I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
Visitors: 32927
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17/f
Alright, I'm kind of grossed out or disturbed right now. My boyfriend just told me that his sister likes him, and that if they weren't related, his sister would want to date him. I asked him if he felt the same, and he said, "no." But why am I feeling a bit hurt and awkward right now? My perspective of him changed, I don't know how.. I don't know what has changed.. Maybe I'm just in shock??
The thing is, I kind of sensed it from her that she finds him attractive in some way, but I thought it was because they have a good close family.
I told him that I was a little bit weirded out, and he took it offensively. He thought it was rude, because she likes someone else but just that she likes his personality. I told him I thought it was still a bit weird, but he gave me the attitude.
I told him that I'm sorry to make him feel a bit uncomfortable but there are things that me & him would have a different point of view on. And he said that it was rude because he's the oldest brother and they rely on him a lot. I apologized, even though I felt like he was being rude too... Since he told me that he got tired of me because he sometimes feel sorry about my family status. (link)
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You're not weird. I think what is REALLY weird is that your boyfriend didn't seem to have a problem with it. YOu say they are a close family... maybe they are a bit too close. This is not a good or normal thing for his sister to express something like that. Its a huge red flag that she would even feel comfortable telling your boyfriend that in the first place. I don't know... I don't know if you SHOULD get over this. Its bizarre. Its not a sign of an emotionally healthy person, him or his sister. I can't tell you what to do as far as the relationship is concerned, but I can tell you that you are not the one with the problem here. If he is making you think that, maybe you need to rethink your relationship.
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My fiance's best friends wife - constanlty belittles me and I just
take it. She is from New Jersey and I'm from the South -North
Carolina. we are about 8 years apart -both mothers of
grown children and we each have grandchildren. If I say
white she says black - I finally had it on a vacation and told
her she was very negative - oh boy did she dig into me -
I have sent her a nice note since the trip and two messages
no reply. My fiance still wants me to make amends- I miss
our friendship but I don't need a mother. I think she has
no idea how rude she is...... SUGGESTIONS PLZ
We all live in Florida now
(link)
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This may be one time where you just need to swallow your pride and apologize outright for hurting her feelings. A phone call is best, but if she won't speak to you, a note is fine. Explain that you felt she was being very negative and while it did bother you, it wasn't right for you to go off on her like that. If she forgives you, from now on just look at this annoying trait as just another part of her personality that really has nothing to do with you. If she doesn't respond, so be it. Let her stew. When you do see each other, be kind and cordial. I have a feeling you hit a nerve that made her feel quite embarrassed, more than angry. Once she's had a chance to calm down (for some people it can take a long while) she'll come around. If she doesn't, she really wasn't a good friend in the first place.
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Hi ihave dd breasts and i need a swimsuit bad. they grew 2 cup sizes in 5 months. i found this swimsuit... this one http://www.amazon.com/White-Polka-Piece-Strap-Bikini/dp/B003Z5DLHQ/ref=pd_sbs_a_2
or this one http://www.amazon.com/Brown-White-Brazilian-Bikini-Swimsuit/dp/B002IXC47E/ref=cm_cr_pr_pb_t
im looking for 40 dollar swimsuits or (very close to that price) (or way less) that fit the dd cup... Do those swimsuits i just gave the link to seam like a dd? and can i call amazon and find out if they are dd?
cuz it doesnt say it on the chart.
please help me..
i do not want a one piece or tankini.. i'm SIXTEEN. i do not wanna dress like an old lady at the beach.. :( please help . if you find any please send me links (link)
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You're going to have to realize that $40.00 for a good swim suit is very low. Especially for girls like us with the big chests (I'm a DDD!)... think more in the 75-100 dollar range. I know it sounds expensive, but when you find a good suit that fits you well, supports you and looks nice, it is worth it. Its an investment. And I have found, in my experience, that most stores don't have nice suits for big-chested girls, at least not suits that fit you in the waist AND the chest. I think you'll have to do an online purchase. Make sure its from a place that has free return shipping, in case you need a different size. Here is a GREAT website for bras and swimwear
barenecessities.com
They're really great and reliable and they have great specials all the time. Good luck.
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I have been wanting to go to a nudist beach for years, with my husband of 36 years. We are both in our 50's yet fit and well. My husband has a very large penis and he feels that will make him uncomfortable. I have told him that nudists do and will not look or share, just get on with being nudists. How can I get him to feel comfortable nude in public? I have told him there will be plenty of other large penis on the beach and not to worry. Thank you in advance! (link)
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Do some research with him. Go online and find different nudist sites that explain the philosophy and day to day workings of the nudist community. Encourage him to email/ask questions of people who attend nudist activities. He may feel more comfortable once he has more knowledge of what it is actually all about.
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will boys like me if i have big breast (link)
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No, but they'll like your big breasts. Not a good thing if you want to cared about for who you are.
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So, to start this story off from the beginning, I have this ex who I was going out with like over two years ago. Last year around April we started meeting up again (he told me later that it was because he began to like me again). Around July though, he 'mysteriously' ended it with me, whatever it was that we were doing (then later he told me it was because he didn't want to have a relationship going down again).
A month ago, to hide a secret, I was forced to lie and say I've been with another guy. He told me himself that he felt like he just got cheated on, even though we weren't in a relationship. He said it felt bad and makes him not wanting to be with me anymore. After a few days he stopped logging on MSN and now he says it'd make him happy if we totally ignored each other (he said this in a nice way).
Now I know how this looks, but besides all that he's also told me he doesn't love me, doesn't like my personality, and basically the only thing he wants from me is meeting up and...you know. So my question is (since I'm not sure), is he jealous that his sex toy went with someone else? Or is he actually lying to himself about not liking me that way? Last year he got jealous because I said I'd have sex with this guy I've liked for years, if that helps. (link)
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Its the first thing - he's jealous that his sex toy went away. I know you wish he was lying to himself, but you should really be thanking him for breaking up with you. This guy sounds like a sleazebag. Read what you wrote -
"he's also told me he doesn't love me, doesn't like my personality, and basically the only thing he wants from me is meeting up and...you know."
Now imagine your best girlfriend is caught up with a guy like that. What would you tell her? What would you think of him? Leave this guy behind. You made a mistake by giving yourself to such a selfish, thoughtless guy. Take it as a lesson learned and save yourself for a loving, committed relationship.
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I have a very good friend who lives at home with his mother, his 18 year old sister,and his 35 year old sister and her daughter. This woman (the 35 year old) is crazy. Among other problems she causes for this family, she has 15+ cats and two very aggressive dogs living in their garage.
Personally, I've only been in their garage once- they don't like me in there. The conditions are horrible. It's filthy, there's garbage everywhere, and the litterboxes go uncleaned. The woman puts out a few dishes of food, but it's hardly enough for all the cats, and that's assuming that the given food is divided equally between all of them. (obviously not happening.)
Only a few of the male cats are neutered, and none of the females are spayed. I am sure that none of them are up to date on their vaccines. My friend had told me that many of the cats have eye infections that have been going untreated for a while now.
My problem is, what can I do? I know I am capable of helping. I have a lot of experience with animals, particularly cats, and I am a student of vet medicine. But I can't get involved personally, because the woman would not allow me. She truly believes she's taking care of the cats properly, and gets very violent if you try to tell her otherwise. My friend knows that there are problems, and has tried to talk to her himself, but to no avail.
I am thinking about calling someone to go look at the situation, like a local shelter or animal control. My problem with this is that I am very close with everyone else in the house, and I feel that an experience like that could really distress them. One of my concerns, is that the family also has 4 house cats (properly taken care of) that they love dearly. Would animal control take them away too?
The whole situation bothers me deeply. I feel I really need to protect the cats being neglected, but I can't bear to cause disturbance in my friend's home.. Besides that, his sister will hold a personal grudge against me. I know it's the right thing to do, but it's a tricky situation. Can anyone help? (link)
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You need to call your local shelter or animal control. They may think they are helping the cats, but they are really killing them. Tell animal control you want to keep your identity a secret. Someone needs to help these cats. Its unsafe for them and the family that lives there.
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hello, i tested negative after 6 months and after 10 months of possible exposure. but i've been having symptoms like dry cough, facial wasting, hives. what does this mean ? is the 10 months test conclusive? please help! (link)
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I think you have to continue testing for up to 18 months before you can be sure, at least that's how it used to be. I had a friend who was stuck with a needle on the street and she had to do testing for quite a while. However, if you are testing negative, chances are you wouldn't be showing symptoms without the disease first presenting itself in your tests. Call the place you got tested and ask, just to be sure and ease your mind. You may be carrying something else... you should be tested across the spectrum for STDs. So ask if they also tested for other diseases at the same time. Then go see a doctor. It could also all be stress. This is a VERY stressful situation, and you'd be amazed at how the body can react to stress. The important thing here is to concentrate on the good news - you're negative! Keep that in mind. Don't panic until there is something to panic about.
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Hey, so there's this guy I like and he's kind of a player. Only a little though. I was wondering what are some ways to play his game better? Anthing on this will help. Thanks! I'm 16 and he's 17. (link)
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Games are for children. The best way to get a guys attention is to be yourself, be confident in who you are, and prove you are different from all the girls around you by respecting yourself and not being easy.
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I'm not planning on breast reduction surgery. i had a 36c sup last year. i was 16. I am about to be 17 and i moved up to a double d cup size and just recently i'm starting to grow out of it. it's getting out of control. i had a c cup breast from age 11 to 16. that means something went wrong. could it be a high fat content diet? what are all the things i could do to reduce the size of my breasts?
excercises? food ? what ? please help! (link)
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I'm not sure what your weight is, but I also deal with large breasts. I was F cup (yes, its a real size). I went to my doctor to try to get reduction surgery, and she told me to lose weight first. At first I was so ticked! I wanted the surgery so bad. But I lost weight (in my case, 60lbs) and yes, my breasts went all the way down to a D! I decided I could live with a D cup, compared to an F, so I was happy with that. But (and this is what sucked), my boobs were the very LAST thing to go down. So it wasn't until the last 10-15 lbs that I finally moved down in cup size. It can work like that. If you think you have weight to lose, try that. Stay away from food and drinks with lots of hormones and estrogen. Soy is a big issue - it has a lot of estrogen and can grow your breasts. If you don't need to lose weight, see your doctor and ask about the possibility of surgery. Trust me, you want to take care of this ASAP. Forget all the embarrassment of it, you're back is going to get worse and worse as you age. But try losing weight first, but ONLY if you are overweight (even slightly) and can afford to lose it in a healthy way.
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all the boys be saying they like me and kissing on me what does this means (link)
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It means they think you're easy. Are you?
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what can u say to someone to make the person change his lifestyle. (link)
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You can't make someone change. You can only change how you react to that person. You're in for a long life of disappointments and frustration if you think anything you do can change someone else. We are each on our own journey. We each reach the end in our own way. Be there for love and support. Its the best you can do.
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Hey
i dont know whats wrong with me.
ive gotten migraine on the left side of my skull down to my neck. and i ALWAYS get them, even from the littlest of noise. i have tablets from the doctor for that, but they keep on giving me the same one and ive had it for years!! ALSO, the scary bit, on my left side of my body. i get chest pains.. real bad chest pains, on the side of my chest. and most times its the left side of my chest,arm and just below the chest. it feels like a big stitch/cramp. and like pins and needles. all on the same side on my arm chest and just below chest. is it anything to worry about, the pain strikes so bad and it very sharp and feels like needles, but it only lasts for 15 seconds or so when it happens. and it happens quite often. im only 16! please help!! (link)
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Good grief. Why are you asking us? Get to the doctor ASAP.
In response to your feedback - But it IS a big deal! That's what I mean. Go see a doctor. If it is worrying you and causing you pain, it is TOTALLY a big deal. Don't worry about that. Just go find out what's wrong so you can be healthy. When it comes to your health and safety, there's no such thing as a BIG deal.
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i know its soon but my bf is 18 and valentines days coming up. we didnt get eachother stuff for christmas but i want to just send him something for valentines day. were in a long distance relationship. hes not very open about being affectionate and stuff and i dont think hed be into anything too "cutesy". and i dont really want to go alll out on this just a little something hed appreciate or get a smile out of. what do guys like to get as gifts? hes not at all into clothes or shopping and doesnt have any particular hobbies/things he needs. thanks. (link)
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Send him a funny card. Its low key, humorous, and shows you're thinking of him without getting mushy.
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A couple months ago, I had a bad break up with a a guy I had been with for over a year. He threatened me... I cried and cried! Anyway, my friend took me to the mall so I could meet some guys. I met some one and we were both wearing jerseys but for the opposite team. He approached me and said I was gonna lose and I said whatever talk to me after the game... so he said okay, I'll find you. When we ran into each other again, he was buying something so I said if ur team loses u have to buy me & he sed if his team wins, I have to give him my number. so then... my team lost & he came and found me and he bought me the thing anyway and got my number. as soon as I walked away he texted me. he's active military. we went out the next day and then the day after that. he is so sweet and nice. we've kissed on both dates and he texts me everyday, but he added me on FB and he has A TON OF GIRLS! like calls some babe so now i dont feel so special anymore and even tho i really like him, im thinking about pulling back because he's leaving at the end of February and it seems like I might get hurt in this... wdyt? what do i say? what do i do? (link)
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Follow your instincts. I have a feeling you already know what's right for you.
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My father has offered to buy me a nice pair of new hockey skates because mine do not fit right. I have a really hard time finding proper skates. I have to pairs of skates right now, my old and new, they both don't fit right on the ankles. I tie them tight and I have even got other people to tie them and they just don't feel right. For example, when I am turning I can feel my ankles giving away and it ends up making the turn take a lot longer. Anyways, I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on where to get a good pair of custom skates or even what to look for when seeing if a skate will fit properly.
Thanks. (link)
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I don't know about custom skates, but have you tried experimenting with the socks? Thicker socks, two pairs, or even ankle supports that you can get at any sports shop. Try those things and see if it helps before moving to custom skates just yet.
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how can i convince my parents to be okay with the fact that i want to be with a 22 year old? they would not like the idea of it at all im seventeen i dont know how i can convince them to at least be okay with it. i havent said anything about this to them yet. (link)
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The only way to even start to get their approval is for them to meet him. If you want to date him, set up a meeting with your parents first. That will go a long way to showing them that you are mature. If he won't meet your parents, that's a red flag and you shouldn't be with him.
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I have posted a couple questions about my husbands and my relationship the thing is the only respone I ever get is to leave him. What i am trying to say is i am scared to or feel that way. its like he does things that make me feel like he cares even though he doesnt work he doesnt help with the kids and he wastes money like i could go pick it off the trees. I feel obligated that i have to stay in this realtionship and that i couldnt just go ahead and kick him out. (link)
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Well do you want advice or do you just want people to say what you want to hear? if you aren't getting the advice you want, maybe what you want isn't really the right thing. Go to therapy/counseling to get a clearer picture.
I'm not sure just what you mean by he does things that make you feel like he cares. He doesn't work, doesn't help with kids and wastes the money you make?! What would you tell your friend if she told you she loved a guy like that? Take the advice or don't.
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How do I stop men from emotionally withdrawing themselves from me? So I'm a 19 year old girl who has a problem with men emotionally withdrawing themselves from me.
I'm a relatively mature 19 year old, who usually gets along with people a few years older than me better than people my own age.
I have been through this with my two ex boyfriends, who are 24 and 26 year old men. At first the guy is extremely interested in me, he wants to see me all the time and he can't get enough of me, he falls for me sometimes even getting to the point of being in ove with me, then he decides to emotionally withdraw himself from me.
Then they'll me that they want to be friends with me, and that's all that they want. So when I trying talking to them about anything they either act extremely distant with me, or start arguing with me.
I don't know if it's because of the kind of guys that I like to date, in the past both of my ex boyfriends were single for awhile before dating me. The 24 year old, let's call him C, was my ideal man and at first he wanted to do whatever he could to make me happy, because I made him happy but he was single for two almost three years before dating me, which I found hard to believe. Then the 26 year old, let's call him S, was my first love and the guy that I lost my virginity to, he was single for a year and a half.
Both emotionally distanced themselves for me for different reasons, C told me that he really liked me but he felt like I wasn't being myself the week before. Then he broke up with me a week later, because I thought that everything was fine and I told him that I missed him, he said that I was getting too emotionally attached to him, we didn't date for long only for almost two months. I should have been able to tell that he was emotionally distancing himself from me, because when we would talk he would talk to me for five minutes and then say that he had to go. When I asked him why he emotionally distanced himself from me, he said that he didn't like how things were going.
And then S emotionally distanced himself from me because we had a pregnancy scare, and he was ashamed of how he reacted during it, telling me that I had to get an abortion which he knew I really was against.
Any ideas as to why they could be emotionally distancing themselves from me? And how I could resolve this issue? (link)
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It sounds like you move too fast too soon, and you may be scaring guys off. You need to learn how to slow it down, so a real relationship can develop, and they can get to know you at a sustainable pace. The easiest way to keep things slow is to stay away from sex until you are in a committed, loving relationship - and that usually takes a while, not days or weeks. When you offer too much of yourself too soon, it sends a subtle message to the men that there is nothing left to learn about you.
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I met this girl at church three and a half months ago. She is a good person and we are so compatible. I love her a lot. I have some issues with her not calling me until the late evening, not answering my texts or even remember my birthday! She doesn't work and her kids are at school. Plus, she is always busy to see me. She never commits to a time and if she does she rarely follows thru. I feel that new relationships require time together not once every three weeks. What should i do? Am I asking for too much? By the way she just left a abusive relationship before we met. now when do see each other she treats me and makes me feel special but I am hurt because I don't see her often.
(link)
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ok, let's break this down:
1 - she doesn't call until late
2 - she doesn't answer texts
3 - she forgot your birthday
4-she is too busy to see you
5 - she never commits to seeing you
6 - she rarely follow through.
Read through that list. Does that sound like someone you'd like to be in a relationship with? It sounds to me like she isn't really into this relationship. It probably is too soon for her to be getting involved in a serious relationship. Recovering from an abusive relationship actually take a long, long time. I know you love her, but you should put this one on hold for now. You can explain to her that you care for her, but you need to protect your own heart as well, so until she decides she is ready for a real relationship, you want to go your own way. Then walk away from this one. It doesn't sound good.
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