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Family, Youth and Mental Health CounsellorAge:
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July 13, 2006Answers:
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Hello All, I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.
I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)
I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.
advice
i have a problem. during the first meeting of my photography club,my friends and i sat at the second row and liked it.during the second meeting,there are these girls who were at the third row who asked us to move forward to the first row so that their friends could sit at the seconnd row.we moved because we only thought it would be temporary arrangement.but i was wrong.the next meeting,my friends and i sat on the second row for dibs.but those girls came back and asked us once again to move forward.but my friends and i are really uncomfortable in front.but we moved anyway and i saw my friends were annoyed.i wanna do something--but what? and how can i stand up to them without saying something mean? or should i just let them push-over us for nth times???
please help...thanks in advance
♥c0urTneY
Just tell them that your sorry but you don't like sitting in the front row. Make sure your friends are all on the same page and know you are going to do this, if the other girls become snarky simply tell them that you would be willing to comprimse by sitting in the 3rd row so they can still sit together? If you don't like the 3rd row then I would remain firm about the 2nd row, not move after being polite and then the week after make sure you guys are at least 10 minutes earlier so that the other girls don't get there first.
Hope this helps
My girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago (reason cited: my arrogance was getting in the way of our relationship). We are involved in a lot of the same clubs (both officers) and so forth at school and so somehow or another, we will need to get along.
Recently I IMed her just to ask how she was doing and what she's been up to. (Have to start somewhere, right?) "I'd rather not talk about it with you," was her reply. Ouch. Cold.
So anyway, ideas? I really don't want to fight her on commitees and such all year. I mean should I just ask her how she's doing until she answers? Should I give her (some more?) space?
Well without knowing the history of the relationship I can't tell you how appropriate her reaction was.
I would suggest that you simply email her stating what you said here and if she responds great if not at least she knows where you stand and will hopefully be as mature as you are being.
Okay so I have a boyfriend of almost 11 monthes now. Problem is his mom and I do not get along exspecially after last night!
So I seen she IMed me while I was with my boyfriend ((her son)). She said hey or w/e so I IMed her back sayin hey an I had a question so I asked her why did she let his ex gf stay the night knowing I don't like her. She told me that since chad was at work she thought it was fine plus her house is open to any one she care's about or w/e. So I got all upset you know cause' that make's me mad an basically told her you know that it's not right an supposively his mom already told him that one of his ex's misses him right? SO why would his mom tell him this if she knew he has a gf, an like that make's me wonder what the hell did she tell the girl after she said that, an it's seems kinda obvious she doesn't like me an she is tryin to get chad to go mess with other girl's or somethin ya know.
Okay now after all this me askin her about the girl stayin the night I told her how I felt an shit an then she tells me like I supposively hungout with my ex bf? Im like wtf I didn't hangout with my ex bf. And then she like went an looked at my ex bf's myspace an seen shit I posted to him in the past like cause we were tryin to make this girl jealous an his mom went on a rampage about it all telling me she would tell my bf an shit so I was like w/e go ahead do what you do.
Now like really, I honestly don't know what to do about her like he can't move out because like his mom will make him pay insurance an since he is gonna start going back to school he wouldn't be able to afford it.
So what should I do in my situation if he asks me to come hangout with his family, do I talk to everyone in cept her.
And am I in the wrong for being upset of his EX gf being there ya know. And like I know I could of handled stuff little better but I asked her a question an she was all a bitch about it an then brought up somethin that I told my ex in the PAST an shit.
Like Honestly she isnt my mother so she has no right snoopin in my buisness. PLUS if chad thought anything dont you think he would of went online an snooped himself, plus it was something said in the fucking past.
I thinks he has no life but w/e am I in the wrong, what should I do like no idea im goin crazay. Thankx you whoever takes the time out to read this!!
Ok from an adult perspective and someone who is a mom, How old is this women?? She is acting like a teenager. I think that if she ever IM's you again just ignore her and block her from your msn/aim now. As for family get togethers I would be polite but thats it. If she get rude or starts on you simply walk away, this is hard I know but it makes you look like the better person and more mature one.
As for her inviting his ex over I would simply trust your boyfriend and let it go, it is obvious that she is trying to goad you into a fight, in hopes that you and her son will break up by not taking the bait once again you will show her that you are the better person and also your boyfriend will know that trust and love him.
Its unfortunate that she is so immature but keep in mind that hatred only breeds hatred and she will get whats coming to her. Be the action not the reaction people will admire you for it and you will eliminate the drama.
Hope this helps
has anyone heard of the 1965 lawson zombie film? i heard its a fake and that the pre-story chapters are fake in the Zombie Survival Guide.
does anyone know real zombie films
The movie "The Serpent and the Rainbow" is based on a true story (it was a book first) about zombie type people in Haiti.
how much is a ticket for being out past curfew? and do u get any community survice or anything?
It depends on why you have a curfew and who is imposing it. If you mean a curfew set by a judge the consequences are usually a revoking of your probation / bail. They could also lengthen your community service. It depends on who the judge is and who the police officer is who catches you and what you were doing, if you are out with friends having a pizza after a movie the consequences are very different then if you are smoking a joint in the park.
Hope this helps, if you meant a different kind of curfew let me know and I will try to help you.
Im 17 female I have 3 siblings. Ages 15, 13 & 4.
We fight over who does the kitchen alotttt. Yea sounds like second grade because it is. Im tired of it. I have a job & im also not home alot.
When i get home from work the kitchen is a mess & i dont clean it because its not my mess. But the next day i end up cleaning up the mess because my other two siblings ( 15, 13 yr olds ) just dont do it.
The 13 year old spends the ENTIRE day on the computer pretty much from the second she wakes up till the second she goes to bed Which usually isnt till 4-5 AM.
The 15 year just doesnt think he has to do anything & watches ttv the entire day.
I feel that i shouldnt have to clean the kitchen Or anything that was messed up when i was not at home. Do you guys agree?
And how do i get them to get up a clean something? Dont tell me talk to your parents. Trust me i do talk to my parent sbut they really don't do anything about it except say " i don't want to hear about it"
PLLLEase help me out here.
And also what age do you think it is ohk for a kid to start cleaning the kitchen.?
Honestly the best thing you could do is not do it for them. If they just don't do it then it stays a mess the reason they don't do it now is because they know that you will. If you leave it for them to clean up eventually they will do it I would also simply tell both of them that you will not be doing it anymore, you will only clean your own mess and no one elses. The reason your parents don't want to hear it is because they are not the ones having to clean when they start to realize that its not being done they should start to come down on your lazy siblings.
As for what age a kid should start any chore I firmly believe that it should be young, I mean my nephew already makes his bed and room at 6 and I started the kitchen at 8 or 9 so They are well old enough to be doing it!!
Hope this helps Just be strong and walk away from the mess!!!
14/f. This I guess could either go under families or friends. Sorry this is sort of long. This whole thing started in like, second grade when my friends would snatch my snack and food and stuff right out of my hands. I was too nice and it really made me sad, but I just didn't say anything. I was always being joked around with. My friends would call me fat just as a joke(even though I wasn't, I was JUST as 'fat' as they were). All of this bothered me and I didn't really show it until last school year. To prevent anyone from taking my stuff, I would scratch them or slap them when they perpously try to steel my food. I didn't TRY to scratch them and stuff, it was sort of just an automatic reaction. For example, the other day at the movie theatre my friend dumped the remainder of the popcorn in my hair so I slapped her. I still feel that most of the time they deserve it, but I have heard people think I am a bitch lately. I don't let people walk all over me like they used to. If they tell me to do something, I say no, just because I feel like I am being walked over. If they would have asked I would have said yes though. I think this is me unvolentarily preventing being walked over like in second grade. I really want to change because one of my drama-starting friends (same one in the popcorn incident) says that a lot of people think I am being a bitch lately. Please help me change... I don't want to be fake because I usually agree with the actions I take when a friend does something rude and uncalled for. Please help me change!! I don't care about that one friend liking me or not because I REALLY dont like her, but I don't want other friends to dislike me. I RATE!!!
OK from the sounds of it you are not being all that bitchy. Although I would try to work on the type of reactions you give. What works for me since I am naturally a bitch is to count to 5 then react, instead of hitting or scratching say listen I think that what you just did was uncalled for and unless you would like me to do the same thing to you don't do it again. IF they demand that you do something tell them that since you have your own mind you don't need someone telling you what to do, and if they want to get a yes out of you then they should learn the art of asking not telling.
If you say no with a joke it works as well i.e. wow I didn't know my mom made you my boss when she's not here...
As for being called a bitch women are often called that when we are assertive as opposed to men being called strong so it is something that you will hear throughout your life. Sucks I know but there are worse things to be called.
Hope this helps
i have a friend and shes 16 and shes 5 6 1/2 and she thinks that shes to tall for her age i was just wondering is that a tall height for her age or is it normal?
No she is not "too tall" while height varies hugely 5'6 1/2" is normal. Hey I was 5'10" at 14 and I still wasn't the tallest girl in my class. Tell her when she hits 6'4" then she is too tall.
ok this is REALLY embarassing.
but um, when i poop, they are kind of biggish, so they sometimes clog the toilets :(!!
i was wonderingg if theres anything i could eat, like apricots or something?
I had a client who actually BROKE the toilet so it happens all the time, you should start eating grapes, raisins, corn and especially prune juice ect.. If this does not help then talk to your dr.
By the way the problem is that you are not going often enough so it stores up in your body hence the problem you have. If eating the above mentioned foods don't help then your dr can give you something to help re-train your bowels.
Hope this helps
I feel really exhausted and weak, and when I'm not laying down, I feel really bad. My stomach hurts just a little bit, but it isn't that bad, like I can deal with it, it's not bothering me, but my head hurts, and my throat hurts, but only when I swallow. Could this be pre-illness? What's wrong with me and how can I get better? I'm going on vacation in two days and I don't want to feel bad.
The combo you are decribing almost sounds like mono. Its when you are extremely tired, have a low grade headache and stomach ache and want to sleep all the time. It is not only passed by kissing (thats just a rumour) below is a web site that lists the symptoms a blood test can tell if you have it but unfortunatly only time and sleep will help.
http://www.symptoms101.com/med/archives/2005/05/mono.php
Hope this helps.
PS
I had mono as a teenager and while it sucks that you are tired and feel crappy most teens get it at least once!
okay. i am 5'8". do you think that is too tall for some guys. the guys that are about my height. i mean. i would prefer a taller guy. but it doesnt really matter. are taller girls a turn off for guys?
Hey I am 5'10" and tons of guys find height a turn on, esp. short guys. The taller you are the more guys like it!!
I have been trying to eat healthier, so I have been substituting some of my normal snacks for fruits. But when I start eating them, I eat SOOO much fruit! Can eating too much fruit be bad for you in the long run? Like obviously you need fruit in your diet, but if you eat too much all the time can it cause you to gain weight or anything? Thanks in advance!
Eating too much fruit can in fact make you gain weight, depending on the fruit fruits have lots of sugar. Yes it is better then candy and junk but it does have loads of sugar. Many diet plans have a rule of no fruit for the first while. So if you tend to eat alot at once I would make sure that you eat fruit only 2-3 times a week instead of every day.
I have for some time tried to come up with a way that would be more effective in helping out kids (Middle school/High school age) seek help for things like depression or suicidal tendencies. I know that as of now, the said teenager would have to usually either tell a parent, or tell a school counselor. Having been in that situation myself, I know that it is very hard to do either.
Although I'm young, I've considered this a serious thing to devote my time to, either now, or when I'm older.
Are there any ways that any body can think of that would make help more accessible for teens? Anything you wish could have been done to help you if you were ever in that state of mind?
Setting up peer counselling works well. Also you cannot make a promise not to tell unless it is anonymous. Setting this up at your school will probably be really successful or you could contact a community center and do the same thing make sure that you attend some workshops around suicide and self harm before you start and make sure that anyone who helps you with this gets some training too. As much as you think you know there are a million things that would help you help others.
I think its awesome that you want to do this good luck if you have other questions about setting this up feel free to ask.
Alright this may say pretty gross but oh well..When I poop it hurts on the left side(on a scale to 1 to 5 its a bout a 3) and when i get done i wipe and its bloody, Do I have anything wrong? I don't try to push it out or anythin i just let it rip.. lol
Do NOT take any laxatives it could be nothing but if it is a problem with your gastrointestinal track/colon/bowel you will get seriously ill. I would suggest you visit a dr. ASAP its better to be safe then sorry.
im a 14/m and in march i went out with this girl and we didnt realy see each other that much because we both had alot going on and then we decided just to break up until summer but i dont know what a was thinking and was realy mean and said alot of stuff i didnt mean and this made her hate me and i realy regret it and that is the only thing i have ever regreted in my life but anyway lately i have seen her around and it has made me feel even worse and want to be with her even more but i just wanted some advice on how i can let her know how i feel and how sorry i am and that i still like her alot and would like another chance
p.s. i know its to probly to late to start over with her but i wanna givve it a chance
I would either try a letter or in person don't do it over the phone. I would also explain that it was because you were hurt and confused that you were mean to her and tell her that you are sorry. Suggest to her that you start out as friends and take it from there so that if she doesn't want to date you at least you guys can have a friendship.
Good Luck
ok everyone i kno who does body shots use their bellybutton but online i was readin that yer actually supposed to do tha sugar thing with your neck soo do ppl jus do both ??
It depends on the type of body shot, when using whip cream people use the belly button and naval area when its a shot with sugar or salt the neck is often used. It all depends on the persons preference there are other ways as well.
Hope this answers your question
My eye-lashes are extremly long, the problem is they clump together. To prevent this I wear mascara (I don't really need it, I just use it for the latter purpose). Snce my eyelashes are so long, it takes them a good 5 minutes to dry. I can't go with out blinking for 5 minutes so every time I blink it gets all over my face, which is a pain to get get off and ruins the rest of my makeup. My question is... does clear mascara really work? Or does anybody know some really fast fast fast drying mascara? thanks!!!
Clear mascara does work it you only wear it to define your lashes and not for the colour.
The person that I am dreaming about is a guy that I dated off and on for about 2 years around the age of 15. I am now 33. The first dream that I can remember having about him was about two years later. It was very vivid like he needed help or something. I had a few of those. Then, he showed up at a party I was at. He said he would soon be moving and had hoped to see me before he did so. I felt like i had mentally connected with him. Over the years, I had several more boyfriends and would still dream about him from time to time. I am now married (have been for 5 years) and seem to be dreaming about him pretty frequently. I should stop here and say that I did see him again briefly about 5-6 years ago at a bar. I with my fiance, he with his. Needless to say, I was drunk as was he and I dont think I made a very good impression (wanting to hug him 3 times when I saw him, mentioning the dream, etc)Anyway, these current dreams, they are not sexual (he was not a good lover) but I always feel so warm and content and happy, protected, etc. when he is there in my dream. Why am I still dreaming about him after all this time? I was a teenager when we dated, I had other teenage boyfriends, its not like he was the only one. PLEASE HELP!
Sounds like to me you may be associating your old boyfriend with a time in your life when there was less stress and obligations. Also he may represent safety for you which is why these are not sexual dreams. I think the reason you dream of him as opposed to another teenage boyfriend is the age that you dated and the length of time. At 15 it was probably your first serious relationship and at 15 your body and mind are at a pivotal growth / state of maturing.
Hope this helps.
how can you get rid of eye puffiness(underneath) when you dont get enough sleep. that i can use at home without buying anything.
Put a slice of cucumber on each eye this will reduce puffiness, also putting a cool damp face cloth on your face works.
Hope this helps
I'm getting my wisdom teeth taken out next week, and I am kind of scared, even though I'll be put to sleep. I guess the thought of people ripping out 4 of my teeth freaks me out.
Does anyone have any tips on getting through it, or getting through the soarness afterward? Thanks.
Hey I had 8 wisdom teeth pulled at once (I have too many teeth freakish I know) and honestly the surgery part is the easiest part of all! It's much better then being awake, as for the pain aftrwards your dr. will give you pain pills make sure you take them esp. the first couple of days, if they are not working for you then also take one motrin/advil.
Whatever you do DON'T USE A STRAW your dentist will tell you this as well it causes "dry socket" which is very very painful.
Hope this helps, good luck.