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relationships
Hey my name is Rachel and my bofriend jesse and i are both 17 years old and the problem is that we don't have any classes together and my mom won't let me see him after school i've talked to her about it I talk to him on the phone quite alot and the only time I ever see him is about 15 minutes at breakfast before the bell rings at school what should I do?
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Hi Rachel.
I personally have not had this situation. My mom has always been incredibly easy going. However, I have been the scapegoat for a few of my friends when they wanted to go see their boyfriends despite their parents. So, I am well aware of the various ways to get around parents. But let's try to work with them first, rather than risking getting into a lot of trouble.
Has your mom given you a reason not to see him after school? You say you have talked with her about it. What did she say? Or did she just say something like "No. You can't see him after school. End of discussion"?
At your age, I'm sure you can talk to her rationally and perhaps get her to see your point of view. If she just forbids it without reason and refuses to discuss it further, that makes things more difficult.
If that is the case, can you both get to school earlier so you have more time before the bell? Can you get involved in an after school activity together? Extra-curricular activities look great on college apps, so it would be hard for your mom to forbid you to participate in something. Would your mom be ok with you seeing him after school in a group setting with a bunch of other friends? It may not be the cozy alone time you would like, but it is better than nothing.
One more thing to consider before I go on to the less than wholesome ideas: you are both 17. Soon you will be 18 and legally able to do what you want. If you can't work with your mom, you don't have long to wait until it won't matter anyway, so you may want to just be patient and not get in trouble.
But if you do feel like getting in trouble, make sure you have a few friends you can truly trust to watch your back. If you make plans to go over to a girl friend's house, will your mom check with her parents to make sure you are there? If not, just let your friend know that you are supposed to be there but you are really with your boyfriend. If your mom calls to talk to you for whatever reason, your friend can say you are in the bathroom/shower/whatever and that you will call back when you are out. Your friend will call you, and you can call your mom (caller id can put a kink in that though. When I was doing this, none of us had caller id).
Or, you can flat out defy your mom, tell her you will see him no matter what, and just walk out. But you will be in a heck of a lot of trouble and likely grounded until the day you turn 18.
Again, before resorting to getting in trouble, give it another try at talking with her. Be rational, try to see her side, explain yours without getting emotional or anything, and see if you can work with your mom instead of against her or behind her back.
Oh, another idea: Would your mom be ok with having him over for dinner sometime? She could get to know him better and you could both talk with her. If she will let him come over, have him bring something for her. A flower might be cheesy, so think of something small she might like or something to contribute to the dinner. Why? Well, it is part sucking up, and part plain old fashioned good manners. Once upon a time, whenever someone went to dinner at someone else's home, they brought a gift for the hostess. This has all but disappeared, along with thank you notes. If he shows good manners and thoughtfulness, it may just melt your mom's heart a bit.
Hope that helps!
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Hi there I'm PurplePudgyPenguin and I'll be your advice giver this wonderful...evening? Well it's evening for me anyways. Anyways! I'm a huge romantic! I feel kind of guilty for telling you some bad, evil ideas, but this is all I have. These are SUGGESTIONS and - (random person: you started this out really badly / ppp: i know. No muse today.. / rp: then why are you giving advice in the first place? / ppp: .. cause i'm a good person? / rp: pft!) and you should do whatever your heart tells you to do. Don't just snatch one of the ideas I provide for you and think it's going to work. It all depends on you.
1) See him after school anyways. Make up an excuse to tell your mom. Say something such as, "I'm just going over to ___ *insert girl friend's name here* for a study session, I'll be back __ *insert time*". I know you'll feel guilty for lying to your mother, but that's the only way I can think of you getting around her.
2) Just tell the truth! Come out to her and say that you love your boyfriend. Tell her you'll do anything to keep him, even if that means disobeying your mother. But be very, very cautious. Bring this matter down gently and maturely. Your mother still has the rights to ground you. Be calm when you tell her and make no threats or insults towards her.
3) Once again, tell the truth. Not like 2, just say you're meeting up with your friends when you actually are. Invite your boyfriend along beforehand and hang out with him there. It could be as simple as a basketball/football/volleyball, any kind of game thing. Or just at practice somewhere.
4) Call him up secretly. Wait for you mother to go to bed and let your heart flutter. If your mother tends to catch you, just say it was one of your girl friend's asking for homework advice. If she asks about the time, say that she was having MAJOR troubles. (^_^ I'm so evil! I did this with my mumsie too. Word of advice, never try this two times in a row. They tend to catch on).
5) Make him your tutor! Or you be his tutor. Get permission from either your teacher or principal before doing so. Get a note and give it to your mother. She may tell you off and ground you for doing so, but then she'll have the school system to deal with. It'll definately be a good back up, and a great way for you to see your boyfriend.
Remember, these are suggestions, and nothing more. It's up to you to do whatever you feel is best. I do hope things work out between you and your boyfriend. What you're doing to see him is inspiring! *dreamy sigh* Unfortunately, my boyfriend is on my parents' goodside, no sneaking out or anything there. Well, time to cut this off before I bore you anymore. Take care!!
Luvs,
~PPP~
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Just have you mom sit down and tell her your serious about this guy and maybe go to the office at your school and see if you can get your classes switched or your lunch switched
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See him after school... tell your mom your staying after to do homework
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ok well if yuu hardly kan't see him try lunch and if yur mom does'nt let yu see him after school talk to her say mom i really like this guy please mom i litened to you why dont you liten to me and tell all the reasons you wanna be with him
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