38 am:
this problem is usual all you have to do is confess ok tell your brother how you feel and his gf and tell them that you were rude that s why ok trust me just call him up and tell them or even email them and tell them what happend on your birthday and everything k GOOOOODDDDLLLUUUCKKK

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