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about
While I am still young, I have had a great deal of life experience. It is from this that I give advice. I am open minded and try not to be judgemental. If I can help in any way, I will. Just ask. However, like everyone else in this world, I am not perfect. My advice may not always suit you, since my experiences are not the same as yours. If you want clarification on any answers I give, feel free to ask me. If you don't like what I said, or if I offended you, let me know. This is the best way for me to improve on my responses. Thanks for looking at my page!
advice
I think I may have depression. I don't know if it is temporary or not. I have shown several classic symptoms of depression for nearly three months now, and I am so afraid to ask for help. I feel like there shouldn't be anything wrong with me, and I can't talk to my family about it, because I don't want it to become a huge ordeal. My mom has three sisters - the way they gossip, my problems would be all over the family before the words even left my mouth. I really don't want to draw any attention to myself because I am ashamed that I can't shake this feeling. Are there tips for dealing with possible depression without seeking help? Should I just treat the symptoms as they appear?
DO NOT TRY TO TREAT THIS ON YOUR OWN!!!
Sorry, but this is something that could have killed me. I do not take it lightly.
Yes, it is possible that is is not serious. It could be teenage hormones. But if it has been three months and you can't shake it, that is probably not the case. Please, please see a doctor or a counselor. Let them know how long it has been that you have felt this way. Go ahead and talk to your family. Talk to your mom. Tell her that you are concerned about the way others will react and ask her to please not talk about it with others.
Depression is very hard. It is harder when you feel like you are alone. If you just treat the symptoms, you may not be treating the cause. The cause could be chemical or external. External means something has happened in your life to trigger it. You haven't said anything about that, but perhaps you just didn't feel like it.
Take a look at my column. I have answered a couple other questions on depression. Perhaps that will help you. And please feel free to contact me if you need any help at all. I know the effects of depression first-hand and will do whatever I can to help others avoid the pain I have had. And sometimes it just takes being able to talk to someone who understands.
So, please see a doctor, talk to your mom, and let me know how things are going for you.
My boyfriend is 16 years old has real bad family problems. He is often depressed and thinks about suicide a lot. He tells me that if I weren't in his life he would have already killed himself and that if we broke up he will probably kill himself. We have been dating for 3 years. How can I tell if he is being serious about killing himself? I'm afraid that if we break up that he is going to kill himself, so I feel obligated not to end the relationship. What do I do?
Depression is an issue I take very seriously. I ended up in the hospital having my stomach pumped because of it.
You can't tell how serious he is about killing himself. There is a good chance he isn't sure if he would or not. He hasn't been pushed quite to that point yet.
He is desperately looking for someone to help him, and laying that responsibility on you whether you like it or not. That is incredibly unfair to you, but a depressed person is pretty much incapable of realizing that. I know. I treated my family horribly and didn't realize it until I got help.
He needs help. He needs to talk to a professional. A counselor may be able to help, though he may need someone a little more experienced, like a psycholigist or psychiatrist (each is more trained/certified than the previous).
Is your relationship good enough that you can get him to a counselor, even if it is just one at school? It may be easier for him to go if you are with him. If he is unwilling to go, then I recommend that you talk to a counselor for him. I would have suggested talking to his parents, but if it is family problems causing his depression, that may not be the best thing. If you talk to the counselor at school, the counselor may be able to call him into his office and talk to him a bit. That may be just the little push needed to get him real help.
Now, you also need to consider yourself. How is your relationship with him? Do you want to be with him, despite his depression? Or do you want to move on? If you want to move on, that is understandable. You are both young, and you will both bounce back. Yes, even he will bounce back. Help him get into counseling, you are concerned enough that this is likely important for both of you. Then, do whatever you need to do for you, knowing he will be ok. If you leave and he does do something drastic, know that it is not your fault. He has problems that are much deeper than anything you can control, and you need to take care of yourself or you could end up in therapy as well. If you are going to stick with him, then be prepared for a long road ahead. It will take him a long time to heal from the ongoing damage he has had. Patience and understanding are very important. If you are not up to that, tell him and let him go or both of you will end up worse in the end.
Please keep me updated. Like I said, I take depression very seriously. If there is anything more I can do, anymore help I can offer, please let me know. I've been there and know how hard it is.
i've been having yeast infections lately, my doctor told me to buy the over the counter stuff. so i did and got rid of it. well me and my boyfrind ended up having sex two days after i was done with the medicine ((finished saturday. sex on monday)). in a way i could feel it comin back but i didn't think it was that. wed. me and my boyfriend had sex again. and now i have the yast infection AGAIN! i plan on buying the meds again but i was woundering that bC i had sex in such a short time after i finished the meds is that why it came back again? also how long should i wait to have sex again when i finish there next meds? ((my boyfriends is buy it for me this weekend))
It seems to me that before you knew you had the infection, you gave it to your boyfriend. Then you treated yourself, but he still had it. So, he gave it back to you. I do not know the best way for a male to treat a yeast infection, though it is likely that the same internal meds (pills) that a woman would use would work for a man. The best thing to do is have him see a doctor. Both of you treat the yeast infections properly, then go back to your normal life.
Also, some women are just prone to yeast infections. It could be a dietary thing, or a hygeine issue, or just plain wierd body chemistry. You may want to ask your doctor if that could be what is happening with you at your next regular appointment, sooner if it doesn't stop with both you and your bf getting treated.
How do u mastervate
Well, there are so many possible answers to that question. Instead of providing an in-depth description here, I decided to see what I could find online.
A quick search yielded many results. I only looked at a few. Here are a couple good, helpful sites:
for pretty much all the info you could need: http://www.solotouch.com/
Common myths: http://parentingteens.about.com/od/masterbationmyths/a/masterbation.htm
Hope that helps. If you have more specific questions on this topic, feel free to ask and I will try my best to answer.
I have had my tongue pierced for almost a month and its a little swollen att he bottom but not usually... But everytime when i wake up its swollen... It does go down though
Whats up with this?
You probably press your tongue against your teeth when you sleep, perhaps even catching the bottom of the piercing in your teeth once in a while. I don't think it is a bacteria problem, because that would irritate the top as well.
To be on the safe side, call the place where you got it done and ask them what they think.
Hi, I'm 17/f and I'm worried. How can you tell if your wisdom teeth are going to grow in properly, and does anyone know the amount of space you will need for them to grow? Not precise, but about how much? thanks.
Unless you are in pain, the only way to tell something is wrong with your wisdom teeth is to see a dentist.
I was having excruciating pain, so I got mine removed. This was done last April. Here is my experience:
First, I am a big baby. I HATE needles. They had to put in an IV because I was being knocked out completely. I was terrified. The last time I had general anesthesia I woke up in a panic. So, I was not looking forward to this. I was also scared because when my ex had his removed, he was in a great deal of pain. I don't take pain well.
They put the IV in then they gave me the oxygen mask and I was out before I could count to 10 (they told me to count to 100. I think I remember getting to 7). When I woke up, my face felt, well, it didn't feel. I wasn't hurting. I felt puffy.
We picked up my Rx and went home. I took the pills when I was told to. Eating was incredibly difficult. I just couldn't open my mouth enough. So, having soft foods like yogurt and soup is very important.
The pain from the surgery was really not too bad. However, I did get some nasty pain because I couldn't feel if I was rinsing well enough, and it turned out I wasn't. I ended up with food in the sockets because I was too numb to feel the rinsing. The dentist gave me a thorough rinse and applied some medication and I was fine. I recommend having a medicine syringe for rinsing. That is what the dentist used. You can squirt water right on the sockets with enough pressure that you know you are getting it right, even if you can't feel it.
The pain I had after surgery was nothing compared to the pain I had before. Waiting too long to get them removed was really not a good thing.
As for going back to your normal life, some people are able to the same day. Some take a week. Because I am a big baby, I took a while. But I am a housewife and mom, so that was ok. You are younger than I am, and the younger you are the quicker you bounce back. That is partly because the teeth haven't gotten impacted, or really stuck in the wrong place. They are easier to remove, and that means less of a problem after. I HIGHLY recommend checking with a dentist by your late teens to see if they will need removed. Don't wait until they hurt. It isn't worth it. An 18 year old friend of mine just had hers removed and was fine the next day. So, check with your dentist. It will be easier now than later.
I am 15/f and I weigh around 140lbs and i am 5'7'' or maybe bit taller.
I am pretty average around everywhere else BUT my thighs...
I have noticed I have these HUGE thighs when I was trying on this swim suit.
I've read some stuff about how to tone down my legs and all that like do yoga, do pilate, or dance. And some articles said I cant get rid of thigh fats what so ever because that's just in my gene or whatever.
So what is to believe? and I dont think the whole yoga and pilate is working for me because I've been doing those and dancing and cardio for over a year and I seem to lose weight on everywhere else but my thigh.
So can someone help Please???
Thank you in advance!!!
I have big thighs too. At age 16 I was visiting with my father and my aunt. My aunt is very athletic, and yet she has big thighs. My mom is in great shape, and has big thighs. So, I get it from both sides of my family. Do the women in your family have big thighs? I bet they do.
I walk a lot. Always have. My thighs are still big. I took karate for a while. I was in great shape then, but still had big thighs. Even when I weighed a meager 105 (I was a stick!) I had big thighs. There is very little that can be done about it.
On the plus side, you are the only one who is going to notice. Your weight is wonderful for your height. I am guessing that your thighs will appear to others as pleasant curves. Mine always have, despite my personal issues with them.
If you are like me, you probably get uncomfortable when walking a lot in a skirt. That is easy to fix. Just wear shorts or pantyhose under the skirt.
Other than that, don't worry about it. Wear clothing that flatters your figure. If you are concerned about swimsuits, get one that has a skirty bottom. I find those to be pretty flattering. Also, to draw attention away from the thighs, wear something that accentuates your bust. It works for me!
13/f.
I am very forgetful. I have a very short memory and can't even remember what I ate a couple of nights ago or what I wore. I often tell people about my experiences like something interesting happening or about a party that I went to, but I tell people again, and not even realize that I told them the first time. Help?
At 13 there tends to be a lot going on in one's life. You have school, social life, hormonal changes, family stuff, etc. It is hard to keep track of everything. So, it is normal to have a poor memory at that age. Not remembering what you ate or wore a couple nights ago really isn't so bad. I have a great memory and still manage to do that.
However, if it really bothers you, you may want to look for ways to improve your memory. Keeping a journal is one way. Reading something and quizzing yourself on a regular basis is another good way to get your mind in shape. Play games that test memory, like trivial pursuit. Seems silly, but it really does help. Some people swear by Gingko, and herbal supplement, but I have read that studies show that it really doesn't help. I guess it really is an individual thing though. You could also ask a school counselor for advice. They may be able to give you more techniques to improve your memory.
is masturbating a sin? just a question---cuz i think its completely gross!!
No. It is not a sin. In fact, it is healthy.
Think of this: Masturbation helps you to know your own body. If you know what is normal for your body in that area, you can be more aware when something isn't. This means you can catch problems sooner.
Are you male or female? If you are a female, you should be doing monthly breast exams to make sure everything stays normal. It is important to keep the rest of you healthy too.
I'm not saying you should masturbate even though you think it is gross. That is your decision. I'm just trying to give a different point of view, and there are many. This is just one. If I started on others, well, this would get rather long rather fast. So, I won't.
I have combination skin and when I use washes to get rid oif the oil it drys out my skin to much, but when I use moisturizer I break out. Can anyone reccomend any porducts that will provide a happy medium? Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.
Ok, I am in love with a product that is little known, unless you work with yarn. It is called Everything Balm. It is hand made by a woman in Oklahoma and it is just great stuff. It is all natural and really good for everything. It has made a huge difference on my skin. The ingredients include both moisturizers and astringents, so it is wonderful for combination skin. You can find it at goodiesunlimited.com
I'm not affiliated, I just love the stuff and recommend it to everyone I know.
Hi,
I recently bought some clothes from the Hollister at my mall. I am a 17 year old boy and think the clothes are nice.
When I got home and showed my 13 year old brother the clothes I got (a polo and a sweatshirt) he started screaming at me and said that only posers and gays were Hollister.
I know quite a few people don't like Hollister and quite a few people do.
I am wondering what people think of boys who wear Hollister?
If you are comfortable in your clothes and think they look good on you, then it doesn't matter what your little brother thinks. In fact, anyone who cares that much about what brand of clothing you wear is likely very shallow. I don't think anyone should let shallow people get to them. I know this sounds incredibly cheesy, and I apologize for that, but it is really your opinion of yourself that matters. What you think of yourself shows in so many ways. If you are confident and comfortable, it will show. If you think you look gay or like a poser, then that is how you will appear. No matter what you wear, someone will criticize it for one reason or another, so wear what you want and ignore the critics. Or wear nothing. That would get a different reaction altogether (ok, that would not be a good idea, but I bet someone reading it laughed, and that is always good. I'm in a bit of an odd mood tonight. Hope I didn't offend anyone)
is it normal for people to cry over nothing? like seriously! i think something is wrong with me, maybe depression or something? but i can just sit here and start crying for hours. and so many things will just run throug my head.. do i need help?!
It can be perfectly normal, and it can be a sign of something worse, like depression.
Here are some questions to consider:
When not having a crying spell, how do you feel? Are you able to be happy in general? Or are you feeling sad or distressed most of the time?
Do you still enjoy the things you used to enjoy?
When with friends, are you having a good time?
Do you find your crying spells have a pattern, like around your period, or in certain places, or around certain people? Or are they totally random?
Are there any particular thoughts that trigger this?
How do you feel after a crying spell? Do you feel worse, or do you feel relieved?
Are you sleeping alright?
Are you eating normally (not too often, not too little)?
Have you been holding in emotions in the past? It is possible they are just catching up with you and you need to let it out.
If you are able to enjoy things as usual and you feel relieved after a crying spell, you are sleeping normally, and your eating habits have not really changed, this crying is normal.
If there is a pattern, well, that can help you to resolve it. If you cry more around your period (I am assuming you are a female, if you are not, I do apologize), then it is hormonal and also very normal. If a particular person, place, or thought triggers it, perhaps they should be either confronted or avoided, depending on the situation.
If you find yourself having very negative thoughts or this moodiness starts to interfere with the rest of your life, it can't hurt to talk to your doctor about it. But if the rest of your life is as usual for you, don't worry. That will just make you cry more, and that will create a downward spiral that could turn into something more.
after high school, i'm going to move to italy for a year or 2 to stay with my relatives who live there. i really want to learn italian! i'm going to take online classes for college for those 2 years because i don't want to fall behind. are online classes easier or harder than normal ones and can you do it if you temporarily are living in another country?
I'm not completely sure I understand your question. Are you talking about taking regular college classes to keep up, or are you taking classes online to learn Italian?
If it is to learn a language, it will be much harder to learn online. Hearing an actual person speak the language is so important. Having them able to hear and help you is even more important.
As for regular college classes, the ease of the class depends on a couple things.
First, How do you learn? Do you learn better when you have a class of people with you, or do you prefer one on one? Can you understand new concepts when you read them, or do you like to have someone you can have explain it and answer your questions easily? Are you a procrastinator, or can you keep yourself going without a scheduled class time and a professor enforcing deadlines?
Now, what are the classes? As with language, some classes just aren't meant to be taken online. They may be offered, but that doesn't mean they should be.
If you think learning online will work for you, then the classes won't be a problem. You just have to make it work.
You other question was if you could do it when temporarily in another country. I think that may actually depend on the college and their particular policies. I would contact them as soon as possible to find out.
Another good option is to find a college in Italy. Most schools abroad offer courses in English, and taking some in Italian will help you to learn the language. It would be a wonderful experience.
So you know, I spent the last semester of my senior year in Mexico. I taught english at an elementary school while I was there. I took a dance class at the high school and really immersed myself in the language. In order to graduate high school, I took a correspondance course where I only needed 1/2 elective credit. I took art by mail. That was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I wish you the best of luck on your trip.
Oh, keep a journal and take a lot of pictures. It will be something you won't want to forget.
Hey my name is Rachel and my bofriend jesse and i are both 17 years old and the problem is that we don't have any classes together and my mom won't let me see him after school i've talked to her about it I talk to him on the phone quite alot and the only time I ever see him is about 15 minutes at breakfast before the bell rings at school what should I do?
Hi Rachel.
I personally have not had this situation. My mom has always been incredibly easy going. However, I have been the scapegoat for a few of my friends when they wanted to go see their boyfriends despite their parents. So, I am well aware of the various ways to get around parents. But let's try to work with them first, rather than risking getting into a lot of trouble.
Has your mom given you a reason not to see him after school? You say you have talked with her about it. What did she say? Or did she just say something like "No. You can't see him after school. End of discussion"?
At your age, I'm sure you can talk to her rationally and perhaps get her to see your point of view. If she just forbids it without reason and refuses to discuss it further, that makes things more difficult.
If that is the case, can you both get to school earlier so you have more time before the bell? Can you get involved in an after school activity together? Extra-curricular activities look great on college apps, so it would be hard for your mom to forbid you to participate in something. Would your mom be ok with you seeing him after school in a group setting with a bunch of other friends? It may not be the cozy alone time you would like, but it is better than nothing.
One more thing to consider before I go on to the less than wholesome ideas: you are both 17. Soon you will be 18 and legally able to do what you want. If you can't work with your mom, you don't have long to wait until it won't matter anyway, so you may want to just be patient and not get in trouble.
But if you do feel like getting in trouble, make sure you have a few friends you can truly trust to watch your back. If you make plans to go over to a girl friend's house, will your mom check with her parents to make sure you are there? If not, just let your friend know that you are supposed to be there but you are really with your boyfriend. If your mom calls to talk to you for whatever reason, your friend can say you are in the bathroom/shower/whatever and that you will call back when you are out. Your friend will call you, and you can call your mom (caller id can put a kink in that though. When I was doing this, none of us had caller id).
Or, you can flat out defy your mom, tell her you will see him no matter what, and just walk out. But you will be in a heck of a lot of trouble and likely grounded until the day you turn 18.
Again, before resorting to getting in trouble, give it another try at talking with her. Be rational, try to see her side, explain yours without getting emotional or anything, and see if you can work with your mom instead of against her or behind her back.
Oh, another idea: Would your mom be ok with having him over for dinner sometime? She could get to know him better and you could both talk with her. If she will let him come over, have him bring something for her. A flower might be cheesy, so think of something small she might like or something to contribute to the dinner. Why? Well, it is part sucking up, and part plain old fashioned good manners. Once upon a time, whenever someone went to dinner at someone else's home, they brought a gift for the hostess. This has all but disappeared, along with thank you notes. If he shows good manners and thoughtfulness, it may just melt your mom's heart a bit.
Hope that helps!
hi, i'm in need of advice and i really can't ask anyone, because I don't want to make a big deal. I have a crush. I know him from swim camp but we didn't speak much, only to say good job and such. I wanna do some open to all lifeguard classes with him so i can possibly become friends with him. its just that all of his best friends are in lessons with him and i'm like an outsider. i want to get to know him more, but i'm afraid because i'm entering a class with a bunch of strangers. how can i be friends with him, and not be obvious i like him? also i realllllllllllly like him, and i would like a friendship to turn into a relationship.
xoxox LiLLi
LiLLi,
You seem to be on the right track already. You share an interest, and that is a great start. When you see him in the class, approach him and say something like "Hey, I remember you from swim camp. I'm LiLLi."
An introduction is really all it takes to start a friendship with someone, especially when you have something in common already.
As far as being obvious that you like him, don't worry about it. In fact, you can just be upfront about it. We are lucky to live in a time when females can be upfront and just ask a guy out. Maybe after introducing yourself, you could invite him and his friends to join you after a class for pizza or a movie or something.
Here is what I would do, and have done with great results before:
Simply say "would you guys like to get together after class sometime?" This will get you aquainted with him and his friends. They will like you for inviting them as well, which will make a good impression on the guy. When you are all out, be friendly with everyone, but don't hesitate to give the guy you like a bit more attention. When everyone is leaving, approach him and let him know you had a good time and ask if he would like to go out without the group sometime. Just be casual about it.
No matter what comes of it, if you do this you will have made a whole group of friends and that will make the class more fun.
Hope that helps. Have fun in the class and let me know what happens.
I was dating a guy who joined the army, and he was scheduled to leave for basic training at the end of May or beginning of June. At the beginning of May, he started to ignore me. Wouldn't answer phone calls or anything. I had no idea what was going on, because I had seen him the night before he started to ignore me and everything was fine. This continued for about two weeks, until he finally answered one of my messages by breaking up with me. He was worried that it wouldn't work because he would be leaving for a long time after this year. He ignored me for another two weeks after that, and finally a few days before he left he let me know when he was leaving. I asked him if he would tell me when he was back, and he promised that he would.
I know from mutual friends that he is back, but he hasn't tried to contact me in any way. I don't know why, and I don't know if I should try to talk to him. I miss him so much it's almost unbearable, as a boyfriend, but even just as a friend and someone to talk to.
What should I do? I want him back in my life...I don't think that I will hear from him if I don't try to contact him first, and I really want to, but then I feel like I should respect his space because it's clear he doesn't want to talk to me, right? I am SO lost.
This is a tough one. There are so many possibilities here. I don't know his reasons for not getting in touch with you. It could be that he is simply afraid. He could be afraid that you would have moved on so he is avoiding getting hurt, or that when he sees you neither of you will feel the same and he doesn't want to risk that awkwardness, or that he will not feel the same and you will so he wants to avoid hurting you. Or he knows that he has moved on as far as how he feels and he doesn't want to face you and end up seeing you hurt.
Honestly, I would give him a call. But before you do, get rid of all expectations. Guys just seem to sense when a girl has expectations and it puts them on the defensive. Call just to see how he is doing, to ask about his experiences in basic. Do NOT ask about your relationship. Let him bring it up when he is ready. Otherwise, you may come off as being clingy or pushy even if you aren't trying to. This will just push him away more. Be a friend, but don't be a pest. If he says he doesn't want to talk, let him know you are around when he does. He will eventually get back to you. It could be a few minutes or a few months, but he will remember that you are there when he needs to. If he flat out says he doesn't want to be together now that he is back, accept it and say that if he wants to have a friendship he can always call on you. Again, that will end up meaning a lot eventually. I hadn't heard from my ex in ages, yet when he needed a friend he could trust, he remembered that I was there. Now we are very good friends, better than before.
Just remember that basic training is rough. He has been through a lot and may not be ready to jump back into civilian life just yet. Give him a call, just one, and let him lead from there. Don't get your hopes up too high, be patient with him.
Let me know how it goes.
15/f
okies hey
i've met this guy in the year below me
well we hit it off right away and i really like him and it clear he likes me too , which im really thrilled about :) but the trouble is he is only 13 right now, he does look older though and is mature for his ages. he is just 1 year 3 months younger.
is this too young for me?
please help. xxx
No, that isn't too young. In school, one grade level really doesn't make a difference. Heck, my mom married a man 13 years younger than she is and has never been happier. Of course, for you that would amount to being with a two year old, which would be all kinds of wrong, but I guess the older you get, the less age difference matters. One year is really never a big deal, especially if you are happy together.
Ok well I dunno if this is the right place but oh well. Well I recently bought some jeans like two days ago and have just started my period. All 3 pairs are the normal size I wear but NONE of them fit they are all realllyy close to fitting but just tight and I mushroom and its gross. Is this because of bloating and my period? I haven't gained any weight. Thanks.
♥♥♥♥
This is totally normal with your period. Most of my clothing stops fitting during my period. I have found that medications, like Pamprin and Midol, that advertise that they help with bloating actually do work for me. You could try that. Also, reduce the salt in your diet starting about a week before your period and going until you are done. Drink plenty of water. It may seem counterproductive, as you are likely retaining water, but it is important. If you drink water, you are less likely to retain it, especially since you will have to pee more.
I hate shopping for clothing on my period because it seems nothing looks good, but if I do get clothing at that time, I find it is more likely to fit no matter what time of month it is. Clothing that fits will look a whole lot better than clothing that is too tight. For my period time, I have a bunch of nice flowing skirts with elastic waistbands that flatter my figure nicely and won't be uncomfortable. I also recommend multi-colored skirts, especially in browns, in case of leaking. I know it sounds gross, but it happens and doesn't always come out completely in the wash.
Hi my name is Vanessa. I live in the UK although all of my family are in South Africa. My husband is English and we have a little boy who is 14 months.
Where to begin. My husband and I have been having A LOT of problems over the past year. The birth of our son has put a lot of strain on our relationship to the point that we no longer have a relationship.
I no longer want him to touch me, we fight all the time. He is constantly calling me names. I am constantly putting him and his family down.
I have always been a little unstable. I have a history of drug abuse (3 years ago now) I was anorexic for a few years (5 years ago) I am slightly depressive and latley, I can feel myself getting more and more unable to cope.
I am in a lot of debt and that brings about a lot of financial stress. Instead of supporting each other, we use each others problems as ammunition when we argue.
I am very needy and I desperaly want someone to love me and touch me and look after me. I would not be able to cope on my own and moving to South Africa is not an option because of the debt that I am in the UK.
I need a realtionship where I am supported but I know I will not get it from my current husband. He will not go to a therapist because he can not open up to people. He says that I have made him that cold and suppressed. I don't think that is true.
We are both unhappy and have needs that are not being met. The solution would be to move on but how can I with a small baby and no friends or family in the uk??? I think that I would fall apart on my own. I think I would drive myself mad. I have done it before.
I have thought about therapy but I can not afford a therapist! I can not go on the NHS (free medical care) because that will go on my record and my husband has told me several times that he will fight for custody for our son and he will use my instability against me.
I love and cherish my son. He wants for nothing. I give him everything he needs and everyone I know says that I am an unbeliveably good mother who lives for her son. I would never in a billion years hurt him. I do fear that my husband will take him away from me if I see a therapist on the NHS.
I need a solution. Some advice. Someone that can put themselves in my situation and help me to figure out what I should do next.
I am desperatly unhappy :( Please help :)
Thanks for your time!
If you see a therapist on NHS, that will most likely end up in your favor. You are doing something to help with your instability, which he will likely use against you whether you seek therapy or not. Doing something about it will often look good.
My husband and I are currently in therapy. It was something we both agreed to, which makes a big difference. Other than that, our situation was similar. I do think therapy helps. And I think it will help even if it is just you going. At the very worst, if things totally blow up and end in divorce, the therapist will help you to cope. At the best, he will help you to be stronger for yourself, which will be apparent to your husband and could truly bring about a change. He can also help you with better arguing strategies so your fights are productive instead of hurtful. And if you improve visibly in therapy, perhaps your husband will see the light and go as well. But don't get your hopes up on that. Go for yourself. Make yourself your main concern.
Our therapist is really encouraging and has really made us stop trying to fix each other and instead make our own efforts to be better for ourselves and our marriage. I feel better about myself and my abilities, and it shows enough that my husband feels better as well.
Go ahead and seek therapy. Let the therapist know your concerns about losing your child. I don't know what the laws and such are there, but here I am sure it would be a mark in your favor to be working to get your health on track.
The part of my pubic area, where the hair grows, I had some irritation from shaving. I shaved over that again *big mistake* and now they've formed purple scar like cirlces. How do I get rid of them? Also, there are areas of perfect white circles by the purple ones where the hair doesn't grow. Is that normal?
That sounds normal. Give it a little while and they will go away. Meanwhile, moisturize. That often helps me with the irritation. There are products that are supposed to help with the shaving bumps, but I can't remember any of the names offhand. I'm sure you could find them easily in an internet search. Also, if you keep up the shaving as needed, eventually your skin won't be so irritated by it. But it will continue whenever you shave for a while.