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Fiance's 11yo cousin posted something sexually inappropriate on Facebook.
I'm 23/F.
I was on Facebook today and was thoroughly surprised to see that his cousin had posted a note titled "I Cost $(dollar amount) A Night!" Turns out it's one of those survey things where you fill out a checklist and get points for various things, add them up and then use the number in the title.
Why is this a problem? She's 11. I really don't think she knows what it means. Her mother really doesn't monitor her Facebook usage, and nobody has said anything about it yet. I asked my fiance to text the girl's mom and let her know, but he thinks it'll make us look bad if we do.
What course of action should we take? Are we reading too much into it?
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I'm a mother and I would want to know. I don't think a simple text explaining what you saw would be inappropriate. But you have to be willing to provide the info and then back off. Like Raz said, some people choose not to monitor their children closely, and like it or not, its their business. A friendly heads up shouldn't be an issue, just don't make it a habit. Once you've alerted her, its up to her to keep up with her own kid.
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If it's a single incident, then yes, I think you are reading too much into it.
I also think you need to let your partner's opinion be the deciding one, since this is the family he has known since infancy and has the highest stakes in.
Most 11 year olds I have met recently would have an idea of what "__$ a Night" actually meant, maybe not a clear idea, but a good clue. Whether that makes it better or worse I'm not sure, but you can be certain that is much like the jokes she hears from, and tells to, her classmates. It's not other worldly to her.
If there is a pattern or habit of these sorts of posts, that would be something to bring to her mother's attention. Or more precisely: That would be something for your partner to bring to her mother's attention. You're a fiance, not family yet. Best not to presume.
If her mother is choosing not to monitor her daughter's Facebook use, I would wait to see if there was a pattern of concerning behavoir before interfering. If the only thing about the nature of the post that bothered you was it's title, then it's really one joke in poor taste, not a pattern of accessing or discussing mature content.
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My family does this stuff too, little cousins 13-17. I sent them a message telling them how trashy this looks and how it could screw things up for them, and I think you should talk to your cousin directly. Only if she does it again would I escalate and talk to the girl's mom. She deserves a chance to make her own decisions about her information, to start controlling what she does online. If you go behind her back she'll only be more secretive, and that'll make it easier for her to lose sight of what's dangerous to share and what's not.
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