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Can I call him my boyfriend?
I'm 21 year old female and i have a rather pressing question. Well i got out of a 4 year relationship a while ago and it was rather serious we were engaged to be married. it ended for abusive reasons. my friend lets call him matt also got out of a long relationship too i believe 5 years and he is 24. we have been friends for a few years and resently we started to become more than friends we are sort of secretly dating since our families are telling us to take time to be single and be independaant since niether of us has ever lived alone. but i don"t want to wait and he doesn't either. i would llike to know how long before i can call hiim my boyfriend to my family ps its been 6 months since my break up and 3 since his if that helps thank you for your help
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Couldn't agree more with Raz! I have nothing to add except its very sound advice and you'd do well to follow it. Good luck!
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You've got two separate issues here, and I think this might be easier to understand if you separate them.
First issue: You are seeing someone.
Second issue: You need to learn to live by yourself, as an adult, in order to be happy and successful in life.
This might be a lot easier to explain to your parents if you recognize that dating someone again is great and wonderful for you both (even though it has happened a bit fast) BUT that you aren't going to further complicate the matter by moving in together right away.
Your families have a very, very valid and real worry if you do not learn to live alone and independently now, that you never will. People who are terrified of living by themselves, or who never acquire that skill, are at a huge disadvantage in life and are often the ones who find themselves trapped in negative or abusive situations without knowing how to escape.
It's fair for them to be worried about you.
Consider their advice seriously, and realize that dating someone you care about is one thing, but trying to plan your lives together so soon after breakups and so soon after getting together, is probably not a healthy plan.
Agree to take it slow. Have fun dating him, but also plan some independent projects and goals. And when you tell your parents, tell them that you understand their concerns and that you are going to make sure you have the skills you need, before jumping headlong into a cohabitation again.
Call him your boyfriend if that is what he is, but for goodness sake don't plan you lives together yet. It's good to be excited about a new romance - but don't be irrational and make far reaching plans right away. You are very young, and it's very important you take it slowly, and establish confidence as individuals as well.
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