I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172979
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Will I bleed when my cherry gets popped or will it hurt really bad or just a little? (link)
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Your cherry can get torn, or popped, from an injury, a tampon, getting fingered, masturbating by going inside your vagina with a finger/anything, or by naturally disintegrating. None of these things will necessarily cause you pain or bleeding.
If you are a straight girl, or a bisexual one, the first time you have sex CAN cause bleeding or pain. It is usually only a few small spots of blood, though some girls need to wear a pad for a few hours afterwards. If the bleeding is particularly heavy or long-lasting, something isn't right and they should consult a doctor.
The actual feelings of your first time can range from uncomfortable to quite painful. This is determined by how aroused you are, how you emotionally feel about the situation, and whether your vagina has had anything in it in the past.
There is no way for anyone to predict how much bleeding or pain a girl will experience when she has intercourse - but it's worth noting that it's not bad enough to make most people stop having an interest in sex!
Best of luck.
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Hi i want to get rid of my pubic hair but im unsure about shaving as i do not want to get sore and itchy. I am seventeen and from England and i was wondering what to do about going to a salon? what would i ask for? (i want all the hair to be gone) and are you allowerd to go to a salon at 17?
Thanks (link)
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Waxing is a good option for skipping razor burn and having a hair-free finish for longer than razors would provide. It can be painful, however, and that's why it's a good idea to go to a salon the first few times. You can learn firsthand how to do it, which products work with your skin, and not have the chances of making any mistakes.
You might want to consider getting a traditional bikini wax first to see if you like waxing - this means the therapist would just remove the hair that would be visible were you wearing panties or the bottom half of a bikini.
If you would still like everything off, you can simply say that to the salon. Some people call this a 'Brazilian wax,' although the term can be confusing as it can also mean leaving some hair in a certain shape. For clarity's purposes, just say you'd like a complete wax, with no hair remaining.
Make sure you go to a reputable salon - you'll want to go to a clean, professional place. Be forewarned that waxing can be pricy, so be sure to ask how much it is when you book the appointment.
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I used to use the pulling out method but after the second pregnancy scare I decided against it. I'm 20 and going through school so a child (though a very happy and blessed idea when I get my degree) wouldn't be the best for me right now. Anyway...
In one of your previous responses on page 1 you said that pre-cum had a few sperm in it to lower the acidity of a woman's vagina but in a later responce you said that it was just like regular semon that had thousands of sperm in it. If you could clear this up for me that would be great.
P.S. I believe this is a great site that allows young people to ask practical questions (no matter how bazzar) and recieve a truthful straightforward answer without the fear of taunting or other unfavorable drawbacks. What you're doing is a great thing and I hope you keep doing more of it! (link)
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Sorry for any confusion. I did try to find the other answer, but couldn't.
Pre-cum is a clear alkaline fluid, also known as 'Cowper's Fluid.' In scientific terms, it is there to lubricate the penis (to help out with penetration), and also help the foreskin slide back from the head of the penis. It also can help neutralize any acidity in the penis (leftover from urine).
There are conflicting sources on info on how many sperm are present in pre-cum, and how likely a woman is to get pregnant from them. The health authority in England says that thousands of sperm can be pregnant in pre-cum. Pre-cum can include leaking of actual cum, as well as the clear lubricating fluid. Pre-cum has been shown to have STDs such as HIV in it, so it's not safe to prevent pregnancy or the transmission of any possible STDs/STIs.
All these fancy words and studies aside, I always say better safe than sorry. If you and your partner don't like condoms (and you've both tested negative for STDs), then you might want to consider other forms of birth control.
Thanks for the kind words - I think it's always important for young people to be able to ask questions and get clear, unbiased, and non-embarassed advice. I wish you the best.
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ok well im going out with this guy and we have hung out twice so far. he wants to keep our relationship a secret from the girls in his public school (i go to private school). I got in a fight with some girls and he doesnt want rumors to be spread. im not sure if hes scared hes gunna be made fun of or what. im confused and im not sure if i should dump him. (link)
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What reasons has he given you for keeping the relationship secret?
If it has any chance of being a solid, genuine relationship, the secrecy has to go. People keep secrets when they want to mess around, when they are embarassed, etc. None of these things should be present in a good relationship.
You could ask this guy why he wants things to be a secret, and what sort of rumours he thinks could be spread. Is he worried about your reputation, or his?
And if he knows this secret thing bothers you, is he willing to let people know you're together?
This is a situation where you should listen to your heart AND mind. Best of luck.
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I recently received some oral sex from my boyfriend the same day that I shaved my vagina, the very next day my boyfriend had a sore on his lip (possibly a cold sore) and I had what I thought at first was razor burn, but now 2 days later after reading tonnes of stuff on the ineternet, I am very worried that I might have contracted the herpes virus, I am pretty scared, but I don't know if I am freaking out or I do actually have herpes... help! (link)
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If what is on your boyfriend's lip is actually a cold sore, then there is a possibility you may have contracted herpes.
The only person who will be able to tell you whether or not you have herpes is a medical professional.
Genital herpes look like small, pus filled blisters. These eventually burst and leave small painful sores. They will dry out, get scabs, and heal, but it may take 2-4 weeks to a heal. A doctor will be able to proscribe tablets which will help things heal much quicker. It's important to note that while the symptoms may go away, herpes is a virus that will always be in your system. As of yet, there is no cure.
The first outbreak is usually the worst. Some people never have another outbreak, while others have them regularly. It is increadibly important to use protection and let your future partners know you have herpes.
Other symptoms include itching/tingling in your vaginal or anal region, painful peeing, backache, headache, flu-like illness.
While this sounds scary and dramatic (and is, actually), the sooner you head over to a doctor the better. You may be worrying needlessly - and this may be a good lesson in safer sex for you. if you do NOT have herpes, note that you will want to avoid unprotected sexual contact with your boyfriend when he has cold sores. While kissing will have to go on hold, oral sex can continue with a dental dam or a condom cut open and put lubricant side down.
Best of luck.
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ok so at school i was drawing this random picture and there was this guy sitting next to me (i'm a girl) and the picture i was drawing happened to be of a girl also and she didn't have a head yet so he says to me "I never thought i would see this in a girls notebook! your a lezbian!" i'm not and so he tell my whole class (its a small school things get around fast) so now all my friends are uncomfortable around me and i'm afraid that none of the guys will like me now. Help me please! (link)
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If you act comfortable with this situation, and as if there is nothing to be embarassed about, your friends are likely to do the same. If you act like there is something to be shameful about or need to hide, your friends will probably be a little suspicious.
You and I both know there's nothing wrong with drawing whatever you want - after all, that's what art is. This guy sounds immature, and are you willing ruin you?
If he told people you are a lesbian, they might be wondering if you are. Chances are he didn't tell them he thought this because of a picture you drew. Rumours grow and spread.
To nip this in the bud, explain what happened to your friends. They'll hopefully help spread the word, and this will blow over before you know it.
Best of luck.
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ummm hello,im 13 curently and when i was about 3 my sisters dressed me up as a girl for a joke to show my mom. (she had her girly friends over for thre night) anyway they used ballons for boobs.evr since i just wanted to see wut i would look like as a girl..ive wondered if i would be a prety girl lolz. anyway now that im older i can sneek in there bed room and get there makeup and maybe a tight shirt.im a skater and right now the style here is tight jean so i get girls jeans. thats all taken care of. but i dont kno how to make it look like i actually have boobs wut should i do?and for makeup how do i put it on right? (link)
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Well, you can buy a bra (or borrow one of your sister's, I guess!) and stuff it. This means putting tissue or other materials between your skin and the bra. This can sometimes look lumpy or bumpy, but a padded bra will keep you looking more natural.
Makeup is hard to describe. Do you have a female friend who might be willing to give you lessons?
Otherwise there are websites that can give you step-by-step instructions on what to do with the different types.
Best of luck.
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So, my boyfriend and I recently started having sex on New Years Eve. We've done it twice, and
both times it was painful (obviouslly).
He told me to use hand lotion and rub it all over the condom to make it less painful. I was wondering, would this really work? (link)
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Hand lotion will mess up the latex. Only water-based lubricant (like KY Jelly - probably near the condoms in the pharmacy) is safe to use with condoms. This means no lotions, massage oil, etc. It's just not safe.
In addition to the risk to the condom, chances are it will also really irritate your vagina.
Sex can be painful for the first few times. It's not as easy as having sex once and then automatically it feeling better. Things that can help are lubricated condoms or lubricant. More importantly, though, is how excited you feel.
Before having sex, spend plenty of time kissing and touching to be sure your body is really ready for sex. This will make your vagina more naturally lubricated and ready for penetration.
Make sure you have him enter you slowly, and take it really gentle until you feel more ready. If the pain is extremely intense, lasts awhile, or sex continues to be painful after a month or so, your best bet is to see a doctor. Now that you're sexually active, you'll need to see a gyno once a year anyway.
I wish you the best.
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o.k im 14 and im starting to get a little intimate with my bf. i know that he wants to finger me, but i dont know if i should shave? is it weird if i dont shave? is it weird if i do shave? im not sure in which situation he would be for uncomfortable with and i cant ask him. (link)
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Well, it's really about what you are comfortable with. Shaved, trimmed, not shaved - it's totally up to you. Any of them is okay and normal.
I guess you would want to consider the pros and cons of each method:
How much work/time/razor burn is involved?
What's easiest for you to upkeep?
What would make you physically most comfortable?
What would make you emotionally most comfortable?
In his lifetime, a guy will come across women with all sorts of pubic hair styles. It's really up to the woman, and if a guy is so upset about one style over another, he's probably not a guy worth keeping around. After all, the important stuff is being close with each other, not ranking your ability as a pubic hair stylist!
Chances are he will be much more interested in any activities you are doing than in judging you - or you would hope a guy you were getting intimate with would take that viewpoint. Perhaps once you feel more comfortable with him, you'll feel more able to ask him if he has a preference.
But like anything in a relationship, while you can consider his likes/dislikes, the end call is up to you. If you do things purely for the other person and not for yourself, you're not doing yourself any favours. I'm sure whichever you pick will be right for you...and remember, you can always change your mind. Hair grows back.
Best of luck.
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i want to know i am still a virgin can i get pregnant if my boyfriend brushes me? but when he cums he throws out (link)
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I'm not too clear on what you are asking.
If you are saying that your boyfriend touches your vagina with his penis, but does not enter you, then yes. There is a small chance of pregnancy.
From the minute a penis becomes hard, it leaks a tiny amount of fluid called 'pre-cum'. Pre-cum has thousands of sperm in it, so it's possibile to get pregnant from this even if the guy never cums.
This is risky behaviour; a safer option would be to have him wear a condom if you wanted to do this.
Best of luck.
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Is it possible to get Pregnaunt from have sex if you use a condom and are on the pill. Also If he pulls out of you before he ejects the sperm. (link)
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It's always possibile to get pregnant if you are having sex.
However, if you are using the pill and condom correctly, the chances are minimal. If you are going to have sex, it sounds as though you are doing it the safest way possible.
You wouldn't be able to make the risk any smaller.
So it's up to you to either continue having smart sex and take the tiny chance of pregnancy, or decide that it isn't currently a risk you can take.
Congrats on the safe sex. I wish you the best.
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I am 12 and i had sex with a 20 year old and now shes pregnat what do i do? (link)
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It's unlikely you will be required to do much of anything, as this would legally be seen as child abuse.
Your best bet is to tell someone immediately. You need to make sure you are protected in this situation; even if you have/had feelings for this woman, she should not have engaged in sex with you. You are at very different places emotionally and physically, and she has taken advantage of you by having sex with you.
It's also important you tell someone, because you will most likely need to talk about how you feel. The possibility of becoming a father at 12 is overwhelming, and talking could help.
I wish you the best.
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ok soo, this is my first month starting birth control.. and me and my boyfriend have sex quite frequently.. without a condom.. but he still pulls out. i know it isn't smart but anyways is the birth control affective the first month? bc im already having signs of sore breast and cramps and i spotted a little bit, and i hope its not pregnancy, and just the start of the birth control?
PLEASE HELP. (link)
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Generally, it's safest to use another form of birth control (like a condom) for the first month you are on the pill. The pill is NOT effective immediately.
Pulling out does not protect against pregnancy, because pre-cum (the tiny amount of liquid a penis leaks from the moment it is hard) has thousands of sperm in it.
Your symptoms could be pregnancy, or they could be normal PMS. Your safest option is to consult with your doctor, who will be able to advise you more accurately.
I wish you the best.
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Hey everyone. I've decided I'm ready to have sex; however, the guy I desire to do it with doesn't want to use a condom and he wants me to go on birth control.
1. Can I get birth control at 16 without my parents knowing?
2. If I was put on birth control and we had sex without condoms and he ejaculated inside of me...is it at all possible to get pregnant?
3. Is it possible to get pregnant from swallowing sperm?
4. Do condoms protect against STDs? (link)
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Both people in a sexual relationship should take responsibility for protecting themselves and each other. If this boy doesn't want to use a condom with you, he might not have used one with someone else - and that means he could have an STD. Many STDs have no noticeable symptoms, especially in boys, so there would be no way of knowing if he was clean or not.
Also, why isn't he more concerned about helping protect you from an unwanted pregnancy? The safest sort of sex is using a condom plus another form of birth control - the pill, the shot, etc.
Depending on where you live, you may be able to get birth control without your parents' knowledge. As I don't know where you're at, your best option might be to try a local clinic which will be able to advise you of your options. Be sure to ask them about their policy on confidentiality if you are concerned.
It is possible to get pregnant if you are on birth control. Here's some effectiveness rates of various birth controls - note this is only if taken absolutlely correctly, with no margin for mistakes:
combined pill - 99% effective
progeesterone only pill - 99%
contraceptive injection - 99%
implant - 99%
While these numbers sound good, is this something you want to take a chance on?
You cannot get pregnant from swallowing sperm. You can get pregnany anytime semen, which contains sperm, enters your vagina. This includes BEFORE the boy cums.
Condoms do protect against STDs. Again, they aren't 100%, but they significantly decrease the chances of you contracting (or spreading) an infection.
Best of luck.
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ok what happens when you want birht control does the doctor examine you with a tube or something or could you just get them please help (link)
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Well, a good person to see is a gyno. A female doctor might be best if you feel nervous.
Once you have started to have sex, you will need to see a gyno once a year. She will examine you inside with a finger or two (and possibly push on your tummy from outside), as well as using a small device to hold open your cervix while she swabs it with a bit of cotton. None of this will hurt, though you may feel a bit of discomfort - emotionally or physically!
If you explain that it is your first time and you are feeling nervous, she should be able to talk you through everything she is doing and put your nerves at ease.
You can then discuss your birth control needs with the doctor. There are a few different options aside from the pill, so the two of you will have a frank, honest discussion about what would work best for your body and lifestyle. She would also give you detailed info about how birth control works, etc.
If the pill was the right option for you, she would give you a prescription. I'm not sure what country you live in, but in the UK you would be entitled to free birth control. In the US, this is available at local clinics.
Best of luck.
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Hi im 12 years old im a female i look at woman when there live i get wet once they touch there self and sometimes i get sexual and wanting to have sex but why does this happen should i have sex when i feel like it my vagina hole startes to get wet and i like fingering my self i wounder do i like girls i wanan lick there pusssy or get a dick put in my vagina hole and go up and down waht should i do about this sexal sex thing b.c i wanna have sex but don't no wat to do ? But i abdly wanna have sex sooo much ALOT BADLY (link)
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Twelve isn't the best age to start having sex. You've already figured out one of the reasons why - you aren't sure of your sexual orientation.
You may be bisexual, which means you are attracted to boys and girls. You may also be a lesbian, which means you only like girls, or even straight (meaning you only like guys). Any of these is perfectly fine and okay, but it is worth it to take your time and try to figure yourself out.
It's natural to get wet when you are feeling sexually excited; that's what the female body does. For now, masturbation is probably the best choice for you. While many girls finger themselves, a huge amount also touch their clitoris (a little knob of flesh above the hole by a couple of inches).
This is best for your body - no chance of pregnancy or STDs. It's also best for your mind and heart - no chance of making a decision you might really regret, no complications of having sex put pressure on a relationship, etc.
Right now, a very big number of people your age are going through the same thing. It's normal. However, it's important to really think carefully about whether or not you feel ready for sex - whoever you have sex with.
I wish you the best.
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This guy and i are realy into eachother and he's sort of made it clear he wants to finger me. Im ok with this and would like to go for it but i have a somewhat constant discharge. I dont know how he'd feel about it. im rather embarresed about what he'd think. Thanks. (link)
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Most females have discharge throughout the month. Most females also get wet when they are sexually excited - the amount of lubrication can vary from a bit to quite a lot. Either way, chances are that your natural lubrication will be what is noticeable, rather than the tiny amount of natural discharge.
I can understand why you feel concerned, but this is something that everyone has and deals with. You're perfectly normal and healthy, and hopefully anyone you hook up with is mature enough to deal with that.
And let's face it - many guys aren't that clear about how the female body works. He probably is not going to be hugely focused on discharge, since he's going to be happily hooking up with a girl he's interested in.
Best of luck.
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16/f
1) is it true that when you have sex for the 1st time, you often miss your period?
2) how long into pregnancy is it when you have to pee every half hour?
3) how long could a "fake pregnancy" last? and how could you stop it?
4) i also feel funny when i pee, almost like it hurts.. is that normal for pregnancy?
(link)
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Having sex will not affect your period. Things such as lots of worry or anxiety will, though, so if you're stressing about a possibile pregnancy then it's conceivable your period could be late because of this.
As far as pregnancy and peeing goes, you wouldn't be noticing this very early on. One thing this IS a sign of is a bladder infection.
I'm not sure what you mean by 'fake pregnancy.' I do know that many girls have been so worried about being pregnant, they feel that every little twinge, bloat, or bump is a sign they're pregnant. In fact, many symptoms of pregnancy are also signs of PMS.
Painful pee, again, is a sign that something isn't right - and it's not a pregnancy. It could be a bladder infection among other things. Sex can push bacteria up your urethra, causing an infection. It's easily treatable, but you will need to see a doctor.
It's best to see a doctor to get a correct diagnosis and treatment - and also speak to them about getting a referral to a gyno. You'll nee to see one now that you're sexually active, and he/she will be able to inform you about your birth control options. If your period is really late, you'll also be able to be tested for pregnancy and explore your options. It's best to do this as quickly as possible.
Best of luck.
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I'm 18 and i'm pregnant i told my boyfriend as soon as i found out. When i told him he told me to get an abortion.I told him i will think about it.2 weeks past by and i call him and told him i was keeping it.He was mad and told me that it was ok.During this part he's going to jail and i don't no what to do.He told me don't tell anyone that it's his. (link)
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Well, whatever your boyfriend's opinion is, you need to do what you feel is right for you. You've taken this first step by deciding that keeping the baby is right for you, despite his asking you to get an abortion.
Right now the main focus is not you or your boyfriend - it's your baby. You'll want to make an appointment to see your doctor as soon as possible. You will need to get info on nutrition, fetal development, pregnancy, and set dates for other appointments. This is the first step to ensuring your baby will have a good, strong pregnancy. (And note: if you drink, stop drinking alcohol now!)
As for the other side of things - your boyfriend has a legal obligation to help support your child. If he is in jail, he may not be able to offer much money, but it is important to legally put him down as the father and receive at least nominal child support - this is far easier than trying to get it down the road.
It does not sound as if your boyfriend wants an active part in the baby's life, which will have a big impact on your relationship. The two of you need to have a serious discussion, hopefully before he goes to jail, about the future and what both of you want for it. It's important to be clear for yourselves and for your unborn child.
You may end up being a single mother, which is tough at any age. Get support from local young parents' groups, your family, and friends - or wherever else you feel comfortable receiving support.
I wish you the very best of luck.
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I'm not sure but I've been told I have OCD.
I know some things I do seem a bit odd but w/e. I'll give some examples so you can tell me what you think...
- My food cannot touch
- When I'm sitting down, people cannot touch my chair or table
- When I do my hair, it has to be perfect or I redo it
- My spelling has to be correct (caps)
- When I speak french, it has to be with a certain accent even though I'm not from the area where that accent is normal (compicated one)
- etc...
What do you think? What should I do about these things? (link)
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Every single person on the planet has little obsessions or compulsions. It's normal to have these.
These can include things like what you've written, and also many others.
The difference between these small obsessions/compulsions and diagnosed OCD is that OCD will usually have a severe impact on your life. You might not be able to make it to school on time - ever - because you need to carry out an extensive cleaning routine in the mornings, for example.
If what you've described is making it difficult ot impossible for you to carry on with your normal life, then head to a doctor. He/she will be able to refer you to a psychiatrist in your area who will be able to screen you for the disorder and diagnosis it. Treatment usually includes a mixture of prescription drugs and behavioural therapy.
Best of luck.
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