Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84171
Main Categories:
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i bought a bunch of stamps before they changed the prices now theyre like $.41 or somethin. anyways, can i still use the old ones? i hope i didnt waste my money? do i just put two on an envelope? (link)
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Those stamps are still good, but why use two. You just need to go to post office and get a bunch of .02 cent stamps. Then add the .39 and the .02 cent stamps to one envelope.
Michele
Response to feed back. Yes all post offices sell .02 cent stamps.
Michele
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I am selling something on ebay-
I need to cancel it.
How? (link)
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If it has a bid on it, you cannot cancel it. If not you can. Go to your "seller account" and find the link to cancel the auction. Go to ebay.com then in top right hand corner you will see a link called my ebay. Go there, you will need to put in your user ID and password.
Michele
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i though fafsa gav grants and i didnt hav to pay them back.
here is a link to my previous question
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=510863 (link)
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FAFSA offers a number of financial tools to help you pay for college. SOME of them are grants. State and/or Federal. And you do not have to pay them back. Some of the are subsidized student loans. That means that the government pays the interest on those loans until you start paying them which can be as late as 6 months after you graduate or quit college. Students are allowed to borrow up to $4,500 per semester in subsidized loans. There are also work study programs where by the goverment will give the school a certain amount of money towards your education costs and the school will hire you to do some work for them to cover these cost. My son received $2,400 in work study funds for this year. There are also parent loans, which can be up to just about any amount based on their income, and the parents loans have to be paid back much sooner than the student loans. And then there are the unsubsidized loans that banks and lending institutions are willing to lend to students who have good credit, are gainfully employed and who have a co-signer, like a parent.
So put all those things together and it all helps to pay for college. You have to re-apply every year. Every year in Jan or Feb. you should fill out a new FAFSA for the upcoming Fall & Spring Semesters. EVen if you don't get funds the first year, you should fill one out every year.
There are also scholarships from all kinds of companies and organizations that you can apply for which would be in addition to any of the above, and do NOT have to be paid back. YOu can find out all about hundreds of scholarships by going to fastweb.com and filling out an application. There might be some scholarships available from companies and organizations right in your own community. Your high school should have information on them.
Going to a private college can be very expensive, and it is hard to find all of the funds you will need to pay for it. Going to a state university or college in the state where you are a legal resident can be much more affordable. Commuting to college rather than living on campus can save you a lot of money too.
For example my son attends state college here in CT. He commutes. Yearly cost $8,000. His girlfriend is from Illinois. She attends the same college, she lives on campus. Yearly cost $23,000.
Hope this helps. good luck to you don't get discouraged. It is still worth it. you just have to be real proactive to find the funds to pay for it.
Michele
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16/f. I've been best friends with this guy for 4 years. Except for literally DAYS of being attracted to him when we first met, months before we were even friends (which wasn't reciprocated), everything between us has always been 100% platonic, and we've both had several bfs/gfs during the course of our friendship. However, for ages because of how close we are other people have been speculating there's something more. Recently he got this new girlfriend, and he has been spending ALL his time for her, and he never sees me anymore unless she can come along and even that's barely ever. He didn't come to my party because he was with her! It's driving me insane and I keep trying to talk to him about it, but he keeps implying that I'm just jealous of her cos I'm in love with him or something, which is ridiculous because I have a boyfriend myself. I really don't want to lose our friendship... what should I do? Is it ACTUALLY impossible to only be platonic friends with a guy with no one saying anything?! (link)
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It might not be him, it could be his girlfriend who absolutely refuses to allow him to have female friends. And if that is the case, it is not likely that he will admit it to anyone because they will make fun of him. Just give him his space. Let him find out what it is like to loose contact with his friends. It is a lesson that he needs to learn and you are preventing him from learning it. He needs to feel the pain and/or lonliness of not haveing contact with people who love him just for him. He'll come around. Being young is all about learning all about relationships. Loving ones and platonic ones.
Good luck to you dear.
Michele
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Before my period comes on I get really really really bad cramps. I can't even go to school because it hurts so bad. Please tell me what I need to do because if this happens every month I'm going to be over in my school days. Thank YOU! (link)
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Oh man, I know how you feel. I suffered horribly when I was young, up until I gave birth to my first child, then I never had cramps again. But that isn't going to help you. Well I believe in natural cures and herbal remedies. check out this sight it claims to sell a product that will help. There are even some testimonials to read.
By the way the correct name for it is
Dysmenorrea
http://www.nodysmenorrhea.com/
Michele
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how is cheese mold?
or thats what i heard.
(: me and my random questions . ahha.
haha its bugging me so i had to ask it.
thank you! mucho appreciated. :D (link)
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ACtually mold is something that for certain kinds of cheese, it is believed that it enhances the flavor. Take blue cheese or gorgonzola cheese. Those cheese have mold in them. Look closely you will see it, and I find it quite tasty. although I hated it when I was young.
NOt all cheese have mold on them. If you have say American cheese in the refigerator or Romano, or Muenster, or Cheddar, and it has green mold on it don't eat it. It is not good and won't taste good. Although it won't kill you.
There are some other cheeses that have mold on them on purpose, but the only ones I can think of are blue cheese and gorgonzola.
Michele
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ok, well I am 7-10 years older than my little sisters and brother. When I was growing up I was only allowed to watch an hour of tv a week and my parents made me eat a green vegetable with every meal and all that. My parents split up, so now I have little siblings, but they are technically my half siblings. I love them so much, but I feel like my dad and stepmom like, don't care. It's not that they don't love them, i mean they do, a TON. They are great, loving parents. I'm 15/f and whenever I get involved, like commenting on how much tv they watch (they watch a lot) or the fact that the only vegetable they eat is carrots, my step mom gets mad at me. I can't really talk to my dad alone because he gets defensive as well and thinks I'm only saying this because I don't get along with my step mom. I love these kids and I really want them to be healthy, so what should I do? I'm a really anxious, worried person as it is, so it bothers me knowing that they are frying their brains and not getting proper nutrients in their diet. I don't know what to do!
please help (link)
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Honey, you are taking on an awful lot of responsibility and worry, that does not have to be your concern. I mean it is OK that your mom and dad, when they were married, limited how much TV you watched and made you eat green vegetables. The key here is "my house - my rules". (This is something you will understand better when you have your own home and your own kids.) Now it is your step mom who is the "mother of the house". And it is "her house - her rules". Sure I know your dad is there too, but really it is the 'mom' in most households who make the rules, Dads just go along with them to keep peace.
Honey, there are a lot of good reasons why kids should not watch too much TV and there are a lot of good reasons why we should ALL eat green vegetables. But there are kids and adults out there that DO watch to much TV and that never ever ate a green vegetable, and nothing bad ever happened. So if your step mom wants to make different rules than your mom did, it is a lot easier to just go along with her rules than try to change them. Or even to question them. Because many times adults don't feel like they have to explain things to kids. I disagree, but hey that's "my house and my rules".
Thing is parents know, that they can put all these restrictions on kids and make all these rules, and some day those kids are going to grow up and leave home and if all they want to do is watch TV and eat pizza, there is not alot that parents can do about it. The rules that parent's impose on us as children are meant to be guidlines, they are meant to keep us safe, and hopefully give us the tools we need to grow up happy, healthy and with a zest for life. Your half siblings still have a great chance of growing up to be fine....the most important thing you can all give them is LOVE. Just like you said, you love them to death.
Here is a little more advice. Choose your battles wisely, dear. Don't make this issue so important that is brings stress in to the household. There are so many more important things to worry about. Save it for that. I hope that I explained this OK, and that you find more reasons to be happy and grateful for your siblings than to worry about them.
Good luck to you. I hope your parents and your siblings know how lucky they are to have you as an older sister.
Michele
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i had to go to the bathroom and i held it it for like an hour then i fiannaly went now my stomich really hurts. not like gas pains like wieird cramp only in one area. my lower left side. it really hurts.
what happneed/ what do i do? (link)
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NO Kidney pain actually shows up in your lower back. on the right or left side, depending on which kidney. So I don't think you hurt your kidney. It was your bladder that was full, and extended. YOu probably over extended it. You should be OK< but don't do that again. You could bring on a bladder infection. It is not a good idea to get in the habit of holding yor urine.
GOod luck to you dear
Michele
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I've been going out with my boyfriend for eight months. I was a freshman and he was a senior. My parents loved him until about a month ago, after he graduated. Now they are saying "he is an adult and you are still just a kid." How do I explain to my parents he is still the same person he was when he was still in high school? (link)
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There is one thing you have to consider. He is an adult now, in the eyes of the law. You are still a minor. You have not reached the "age of consent". I believe in every state, the age is 16. Now I am not saying that this makes him bad, it is just that if you two have an intimate relationship, it could put him in a very bad position. He could be arrested as a sexual predator and it could follow him for the rest of his life, and it won't matter that you consented. In many states, someone your age is not considered old enough to give their consent. Maybe your parents are just trying to avoid all of this.
I know it's hard. but like the other advisor said. Be patient, and stay out of trouble, and maybe your parents will come around. After all they know him.
When you are in their company, try mentioning all the trouble that the boys your age are getting into. Give them examples of how immature they all are, and when one of them gets introuble, be sure and share it with your parents. They will come to see what a mature and sensible person your boyfriend is. Also when you turn 16, that may help too. If you two are really meant to be together, you should be ok about cooling it for a while. Because in the end you will have what you want. It is hard to carry on a relationship when you don't have your family's blessing. You are learning this now. And hey, it doesn't change even when you are an adult. Families can sometimes make us miserable.
Good luck to you dear.
Michele
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Well I'm trying to get my friend from Alabama to be able to come to New York. [Where I am.] But the problem is, she's 12 and she has to fly alone. So does anyone know of any websites where you can buy a plane ticket for a 12 year old without needing an adult with them? And not super expensive ones? D: We tried Delta.com but those were like 800 dollar tickets for coach. Nothing over 500 please. =/ (link)
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The problem is dear, that no one can fly today without proper ID. Thanks to the precautions that all airlines take because of terrorist threats. So your friend would need her birth certificate, as proof of ID. Also, airlines don't like it when you pay cash. They like to see and credit card transaction, and mostly they like the person flying to have the same name as on the credit card. I think what you should so is call a travel agency. They can advise you. Actually you should try a travel agency in the city where your friend lives. They may be abel to find an inexpensive flight for her, they would verify her ID by meeting her and seeing her birth certificate, and she could pay them cash for the ticket and they would issue it. Another suggestion is a bus ticket. They cost soooo much less. and she may be able to travel alone on a bus. It is not that your friend cannot travel alone. Kids do it all the time. It is just that their parents purchase the tickets, provide ID and a credit card for payment.
Good luck to you. I hope your friend gets to visit you.
Michele
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is it okay to eat egg everyday? at least one EVERY dAY? (link)
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Yes it is perfectly safe, especially if you are young. If you happen to be older and have high cholestorol ratings, then nutritionist suggest no more than three eggs a week.
But eggs are very nutritious. They are high in Vitamin A and Omega 3 Fatty Acids. They are an excellent source of protein. Each yolk contians 5 grams of fat.
Things that you should not eat every day are foods high in fat and salt, like baked goods, and chips. Soda is another thing that you should avoid. All soda contains phopherous which leaches calcium from your bones.
Hope this helps.
Michele
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Well, I have a friend and she is 3 years older than me so she's always been a step ahead of me in life. Like 3! haha. Yea so I'm basically going through the same thing she went through 3 years ago and I was just wondering if I'll be like her in 3 years. Right now I hate life but I"m 14 and that's not a happy age at all. That's why I want to be her age because she has an amazing boyfriend. And wonderful friends plus she's pretty and has long blonde hair. She's everything I want to be. I just wanted to know if maybe, just maybe this will be me in 3 years. (link)
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I can guarantee that in three years you will be in a happier place. It is tough being fourteen, not that being 17 is great. It has it's own set of problems, but it's better than 14. You'll be older, wiser, you'll have more freedom, maybe job, and some money and there is also a good chance that you'll have a wonderful guy in your life. BEcause honey, let me tell you 14 year old boys are just over playing with trucks and video games, they don't know how to treat a girl. SO I know it's hard to be patient, but you will be rewarded for your perseverance. Hang in there.
Michele
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What kind of schooling can i go to for import tuners. I really want a job dealing with import tuners what kind of school could I go to and what kind of job will i be able to do afterward? (link)
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Why not get a copy of Import Tuner Magazine. I'll be they have school ads in the back of it. I found it by googling it.
Good luck, that could be a very lucrative position for you. My friends son when to a school in florida that specialize in work on jap motor bikes. He had no problem getting a job when he was finished with school, making good money to.
Michele
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I have a couple questions in my reading packet.
1. Rachel Carson wrote "Silent Spring" as 'a matter of conscience.' This means Carson
a.) believed she was the most qualified person to write the book
b.) was ashamed that humans had harmed the environment
c.) felt it was her duty to write the book
d.) was reluctant to speak out
2.The best way to learn about marine life would be to
a.) read "Silent Spring"
b.) speak to a marine biologist
c.) look in an encyclopedia under "Zoology"
d.) visit the shore
Thanks in advance. I will rate. :] (link)
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This is a sneaky way of getting your homework done. But I will help. The first question deals with reading comprehension. It makes a statement, then asks you to choose the best answer that reflects what that statement is trying to convey. The answer is C. As our conscience reminds us of what our duty is. Like when you brain reminds you that you have homework.
The second question, is testing your vocabulary, I would think. Do you know the definition of marine life? It is the study of mammals and fish and organizims and plants that live in the earths oceans and seas. So you wouldn't look under zoology in an encyclopedia, as they study animals that live on land. From Rachel Carson's book, Silent Spring, you would only learn that the chemicals that our factories are producing are killing marine life in some areas. The remaining two answers are possibilities. You could visit the shore and learn "something" about marine life, but you would not see any sharks or whales and they are certainly part of marine life.
SO I would say that B, is the correct answer. And of course their is a clue in the answer. Marine life ~ Marine Biologist.
So while my answer is long, having to read the whole thing is kind of like doing homework anyway.
And actually I enjoyed it. Good luck to you
Michele
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Is it true that if you're not a very active person, and you do sit ups/crunches, whatever works your abs, and eat a lot of junk foods, the fat that you gain from the junk foods will cover the muscles and make you appear... well chubbier in the stomach area? (link)
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What is true is that if you take in more calories than you burn, yes will will end up fat. And if you are also muscular, then you will have more fat between your skin and your muscles. Women have a special layer of fat cells, called subcutaneous fat layer. This is because on women give birth. It is active during pregnancy. But your body will also store fat there, in anticipation of pregnancy and child birth, if your body thinks it is starving.
If you are very active, but continue to eat high fat foods, you may get to the point where you are not burning all the calories and you will gain fat. The key is calorie intake and calorie burn. You can exercise and tone muscles and that even helps to burn calories, And the more muscle mass you have the more calories you will burn too. But bottom line, to keep from gaining fat and storing it ontop of your muscles, is to be sure that you burn more calories than you eat.
It is just easier to avoid fat because fat is dense with calories. For example a gram of fat can contain 10 calories, while a gram of starch may contain 6, and a gram of say complex carb like vegetables may contain 3. YOu can eat more of the foods that contain less calories per gram.
Michele
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So you know affirmative action and like how if helps minorities get into colleges
I kknow that that is like hispanic people and stuff...but what about arabs?
Like I know that they like "kurdish" and "samoans" are really liked, but what about arab people? (link)
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As a rule, colleges are bastions of liberal thinkers and most colleges do not discriminate against arabs. In fact many arabs are in this country just to attend college, and there are many arab professors. The more liberal the college the more likely that you will not be discriminated against. You must be sure that you have good grades and the more extra curricular activities and groups or organizations that you belong to in high school, the better.
Why not google something like Arab Studies US College. And it will give you a list of all the colleges in the US that offer courses in arab studies, maybe in that list, you can find a college that you will like and that will feel welcoming.
All that affimative action stuff goes on behind the scenes. It only gets in the news when someone sues the college to say that they didn't get in because they were the wrong color. As a rule colleges try to be eclectic and choose students from a large selection of applicants. I just heard on the news that Yale University's freshman class this year, has students from all of our 50 states and from 26 different countries.
But grades are still the first determinant of being able to attend the college of your choice.
Michele
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i want to get clearer skin, but im nto sure how i can do it where i do not spend like 100 dollars. so any tips? anything that really works well? i want no acne, blackheads, nothing! just a clean and clear face. (link)
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Honey, we need more info because there are different kinds of acne, but I'll give you the basics.
Acne is caused by bacteria and dead skin cells. Oh, and also hormones, especially in the case of boys, but we can't do anything about that.
Acne cannot be cured, it can only be managed.
So you have to make efforts to keep your skin clean and free of bacteria. Not easy because bacteria is everywhere. Don't use the same towels that everyone else at homes uses. Keep your hands away from your face. You should exfoliate your skin with a buff sponge. Those white tear drop shaped buff sponges. WalMart makes a generic one for about $1.00. Or use a microdermabrasion cream. Many companies have one on the market. L'oreal, Olay, Mary Kay, Etc.
Use every other day. If you use the sponge, please replace them about every month. And don't let anyone else use it. This takes care of removing the dead skin cells before they can get clogged in your pores and mix with bacteria and sebum and form a pimple.
Now you should use an acne cream or product, but the one that works best for you will depend on what kind of acne you have. Products with benzoil peroxide are good, so are products with salycilic acid (not sure I spelled that corrrectly.) A product that I often recommend that is good for all skin types and good on all types of acne is Tea Tree Oil. Origins uses it in their acne products, but they are expensive.
You can buy pure tea tree oil from any health food store or on line, and it is ok to use it full strenght, the ONLY problem with tea tree oil is that is has a very strong odor. But IT WORKS. It kills the bacteria better than anything else and it does not cause inflammation or redness on your skin. If you can tolerate the smell, then use it at night.
Now you have to be patient. because skin cells live 28 days. So you may seen results soon, but the best results will take at least 30 days. Then you must keep it up. Until you outgrow the acne, you will have to manage it. This won't prevent every single outbreak, but it will lessen them.
I hope this helps honey, Good luck to you.
Some skin products and even hair products can make acne worse, but you didn't tell us what if anything you use, so I can't make any recommendations in this area. Just be aware of it. For example: If all of your acne appears on your forehead, it is a good chance that some hair spray or hair product that you are using is causing the outbreak.
Michele
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i have a really bad ear infection. and it like kills. and like if i dont have my medicince, or whatever, if i go like an hour without it. i like freak out. and ill like cry and everything. like i dont know its really weird. lol like right now im fine, because ive had my medicine. but if i dont, i freak out.
and like it hurts right now, but nothing severe. but like, i cant talk too much, because like my jaw line hurts when i do. ITS NOT MY TEETH. and i dont think it has anything to do with my teeth. its just like, if you touch your ear, and then go all the way down to the side of your face. thats where it hurts.
anything to make it feel better, until i go to the doctor tmrw?
[ i would have gone today, but todays sunday, and i didnt wanna go to the emergency room] (link)
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Tylenol or advis should help with the pain.
Then cold compresses. A face cloth soaked in cold water or wrapped around ice and held to your ear and jaw line should help. Sorry you are in such pain dear.
Michele
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i have back heads on my nose and around it and some on my chin. ive tried to get rid of them for a while and nothing seems to work. do you have any ideas how to get rid of them? (link)
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Well it would help to know what you have already tried. So we don't recommend things that haven't worked for you. I am a licensed esthetician, and year ago, the only way we knew of to get rid of blackheads was to squeeze them. UGH!. Now there are more tools at our disposal. Have you tried microdermbrasion crystals? They are an all natural product that does not use chemcials to dissolve them which would also be harsh on y0ur skin. It uses the manual movement of your fingers and the diamond shaped chrystals to gently loosen the dried sebum and skin cells that are stuck inside your pores. It also minimizes pore and leaves your skin feeling as soft as a baby's behind. Helps prevent wrinkles too.
Many companies may a microdermabrasion product.
L'oreal, avon, mary kay, Oil of oil, etc. etc. etc. I cannot vouch for all of them, or that one or more of them maynot contain a chemical that will bother your skin. Some companies add more stuff than they need to. It really is the crystals that do all the work.
I like a product that I get on-line from bellederm. Called Botanical Microdermabrasion Cream. YOu can get 2 oz for about $35. It may not matter whose product you use, just find one and try it. Do it about 2 a week and you should see a big difference.
Good luck
Michele
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I am a 30 year old mother of 3.
My son has had a TSS worker, (Therapeutic Staff Support) for a little over a year now. This TSS worker cross many professional boundaries, and it evolved into what I felt was a friendship. She was a great support for me in so many ways; in both a personal level and a professional level. There was times when I just cried and cried, and she listened. We shared many phone conversations. The problem is now she has left us as a TSS, and has taken on a supervisor’s role.
Things have happened since she is in the new role, and I feel as if she has stabbed me in the back. I talked to her yesterday, and even though she wants to talk with me outside of the professional side of services. She feels that she can no longer do it. She wants to go back to being strictly professional. This leaves me without that much needed friend. How do I personally deal with this loss? How do I go back to dealing with her on a professional level?
(link)
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Well I think that your friend has more responsbility now, and more to loose if she crosses that line. She is under more pressure to act professionally. IT is like she is under a microscope now. Her relationship with you before, as you said, crossed boundaries, that she was able to cross in her former position. She cannot take that chance now. I now you feel this on a personal level, but I don't think it is personal with her. It is professional. After all, long before she met you, she had goals. All her work to this point was geared towards reaching those goals.
The other thing is that she was your son's TSS worker. She was there to support him, you turned it into a life support for yourself. This was bound to happen, as that is not her job. Her job is to work with children. Which also involves parents, but not on the level that she was providing to you.
She did you a diservice by crossing those boundaries, because you became too dependent on her. That was not her job, her job was to help you find the courage and strenght to help yourself. Give you the tools so to speak and then run with it. I wonder if you did not take advantage of her rather than grow yourself.
I know it is hard, I raised two boys by myself. Any help at all, and understanding was always welcome, but in the end, I knew it could only be me that was ultimatly responsbile for raising these kids with their problems, and all of mine.
Time does go by, and people do grow. You just have to outlast the hard times, and you are doing a good job. Keep it up. That does not mean that you should look for some help from professionals.
If you can't see your way to benefiting from this relationship even if it is on a more pofessional level. Ask her if she can assign someone else. Ask her for a recommmenation, or find someone on your own. Just be aware, these people are their for guidance, not to be a crutch.
I know it is very hard to be a parent, especially when there are other problems to make things harder. Like emotional problems, disabilities, etc. But the best parents are the ones that divev in and just say, hey I am going to do my best, and while I know I am going to make mistakes, they are my mistakes to make, but in the end, if it is all down out of love my kids will be oK.
I hope that you find the strength and confidence you need to finish this work. Your kids are depending on you. If nothing else you learned a lot from this woman. It is time for you to put the things you learned in practice. Good results will help you gain more confidence in yourself and the task at hand. Good luck to you dear.
Michele
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