I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
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I'm 23/F.
I was on Facebook today and was thoroughly surprised to see that his cousin had posted a note titled "I Cost $(dollar amount) A Night!" Turns out it's one of those survey things where you fill out a checklist and get points for various things, add them up and then use the number in the title.
Why is this a problem? She's 11. I really don't think she knows what it means. Her mother really doesn't monitor her Facebook usage, and nobody has said anything about it yet. I asked my fiance to text the girl's mom and let her know, but he thinks it'll make us look bad if we do.
What course of action should we take? Are we reading too much into it? (link)
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I'm a mother and I would want to know. I don't think a simple text explaining what you saw would be inappropriate. But you have to be willing to provide the info and then back off. Like Raz said, some people choose not to monitor their children closely, and like it or not, its their business. A friendly heads up shouldn't be an issue, just don't make it a habit. Once you've alerted her, its up to her to keep up with her own kid.
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I recently began a new relationship. I met a guy towards the end of October, which I know isn't that long ago, and we are still seeing each other now.
Of course we went through the honeymoon phase and are kind of still in it at times, but we have started to get comfortable with each other so things have calmed down. We have a lot of things in common and we get along great. We rag on each other about the sports teams that we like but we like to watch the games together. Our personailties are different, I definitely talk a lot more and love to meet new people where as he is comfortable with his friends he has now.
In the beginning he sent me all kinds of messages about how much he liked me and spending time with me. He even would tell me how much he missed me when he was away (he's in the military and does a little bit of traveling and went to visit family recently). I have stayed at his house a few times, I even know where the key is to let myself in if I get there before him after work.
Here's my delimma. The nice messages that I used to get ALL the time have slowed down a bit (he's been a little busier lately). Last night when I was at his house, we watched TV and just talked a bit, from 4:45 until 10:00. We have had sex and the past time I stayed the night and last night, we didn't. I talked to him about it and he said he didn't think things had changed and that he hasn't changed the way he feels about me. He recently told me that he loves me and he tells me, at least once a day that he loves me.
Am I reading too far into things?
Is this just the end of the honeymoon phase and we are comfortable with each other?
Males (most of the time) are more blunt about things, so he would tell me if I was overstepping myboundries right (of if he didn't want me to stay at his house with him)?
(link)
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Sounds to me like the natural progression of a relationship. I wouldn't read too much into it. The honeymoon stage is just the first part, like an appetizer. The problem many people have is that they think that's supposed to be the whole thing! But real love takes time to grow and develop and has to do with a lot more than sex and physical attraction. As you start to relax and learn more about your bf, you'll find that what comes next is even better than the "butterflies", but don't get hung up on the honeymoon. Let it grow, let it breathe, you'll be pleasantly surprised.
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I got the flu shot again this year... however I feel awful I had it about a month or two ago. But I woke up and my nose was really runy, my body hurts I am cold and shaking... this is the exact symptoms I had when I had the flu a couple years ago.... but I had the shot??? (link)
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There are thousands of different strains of the flu. Each year scientists at the Center for Disease Control have to decide which strain of the flu is most likely to become an epidemic and then create vaccines for THAT particular strain. Its sort of a guessing game. So if you get the flu shot, you're protected against the most common type of flu for the season, but not against ALL types. There are so many, its impossible to be vaccinated for all. So you are protected against the most common type, but you seem to have lucked out and got a different strain ; ) It sucks, but its not uncommon. Hope you feel better soon!
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I'm 21 year old female and i have a rather pressing question. Well i got out of a 4 year relationship a while ago and it was rather serious we were engaged to be married. it ended for abusive reasons. my friend lets call him matt also got out of a long relationship too i believe 5 years and he is 24. we have been friends for a few years and resently we started to become more than friends we are sort of secretly dating since our families are telling us to take time to be single and be independaant since niether of us has ever lived alone. but i don"t want to wait and he doesn't either. i would llike to know how long before i can call hiim my boyfriend to my family ps its been 6 months since my break up and 3 since his if that helps thank you for your help (link)
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Couldn't agree more with Raz! I have nothing to add except its very sound advice and you'd do well to follow it. Good luck!
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Background: I met my boyfriend online, 2 years ago, and he moved from Florida to Missouri for me after a year of dating. We were really serious, and into each other. My parents disagreed with me dating him because we are different nationalities, and different religions. My parents aren't religious at all but they disliked the idea of me going against my culture. In June of 2010, I moved out of my house and in with my boyfriend.
Lately, I just haven't been happy with him. I realized how messy he is, how aggressive he is, how constantly unhappy he is, and it's the complete opposite of everything I am. I am always neat, meak, and optimistic. I'm not sure if I'm unhappy with him because I've been really stressed with school and work, or if I am interested in someone else, or because he is messy and psycho at times.
The extent to his crazyness is when he chokes on a piece of food, he will flip it off, flip the plate, curse at it, "teach it a lesson" & "punishment."
I just need an overview of someone else's thoughts. (link)
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Sounds to me like emotionally you have already checked out of the relationship. Do the both of you the kindness and favor of checking all the rest of the way out, physically, as well. Whatever the reasons for your unhappiness, you've identified the relationship as part of the problem. Maybe some distance and time will give you clarity. In the meantime, don't worry about being embarrassed about it not working out. You're grown, you tried something, it didn't work out, end of story. Everyone has to live and learn and make their own mistakes. You have nothing to be ashamed of if you leave. You should only be ashamed if you let embarrassment or cowardice keep you in a relationship that is clearly not good for you anymore. Good luck.
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Hi,
I have been friends with this guy for about two years. We met at our old job and hit it off instantly. In the first year of our friendship, we did absolutely everything together and always talked on the phone, went out to eat, hung out at work, and just basically spent as much time with each other as possible. As time went on, we got closer and closer and ended up developing some romantic feelings for each other. He ended up telling me his feelings and I told him how I felt and we both actually thought it was pretty funny and laughed because it wasn't super serious. We almost hooked up anyway but ended up changing our minds and both went back to our significant others shortly after. We stayed friends although it seemed a little strained after we fooled around with each other. We were both a little embarrassed (even though we didn't have sex - we just played around ALOT for awhile) and it slowly took a toll on our friendship. I became distant because he became distant and eventually we started getting into disagreements which then turned into arguments. We started talking less and eventually stopped talking at work and over the phone. This was more so on my part because I noticed that everytime we interacted we would start arguing again, so I wanted to avoid it. This went on for about a year and things slowly but surely got better and we began talking again but not as often. I made a huge effort to fix everything by just trying to forgive and forget and being super nice and always making conversation with him but things weren't the same as they once were. Then a few months ago we both met a girl that became a mutual friend and I noticed that he seemed very drawn to her and wanted to hang out with her much more than me. He started calling her constantly, always wanting her to come over, offering her rides home, and just calling to see how she was doing randomly. I know this because she's always telling me how often he calls her. I feel like our friend (who I think is a great person) has somewhat taken my place and it really bothers me. I feel very jealous of their close friendship because it reminds me of what I once had with him. I want to be the friends we were two years ago and have tried so hard to keep in contact with him but he never calls me back and barely ever returns my text messages. However I have seen him call our friend repeatedly while I've been in her presence, so I know its not that he is busy with work or something. I feel like he has brushed me off for her and it hurts because I really love him as a friend and miss him and want him to be in my life. I don't think that he doesn't want to be my friend anymore because on the rare occasion that I see him he's always friendly but I feel like he is not making the same effort with me as he is with our mutual friend. What should I do? I really want to know why he's doing this but I don't have the courage to ask. Sometimes I think maybe he has just grown apart from me but its a difficult idea to swallow. I don't know what to do in this situation and would appreciate some (friendly - no cynical people, please!) advice. Thanks. (link)
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Well this is a curious situation. I'm wondering if, at the time of your "almost hook up", he was actually more hurt than he was willing to let on. Of course I don't know any of you, but just from what you say here, I feel like he may be the kind of guy who always needs the companionship of a woman, even if its just friendship. And I'm not saying that's bad or that he used you, I'm just saying that guys like that like females around because they like our vibe (can you blame 'em?!), and then anytime two people of the opposite sex spend a lot of extra time together, feelings are just bound to come up. Its natural and normal. I think he started out really enjoying your company (like you enjoyed his) and thought you were cool. Then, the more and more you hung out, he developed feelings, which were obviously complicated by the significant others situation. He probably would have been happy to pursue something more with you, but then you both ended up just brushing it off. I'm willing to bet he actually didn't have as easy a time brushing it off as you did, and he may resent you for that (for the record, I think you did the right thing). Anyway, that's why the relationship became strained after that. Because we know it wasn't you. You bent over backwards be kind and forgiving and be a good friend. It was him that pulled away. Now he's focusing his attention on another girl. And you don't know how to take that. Of course you're hurt. But I think this is a pattern for him. Don't say anything. Stand by and observe for a while. If I'm wrong I'll eat my words, but I bet you'll see the exact same thing happen with this girl as what happened with you, maybe the only exception being that she may actually accept a romantic relationship with him. So, while it does feel like a betrayal, try to look at it as a friendship that was special for a time that just didn't pan out. You learned a lot from it, had fun, and ultimately came out on top because you took the high road, and he sounds like he hasn't learned much from it all. I know its tough, but really, you'll find so many special, fun, weird, crazy people will come into your life in the future, and they'll all play an important part, but not all of them can stay. Not all of them were meant to. Neither was he. Continue to be gracious, wish them the best, and work on moving forward from this chapter of your life. Good luck!
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I'll try and make a long story short...
Basically a co worker of mine started acting interested in me but i knew he had a girlfriend so I kind of backed off and assumed he'd back off eventually too. We got more serious and i started to really like him. We hangout all the time, he tells me he cares about me , he buys me flowers, takes me out to eat,and is just a guy I really want to be with. He kept breaking up with his girlfriend for me ,but getting back together with her because he's been with her for 4 years... and doesn't want to let her go to waste because he thinks that I may let him down. At first,that was true but now I'm really falling for him and he says he's starting to really have feelings for me too. He tried breaking things off with me ,and later that same night he ended up at my house because we love being together. He says he loves his girlfriend too though and he doesn't lie to me about it,he basically says he wishes she'd mess up so he could have a reason to break up with her to make things less complicated.I know for a fact he hangs out with me a lot more than her and it's getting to the point where I won't just let go,especially knowing that he feels the same way about me. Fortunately, I've never had to go through what he's going through,but I understand how hard it could be having her and then falling for me at the same time. Even when he'd come over ,he'd leave and 5 minutes later tell me he already misses me. I just don't know whether I should keep hanging out with him and let his feelings get stronger for me (because he pretty much told me that would happen if we kept up how we are ) or if I should let him go and see if he chases after me ,and risk my feelings being hurt. We have hooked up lots of times, (not sex) and he's basically treated me like his "other girlfriend" but obviously i don't like this situation. I feel like he wouldn't have cheated on her if he really loved her, but i'm just very confused and I don't want to let him go because he's the best guy I've ever liked and I also work with him...please help! (link)
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there's nothing wrong with liking this guy. But there is something wrong with him for stringing along two girls. If he is really as great as you say, wouldn't he have the balls to be honest with his girl? But instead, he's such a coward he would rather wait for his gf to be the problem, which is totally bs because he wants to blame her for HIS problem (or situation). And how would you feel if you were her and found out your bf knew he cared for someone else but just strung you along and wasted your time just because he was too chicken to tell you the truth? That's totally crappy of him and he is wrong. That being said, I believe that you do like him, and he likes you. That isn't the problem. The problem is that he doesn't respect you. Or his gf, for that matter. Every decision he has made regarding the two of you has been to benefit HIMSELF - switching back and forth b/w the two of you, not telling his gf his feelings are changing, hooking up with you but not respecting you enough to call you his "woman" - its all been about HIM and how HE feels. He doesn't seem to regard your feelings above his own. That's a red flag to me, but not one that can't be overcome. You'll have to force his hand on this one. So tell him you really care for him and want to be his girlfriend, but you're too good to be "the other woman" and you deserve more. Tell him you'll miss him horribly, but until he breaks up with his gf, you will not be seeing him outside of work. It will hurt, but trust me, it is the right thing to do. You do not deserve to be strung along by a guy that's just too yellow-bellied to do the right thing, even though he totally knows what the right thing is. By putting your foot down you'll be proving to him that you're NOT just like every other girl. YOu have standards, and respect for yourself and you're special, and if he wants to be with you, he needs to realize that and treat you like that, because is what you deserve. If this guy cares for you as much as you know he does, I guarantee that if you stick you your guns, he'll come around. And he'll be grateful for a girl who knows her mind and knows how she wants to be treated. Good luck!
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I don't understand why is it that bad having a good relationship with your tutors at University. Curently, I am 25 and i am in the second year of my studies (second degree) and all my tutors are cool but, one of them is brilliant and i undersdant him better than the others, I respect and admire him because he has this passionate way of teaching, he is taff sometimes but very helpful. One thing that is wierd is that he looks like my dad whom i lost when i was young,he reminds me of him a lot, sometimes with his movements, i was shocked in the first year but i am used to him now. I am a direct person and I am so proud he is my tutor that spontanously i told him that, this university is worth it just because we have a brilliant tutor like him that motivates us do more reaserch for his module and actually made me like what i am studying, and i also told him that he reminds me my dad a lot. but it was spontaneus and without thinking, with no harm.( But i think i was wrong telling him that) He is the opposite sex. I do admire him but i don't have a crush on him, honestly, but sometimes i have the feeling that he thinks i have feelings for him, because he tries to avoid me, e.g. We have an essay and i emailed him like usually saying 'Sir I would like you to explain me a bit more the question and advice me what books to use, so when can i come and see you in ur office" and he emailed me trying to explain the question and said if you need more help you can email me back again, and because an email is not enough when i saw him next day after the seminar i said: Sir, can i see you for a moment and he said email me later, which was wierd because he was not like that before. I dont really like this situation and i really don't have a crush on him, i just want him to be like before, normal and friendly. How can I fix this? How can i make him understand that i am just impressed with him and i respect him and also admire him for the way he teaches us,and his wide knowledge, but not other feelings involeved? but really i wish he was my dad.. (link)
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You have to understand that in his position, it is probably quite common for his younger students to have a crush on him. It happens a lot. Being older, a professor, and probably someone who is in a relationship, he understands that he has to nip those things in the bud in order to maintain a good working environment. So even though you didn't at all mean your attention to come off like that, clearly that is how he took it. I suggest the "tackle and turn" approach... "tackle" the problem head on. Be very brave and your next session together just tell him before you start you just wanted to apologize (I dont' think an apology is really necessary, but its a good place to start) if you made him feel uncomfortable. You didn't mean to make him feel weird, you just wanted to know that you appreciate his help and how well he does his job and that you admire him, in big part because of how much he reminds him of your father. Say sorry, you didn't mean it to be weird, then "turn" away from the subject and never approach it again. Act like its done and gone and move on. And it does sound to me like you are asking for a bit too much one on one time with him. He was right to try to resolve your questions over email first. He may feel you are a bit too needy. And you do sound that way. Stop asking for so much one on one time and start trusting yourself more to put to use the skills he has taught you. Find comfort and admiration in other people outside of the classroom. Friends, family, activities. In a few weeks it will all go back to normal and you'll forget all about this awkwardness right now. Good luck.
P.S. - I got your feedback and it made things a little clearer for me. I hope you'll be able to find the courage to sit down with your professor and be as honest with him about what you were thinking as you were with me. I'm sure he'll understand.
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There's this guy that I'm seeing [not exclusively in a relationship though] that goes to my college. He took a long break between high school and college and he's not a third year (I'm a first year). We've never talked about our ages or age in general. I want to say that I don't care about age, but a 9 year difference (almost 10 in January) is pretty substantial...
What are your views on this? (link)
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I also dated a guy the same age when I was 18. Yes, it is pretty substantial age difference, but not insurmountable. Its legal, so.... its just unlikely that this will be the relationship that you settle into for the rest of your life, given the age difference. Sure, you're both at school, but developmentally you are at very different stages in your lives. That said, I see know reason why you shouldn't enjoy each other and get to know each other. As long as you're having a good time together, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Even though my relationship didn't last, I learned a lot from it and I still treasure the lessons I learned. Jump in and see what happens! If you're uncomfortable, move on... but at least you'll never ask yourself "what if". Good luck!
p.s. -as long as you're ok with the "not exclusively" part, that's cool But if you're not, don't waste your time. If he doesn't want to stick to one girl, that's his business. It doesn't have to be yours.
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Hey guys. I need some wisdom right now, and I would prefer people with experience in long term relationships/marriage to answer this, though other opinions are welcome. I have been dating my boyfriend for about three years now. We love eachother, and I'm certain he cares a great deal for me. Back when we started dating, he had a best girl friend. She was basically his ex from way back when, and the relationship lasted a couple months. He says they weren't intimate but did small things like kissing. She was madly in love with him, and tried to break us up. We then took a break because he was confused after she tried to convince him desperately that she was the one for him. He ended up picking me, and cut her off.... after a while they stared talking again. And this is what has been happening the past 2 and a half years
Everytime he cuts her off its for like various months. This time though, he contacted her through Facebook asking how she was. Now, she says she has a bf, but is it wrong for me to feel that this girl Is untrustworthy? He says she's his best friend and he wants to be friends only... I don't trust her, and I don't like her because she doesn't acknowledge me. I've tried being friends with her, but she was too stuck up.. I'm not telling him to stop talking to her, even though I would love for him to. What should I do? Should I cope with it? How do I cope with it? any advice will be appreciated! ** I also wanted to add the reason I got upset about The contact was because he contacted her out of nowhere. why was she even on his mind? And he got a gift from her way before he and I started dating, yet she cares enough to ask what happened to that chain and that He better take care of it. would you be jealous about this? Thanks in advance! (link)
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I think you have good reasons to feel suspicious. Listen to your gut on this one. (BTW, I'm married 12 yrs). First of all, you guys have all that history. Second, she's never indicated anything other than the fact that she wants to be his girlfriend again. Third, she is not YOUR friend and clearly doesn't want to be. Fourth, clearly your bf doesn't want her to be your friend either, as he has made no effort to include you in his communications with her. Even if his intentions are nothing but to be friends with her, he has to see that it hurts you. You guys have been together for 3 years! If he loves you, he'll sacrifice that old relationship for the sake of the one he is in. You're going to have to have a clear talk with him. Sit down at a peaceful time, not a time when you're already arguing or upset, just a regular old time when you are just hanging out. Tell him calmly about how you feel about the whole situation and it makes you uneasy and distant. Try to keep it limited to how YOU feel, not just what he does because that can sound accusatory and then melt down into an argument. But explain to him your worries and tell him you need to know what is so important to him about this girl that he would risk his relationship with you for her. If he just wants to be friends, why doesn't he encourage a friendship between the two of you as well? Be ready to listen to what he has to say, openly and willingly, even if it hurts. Be prepared for his answers as well. You may not hear what you hoped to hear, but at least you'll know where things stand.
Now.... that's my objective opinion. But you wanna know what my gut says? I think he's wondering "what if" about this girl, and that's dangerous. I think he never really got closure on that relationship, she obviously never got over him. It sounds to me like he may have feelings for her. Maybe I'm wrong. If I am, then that's great for you. But if I'm right its not fair for him to keep you in the dark. And you also have to know that in matter of the heart, people can't always control what their feelings do. But they can control how they treat those around them. Bottom line, you deserve a little better than your getting. Its time for a re-evaluation.
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A few days ago I met a friend of a friend. I had met him once before but we didn't really talk. This time we talked and I just felt like we connected in such a bizarre way. He asked me personal questions and told me that he admired my personality. We are also very similar because we are sometimes quiet and people see us as very sweet. I spent a few days in his company and felt these deep feelings. I've never connected to someone so quickly. He lives very far away and it's unlikely that we'll ever become close friends. It feels like I'm losing him and it hurts but at the same time I know I'll be fine. Could this be love? Is such a thing possible? Am I just exaggerating? (link)
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Its probably not love, because love is something that takes a long time to develop... but it does sound special. I don't think you're exaggerating, you're just experiencing a connection you've never felt before. It hurts that you can't spend time with him, but you can enjoy the very special relationship you are developing over Facebook and email and calling. There is a lot to be learned, even if you can't be in the same room together. Continue to keep in contact and enjoy being able to get to know someone special, even if its not exactly how you would like it to be.
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i just got through watching the omen, and during that movie, many religions were shown: christianty, satanism, other pagan religions, etc.
also my friend told me about his friend who is a jehovah's witness and some of their stuff got me thinking.
i was raised methodist christian in my home but turned my back on faith about a year ago. too many rules, inconsistancies, hypocrites, and it was all just very overwhelming, so i quit. and even now that i've given up on religion, i can't get it out of my head. its like i've been brainwashed. i'm not asking someone to give me back my faith, or to even lecture me.
what i'm asking is what do YOU believe? are you christian? satanist? wiccan? anything at all? please answer my question with why you believe in what you believe, and how exactly it works. thanks in advance :) (oh, and i don't judge. so even if you've made up some weird thing where you worship hotdogs, i won't mind) (link)
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Even though you feel confused right now, what you're going through is a GOOD thing. You are learning to question your faith, to think analytically, and to observe. These are all skills that will aid you in eventually finding your spiritual peace. I understand the hypocrisy and rules of your church turned you off, but its important to remember that those are just PEOPLE who go there. They are imperfect and sinners and they will make mistakes and disappoint you and each other. We all do that. But God is not a person, as the Word says, He is "not a man that he should lie", and he's not a building and He's not a book of rules. Don't let what you see in the physical world overwhelm what you know God to be, and if you are really searching, start attending other churches, to see how other people worship God. It can at least give you a good perspective on the different types of Christians that are out there, and how God uses all kinds of different people with all kinds of different thoughts and lifetstyles to create a community. I was raised by athiest parents but I became a Christian on my own as a young adult. I know what its like to have so many questions. To be searching for a peace that you know you need, but have no idea where to find. I encourage to keep asking questions, but don't abandon the faith of your youth. There is value in it, it was just distorted by sinful people. Learn to forgive them and move on to find other like-minded people who you can learn from. Start checking out smaller, non-denominational churches. They're usually more laid back. I beleive in God and that He has a plan. I believe that He made this Earth and all its wonders for us and that He gives us free will to make our own choices. He doesn't want to FORCE us to love Him. That's not really love at all. He gives us the choice, and hopes we choose Him. Unfortunately, some people use their free will to hurt others, and that's where tragedy in this world comes in, but He is still God and has a plan that is not always apparent to us right away. I believe that the Bible is our guide. Yes, there are some rules to follow, but if you read it, you'll find it is really more about "the Do's" than "the don'ts".... think of it like a fence around a playground. With no fence, the kids have to be careful while playing ball. You can't throw or kick too hard or use all their energy because you don't want the ball to roll out into the dangerous street. But with a fence, you can kick and throw as hard as you want. That ball will stay right where it belongs, in a safe place, and you can have way more fun because you are actually MORE free to kick and play and have a blast, knowing you are safe from danger.
Hope I've helped in some small way. Keep asking questions! Keep seeking answers! That's the key to a prosperous life.
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I have just started my periods and i have severe cramping in my stomach that makes me cry, i have to curl into a ball for it to ease off, once it eases off about 5 mins later its there again.
I had them same thing at the begining of yearand was constantly at the doctors, worst thing was they could not get to the bottom of this, they didn't know what this was, it eventually stopped when i went on the pill, the pill made me not have any periods but i recently ran out and need a reapeat prescription this is the only reason i have my periods, anyone help? (link)
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I had the same problem when I first started my periods. My saving grace was a hot water bottle. Not much help when you have to be at school, but when I got home I'd put on the kettle and heat up the water for the hot water bottle. Then I'd wrap it in a light towel and go to bed with it on my tummy... it helped a lot! The hotter the better, it relaxes your muscles in your abdomin, which is what cramps are, your muscles contracting constantly. Only down side is that you have to keep heating up the water. But it was blessed relief when I would put that on. Also, do what you can to refill your prescription. If you have a prescription then you should be able to call it in whenever you run out. You really don't need to let it run out.
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Iam 21 years old and Iam about 5'2 and I weigh 186 pounds and I want to lose about 50 pounds and I want to weigh about 130 pounds which is how much I weighed when I was in highschool I just wnat to know would that be a health amount of weight to lose? How should I go about it? (link)
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Weight Watchers is awesome! I started 4 years ago and lost 75lbs. It took about a year. I've been off and on the program since then. When I gain, I go back and refresh myself, but basically I still follow it each day. Its almost like a lifestyle thing. What I like about it is that its not a diet. Diets fail because you're always depriving yourself of something, then you fall of the wagon and go nuts and you've ruined your hard work! WW teaches you how to eat in the world we live in. Making better choices, smaller portions, etc. I still eat whatever I want... i just don't eat as MUCH as I want. And this week they've unveiled their new program, which I haven't tried yet because I haven't attended my weekly meeting yet. But I'm pumped to see how it differs from the regular points system. I highly recommend it. Its $10/week and there's food in the grocery stores to buy if you want, but you dont' need their food. They teach you how to use the food you already like to be healthier. I think you'll like it. Good luck!
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I’m 20 and he’s 34. We’re in a band together where he plays the guitar and I sing. He’s married and has a child and I’m in a serious relationship that has been going on for years.
I just can’t help it, I think there’s something going on between us but I’m never sure. Maybe I’m just infatuated with him but he keeps giving me signals, although it’s possible that I’m just misinterpreting them in my infatuation.
At practice we make eye contact for whole songs and he smiles and my heart just flutters. Every time we look in each others eyes he winks at me and I’m not sure if it’s just a friendly wink or not.
When I sing he says it gives him the fever. One of our Band Members joked about it by saying: “Oh dear, always these guitarists and their singers.” And now this has developed into an inside joke.
We had a gig a while back and after we played some people came up to tell me they liked my singing and he joined in (he had had a few drinks so he was bolder than usual) and said jokingly “Hey, this is my singer, you’re not her guitarist, you can’t talk to her”. Whenever friends would make suggestive comments at me in joke he would always say: “Only her guitarist can do that!” and he kept on saying that he didn’t play as well as he could have because we weren’t standing close to each other during the performance and didn’t have the chance to make eye contact.
At one point, my other half and my guitarists wife were talking to each other for a while and he, my guitarist, leaned in and whispered in my ear: “Hey those two are getting on, now’s our chance.”
And the list is endless…
I’m not concerned about whether something is going to happen, I don’t want it to because he has a child, but I’m just not sure if I’m imagining the signals or if they’re actually there.
The reason why I’m not sure is because his wife is unbelievably beautiful and charming whereas I am fat and ugly and can therefore not imagine that he would feel anything for me.
Can anyone give me any advice? Or thoughts?
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There could very well be an attraction. Totally normal for adults who work together and spend a lot of time together. I'm sure you're a lot cuter than you give yourself credit for, but don't compare yourself to his wife. Here's the thing. When you've been married for a while you start to get used to your spouse and some of the original excitement starts to fade. Some men start looking outside of their marital bonds for encouragement and a little ego stroking. With a wife and child at home, he probably just feels a little stifled, and flirting makes him feel exciting again (probably the reason he still plays in a band, as well). So - you're not imagining it, most likely. You've already said you don't want anything to happen, but let me caution you again - leave this as a "crush"... let it be confined to your working together. Eventually it will pass and you'll look back on it and giggle. If he makes advances, reject it, because in the end you'll be hurt, and the people who love the both of you will be hurt as well. Think of him as your "work crush', somebody you enjoy crushing on during "working hours", to get the fires lit to head home to the one who really loves you.
P.S. - my spidey senses are telling me, based on the comments from your fellow band members, that this guy doesn't have a reputation for being faithful, so just be careful.
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Im a girl, and gay kissing turns me on. Am I gay? (link)
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Not necessarily. There's a difference between fantasy and reality. People fantasize about all kinds of things, and watch movies and shows to feed those fantasies, but they wouldn't really do those things in real life. If its something you just find exciting to watch, its probably not a big deal. If its something you like to DO, then yes, you may need to consider that you are attracted to the same sex. Hope that helps.
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So ive been dating this guy for the past 3 months we work together,so i see him on the weekends when we both work.I commute to college, he lives on campus both of us go to different schools, hsi is 20 minutes away.Well I finally asked him what we were because i was confused and i didnt see him this past weekend,so i texted him it and he says well i would say were just getting with each other i dont want to mess it up with me being in school but ill let you know if things change i said oh so do you want me to get with other guys? and he said right now i wouldnt like it but i wont hod it against you if you do i said i feel the same way and he said alright glad were on the same page. The messed up part kinda bothers me like so your away at school if we were together you wouldve cheated on me so were just gonna have a open relationship..? i asked me friends both guys and girls my guy friends said hes committed to me but dosent want to do all the boyfriend stuff and i said yeah if he dosent like me getting with other people then why wouldnt we just go out? and my friend said i know, hes being selfish like he could get with other girls but i cant ya know..? and he said that hes in control it seems cause hes the one away at school my girl friends said its not really bad because this eventually ends up being a relationship usually ... but truth is its bothering me now and i get attached to guys really easily i dont want to get hurt, Im always in these situations i never end up having a relationship i get screwed over all the time, but i really like him. And he acts like he lives so far away he lives 20 minutes away..i only see him once a week or every two weeks when he comes home plus the weekends when we work together. I mean he acts like my boyfriend, he comes over my house and talks to my parents he seems like he cares about me and he gets jealous when other gus talk to me you know? And when we work on the weekends i ask him what hes doing and he says (whatever hes doing) but i dont feel like it do you want to hang out? its not all the time but its quite a few times like im the second choice and im convenient..But it sucks cause i really like him so im thinking maybe he will make up his mind and ask me to be his girlfriend but i dont know how long that will take if ever, and the longer it is the more i get hurt....but winter vacation is a month and its in a few weeks so maybe something will happen cause he will be home? Should i confront him? i dont want it to seem like im giving him an ultimatium either pick me or get wit other girls you know? what should i do? what would you do? sorry if i was rambaling i didnt want to leave anything out lol thank you! (link)
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This guy has already made up his mind. You've realized that. Walk away. He's given you his answer already. If you stay and continue to be hurt by him, you'll only have yourself to blame. Consider yourself warned, from the very source himself!
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Hi 19/f i am a sophomore in college with ADHD. i take medicine for it. well even though i take focalin i still can't concentrate and i end up watching tv and going on the computer. and whenever i go on the computer i go facebook, youtube, and watch porn. i don't know what to do. i am not even suppose to be on facebook/youtube but i still get on. i am suppose to be studying for my midterm in geography. i didn't do well on the first one because i didn't know about it. well now i write stuff down, but my stuff's not organized, i mean i have papers all over the table. and when my parents come home they always ask me if im done and if i say no, they get mad. i know it's ridiculous that they ask me but i mean i can't focus. im not disciplined at all. i mean i just waste time. and my mom calls me and i told her i read a chapter in geography and i lied. i hate when she asks me and i know i shouldn't since i don't do my work but it annoys me. i lie a lot also. its really messed up and i don't know what to do. i've been talking to my therapist and she tells me not to go on facebook and youtube and to just focus. but it's hard so what should i do? this has been going on for years and im going crazy. I can't go on a higher dose of focalin because my weight is low. so idk what to do. please help! (link)
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You don't sound like you're having an issue with your ADHD... you sound depressed. Tell your therapist right away, and you have to be completely honest with her. Tell her just what you said here. The good news is, there is help, and you don't have to stay this way. The bad news is, its going to take some effort on your part to find the proper help, and that means being COMPLETELY honest with your therapist. Even if you keep lying to everyone else, you have to tell her the truth because she's the one person who can really help.
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Okay so I have no idea what I want for christmas other than uggs and gift cards so I was thinking I could ask for a bunch of expensive styling products that I would never buy myself. I have crazy curly/frizzy hair.
I have a curling iron but I'm not too impressed with it. Maybe it's just user error though, I'm not sure. What is the best curling iron. I was thinking about getting a waving iron too but do you think that would work if i have naturally curly hair?
I'm very happy with my straightener so I don't need a new one until this one breaks.
I also might want a new blow dryer. Does anyone know if those blowdryers that also straighten your hair work? I'll even have my hair blown out at salons and they can't even get it to not frizz so i'd need a really good blow dryer to blow out my hair. Also whats the best one for defusing?
As far as products go.... I'm lost. I'd like a curl cream that like stops frizz and defines curls but I haven't found a good one yet, i've tried a few gels and mousses too with not much luck. I'm also trying to grow my hair out so I'd like something that prevents heat damage and something that nourishes my hair. Other than that what's the best antifrizz serum? (link)
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I have the same kind of hair and have struggled to find good products. I found a leave in conditioner and frizz serum called "Mixed Chicks" and it has changed my life. Seriously, I have thrown out all my other products. Its a bit expensive but worth every penny. If you can't afford it or don't like it, you can also try Frizz Eaze products. They have a whole line of products for frizzy care. Good luck!
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Hey ok so what is the best like absolute beat hair straightener/flat iron? It needs to work well for medium-thick hair, be under 30$ and actually work good. Needs to have even heat throughout. Lots of answers would be amazingggggg (link)
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Make sure its ceramic. That works best.
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