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Older female friend gives unwanted advise like I'm a child or idiot.
My fiance's best friends wife - constanlty belittles me and I just
take it. She is from New Jersey and I'm from the South -North
Carolina. we are about 8 years apart -both mothers of
grown children and we each have grandchildren. If I say
white she says black - I finally had it on a vacation and told
her she was very negative - oh boy did she dig into me -
I have sent her a nice note since the trip and two messages
no reply. My fiance still wants me to make amends- I miss
our friendship but I don't need a mother. I think she has
no idea how rude she is...... SUGGESTIONS PLZ
We all live in Florida now
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Just say your are sorry tell her you didnt mean to blow up the way you did. Just sometimes it feels you are talking to me as if you are my mother and it drives me crazy. I would say it with a smile. Tell her what you told us. That you miss her friendship and you would like to make amends with her. Good Luck.
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This may be one time where you just need to swallow your pride and apologize outright for hurting her feelings. A phone call is best, but if she won't speak to you, a note is fine. Explain that you felt she was being very negative and while it did bother you, it wasn't right for you to go off on her like that. If she forgives you, from now on just look at this annoying trait as just another part of her personality that really has nothing to do with you. If she doesn't respond, so be it. Let her stew. When you do see each other, be kind and cordial. I have a feeling you hit a nerve that made her feel quite embarrassed, more than angry. Once she's had a chance to calm down (for some people it can take a long while) she'll come around. If she doesn't, she really wasn't a good friend in the first place.
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Well, if you've tried to make amends and have been ignored, there is really nothing much for you to do but wait it out and see what happens. If she also misses your friendship, you might have a way forward. If she truly wants nothing to do with you now, there is really no advice anyone can give.
In the meantime, encourage your husband to maintain HIS friendship with his best friend, and not let sour feelings between the wifey and you spoil his friendship. You've tried to reach out three times and she hasn't responded. There is nothing else he can fairly expect you to do (Shall you stand on her doorstep serenading her? Of course not). It's a bit harder to be friends when partners dislike eachother, but make sure your fiance knows he has your support and understanding to keep up his friendship with this guy.
You both have grandchildren, so I'll assume you are later on in life... You need to accept that even if she does come around and speak to you again, this woman might not change. You might always find her rude and unpleasant. What then? Consider what kind of friendship (if any) you want to have with her if this is just the way she is. Think about ways to handle her behavoir, or limit your time with her, to keep your sanity.
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