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Feel Obligated Not To End The Relationship
My boyfriend is 16 years old has real bad family problems. He is often depressed and thinks about suicide a lot. He tells me that if I weren't in his life he would have already killed himself and that if we broke up he will probably kill himself. We have been dating for 3 years. How can I tell if he is being serious about killing himself? I'm afraid that if we break up that he is going to kill himself, so I feel obligated not to end the relationship. What do I do?
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Your relationship with him sounds very unhealthy.
Just be flat out, but be sensetive about it. Its worse staying in a relationship with someone because your feel bad for them. You cant feel bad for them the rest of your life. Its going to hurt both of you when you tell them, but he will be okay, I mean, help him get some help for his depression, and once you've done everything you can, just let him go. And he can decide what he wants to do. Knowing you did everything you needed to help him You know?
Good luck.
<3
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Depression is an issue I take very seriously. I ended up in the hospital having my stomach pumped because of it.
You can't tell how serious he is about killing himself. There is a good chance he isn't sure if he would or not. He hasn't been pushed quite to that point yet.
He is desperately looking for someone to help him, and laying that responsibility on you whether you like it or not. That is incredibly unfair to you, but a depressed person is pretty much incapable of realizing that. I know. I treated my family horribly and didn't realize it until I got help.
He needs help. He needs to talk to a professional. A counselor may be able to help, though he may need someone a little more experienced, like a psycholigist or psychiatrist (each is more trained/certified than the previous).
Is your relationship good enough that you can get him to a counselor, even if it is just one at school? It may be easier for him to go if you are with him. If he is unwilling to go, then I recommend that you talk to a counselor for him. I would have suggested talking to his parents, but if it is family problems causing his depression, that may not be the best thing. If you talk to the counselor at school, the counselor may be able to call him into his office and talk to him a bit. That may be just the little push needed to get him real help.
Now, you also need to consider yourself. How is your relationship with him? Do you want to be with him, despite his depression? Or do you want to move on? If you want to move on, that is understandable. You are both young, and you will both bounce back. Yes, even he will bounce back. Help him get into counseling, you are concerned enough that this is likely important for both of you. Then, do whatever you need to do for you, knowing he will be ok. If you leave and he does do something drastic, know that it is not your fault. He has problems that are much deeper than anything you can control, and you need to take care of yourself or you could end up in therapy as well. If you are going to stick with him, then be prepared for a long road ahead. It will take him a long time to heal from the ongoing damage he has had. Patience and understanding are very important. If you are not up to that, tell him and let him go or both of you will end up worse in the end.
Please keep me updated. Like I said, I take depression very seriously. If there is anything more I can do, anymore help I can offer, please let me know. I've been there and know how hard it is.
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Hun It I realy think that your bf needs some help I would go with him to see someone maybe a counsler at school or A doctor because this is serious you dont want your bf to get hurt..
-LuvYa12
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Sounds like this guy is not the guy you deserve to be with. You need to break up with him0 even if you feel guilty
If he kills himself.. it is NOT your fault.. he makes the stupid decision.. not you.. Its not like you are telling him to go kill himself... so DON'T feel guilty about this.. you should have no guilt..
Tell your school counselor, his parents, or a teacher about his suicidal thoughts... he needs help and he needs an adult to help him...
Another thing- stay away from him after you dump him (if that is what you decide to do- [I hope so]).. he might try to hurt you because you dumped him- "making" him kill himself...
If you ever come in contact with another suicidal person again.. tell an adult right away and stay clear of him or her.. it's very important to keep yourself safe!
Hope I helped!
--Jack
please rate me
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Sometimes suicidal people are serious and occasional
one will use it as a control thing.
The best thing you can do is pass the responsibility
of watching him to someone else. Tell his parents. If not his parents then a school counselor or some other adult you can trust to get him help. Then leave.
If he ultimately does something stupid it won't be your fault. You cannot take responsibility for someone else's life. That's much to big a burden for you to carry.
Don't let this control your life. Do what you need to do for yourself. :)
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