Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
Visitors: 29738
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Are condoms only prone to AIDS if it's broken? I mean, if sperm doesn't reach you, would you still get AIDS? (link)
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Condoms are effective against the transmission of HIV/AIDS in so far as they maintain a physical barrier that prevents contact between live blood, semen and vaginal fluids. If the condom remains intact/unbroken then the barrier is not compromised and they protect very effectively. So, as you say, the sperm "does not reach you" and you will not have the virus. The virus cannot somehow pass through the condom of it's own accord, it can only be carried in the live body fluids we've mentioned. And once any of these fluids have 'dried and died' they cannot support the virus either. It's not a very robust or 'tough' virus at all, and cannot be transmitted in airborne water droplets like, say a flu virus. It doesn't live in water, sweat, saliva, faeces (aka poo) or urine either for that matter. And of course, if your partner wasn't HIV-positive anyway then you can't get it whatever you do or did with him or his sperm. Condoms are just about the surest way to prevent pregnancy. Condoms are also very effecive indeed against transmission of HIV which is why you'll see so many advisors here saying how essential it is to use one with partners of unknown sexual history, and especially casual/unplanned sex. Naturally they have to be put on before any sort of penetration occurs, and stay on until completion, and the guy has withdrawn his penis, if they are to be sure to prevent either pregnancy or HIV. So always be safe, and no starting off without a condom intendimg to put one on before he 'cums', for instance, please. And while we're on the subject, because of the more fragile, and easily damaged or abraded, nature of the tissue in your rectum/back passge, anal sex without a condom is an extremely high-risk activity. So don't even THINK about it unless you're very sure indeed of the status and sexual history of your patner. Unless there's absolutley no chance at all he is HIV+, insist on a condom and don't give in to persuasion. There's no risk of pregnancy without one, true. But There's a very real risk of infection. Hope my reply might be of help to you? Stay safe.
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should i have hope if i like this boy and hes a capricorn and im a pisces but he's dating this girl that is a libra but for right now they have a long distance relationship because he has to live in new york for a year But I think he likes me too because of the way he looks at me I'm just to coward to ask and I really need to kno if I should have hope or just leave well enough alone I can't take missing him anymore (link)
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Much research into behaviour confirms (rather predictably I guess!) that we look at things, or indeed people, which/who interset us. The more we look at something, and the longer it holds our gaze, the more interested we are. So almost certainly, you've captured his interest. Should you pursue things? Well, if he's very keen on his girlfriend and would not risk losing her by his own actions, then you won't get anywhere anyway. If you're happy with what you've got, nobody and nothing is a threat or tempatation. If he's not particularly happy with her/the situation etc then anybody could be a threat. And it'll be somebody who catches his eye...so why not make sure it's YOU! You have the distinct advantage of being on the spot, often, I assume? A real physical presence, which beats an abstracted idea in most every case. I wouldn't worry too much about the idea that you'll be flirting, or 'stealing someone elses guy'. Because, like we said, your best efforts will be of no avail if she is firmly set-up as his heart's desire. We simply cannot 'steal' people. They have to come willingly! Not sure the astrological signs have a great deal of bearing myself. But if you believe in the 'stars' and they say you're a good match it'll give you some extra confidence. Which is absolutley NEVER a bad thing to have. I believe you have every reason for hope, by the sound of it. And going with your feelings and approaching him will almost certainly force a decision/outcome. The actual outcome will depend to a great extent on how he feels about his long-distance, libra (if you insist on horroscopes!!) girlfriend. Can see you like him from your last six words. They're measured. No fancy dramatic words and entreaties. Simple statement of fact...you just can't take missing him. Scared of missing the chance to see how it might turn out too, I bet? If so, try. When we look back, we regret the things we didn't do more than the ones we did, even if they failed. "Might have been" are three very sad words indeed when used retrospectively, and really get under your skin like no other.
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Alright, so let me start with the beginning. I was drinking a slushy type thing that was in a glass cup (It isn't light, it is a little heavy). Since there's ice in it, it "melts" and makes the underneath of what it's on wet. Also the cup itself, since it slowly melts therefore causing the cup to become "moist". Anyway, while I was drinking that, I was on my laptop doing whatever. Once I finished it, it was just an empty cup on my wooden nightstand. I then heard it move, and I looked over and literally saw it moving. I got so incredibly scared that I literally froze and stopped breathing. It scared the hell out of me. I was one of those people who didn't believe in ghosts and thought it was just a bunch of bull, but now I'm not so sure. I am so incredibly scared. Would the moisture/wetness cause it to move? It slowly slid an inch or two. I'm trying to convince myself that it was just the cup, but how would it slip a little then just stop?? When I picked up the cup, the bottom was wet, and I wiped it off and put it away.
I've had the same exact liquid in the same cup before and this hasn't happened to me before. What could this be? Whenever I think about the image of the cup moving, I get so scared and my heart starts beating. It was surreal and terrifying; Even if it was just a slippery cup. I absolutely despise paranormal stuff and that's why I ceased to believe in that sort of stuff. Please help, I don't know what to do and I'm scared. I recently moved to this new apartment (Where the incident happened) a little over a month ago but nobody said anything weird happened. (link)
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Definitely sounds a bit surreal mate, the animated cup! I feel sure it's the temperature-swing that's causing motion. A thin film-of ice presents almost zero friction/resistance, which is a very unusal state of affairs under other conditions. For instance, brake hard with your car on a sheet of ice and the car can easily get FASTER than before you touched the pedal. The resistance of the locked wheels on the ice is LESS than the 'rolling resistance' of the turning wheels. So the slightest slope of your desk or air disturbance could make that cup move. Theair expelled from cooling fan from your laptop maybe? (Sorry if that sounds a bit of an 'anorak/geek' explanation, but I'm an engineering graduate and old habits die hard!!). Temperature-gradients, especially when you're around the zero-centigrade mark can have very dymnamic effects. Ice forming can crack a copper waterpipe and break the joints, and does so. Can see that it looked a bit spooky though. Personally, I can't help thinking that if (and it's a MASSIVE 'if' which I won't entertain for a minute myself either) supernatural, disembodied spirtits and spectres walked amongst us they'd do things a bit more ambitious than sliding your cup across the table to freak you out. In theory, they could do anything they wanted, couldn't they? Helpful, or malicious? Sliding your cup about is a bet....err...trivial isn't it? Enjoy your new home, I doubt very much that you've bought a haunted-house mate!!
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So i'm 14 years old and have never been in a relationship. 3 years ago boys started paying attention to me because I guess "I look mature (big butt) for my age". Anyway I attended my neighborhood school for a month and most of the guys in 8th- 10th grade paid attention to me. I am very shy So they would try and grab my butt or rub my waist. I would get them to stop. But one of the boys he would treat me differently.He's 16 and When i transferred i told him about how boys in that school were and he said he would protect me. Well for some reason I fell for him.Me and him would kiss and do innocent stuff, but we said we would start a serious relationship. My best friend who lived near me told me he was a manwhore and not go for him. SO 3 days ago I was walking past my old school and they were getting out. He walked me home and was all kissing me on my neck and groped my boobs. It felt good but i felt kinda wrong, well i guess I just went with feeling good and me and him went to his house.when we went there no one was there. We sat on his bed and just watched tv. After that we were just kissing and cuddling, after that he started sliding his hand up my skirt and touching my butt. I got up and said "i should go home" he was like "babe... just 10 mins" I said ok. Those 10 mins may have ruined my life. I had sex with him. I feel very awful and don't know what to do I don't know why I did I just need some advice (link)
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Hopefully you took precautions and are not pregnant? If you didn't, you have to find out. If you are then those ten minutes will indeed have a huge impact on your life, which you will have to face and deal with one way or another. I'm hoping that you are not? If not, then there's is absoultely nothing to gain by beating yourself up about it. It happened, you can't make it un-happen. But it will certainly not have ruined your life, however you feel right now. We make connections that we wished we hadn't, do things that we regret afterwards. All our lives. Hopefully we learn from the experience. In future we're that bit wiser, a bit more savvy. Less likely to make the same mistake again. I understand that you're upset and even traumatised about it. But if all it's left you with is an unpleasant memory then it will fade in time, and hasn't "ruined your life" by any means. Not unless you let it. Please don't think I am trivialising or making light of your experience. It's just that 'your life' is and will be a complex, ever-changing, living thing. Made up of a million different experiences, events and emotions. It's just too big and important a thing to be ruined by an unexpected/unplanned sexual encounter. He seemed like one of the good guys, appeared to want a loving relationship, and he turned out to be a bit of rat when he got the opportunity, eh? Don't LET him upset you a single day more. Your life is so much more than him, and this experience sweetheart, believe me.
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So my bedroom door keeps opening by itself. Usually just a little, but the other day it's been doing a lot. I'm atheist, I like to believe in science. Although I do have a tiny spiritual side. I'm jusr wondering if it's normal or...? (link)
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Like adviceman49 points about, pressure-differences and convection-currents (like mysterious 'draughts') occur in most buildings and they're all capable of openning of swinging shut a door. My house is very old and the doors always swing about. Some of the windows aren't what you'd call a great fit either, and will rattle a bit or swing. Openning an upstairs door will often affect some other door. Draughts from the chimney do it, and when a fire burns low the change in temperature will cause a door to swing too. Also hinges on doors wear over time, we don't tend to have spring loaded doors like offices and things in our homes. If one hinge 'drops' or becomes a little loose it shifts the weight too. And that door will then tend to either always swing to open, or just the opposite and be impossible to keep open without a wedge/door stop. Have a look at your hinges, where they joing the back edge of the door to the frame. If a latched (or even worse, locked!) door opens itself then it's probably time to worry. If I saw the knob or handle turn and the door open itself I'd pretty well have a nervous breakdown I reckon. But I've never seen anything like that happen. Don't want to either mate!!
ps. Regarding science, the service and lift-shafts in very high skyscrapers would cause upward convection currents in the building as strong as a gale-force winds if the architetcs and engineers didn't use tricks to limit them. So we're talking about a real, proven, and entirely natural forces here.
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Is it childish to be in college and to miss your parents, especially your mom? How do you handle that? Especially when you haven't been away from your mom for more than three days in YEARS. Like 16 or 17 years. My mom's not far away and I'm lucky because I'll never go more than a week without seeing her, but this still sucks. I'm excited about the good times I'm gonna have in the future, but still. I miss my dad too, but I'm used to being away from him (he travels a lot). Does anyone have any advice. Am I completely childish for missing my mom and dad at my age? (link)
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Hi there. It most certainly is not childish to miss your mother while you're away at college. And missing dad's not childish either, though as you point out his job kept him from sharing as much quality time with you when you were younger, so you're a bit mor 'used to' the idea. I'm sure he'd have wanted things otherwise, but of course he'll have weighed-up the fact that his job was keeping you and his family in a secure financial position, able to have nice things and not worry. That's a big responsibilty of many dads and I'm sure he chose right. I'd bet anything too that mom and dad miss not having you around too. The house will feel 'different' for sure, and they'll wonder about you a lot. Are you happy, taking care of yourself and so on. At ths same time they'll take a pride and pleasure that you are making new friends and acquaintances, and gaining a valuable education. They'll like to think that you're enjoying the fun side of a college/university environment, and of course working towards a carrer that you'll like and pays well. What mom won't want to think is that you're feeling unhappy, lonely and home-sick, and missing out on the fun. Being away from home in education is a rather special and unique period in our lives. It can be stressfulat times, but it should also be a lot of fun. So take advantage of this one-off time. Try to engage in all aspects of it. Really, mom's not going anywhere is she? She'll be right there, waiting to share the time you're home, and listen to all the stuff you've been doing at college. You can share a laugh about the fun bits, and talk over the things that are not so good and she can offer some good advice. Or just be a good listener. Dad will want to be in the loop as well, hearing all about how his daughter is making her presence in the world known, won't he? You aren't childish at all. You're not telling me "I can't cope with the demands of life away from my parents." That would be a bit childish maybe? That relationship you have with your mom is also unique. It doesn't depend on living in each other's pockets 24/7. It's a deeper love than that. And it's a life-long thing too. The new friendships and your feelings for your parents are not mutually exclusive. They exist side-by side. You CAN enjoy both. Good luck with your academic studies, and remeber to have plenty of fun too!
ps. Have a good chat with dad. I'll bet you anything there were many times when he was on business travels he would have missed you terribly. Felt that he was missing out on seeing you grow-up day-to-day. He would never have stopped loving you. He handled it. So will YOU!
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i am 13, and i live with my adoptive parents. my real mom had me at 16 and got me token away when i was very young. i have always said that i would not be a teen mom, that i would wait for after marriage. but yesterday i found out that i am pregnant. how do i tell my parents? and i will not get an abortion and i don't want to give my baby away. so how will i tell my mom( that is 6 months pregnant) and dad that their 13 year old daughter is pregnant and wants to keep her baby? (link)
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Hi there. This really is like a minefield of social/welfare and legal issues. Which may vary according to circumstances and where you live. I can't really give you a definitive answer I'm afraid. But stay with me a bit and hopefully you'll get a bit more information? I don't believe that anybody can force you to have the pregnancy terminated against your will. And depending on how many weeks you are pregnant it may not BE legal to have it terminated at all, other than if carrying on with the pregnancy and giving birth presents a risk to your life and health. I'm fairly sure that you'll come under some emotional pressure to have an abortion, and be told it's best for you, the unborn baby, everyone involved. You clearly want the child, so don't cave in. You aren't the first girl to be pregnant at 13 and abortion is most certainly NOT 'the only option'. So keep hold of this and stand your ground. Listen to advice though, without being bullied or pressured. And be totally honest with yourself about the committment a baby will be at 13. If you did go for a termination (within the allowed time) you must not feel guilty or bad about it. Pregnancy sometimes comes at totally the wrong time and an unwanted child is never a good thing. OK, now at 13 your are absoultely NOT going to be allowed to just go ahead with your pregnancy and have the baby, telling everyone else that it's your business. Somebody needs to be your stated guardian. Adoptive parents, biological parents or a care institution. There is no way you could do it. Support is available, and you WILL need it, and plenty of it too. Ideally it will be via family. You do need to tell your parents and make your case. That you ARE pregnant, and you want to keep the child. And you need their help. Once a baby is born, keeping it is NOT a formality or given right. ANY child may be taken even from it's biological parents (of any age) if social services consider the wellbeing and health and safety of that child is at risk and can demonstrate their case. The child will then be subject to a care institution, adoptive parents or long or short-term fostering. Foster-care may not mean you'll not see the child again. It might be to give you some time to get yourself in a better position, and then be re-evaluated. You can expect a lot of 'monitoring' from welfare/social workers, because although you are not unique, thirteen year-old mum's are not all that common. I can see that you own mother had a similar experience? I sincerely hope that this will prompt her and dad to be very supportive and not condemn you. If you are sure this is waht you want. You don't mention the baby's father? If he is legally a minor too he will neither have the right or ability to assume responsibilty for the upbringing of the child. I'd say speak to mum and dad in a way that is as controlled and rational as possible. Tantrums and stubborn refusal to acknowledge the mountain you'll have to climb (and it will be a mountain at times) to have and raise your child will just confirm that you'll never handle it, in their opinion. As I mentioned, there are so many variables in cases like this and I am not a legal professional. But I hope I might have given you a little light, and made you think about the entailments of this path. Which you can point out to mum and dad. To show you're aware, and prepared and not simply acting on an "I want my baby" emotional reflex. All I can surely say is that you aren't the first, and won't be the first to bring-off a happy, safe, contented and well-loved child either, even though he/she came along far sooner than might be desired. Neither would a termination be anything for you to be ashamed of. There's not a thousand miles of difference in biological terms between thirteen and sixteen really is there? There's a 'shock-factor' of 13 in many eyes, maybe? We're probably happier to think of a girl of thirteen as being very much a 'little girl' still I think? You'll have to 'woman-up' and take responsibilities that we don't really think are right and fair at your age? And you WILL need help and co-operation from your guardians. Keep in mind that not all babies/children with adoptive parents were 'given away' as it were. If you can't raise the child in a fitting manner, the welfare of that child will take prioity over all your wishes and pleas and keeping it in your care will not be an option. It's (literally!) 'Your Baby' and you'll have to bring him/her up properly or lose the right to. 'Try' and 'want' aren't good enough. My best wishes to you, whatever you decide. Really, there's no right or wrong. Only right for YOU. And right for that child if you go ahead. Stay in touch if you like? And read any other replies carefully. You can't know too much. But beware of the "What worked for me must work for you" approach. Maybe abortion or adoption was right for someone in a similar position? Maybe they're morally against either/both? That is/was their choice. This is all about YOU, nobody else.
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When I was walking, a butterfly kept flying around me. It was so beautiful. And I felt a positive presence. So what does it mean? (link)
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I find it a positive and affirming experience when wild creatures come close. Or if animals or pets belonging to people I know instantly 'take' to me as you might say. I think you should enjoy this feeling too, it's a real bond with the natural world that so many city-dwellers miss out on. We become more urban-centred as the years go by, as we must since populations increase and undeveloped land is not an infinite resource. Watching seasons change in trees and landscape is something the urban population miss as well, and often feel a sense of loss somehow. Like they lose touch with the rhythms and cycles of the earth. Does that make sense to you? Butterflies are indeed beautiful. But I'd tend to take signs and omens and prophesies as of no material/physical significance whatsoever if I were you. If the butterfly lightened your heart, and pleased you, and you felt a positive sense of connection that's great. Enjoy it. The fact that you noticed it's beauty, were pleased by the experience, and remember it are all telling you something about yourself. And something rather lovely about yourself too, in my opinion.
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I keep doing something I shouldn't, and something I don't want to do until I start doing it. And I shouldn't do it, but I do. I hadn't for months, but then I did it again today. I really don't want to ever again, and I hope I won't. I won't. But I might get caught, and if I do, that won't make a difference. It'll be over, I'll be screwed, and I really just feel dirty and bad, and I know I'll feel better in a few days, but I can't guarantee definitely I won't do it again. And even if I don't, I regret it and feel bad. And I can't ask for help, I'd be in trouble and all my actions would be misconstrued. Basically... I'm sorry. (link)
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Difficult to answer with no specifics. The site is completely anonymous so you might post a another question if you like? Nobody will know who you are. All cases are particular in some way. Regarding breaking the compulsion to do this deed, it is difficult as you rightly say. Saying we won't in advance does not have any real power to deflect us from the action. I promise I'll stop smoking cigarettes all the time, swear that one will be the last one. Hasn't worked yet!! The denial has to be treated step-by-step. "I choose not to do this right now. By my own frre will" has to be the mantra. The question of how wrong is what you're doing needs to be addressed too. Is it immoral, unethical or illegal? The acid test is asking the question. "Suppose everyone, everywhere agreed this was a good thing to do and accepted it as a maxim? Would that make society a better thing, no different or a worse one? Not much escapes this simple test. For example, if you are tempted to steal something? If everyone decided that taking something which you are not entitled to, either by stealth or force, was a good idea would society be better or worse? Clearly, the answer is definitely worse. Is what you are doing truly wrong, or do you jus believe it to be wrong? Does it offend you own values, or the conventions and values of society as a whole? Next, why does the habitual deed compel you? Is there some physical/tangible and measurable gain to you? Does it provide some gratification or emotional sense of satisfaction for you when you are doing it? Or do you feel compelled, strictly speaking, against your better judgement, knowing there is no emotional aor material gain whatsoever? It sounds like the deed is destructive, or at least self-destructive from how you speak. So, first step is to evaluate the issue. And decide on a course of action. Alcoholics don't get much pleasure from drinking after a while. The don't want to do it. But stopping without help can be next to impossible. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. we're human. You seem to have a deal of remorse, yet again the remorse is not sufficient to deflect the next occasion. Think about this statement. "Our drives are stranger than we often admit. We may sometimes seek loss as well as victory. There is a pleasure in the pain we suffer. We are driven by impulses we don't understand and do not always welcome." That is being human. Now you probably won't find anything like that on an 'inspirational quotes' website, true! But anyone who disagreed must be a either a very, very good person indeed. Or so entirely without conscience they never question their actions at all. You've acknowledged the fact that this IS a problem (at least to you), and that's a very significant first step indeed. Don't be afraid to seek help.
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So I'm writing a book (i write as a hobby) and I want an anarchy to emerge, so I'm wondering how an anarchy starts, what it would be like living in it (i imagine that total chaos would happen, and the humans would form tribes to live, and fight for power, but if you can show me how some anarchist society's work in real life today, that would be nice) and at some point it's going to end so how would am anarchy end? Thanks. (link)
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Yes it would almost certainly become tribal/feudal with ad hoc groups forming. And one would dominate eventually and break up the other groups and impose it's own system of government and selected supremos. Most likely it would be dictatorial and military-led since anarchy presumes that control of the armed forces has already slipped away from the previous government/power. Whichever band control the armed services would win eventually, providing another band were not backed by a more powerful regime. In which case they would ultimately be most powerful. It starts when rival factions oppose each other with brute force tactics such that no single regime holds total power. We're really describing civil insurrection, and finding an example of a country which has descended into true anarchy will be very hard in modern history. Although outside observers (or the conutrymen themseleves) may state that a civil war torn country is "in a state of anarchy" during the troubles. Living in it would be pretty horrendous I should think. All the structures, laws and convention of society would break down and become incoherent. We do not fear our armed forces in times of stability. And laws are maintained, with authorised force or the threat of force by police forces. Govenments can be defined as an oligarchy (supreme control rests with a powerful few) or monarchy (a single supreme leader such as a king or emperor) and so on. Anarchy really just means lack of any formal system of control at all. Sorry, I can't give an example of a current country whose declared state is anarchy. Some faction will always either emerge supreme, or there will be a negotiated settlement. I imagine you'd have to look back at the much earlier feudal days of civilisation. And keep in mind that feudal systems worked for many years and were not necessarily anarchic in the true sense. The feudal system emerged out of anarchy and is the basis of nationalism. If the USA were to descend into anarchy the whole two-party system of democracy would have to fail. And not be replaced by any other form of government whatsoever. It's very hard to imagine what life would be like mainly because it's so hard to imagine how it could happen. A contry could be invaded, but the inavding force are ultimately looking to impose their ideology and government on the country, not to leave it in a state of no control. Any faction looking to overthrow the country from within would first have to somehow ensure the cooperation of all the armed forces, and count on them to act against the existing governmnet. Even if they could, the first thing they would do would be to impose their own system of control, and once again the country would no longer be anarchic. Thinking about it, I'm sure you have to look back to cavemen. Where the system would by patriarchy. The father of a family had supreme control over only his own family, which would relatively quickly be expanded to that of a tribal chief or father who has supreme power over only his own tribe. There is no overall control of society. The father rules his family as he wishes, and the tribal chief rules his tribe as he wishes. Neither are beholden to any higher jurisdiction. But how modern society migh somehow regress to this state, I don't know and can't think of a single sufficient cause. Barring perhaps a nuclear apocalypse, which seems rather less likely since the cold-war (Democratic USA/Western alliance in opposition to communist USSR/East European Warsaw Pact) ended. Back then we were fully prepared, and sometimes perilously close, to blowing each other back to the stone age. That would dismantle all the infrastructure we can hardly imagine being without in our world today, and I'd guess the survivors of either side would be ungovernable in any meaningful sense, wouldn't you? Best I can come up with. Good thought-provoking question though. Any good? What do you think it would be like? After a week? A year? Then after 20 years? Food for thought!!
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Hey guys... I need some tips on how to make the most of my DSLR. I have a Canon 1100D. I know its not a great a dslr. Im just a beginner on this i want to photograph great picture with this entry level camera. The things that i want to photograph are landscapes, nightsky ( milkyway), roads with trees on the side. I took pictures of this but its not that good. I also have 75-300mm lense other than the kit lense. Could anyone of you guys tutor me on this. I really want to this not because its just a hobby I aslo want to make it a profession. Please.. (link)
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Hi there. Got a photographer? Grea stuff. I'll confess I'm not really a scenic/landscape man myself but I hope you might get something from my reply? Don't worry about your dslr, or your lenses not being 'good enough' for one minute. It's what you point the camera AT that makes a great picture. If you'd said you wanted to get pro results at events and sports or press/reportage work then the long focus/fast aperture lenses (maybe a 300mm f2.8, or 80-200 2.8) are virtually essential. Since the only way to freeze fast action is a fast shutter (even in less than great light) which the big 2.8 apertures give you. And some very sure-footed AF tracking from the camera itself. But don't think the pro lenses are leaps ahead in image quality, they're not. The kit lenses from the likes of Canon and Nikon are capable of superb clarity and resolution. Now landscapes (urban or country) don't move much. If you can control aperture and shutter speed that's all you need anyway. You might have heard of Ansell Adams? Look at his stuff. Long before digital imaging existed, and stunning they are too. There's an art in capturing stuff like this, and the artistry is all tied up in the light, and the composition. You're carving a picture from nothing in many way, a view that maybe others miss. (I need a definite subject/model and a brief myself, I haven't got 'the eye' as you might say!). The light will make or break this stuff. Diffuse light from an overcast sky rarely gives a great landscape. Too flat, no contrast. Sunlight from behind is also often a let down. Shadows are always behing the subject, and very dark (black even) and hard edged. Too much contrast. With the sun lower, and from one side textures and leap out. Close to sunset and sunrise the lighting can be very beautiful. Clouds in the sky can enhance landscape work very much. The sky is always much brighter and can burn-out unless you underexpose the foreground (not good). Check out Circular Polarising Filters, and Grey Gradient filters ( often called Grey-Grads or ND Grads) to control skies and keep the detail in them. How about shots totally against the light (aka 'contre jour')? Gives you sparkling highlights of sun on glossy leaves or water and glass or gright metal, sparkling halo's behind objects. Seen plenty of shots like that I bet? You'll have to work on exposure to get results you want here, not point-and-shoot type automatic exposure programs. Part of being a photographer, eh? How about deliberately making those trees (leafless in winter?) striking sharp black silhouettes against the reds and orange/yellows of a sunrise or sunset? Here you'd expose for the sky, lock the exposure and frame-up the scene and shoot. Easy, but great pictures! Composition makes a picture interesting and engaging. Best way to learn it is look at great urban and country landscape work. One recurring motif you'll see is the 'rule of thirds'. Look at what you are shooting and imagine the scene divided into three, vertically and horizontally. Now make sure points of interest are positioned on the intersection of thirds. It's easier to see than explain. But imagine shooting a sailing boat on the sea. Half the shot sea, half sky, boat in the middle looks boring and not good, somehow. Now think, bottom third sea, top two-thirds sky and clouds, boat a third of the way in from the left (sailing 'into the scene' as it were). Looks dynamic and will hold the viewers attention. We could natter on for days about composition. Best way to learn is look at great photos and analyze in your mind WHY they are great, and use it in YOUR work. Banging a very wide-angle (short focal length, like 14 to 288mm is NOT a way to get good pictorial/landscape work, despite the belief (wish it was that easy!). You often ended with just loads of pictures of simply clutters of small, indistinct detail. With no real point of interest. You'll often want to set a tight aperture (f8 to f11 or smaller) to get everything sharp from front to back in a shot (a large 'depth-of-field' in technical terms. That will slow your shutter right down, especially in those 2-hours either side of sunset/sunrise shots. So if you want a pin sharp shot with no blur from movement, a good tripod is essential. If you're seeing shutter speed of 1/30th of a second or less in your viewfinder when you shoot the pic you'll find a lot of your shots just won't be truly sharp, especially viewed when viewed at pixel-size on a monitor, and even more so printed at A4 or bigger. Also a 'pod makes you think more, takes more time to set-up the shot, makes you more likely to carve out that winning view and perspective. Most landscape men use a pod. And for you night shots, it's absolutely essential. Here we've got to say, don't let your camera randomly push up the sensitivity (ISO number) to push up your shutter speed. As the ISO goes up image quality goes down, especially in the darker/shadowy areas. Control it youself by switching off any 'Automatic ISO' options. Or at least limit it to 'No more than ISO 400'. Because above that quality dips. A lot of the time a pro is told 'nothing over ISO 400' for high quality work. The best quality is always going to be ISO 100 if you can. Of course, if you want to draw attention to one feature over others, use your wide apertures (smaller f.numbers) and focus accurately on that. The background will then be softer, delibreately blurred, and so less distracting. Your zoom set to 300mm at full (wide open, smallest f. numner) aperture will be able to give you some good stuff in this respect. It's possible to get a very soft 'wash' of colour with the subject standing out pin-sharp against it, almost a 3D look, with a long focal length/wide aperture setting. Nice chatting, could go on all day! Our Kit list isn't too scary. No four-figure optics or pro bodies required. Good pod, ND grad filter and a circular 'pola'? Mostly it's about technique and having that 'good eye'. Oh yeah, deep valleys and high mountains usually don't look good in photos, however breathtaking it was being there. The viewer has no sense of scale from a photo. Unless you include a person/group of people in the forground. Then the shot projects the imapct of the real scene to the viewer, who wasn't there . You'll have them standing on an "intersection of thirds", of course!! Hope there's a few ideas to kick around here? Have fun and loads of luck with the photography. I guess the main point is don't get too bogged down with equipment issues, which is very easy to do in photography. A great picture is a great picture. Nobody much cares what you shot it using. Drop a line to my inbox sometime if you want to chat about anything photographic? ps. Really scientifically detailed astro-photograpy uses properly big telescopes and camera body adapters, and even a 600mm f4 isn't going to rival that and show the rings around saturn or something!. Way beyond my understanding mate. A great horizon with an interesting arrangement of the brighter stars in a deep blue/black vista above it is more what a photographer might be looking to get? pps If you're really into urban landscapes at twilight or at night and want snapshots (without a pod) of people/cars/shop and street lights going on etc. try and get a 50mm f1.4. They're a bit dearer than the f1.8 but you'll get a shutter twice as fast. They're great for bands on stage at small venues too (without using flash to blitzing-out the stage lighting/atmosphere) which I shoot myself sometimes. It doesn't sound as exciting as a 'zoom lens' but they're optically super-sharp and you can get pictures otherwise impossible. And it's probably fair to say every serious lensman has a 'fast fifty' lens in his bag somewhere.
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Life sucks, my dad hates me, my sister hates me, my brother has autism i have very little friends school is starting soon and i KNOW i will get bullied. I hate myself and a lot of people i thought were my friends end up hating me. My mom doesn't care and thinks all my problems are invalid. I am always sad and happiness never lasts. I'm a 12 year old girl BTW...I feel like no one loves me. I guess I'm just hoping for a reason to live...any ideas? (link)
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I think the reason to keep living when things look all dark and hopeless is because nobody knows how things will be a week, a month, a year, or even longer from now. Life isn't a set thing, it's what you call dynamic (it's constantly in motion and ever changing). You won't always feel the way you do right now. Find some positives and focus on them and build on them. Don't dwell on the things that are wrong, look at the things you are getting right. Which wrong things can you change? In the worse cases, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep moving forward and wait for a break or a turnaround in your luck. Recognise it when it comes too, not all breaks come marked and labelled! What you do not want to do is die. Because that just takes you completely out of the picture, doesn't it? It's the end of any possibility of improvement. The school bullying thing seems to figure strongly in your worries? Work hard to put out some really good strong friendly vibes with your classmates. If you look like you hate yourself, and them too then it will tend to attract bullies, who are always on the look out for a victim. You really have got a lot of control on the sort of image you project to people. Who knows, the people you fear will bully you could just as easily wind up great friends? It would be nice if your mum was more supportive and took your worries a bit more seriously, for sure. But when it comes down to it, it's you who have to live your life and face the challenges isn't it, not your mum? You're well on the way to making your own mark in the world now your 12. Forming your own character. Not totally defined and determined by your family any more, wouldn't you agree? I bet you feel a lot more independent (like, 'your own person') than you did a year ago? You'll probably not agree right now, but I most sincerely doubt your mum, dad and brother actually do hate you. You're just seeing things with a "my glass is half-empty" eye and not "my glass is still half full" angle I reckon? Maybe think of your problems as the fences or hurdles facing a jockey on a horse. As each one comes, you set about jumping it if you want to keep moving forward and in with a chance to win. You would take each hurdle as it comes and judge it on it's merits wouldn't you? You can't jump them all at once. And you definitely can't jump ones that haven't even been put up! If you think it out to much upfront you can easily get to thinking "There are too many hurdles, they're to high, I'll never do it." And you'd never even bother to start the race once you're in that mindset. OK, you don't always win. But if you finish knowing anyone watching can say "She ran a big race"...that's a win. Hang in there. Stick it out and you'll turn things around. Now go out and run the biggest race that's in you!!
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22/f, 28/m
My boyfriend is a slob. And I mean it's terrible. I have dated guys who were organized and were clean. They cleaned up after themselves, etc. This is the first guy I have ever dated to be this messy. How messy? I'll try to give you the gist of it without ending up venting.
He has a pile of random crap (papers, napkins, receipts) in the corner of his room. His dog even comes in, looks at the pile and tries to avoid it by laying elsewhere. He was unable to find his nail clippers once, and I found it under a napkin in that pile. The bathroom is a mess, the kitchen has food stains on the counters, another pile of papers in the corner, and the dirty dishes keep piling up, even after I wash them. He has a laundry basket, that's empty and his laundry sits OUTSIDE of the laundry basket on the floor. His closet is a mess, his clothes and scarves are on the floor. The only things that are hanging are his suits. There are papers, receipts, random stuff all over his house, dressers, etc. A particular room that was supposed to be his "office" are filled with empty cardboard boxes, random things stacked on top of each other, and cluttered crap all over the floor.
Yes. I am the one who cleans up after him. Yes, I have spoken to him about it before. I told him I don't think I could marry someone who was this messy and he got slightly better, but not really. I've even dedicated a day for us to clean his house. He agrees but eventually tries to get out of it by hoping he has other plans with his friends or he uses the bathroom for 30 minutes while I wash the dishes. When I decide to vacuum while he starts on the kitchen, he organizes a pile of papers in the kitchen and sits in the living room to take a break. Earlier, I suggested we go to the container store and buy something for him to organize his papers in any way he'd like. He said he'd rather "un-clutter" and temporarily store them in boxes before going to the container store. I asked him, "why not go to the container store, de-clutter, and organize them at the same time?" and he said, "no."
If he has a system I don't see it. If he wants to do things on his own, I don't see it happening. He gets annoyed when I lecture him. And I'm tired of cleaning up after him. The tip of the ice berg was when I was showering, I noticed that his body washed spilled all over my conditioner bottle. I bought him that body wash and I informed him that because he didn't close the bottle and it was on the side it spilled in the bath tub, etc. He doesn't believe that it did if there was some left... Even though there's evidence in the bath tub.
He keeps saying that he'll get around to doing his chores but he never does. When I leave him for a day to do his thing at his house, he doesn't make much improvement. Maybe wash the dishes and vacuum (which is something I already do). Otherwise; he doesn't do much.
I know it's his house, but I'm at his house about 5-6 days/week. And I hate being in a living situation like this. My friend thinks I should "go on strike" but I don't think that would help. I mean, he's the guy, in the past five years, apparently hasn't organized or cleaned his plastic bins--he throws random stuff in the those bins. I even found random Starbucks cups in them. I just never thought someone ever thought to themselves, "oh, no! I'm in a rush. I need to get rid of this." and throw the a coffee cup in a bin of receipts, papers, and documents.
What should I do? Any advice? Thanks in advance. (link)
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Your 'strike' almost certainly bear much fruit, since he clearly isn't too bothered personally and thus the inevitable incease in clutter will annoy you faster and more deeply than him. You have to domesticate him as it were. I'd point out that you are not his mum, and you have no intention of clearing up after him and organising him the rest of your lives. That you don't see yourself putting up with it indefinitely, and it's time he showed both a.) some signs that he can own and keep a home nicely, and b.) respect for your feelings by trying to do just that. It may well be his house, but imply strongly that he'll wind up living in it without you unless he sorts things out. Don't push this any further, don't lecture. Make it known, say your piece and leave it at that. And let his mind work on it. Carrots and sticks work well. We've talked about the stick, but dish out some carrots too. If/when he does start trying, give him lots of praise and tell him how much nicer it looks. I know, praising someone up for something you do easily and without thinking about it might go against the grain rather? But it's easier and more successful to flatter someone into good habits than trying to bully them out of bad ones. As humans we respond better to reward-driven behaviour than punitive measures, anywhere it's at all practical at least. Try a little humour at yourself. Smile and tell him you know you're a bit of a 'neat-freak' if he looks a bit mutinous. But of course, you find guys who are too sloppy (and slobby!) in their household affairs are a real turn-off for you. And maybe a comment that if he had looked like his house looks, you wouldn't have fancied him anywhere near as much!
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A few days ago my parents bought and brought home a new cat.We have a dog but he is old and in bad health.At first i really liked the cat,its a sweet cat but here i am today thinking how its just not clicking,cats are so different from dogs and i cant adjust to it,i really tried.And i feel so shitty and guilty from having another animal while my dog is still alive.I cant handle.I think that im gonna have to tell my parents to return it tomorrow.Please dont judge me,i spent the whole night yesterday crying because of it and i hate this situation,i cant live with another animal.What do you think is best? (link)
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Here in the UK I know that pet shops and the organisations that rehome dogs and cats etc prefer to see an animal returned than to be kept by someone who finds they aren't right for them. If you don't your really want your parents to discuss personal issues, ask them to tell the shop that your dog has responded badly to having a cat around and that they are worried it might harm it, and will definitely make the cat's life miserable at the very least. If the cat's a sweet thing, as you say, and you were drawn to it you can bet somebody else will find it attractive and give the little animal a loving home. It's important to bond with a pet, even one so independent as cats tend to be, and if you don't, you just don't. So there's no need to feel guilty. As regards the alternative, ie keeping the cat, then if your dog isn't actually setting about the cat then it has accepted it in it's own mind. So don't get to thinking that your dog is somehow secretly jealous and feels you've betrayed him by having another pet and will love you less. That's rather too human a concept for an animal to be processing. If the dog was really set against the cat being around it would fly at the cat non-stop. Might be worth thinking about. Nothing says you can't love both animals in your, and their, own way. Cats and dogs are indeed very different, and have entirely different expectations, needs and desire for demonstrations of love from their owners, and as they are so different they don't really overlap. Often a dog judges love by attention (walks, games etc) while a cat might well think a perfect owner feeds him when he's hungry but otherwise leaves him pretty much alone to do his own thing. They have a habit of doing that, being solitary by nature. Neither needing or wanting constant amusement from it's owner.
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How do i survive from a situation where people around you believe a gossip about you and still continue to make up stories to make it worse? (link)
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Most gossip has a reasonably short 'shelf-life' as you might call it. Most people who gossip and make tales have a short-ish attention span too. Sure, they have great memories, they'll 'remember stuff' with amazing clarity, but only while there's some fresh fuel to be put on the fire to keep it alive and interesting. They'll make-up a bit of fuel too, expect that. My advice? Don't even lend the gossip the dignity of a response mate! Once the gossip-mongers find there's no real sport in it and it goes cold they'll latch on to someone else. Bit sad really isn't it? Aren't you too busy living your own life to go poking and prodding into the lives of other people? Maybe your life seems more fun and interesting and colourful to them than their own? Do you know, I reckon if you go all through life without giving the narrow-minded, self-righteous, holier-than-thou gossips of the world something to gas on about, you're having a dull old life mate!! Just ignore it. If you can easily 'live it down' as they say, do so. But don't try too hard or go out of your way to do it. You don't need the approval or consent of these people to live your life. You don't need their permission to be yourself. Don't know what they're preying on in your case? Does it REALLY matter? Maybe you made a mistake? Can tell you now, anyone who isn't making mistakes isn't doing anything at all. Hang in there. You'll be fine.
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12 year old female.
I can think of people I like, but it seems the more i get to know people, the more i can't stand them. There are 4 of my friends where i can stand them. The boys at my school are all annoying fucks who think I'm a lesbian (and won't FUCKING let it go) except a few guys i can stand. Last year i got stuck with the most annoying bitchy girls. In a group project, two of them fucked around the whole time, the boy who started the lesbian crap was acting more on task then them (he has ADHD btw), the only thing the kids i get in a group project with seem to do is fuck around. The popular girls are ego-maniacs, the nerds are self-righteous assholes, two girls i thought were my friends are bipolar narcassistic cunts, a girl i thought was my friend is a dumb slut and got mad at me over nothing (I canceled my birthday party WHOOPDIEFUCKINGDOO) and through a shit fit WEEKS after it happened. Everyone i meet seems to want to fuck me over somehow. And no one can mind their own buissness. I don't want to go to school and hang out with all these dumbasses (link)
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You sound like you're wound well tight right now mate! Need a solution. Sorry, murdering them all and hiding the bodies is not an option. So they wind you up, you take the bait every time, and get even more wound up and stressed. And afterwards, they're all still just the same? All still annoying and out to screw you over? Let's think about this concept. "Nobody can drive you mad unless YOU give them the keys." So (to take a group at random) some of your friends act like self-obsessed prima donnas? You can't do much about that. We are what we are. But you can control how much their actions and behaviour wind you up. That's in your hands. Always will be. Now regarding school group work, well schools use these to build teamwork and co-operation. You're not meant to be good at this at the start, or you wouldn't have to do it. The dynamics of the group (some fool around, one might be a good originator of ideas, some might be the 'completers' who develop the idea, a leader will emerge etc etc) are what it's all about. That's how you learn about the importance of group dynamics (which will figure in your careers later). Be quite sure, final exams and grades from now until final year at universities are not group projects, they are yours alone. This group project stuff is in all fairness a way to point out that there will always be the 'fuck around-ers'!! So how much are you going to let the actions of other people control YOUR destiny? Your moods? Your feelings? How willing are you to let someone else make YOU upset, or angry? Answer should be that you aren't going to let them. You're not going to take the bait, you're not going to give-up your own control of your own emotions and hand it over to others. I hope this is making some sense, it's not an easy concept to grasp. Oddly, once you deny other people the right to wind you up it becomes such a habit that you find that they haven't got any power to wind you up at all anyway. Plus, if you find raving and swearing and posting it here helps, that's not a bad 'safety-valve'. Gets it off your chest, as it were. We all get angry and frustrated, all our lives. You can't always avoid it. It's how we deal with (or 'manage') the anger that counts. ps. If you take out the swear-words, the rest of your letter shows an amazing vocabulary/terminolgy and understanding for young lady of 12. I'm dead impressed. I think you'll either end up a psychologist....or else a mass murderer if you don't get that anger under control. See ya!!
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I have so much trouble combining my worlds. I'm really into school and serious about myself and my work, but I also have been getting into guys lately and I really want to start having sex. Btw I'm not in high school, I'm 23 and my body really feels like it's about time! I'm not hoping for a relationship because when I think of guys in that way I just get disappointed. I'm pretty nerdy and as I've been told, extremely intelligent and I don't click on a personal level with most guys and always feel like I have to make myself cooler and dumber to get on their wavelength. But those same guys I find myself intensely attracted to. I'm not sure if all of this makes me really insecure or overly confident. I just really want to get in touch with my sexuality without losing my own personal edge. Dating should not be so much work and over-thinking right? For most human beings dating/love/sex is as mindless and primal as eating. Most people find their first boyfriends at a much younger age than I am right now. Why is this so difficult and quite frankly unenjoyable for me? Why do I feel like I have to put on such a facade when I talk to a guy? It's really not fun! (link)
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We live in an age where a woman having this attitude towards relationships is by no means shocking or less than respectable, as it would have been in the past. While a pretty solid, desirable guy might perhaps (secretly, or more publicly) like the idea of being a "No committment, love 'em and leave 'em", if they're confronted by a woman who projects it back ("No strings, love me and leave me!" then a lot of them are frankly going to be well out of their comfort zone. Long established behaviour patterns cannot be easily overturned. Since in evolutionary terms a male is capable of fathering many offspring with different females, yet the female can only be fertilised once, followed by a long term of pregnancy. We aren't animals of course, but the monogamous female/polygamous male set up is deeply wired. Which is almost certainly why guys have been traditionally considered a 'stud' (complimentary, affirming virility) yet the same behaviour in females brands them a 'slut' (derogatory, condemnational). So we're looking at a dilemna then? Since the guys you are drawn to seem reluctant, or at best need you to 'dumb down' and subjugate yourself to be acceptable, the ones who are willing to go along with it in all conscience will tend to fall into one of two groups. Firstly, balatant womanisers (bit of a quaint and old fashioned term, but you know what I mean). Second group, emotionally immature, socially dysfuntional (or both!). I can appreciate that neither might present a tempting prospect to an intelligent and sefl-assured woman. Since I'd say that is a pretty fair description of you (based on what you have written) then I should take out the 'insecurity' angle. Beacuse I imagine you do not need either the reassurance of a relationship, or gratification of feeling sexually desirable to validate yourself? I'm not entirely convinced that your description of love and sex as a mindless and primal act, or even purely a purely recreational one, is totally valid however. Not in the context of society as it stands anyway. I think that in the longer term, the constructs and conventions of society have exerted a pull opposite to the primal/primeval and purely reproductive nature of sex. And a high proportion of guys and women are looking for a stable, committed, monogamous relationship. With at least some feeling of connection. Analogies of birds building a nest, the young leaving it and then abandon the nest are platitudes really, I agree Considering the human 'chicks' won't fledge for 18 years, and the nest-ownership might well be subject to a 20 year mortgage. I can see your point. It's easy to see our conventions and attitudes as a facade, even just a very thin veneer. But what's hidden behind that facade is possibly too primal, and certainly too hedonistic for the tastes and comfort of many people. Hope there might be something of help in here?
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Hello!
As the headline says, im trying to be a better man, and being able to do some self defense is never bad idea. I heared that some martial arts are tied with some sort of philosophy and through it teaching other things for life then just "beating people" (because beating people is NOT my desire in the first place). I will be most grateful if you give me any suggestions i could follow.
Thank you! (link)
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Indeed, all the martial arts are rooted in philosophy and about far more than simply hitting people! It's about self-control, self-discipline, self-respect. And repsect for your opponent. It's about the progressive pursuit of personal excellence, with a strict hierarchy of awards/qualifications. Naturally there is an element of self-defence here too. Not random aggression, but controlled. In general, they're about a way of life. Concerned with the mind as much as physique. It would be a good idea to try out the different arts on offer at clubs and societies. There will be one particualr discipline which you are drawn to, almost certainly. Keep an open mind. In a way, let the discipline choose YOU. And when you find the one, embrace the whole philosophy. It's ancient, but as valid today as it ever was in terms of personal development. The world's obsessed with instant gratification these days. If it takes more than 15 minutes to master something people lose interest. Settle for the more easily reached, lower-hanging fruit. You won't master your martial art and adopt the philosophy in 15 minutes. It needs patience, dedication and hard work. It will be something you truly value and appreciate. Something that's not given away with cornflake packets, eh? That's why you'll be a better man. Go for it mate!
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Recently I added a question but did not register im extremely bad about that. So ill retype my question and hopefully someone can help....so here it is...kinda embarrassing
Im slim thick I have a big breast and a huge butt boys seem to be way to attracted and its killing me they make dirty jokes about me, and touch me the way I dont wanna get touch ...I wrapped my self with a jacket on my waist like all over me. I have no idea what to do. I cannot talk to my parrents about it ...its embarrassing. Im 13 in 8 grade! I dont need this! Gosh im so shy to speak
up I just want to kill myself its like everywhere. I dont want to be a slut. Im really too smart forthat. What should I do to help myself. I really dont like my body for all of this problem. I never earn any respect. ( forget about the sentences underneath having problems with my phone)
Igo.I dont want to be a slug. (link)
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Hey! Having a rather more 'womanly' figure than maybe some girls of 13 have yet certainly does not make you a slut. And it doesn't justify boys touching you in ways you don't want or welcome either. If it happens at school, tell them it stops or you'll inform the teachers. Out of school, your parents (and hence their parents, because I doubt your mum and dad will let it ride if it's upsetting you)should be the threat. It is never right to do this. It's a proper offence against your person. Tell them that too. Sexy/suggestive/rude comments are a bit harder to stop. Many a pretty girl will get a wolf-whistle and a suggestive comment or two when walking past a gang of builders, or lads out on the town. It's pretty harmless stuff, so keep your cool. How about laughing it off, and countering it with a snappy "Yeah, in your dreams!" type comment and walk away. Maybe think of it as a bit of a compliment rather than something which makes you dislike your body? I mean a girl can't look TOO pretty can she? And no, being pretty/sexy doesn't make you a slut either. Might make you a bit of a heartbreaker though! But do remember that touching/handling/pressing against you you etc when you don't want it is a definite No-Go.
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25/f
My boyfriend and I had sex last night. I used Lomexin medicine the night before and it ended up as a white creamy layer on top of condom. I panicked because I read that it could damage condoms. My boyfriend blew into it to check for breakage and leakage. There was a little cum in it but nothing came out. He kept the condom and later filled it with water when he got home,he just texted me saying that it isn't letting anything out. I really don't want to take the morning after pill because my hormones are severely out of balance. So,since there is no apparent damage to the condom,should I worry about pregnancy? (link)
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That sounds like a very thorough and rigorous test you gave that condom, and if it was airtight ater sex it certainly won't have allowed the passage of semen in use. You won't be pregnant from that particular encounter. Can see you have lots of good advice re. condom types etc. Also, any company with medication on the market is obliged to make a factsheet available detailing any other medication which is known to compromise it's effectiveness and/or have side-effects. This would include using it with condoms in this case. It should be in the box, but the website of the maker is another source, as is a chat with the doctor. This sort of info is always worth knowing, and if anytime you are prescribed anything on the blacklist get in touch with the doctor straight away.
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