I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172887
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hi, im 15 and me and my boyrfirend had dry sex i didnt hav anything but he did have his boxers still on is ther a chance i will get pregnant (link)
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Anytime semen comes into contact with the vagina, there is a chance of pregnancy. Of course, you are more fertile at different times in your cycle, and the more sperm there are, the better the chance of pregnancy.
While there is a minimal chance you are pregnant, if his boxers were wet from his pre-cum or cum and they rubbed up against you, semen came into contact with your vagina.
To play safer, have him wear a condom.
I wish you the best.
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What is the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist? (link)
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A psychiatrist can prescribe medication. They are medically trained, with special psychiatric training on top of it. Psychiatrists are there to look at illness, symptoms, and ways to alleviate the problem medically.
Psychologists come in many flavours. Some work exclusively in research, while some provide counselling. A Counselling Psychologist would talk with an individual - sometimes called 'talking therapy.'
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Me and my boyfriend had sex for the first time yesterday, but im worried that he may have pre-cummed.. or if you can get pregnant from ejactuation inside the opening of the vagina. I've recently been put on birth control... is the chance of me being pregnant high? (link)
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As soon as the penis is erect, pre-cum exists. It is up for debate how many sperm are in pre-cum, but there is a chance of pregnancy from it. And you can definitely get pregnant if a boy ejaculates inside your vagina.
I don't know what type of birth control you are on, but your best bet is to read the instructions/information it came with. It should offer detailed advice about how many days you will need to be on it before you are protected from pregnancy - having sex before it is effective means you'll need to use a condom as well.
If you are concerned about pregnancy, it's best for your nerves to feel as protected as possible - so keep taking your birth control, and also use condoms. Sex can be a very stressful thing, so it's up to you to take as many precautions as possible.
I wish you the best.
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hi, i am a 13 year old female from california and there is this guy who last year in 7th grade we never ever went out and he said that i was a 6 or 7 as far as my face but my butt and personality was a 10. He is light-skinned and really cute and we used to have something. well last year i thought he was really ugly but in the middle of the year i thought he was so sexy because like his personality was wonderful. we are both libra's and we got off really well. he was charming and everything. i liked him from october to march until he got really really conceited...he went with this one girl who no one really knew about and everyone was suprised cuz we all thought it would always be me and him. thats how close we were. but i got over it. we messed around only once. in 8th grade at this party and it was wonderful. passion marks and touching, the works. nd he wanted to go all the way with him. i said no but then the next month it went around that i was messing with someone and he stopped talking to me. he would treat me like crap. call me bitch lame most of the time lame but hed always talk about me badly to his friends. this is 8th grade now and like we stopped talking october to now. he sent me a message asking to be friends because he wanted to end on a good note and i accepted it. recently i went to another get together and i messed with his best friend n my best friend messed with the guy... he texted me and told me like i remember when we used to thinking about fucking each other and i say like yeah i remember when u used to think about having sex me what about it and he tells me that he wishes i would have acted on it. he doesnt know why he wants to have sex with me he just said he did. he says he has never slept or tried to sleep with anybody besides me which i think could possibly be bulllshit as far as him never trying with anyone. but i know hes a virgin. i dont know what to do because this year he has gotten kinda cute. i have lost all feelings for him. i have no more feelings for him whatsoever but i mean he's kinda of a player...he girls think hes sexy but too conceited...by senior year im sure he will has gotten into everyone and here he is asking me to be his first time. i know the first time is always not as exciting and i dont want to disappoint him but i would really like to have sex with him casually because its his first time, which is like like whenever he has sex he'll always know that i was his first... the first time is major. i want to lose my virginity to him but he treated me like crap..so i dont know what to do. i cant stand him and we dont have a relationship...but i wouldnt mind doing him...i always constantly think about sex and i know us doing it wouldnt mean anything...so maybe i could do it and just say it wasnt my first time?what should i do? (link)
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Let's look at your own words.
'He got really conceited.'
He dated another girl.
'He stopped talking to me.'
He called 'me bitch or lame.'
'He's always talk a=badly about me to his friends.'
He rated your body with numbers.
'I have no more feelings for him.'
'He doesn't know why he wants to have sex with me.'
You think he's a bullshitter.
He's a player.
'He treated me like crap.'
'I can't stand him.'
'We don't have a relationship.'
'Us doing it wouldn't mean anything.'
And then let's look at your other statement: 'The first time is major.'
When you look objectively at how this guy treats you and how you feel about him, is this really something you want to happen? Particularly when it's as big as losing your virginity? You can choose to say you never did it, but it will not erase the actual sex.
It sounds like you are worried about disappointing him, but that you want to get some sort of hold on him - you'll always be his first. What you seem to be forgetting is that HE will always be YOURS - and is this the type of guy you want to live with you in memory for the rest of your life? He is bound to disappoint you, not the other way around.
It's okay to always be thinking about sex. That's what people sometimes do. It's not okay to have sex because someone else wants to, particularly when you clearly already have massive doubts.
Nothing I can say will be as powerful as what you have already said. So please, reread your words and think very carefully about this situation.
I wish you the best, and I believe you deserve it.
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is england a country? (link)
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England is a country, yes. It's also part of Great Britain, which is four countries very geographically close to each other. These are England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland.
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hi i am 14 and i have tried shaving many times but i am always left with really really bad razor burn. am i not shaving right? is there a way to prevent razor burn? do you have any tips? (link)
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If you are talking about shaving your legs, then really bad razor burn isn't something that should be happening.
Make sure you are using a new razor - the sharper the razor, the cleaner the shave...and the less chance of razor burn. Invest in a shaving cream, and this helps protect your skin. Scraping a razor over bare skin is almost a guarantee that you will irritate it in some way.
Finally, make sure you aren't shaving every day. Your legs simply don't need to be shaved that often, and they also deserve a little break between episodes. If you currently have razor burn, wait until it goes away before you shave again. This might mean you get a bit stubbly, but it will help sort out the problem in the long run.
Finally, do not repeatedly go over the same area with the razor. This also ups the chances of irritation and/or razor burn. Go over each area only once - again, you might miss the occasional hair, but you'll get it next time. And in the meanwhile, you won't have to deal with red bumps and discomfort!
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i think im prgent. my boyfriend and i have been having unprotected sex for the last 2wks and im late on my period. by the way he's 17 and im 15.
im not to sure about taking the test. we've been talking about it and he's thinking about getting a abortion and i want to keep it so what do i do?
so please help me i really need it. (link)
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Well, you don't need to make any decisions until you know if you are pregnant or not. What are you unsure of?
Home pregnancy tests are widely available from pharmacies and grocery stores. They are affordable. And if you follow the instructions carefully, you should have an accurate response within minutes.
If the test says you are not pregnant, wait another week for your period. Test again. If it is still negative, you will want to see your doctor to sort the problem out.
If it is positive, then you have already identified two possible options for yourself: abortion and keeping the baby. This is a decision you must make. It's certainly worthwhile to consider other people's opinions, but ultimately you need to make a choice that you are comfortable with.
You can make an appointment to speak with someone at a local sexual health clinic, or call a nation helpline to discuss your options. It can be very helpful to discuss options with someone outside of the situation. They can help you explore each choice much more deeply, as well as the impact it will have an your and your future.
So, first step, take the test.
I wish you the best.
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If i use a vibrator while on my period will it harm me.? Well it's a massager.. Will it affect me in any way> (link)
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Nope. Masturbating during your period is not different from masturbating when you don't have it.
As long as your skin isn't feeling painful or sore, things are okay. If the area starts to feel uncomfortable, that's your body's way of saying it needs a little break.
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I am 14 and want to no if i am pregent and i had sex wit a 17 year older guy and my mom don't no cause i keep getting fellings i am pregent. (link)
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What are these 'feelings'? Physical symptoms, or emotional worries?
If you have had sex with someone, then there is a chance of pregnancy. This chance skyrockets if it was unprotected sex (meaning you did not use a condom or any form of birth control).
If you know when your period is expected, you can wait and see if it comes. If it is dramatically late, you can take a pregnancy test. Make sure to read the instructions carefully - some will not be able to detect a pregnancy very early on.
You also mention your mother. You may want to consider whether you want to confide in her. You can access sexual health services for advice, but be warned that (depending on where you live) they may not be confidential. You are within your rights to phone a local clinic or agency and ask if they will inform your mother of any visits.
In the meantime, stop having unprotected sex. Make sure your partner knows how to use a condom properly, and if you do not want to get pregnant, don't have sex without a condom.
I wish you the best.
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If a guy pre-cums inside you but does not pop your cherry can you get pregnant? Or can u get pregnant if he cums inside you but your cherry is not popped. (link)
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Anytime semen is in a vagina, there is a risk of pregnancy.
If a guy has cummed in you, then your cherry ('hymen') has most likely been torn. The hymen begins disintegrating as girls get older, and most teens only have a partial hymen as it is.
Having a guy orgasm in you is a very high risk activity, for pregnancy AND diseases. Likewise, pre-cum is not a safe activity, as the same sort of risks are pregnancy.
If you want to play, use a condom.
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My girlfriend and I have sex often. The thing is if i go a couple of weeks without sexual activity the next time im being fingered I bleed and if we continue the bleeding persists and gets worse. The thing is the blood is very similiar if not the same as the blood I experience while im on my period. However, if im fingered a couple times more the bleeding stops no matter how aggressive we get. So my question is why is my vagina reacting this way and how do I prevent it or make it stop.
And i've had sex with a guy twice before and the first time we had sex I did bleed but i'm sure he broke my hymen. (link)
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Hmm. This is tricky.
The first time you have something substantial in your vagina (like a penis, or your girlfriend's fingers), it's normal for there to be discomfort or spotting of blood. This can happen the first few times, while your vagina gets used to accomodating the new thing, be it fingers or whatever.
If you are having regular sex with your girlfriend which includes penetration of some sort, the bleeding should not be continuing. The only person who can really make sure everything is okay is your gyno.
I would suggest making an appointment just to check things out, as continued bleeding should not be happened. Likewise, it's not that your girlfriend is accidentally scratching you with her fingernails if the bleeding stops after a few times of being fingered, including when the sex is aggresive.
Chances are everything is okay, but as it's obviously causing you worry it is always best to get it checked out.
I wish you the best.
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I'm 17, and have had sex with my boyfriend whom I love very much, 6 times... and each time, it's been so painful that I end up crying. The first time we had sex was painful because it was my first time, but I was expecting that and also to bleed a bit, which I did, although I read somewhere that if you have been using tampons frequently that this would be unlikely (i've been using tampons for years without any problems)?
Anyway, the actual penetration is ok, it's just that once his penis has got to a certain point inside me that it starts to become excruciatingly painful... It's like a burning/ripping sensation... My boyfriend thinks that I don't want to have sex with him and it'd an excuse, but it's not, it's just that it's so painful I physically can't carry on!!! What should I do??? (link)
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First, stop having sex. Something clearly isn't okay.
Sex can be very uncomfortable for the first few times, including bleeding, regardless of whether or not you've used tampons. It is normal for a certain level of discomfort, but what you are describing goes beyond the norm.
You'll need to see a gyno (which you'd need to see anyway, as you've started having sex). She will be able to look into your vagina and see what the issue is with 'the certain point' that he cannot get past. She will also be able to offer advice and information.
This might be as simple as saying you need more foreplay or some added lubricant from a bottle, but you could be one of a few women who need treatment for this issue.
Seeing a gyno is a definite, but what isn't definite is whether you should carry on having sex with your boyfriend, even once the issue is resolved. If you are in so much pain you are crying, and your boyfriend refuses to believe in that pain, I would suggest things aren't quite as great as they could be. This could be that you haven't shared with him how excruciating things are, or that he isn't hearing you.
This might be more of a longterm issue than the actual sex thing is - if you see a gyno, that should be able to be resolved. I wish you the very best.
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I NEED HELP RIGHT THIS SECOND. please. I think my friend blew me off to go out with my other two friends. Im trying to call her, and find out if she did. How do I find out, without actually asking her? This is really important. % I can text or call her, but i really need some advice right now.
%Thanks in advance% (link)
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Just for future notice, immediate advice isn't something that can happen - I may not be online when you send the question.
Now, onto your question....
Why do you think your friend has blown you off? Have you been arguing lately, or has she been giving you signals that she doesn't want to be your friend? Or could she simply want to spend some time with other people?
There's also the possibility that you haven't been blown off at all.
The only person who can answer your questions is your friend. She'll know her own motivations for her behaviour. If you feel weird coming out and asking her, you can always tell her how you feel. Like, 'The other day I thought you blew me off to hang out with __________. That made me feel really ___________.' and see what happens.
Trying to find things out through Sherlock Holmes methods can get you into mind games, paranoia, and feeling generally miserable. Friendships do much better with honesty, and so will your emotional health!
I wish you the best.
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I recently had unprotected sex nearly 2 weeks ago and during that sex my vagina went dry causing pain and friction and we had to stop. Now my vagina is slightly itchy and sore inside and I feel an uncomfortable (not burning) sensation when I urinate. What could this be? (link)
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I'm unclear if this vaginal discomfort has only just started, or has been there since you've had sex. Anything that itches, burns, or is not normal for your vagina can do well to be checked out. It can be a symptom of an infection, particularly as you've had unprotected sex.
This could also be leftover from the dry sex - the pain and friction you felt then wouldn't have immediately gone away. Like skin everywhere, it would take time to heal. This could have caused minute cuts or abrasions in your vagina, which would also increase the chances of contracting an infection.
So go see your gyno and get your mind put to rest. I wish you the best.
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About 2 weeks ago, I was showering, and while shaving my bikini area, I was interrupted by a loud noise. It startled me and I jumped causing the razor to catch onto the skin at the "lip" of my vagina, which caused another startled jump at which the razor caught skin again, this time cutting the skin directly beneath the hole of my anus. This has caused me immense pain in several ways: I haven't been able to urinate without hitting one or both cuts, and because wiping caused pain against the lacerations as well, wiping myself totally dry was pretty much out of the question and in turn, much of the skin around the 2nd cut is chafed and irritated. I tried to cleanse the cuts with gel soap which only served to irritate both areas even more, and finally I tried Balmex on the chafed skin and I believe I've infected the cuts. I am in serious pain, and my cuts are not healing. What in the world can I do to fix this??? (link)
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Ouch. This sounds like a tremendously uncomfortable situation you're in. And to prevent it getting worse, you need to see a doctor. If you suspect the cuts are infected, that's really your only option as infections can get quite nasty and usually require medication.
Make an appointment as quickly as you can, and in the meantime don't use any soap or ANYTHING on the cuts - you may just be irritating the area more. A doctor can tell you what, if anything, you need to use on them to speed the healing.
I wish you a very speedy recovery.
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Hi. I'm asking you this question, because in the past, you have been really helpful to me. I appreciate it so much!
Well, Im thinking of going on a diet. Not like a crash diet, but more just to stay healthy, and maybe loose a couple pounds. I was wondering what kinds of food I should eat. If you could give me some basic examples, or maybe a specific one, I would be very grateful. Thanks so much! (link)
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The safest way to lose weight is in consultation with a doctor. A doctor can let you know what an appropriate weight is for your age and height, and probably offer tips on good ways to do so.
If being healthy is your main interest, with the possibility of losing a few pounds on the side, here's the honest truth: eat good foods, and exercise. Many people shun this advice because it's not quick enough, and too much like hard work. But the simple fact is that to be healthy, you need to treat your body right. It's great that you don't want a quick-fix solution.
I can't tell you what to eat, but your own common sense might be able to help. A donut versus an apple? Craploads of pop versus water or real juice? Your brain is the biggest help in maintaining your health - from deciding why you want to do it, to noticing the results, to helping you make smart decisions.
Depending on your age and location, there are weight loss and management clubs with weekly meetings. These can be a great way to learn about portion size and healthy eating - once you've got the info you can continue to implement it on your own, or continue with the meetings.
I wish you the best.
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I live in the uk and my sister for the summer wants to work in "camp america" ~ has anyone ever worked there?If so tell anything about it,your experience what it is like
But if you've been there your self what is it like??Your experience what kind of things do you do?? (link)
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'Camp America' is a company, not an actual place. You can think of it like a job agency. People who want to work at American summer camps send in an application, have an interview, get a visa, and spend the summer living and working on an American summer camp. Camp Counsellors USA is a similar programme. A great non-profit company that does the same thing is called BUNAC.
I worked at a camp in America for eight years in a variety of positions, ending up as the director. Camps are widely varied, but most involve a large outdoor element. This can mean living in a cabin or tent, and spending all day every day outdoors. Camps have every activity you can imagine, including: swimming, sailing, acting, dance, photography, outdoor skills, archery, biking, football, etc.
There are two types of counsellors. General counsellors spend most of their day with kids, perhaps supporting them in activities and participating in everything. It's a great way to bond with kids and gain great experience. Specialist counsellors are people with experience or qualifications in a specific area - this involves teaching the actitivity to different groups of children.
Camps cater to every sort of child - religious, disadvantaged, scout, well off, special needs, weight loss, etc. Some camps also specialise in working with kids in a specific area, like horseback riding.
Chances are it is too late for your sister to be able to go this summer. The application process for any of the organisations is quite long. She can do research now, and then ask for brochures next November. If she applies early in the new year, chances are great the company will be able to find a job for her. Her chances are hugely improved if she has recent experience working with children generally or in a specific area. She can use this year to build those skills. She will need to be at least 18 years old. (And, of course, she can still check with the agencies now to see if it is too late to apply.)
Camp is very hard work, but an incredible experience. It's life changing for many people. You make lifelong friends, learn new skills, and spend a lot of time being silly. There's nothing quite like it.
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ok, so i'm 15/f and i'm gay, it's not too big a deal in my community, but i am still worried about coming out because there are some people who would kind of shun me and such. Anyways, there is this girl who is 17 and she's a lesbian, and i kind of like her, but that doesn't really matter because she has a girlfriend and i would never want to come between them. anyways, i kind of would like to just talk to her about it and stuff because i look up to her a lot, and the only person i can talk to is my best friend, who is cool with me being gay, but not too helpful since she's straight.
anyhow, this 17 year old girl thinks i'm straight probably and i want to start dropping hints, not just towards her, to everyone that i'm gay because i really dont want to just come out and say it.
what should i do? wear, act, say.......??? please help, I feel like if i just said i was gay I would lose some of my friends, and also because people would be like, so what we don't care, like it doesn't matter enough to just announce it, lol
ok if anyone-gay or straight, has any tips for dropping hints that would be awesome.
thanks in advance, if I don't like your advice i won't rate you bad i promise (link)
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Well, a lot of people wonder how to 'drop hints' they are gay when they are first deciding to come out. Some people end up changing their appearance or trying to look more like a 'lesbian.' But the simple fact is that lesbians are like anyone else, and it's impossible to accurately tell someone's sexuality from looking at them.
It might actually be really helpful to talk to an older lesbian like this girl - after all, she will have gone through exactly what you are going through. She'll be able to offer empathy and understanding, and possibly share her own experiences with you. My only caution would be that if you like her, getting close to her might end up hurting you - particularly as she has a girlfriend.
Many larger areas have community centres or youth groups for gay people. This can be a good way to connect with other people, ask for advice, share your worries, etc.
The fact is that is is extremely difficult to be only 'partway' out. It's hard to dwell in a middle ground. Any uncertainty you have about telling people you're a lesbian should be thought carefully about, and then perhaps you can just start out by telling close friends you feel will be accepting. After all, you're best friend has accepted you - they are proof that people can be cool with being gay.
You will also want to pick discrete people if you are not ready for other people to know. But do be aware that the grapevine is real - if you are not ready for many people to know, reflect on why that is and if you are willing to take the risk of telling a few people and having many more find out.
Telling people you are gay is a very liberating and excellent experience, but that's not to say it's without doubts or conflict. Take your time, figure out how to best be yourself, and then do it. It's the only way to be comfortable with your sexuality, and yourself.
I wish you the best.
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ok my boyfriend who ive been dating for a while just told me that he has felt up and has watched a girl change...i asked him before if he had ever gone farther then making out and he said no.. hes 15 and im 14 by the way anyways my questions is do i have a good reason to be mad at him?? (link)
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If he made out with a girl before you were together, and then was honest in telling you that, no. I can understand why you might feel upset - it's natural to feel that way about someone you care about being close with someone else.
But really, he did nothing wrong.
The older you get, the more difficult it will be to find a guy who hasn't done SOMETHING with a past girlfriend. The real test is seeing how he treats YOU. After all, you're the one he's chosen to be with, not the other girl.
I wish you the best.
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my bf is in a facility, they have 0 tolerance for violence of course. well tonight when i talked to him, he said he threw an 8 ball at a guy and got written up, this is his last chance, then he goes to jail for 2-7 years. i know for a fact he didn't really mean to do it. it was his reaction. he isn't a fighter, but how can i help him and if he goes to jail what do i do to cope with it. (link)
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Unfortunately, you can't really do anything to control his actions. He needs to take responsibility for that.
He must be aware of the rules of the facility, and the consequences for breaking them. He is simply choosing to have his emotions overpower his intellect - which IS a difficult thing to deal with.
Of course I understand the longing to help and support him, but you really can release yourself from that responsibility. The true worry is one you have identified - how to cope if he is sent to prison.
You could choose to share with him how devestated you would be, as well as how difficult it must be for you to worry about him in the current situation. The fact is, in a strong relationship both people should be getting support.
How would you cope? Well, no one can answer that. People are amazingly strong and survive life-changing situations every day, but no one could ever predict how they would react to such a difficulty. I suppose you have to have a level of trust in yourself, as well as your relationship.
I wish you both the best.
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