HCOloverr22's advice column

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Q: im 15 and it seems like nothing i do is right anymore, i try to keep ontop of everything -- schoolwork, a social life, and all the time i just feel an empty space inside of me, and i feel almost like lonely? can anyone relate?

i think if i had a relationship, with a guy, where we can talk and just know eachother so well, and not necessarily a boyfriend, but preferably. the only thing is, im so bad as talking to people, i always over analyze every word that comes out of their mouth, and i always assume and they always mean more to me then i ever will to them.. and i dont feel atractive at all, i dont know what to do, and i really need some help right now, please!

Wow I was in this exact situation when I was 15. It's weird that I say that when I'm only 16, but many many things have changed in that time, and I assure they will for you too. When I was a freshman and 15, I was soo socially awkward and I felt extremely lonely. Of course, I took it to the extreme and developed an eating disorder because I wanted to get a boyfriend so bad and I thought that getting skinnier would achieve that. It didn't. It actually made me miserable and shut down to everyone. My low self-esteem ruined my freshman year because I couldn't open up to anyone. That's the one thing I regret, not just opening up to people and making friends. You probably hear all the time "Boys aren't everything," etc. But it's the truth, they aren't. Or at least, the ones that you feel like you have to work for, or not pretty enough for.

What I would suggest is just make FRIENDS with a ton of interesting/nice/cute guys, and don't hang out or talk to them expecting to become something more, and eventually, if its the right guy, the friendship WILL turn into something else all on its own.

Enjoy every moment with or without a guy at your side, and then you'll find happiness.

Q: I'm in an interesting situation with someone. We've been talking to each other for a month or so about being in a relationship, but not really. It is extremely confusing so try to follow along the best you can lol. I'm in love with this guy. I've told him so, he knows how I feel, the whole deal. He told me he feels the same, always calls saying he loves me & what not & basically made his feelings pretty clear, even though I innitiated the feelings first & started flirting with him first. Recently, he has been flirting back & calling me at all hours telling me he loves me & what not. Things have been going pretty well, but we haven't talked about a relationship exactly. Were going with the flow. The problem is, I would like a relationship except I live in CA & he lives in Washington. Obviously, that is quite a distance & we can't see each other that often, especially since were both going to school, but were both adults. Also, I'm afraid he may have feelings for somebody else, even though there isn't a specific girl I know of. Since he's a guy, I assume he probably does, maybe someone that must go to his school or is in his classes. He recently went to a party & "got naked but didn't do anything" with girls there & how it was all jokes. That was a huge NO in my book & I wanted to pull away, but didn't. He is not my boyfriend, so he basically has the freedom to do whatever he wants. I was a bit mad at first, but he was sweet talking me again & didn't have the power to stop it & fell for it. He always always says sweet things & I can't deny them. My feelings are a bit too strong to just pull away. Does anyone have any thoughts or opinions on this situation?? Should I continue with this & wait & see if a relationship can start?? Or do you think his feelings are unreal?? He always tells me he loves me, but some things he does may seem like he feels otherwise. thanks.

What I see from this is that he might find it easy to say he loves you and all that because you're so far away, it's almost like an easy thing on the side because he doesn't have to work at it as much as a close relationship. And since you aren't officially boyfriend/girlfriend, that leaves an even bigger leeway for him to do what he wants. If you intend on leaving the relationship at "going with the flow," you can't entitle yourself to get angry at most things he does. People get naked at college parties sometimes, it just happens. I think that you would have to trust him, depending on your history with honesty. If you're getting worried about his behaviour, I would definetly talk with him about your relationship, or lack thereof. It's important to not have blurry understandings of a relationship because you could both end up very confused and/or hurt. I hope I helped you & good luck!!

Q: I've started a new ab workout and I'm seeing GREAT results. (Its the ab workout on page 76 of the June 2006 Issue of Seventeen) I was wondering, what type of cardio should I do to burn off the fat to better reveal my new ab muscles.

I can't go running due to safety issues in my neighborhood, and my parents won't buy me a workout video or a membership to a gym.

In magazines like Fitness and Self show you gret ways to work out at home. what i would sugeest is you get a jumprope. it's such a great cardio work out, probably one of the best. i hope i helped!

Q: There's this guy. He confuses me so bad! Like at a dance lastnight we were together the whole first part & then this girl is like a stalker & begged him to dance with her. & I took it as him liking her. Well today we had "yearbook signing" & we were together again & I didn't really have the courage to talk to him so he thought I was mad at him. We were talking and he told me that he didn't and stuff. Well he's always calling my name & notices if I don't talk to him. He's extremely cute & tomrrows the last day of school. I wish i could tell him but I don't think I can. Please help I can never tell waht to do. High rates for REAL answers.

Oh my gosh I was seriously in the same situation about a year ago. There was this realllly cute and funny guy that i always flirted with and could never tell if he liked me or not. and i was so shy, i never got the chance to tell him i liked him at my 8th grade graduation, plus i was so focused on contemplating if i should tell him i liked him, i gave him the cold shoulder in a way. later that night he asked out my best friend and i was pretty much broken-hearted. so you know what, you have nothing to lose. if you guys are such good friends, it wont jeapordize your friendship if he declines, but i highly doubt he will. go for it!! i hope i helped

Q: ok, 1st this is going to be very long and for that i am very sorry! but here goes nothing:

Ok my friend (who is a guy, and i am a girl)Always follows me. Right after lunch we have 4th and 5th together.

So in my 4th hour we are doing a lab amd he ask me if i wanted to be his "lab buddy." I said i was sorry and that i already had one. Then we had to dign up for a lab table, me and partern signed upfor table 6, then my "stalker" went from table 4, to table 6. When i say i am so sick of school, he says "don't drop out." Im not dumb, and im not going to. He has to know what is going on inmy life or he gets so mad at me.

In 5th hour me and my friend Shelby and me are always talking together, and he has to but in. He is always trying to get my attention. If im talking to someone else, he'll say my name and i'll tell him one min, but if i take to long then he pokes me. It is so annoying. My friends say he has a crush one me. And i am starting to think that it is more then that. For my end of the year solo I sang unfaithful, and he told me that he would never do that to me, as if we were going out. And we are not. I do not want to be mean to him but what do I do? Any help I would really be greatful.
~*Keri~!

ooh i feel your pain! a weird guy at my school used to do that all the time, but i got up the courage to just tell him to stop bugging me like a 4 year old. i agree with your friends, he def. likes you, but that doesnt mean you have to be nice to him when he's being annoying! i think you should tell him privatly that you don't like him anymore than a friend and always will. if he doesnt get the message, tell him that it's ruining your friendship and you can't be friends with someone who acts like that. i think if he likes you enough, he'll stop. i hope i helped!

Q: I'm in a difficult situation at work. Well about a month ago I got invited out for drinks with some coworkers. I was too shy to go alone so I invited along a girl that I've been friends with for a couple of years (who originally was not invited). She also works at the same store. Well one of the guys that was there kept staring at me and smiling when I was dancing. I also recently found out he has a secret crush on me (and I like him too). The problem is that this friend of mine that I invited along that night keeps saying that she really likes him and that SHE wants to date him. She has been really vocal about it and now a lot of people; including him know that she likes him. He has been nice to her because he knows she is my friend and she's misinterpreted it that he likes HER. I am very shy and have not told anyone that I like him; he is the only one that knows.
Now what am I going to do? I actually even think that night I was invited out may have been a setup to get us hooked up. Remember that girl was not originally invited? Please if you have any advice I'd really appreciate it!

wow that's really tough. well i think that, if you know for a FACT that the guy likes you, you might want to talk to him about the situation. he has every right to tell your friend (in a really nice way) that he is interested in someone else. she might be really upset for awhile, but everyone moves on! i would advise you not tell alot of people that you like that guy, it might get out to your friend before you tell her in person, which is pretty bad. i hope i helped!

Q: my friend has been leaving me out a little lately. liek usually if i go somewhere, i invite her. well this weekend she is going to this girls house (her friend) i don't really know this girl and i dont' mind her but.. i just feel left out. i can't tell her i feel that way though cause its complicated. but what can i do to get over this feeling or something?

i think that if it's your friend, she shouldn't be leaving you out like that. to fix your problem, invite both your friend and HER friend over so you can get to know the girl you dont know that much about. you guys will probably see that you all can have fun together. this has happened to me before, and it works! sometimes you're the one who has to plan to get together to make friendships last. and also, maybe your friend just wanted to hang out with one person this weekend. that happens sometimes, and it probably doesnt mean she doesnt like you. i hjope i helped!

Q: I'm a little late on the whole Ipod extravanganza..

haha i actually didn't want one in the beginning but now after a year i finally want one the thing is im wondering if i should buy a video one right now.

because i want to but im scared that as sooooon as i buy it BAM there will be a whole new better ipod on sale..

so please just give me some advice..

thanks ill rate high for good answers

well, it sort of depends on the amount of money you have. if youre loaded (you lucky bia!), you should buy something like a video ipod. seriously, there cant be anything better than that. and if there is, who cares? there will always be something newer and better out sooner or later, so dont hesitate or you'll miss out! good luck!

Q: Well this kid i like isn;t in any of my classes so i like never get to see him during the day wchich is kind of depressing so my best friend and i kind of like "stalk" well his locker is righ across the hall from ours so we just kind of like go there when not needed and also when we have certain periods before lunch we can foloow him down to lunch I think maybe he notices especially wehn my friend is kind of loud and I'm not sure if he thinks I'm a crazy stlaker lunitic but its the only way i get to see him plus its become kind of like a really fun insider wiht my friend and i...should i continue "stalking" or what..?

i think if you follow the guy around, he'll think you're weird for not just coming up and talking to him. im not being mean, this has totally happened to me before. guys like girls who arent afraid to talk to them, unless they're hermits. i suggest (if you guys at least know each others names) you say hi in the hallways. does he play or go to any sports games? if so, go to them with your friend! that is so not stalking, and you and your guy will have a common background. he'll see that you're outgoing and fun, and guys love that. good luck girlie.

bio

Hii I'm Mel. I've been through a lot and I've been my own counseler way too many times, so I've basically dissected many situations. You could call me crazy, whatever, we all are. I kind of have a borderline insane interest in the idea of fashion and creativity, and also in the French Revolution. I LOVE music, I could give you the soundtrack of my life for a million dollars. Umm yeah that's it. BY THE WAY, I would very much like to have a line forming all the way outside the funeral home the day of my wake. :)
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Things I've experienced, therefore your benefits..: eating disorders, depression, suicide, heartache, sucky friends, sucky friend's boyfriends, deaths, marital affairs, divorce, icky confusing relationships, heart- wrenching relationships, fakes, bitches, and the ever-popular player! (Gotta love those.) OF COURSE the list goes on, silly!