YataiGuy's advice column

askYataiGuy

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: I,m 20 year old guy, I have experienced many things in life, right now i am a college student and I think i m a failure in everything I have done. I,m really smart in sciences and can get information quickly. everybody says i am smart but i have never achieved anything in my life.I lack hard work and consistency, my family, teachers and classmates are disappointed to see my results. I don,t have any high academic achievement in my whole life, no physical or social achievement. I have only one or two friends, no girl friend ever. why am I spoiling myself rather then utilizing my mind and talent. it hurts me i am disappointing by myself, what is the benefit of such a useless life ? i am a vegetable my existence or not does,t matter to the world because i have nothing to my credit. why do I have this sharp brain when i am not using it ?? why ? one thing i am proud about is that i help others in studies and other things. other then that i am disappointed why should I even live? i want some social life too. may be you can help.

Sit down. Write this: My favorite thing to do in this world is: _______________________

Now, go DO that thing. If you do what you love, you will e successful at it because it is your passion. And eventually you will get paid for it. You are not a failure. You just havent found ur thing.

Q: hi.me and my boyfnd are luvrs since 4 years.we are sinceare and he wants to marry me also at first.but the problem came between us because of one girl,and that girl is his close fnd.she is his fnd since 4yrs only,she too have a boyfnd atfirst but later she gets jealous of me and gets attracted by my boyfnd.she left her boyfnd and started luving my boyfnd,she proposed to my boyfnd,at first he refused but later she begged him no need to marry but please love me untill your marraige and sleep with me

To me, no one that doesnt want you as much as you want them is worth the anguish you are putting urself through.

I would dump his sorry ass and let him see what he is losing. If he comes back, you have to make the call, but if he bolts to her, be prepared. Move on, sweetie. And, yes, for him to be acting like this, no matter what he tells you, he is sleeping with her.

You deserve better and a broken heart is better when you put it on urself, than when u let another do it to you.

Hope you two can patch it up, but seriously I think you would be better off to leave him and her in the gutter and go find a decent guy.

Q: I saw a movie when I was a little kid, and I remember some of the scenes. I've been wondering what this movie was for years and years.

Okay, so the first scene I remember was when the family in the movie were driving and the little girl says she needs to pee, so the mom takes her behind a sign and she says, "Look at the bunnies!" And then this big blue monster comes out of the woods. He is tall and has long dreads with a loincloth and a spear and he has three scars on his stomach that have teeth.

I remember the monster chased the dad and ate the little boy, and the little boy's arms were hanging out of the monster's stomach.

Does anyone know what this movie is?!?!

The Big Picture: Night of the Lepus

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/6.318414-The-Big-Picture-Night-of-the-Lepus

Q: Okay, so my name is Allison and I am 13/f. Well there is this new guy named James 15/m that just moved to my town. Well me and James have been dating for abot 3 weeks now. And i think he is wanting to have sex. When its just the 2 of us he always makes remarks about how sexy and stuff he thinks I am. But he seems to kinda force me to do things with him like let him finger me, blow jobs, etc. I want to know if I should go through with sex and stuff. Oh, by the way he does drugs and steals and does other things I am not proud of. So, thanks:)

Don't have sex with anyone until you are certain YOU want to. This guy is not yours to fix. He will only fix himself and sex from you isnt enough to make him change his ways. it only satisfies for a moment, he needs lifetime..

Stay chaste until the right one with no doubdts and no pressure comes along.

Q: 18/f. Guys, I'm in a real pickle. In the beginning of my first year of college, I was acquainted with a cute boy who has a nose ring and had walked by me and smiled and said hello. I know it isn't much but from then on, there was just something about him and I wanted to talk to him and get to know him more. It is now a month into university. I went to a party and met a cute boy and he asked what dorm I was in, I was telling him my dorm and that i really like it, he was telling me that he makes music on his computer. Then he said how there's a guy in his building who found out how to break into people's rooms using a credit card so his computer was stolen and his music hobby is put on hold until that gets sorted out. I had told him that I'm sorry to hear that and we were talking about how shitty some people can be. After that, I had left him to go talk with my friends on the couch. A few minutes later, he asked me to play pong with him. I told him that I wasn't too good but he insisted I play anyway so I did, we lost by one cup but he hugged me and said we need to be partners again because we worked so well together. A little after that I had realized that the building this cute boy from the beginning of the year lives in is run by I.D. cards so I asked the boy from the party if that's the building he lives in, he said yes and I asked if he knew the boy and he said "oh, yea, he's one of my really good friends. He's actually probably waiting up for me right now, I should head out soon to see him." So, I asked if I could have his number to talk to him and get to know him (that's very forward for me. mind you, though, we were both a little intoxicated.) He had replied "well, I'm not sure if I should give his number to you, he's a little weird with that. But I can take your number and I will give it to him!" So, I gave him my number and told him he better not forget to give it to him tomorrow and he said he wouldn't. He left a few minutes after he gathered his crew together. The next day, I was talking to my friend about mr nose ring from the beginning of the year and she said "oh my gosh, I know who you're talking about! I see him around campus.." she seemed a little on edge telling me this so I asked what was up and she hesitated before telling me that she doesn't think anything should happen between me and nose ring. I had told her that we were friends and for her to think this way, I knew she was onto something. She had later explained that he sells pot. Don't get me wrong, I still think that nose ring is very cute but that is a total turn off for me, I think that is super sketchy. I just don't know if I want to get involved in that, I trust that he'd be good with it and not involve me in deals or anything and I'm sure he won't carry, like, mass quantities on him when we are together and such but I can't be totally sure. It all made sense to why his friend from the party didn't want me to have his number, because nose ring doesn't want to get busted or anything.

What would you guys do? I know pot is a small drug compared to the selling of cocaine or something but that's beside the point. What should I do?

P.S. Boy from the party does not like me as he has a girlfriend that goes to another college.

P.P.S Thanks for reading and answering despite the length and jumbled thoughts!!

IF pot is illegal in your state, stay away. There's plenty of other guys out there. Sounds to me like the pong guy was into you...

Q: What do you do when a guy you've liked for a long time rejects you when you tell him you love him, but when he gets a girlfriend (AND IS CHEATING ON HER WITH ANOTHER GIRL), he hits on you? (He hugs you after you tell him he's being stupid and says he loves you) What do you do? Do you react negatively or neutrally? I will NOT react positively, ever. Please don't judge me. If you want to know with more detail, please let me know at melanielovesdylanobrien@gmail.com

Thanks to everyone for answering in advance :D

I would cold shoulder him and would NOT drop the hammer on him with the other girls because when the hammer falls of his own accord, you will not be implicated. Your reward? Watching him get whats coming to him without you being the dastardly bitch who brought him down.

Remember, men are stupid; we will screw ourselves right kindly on our own, thank you very much. Just ignore, watch, and laugh.

Q: so last night me and my sister got into a little argument about her moving back to IL wit my mom myself and little brother. so i kept begging her to come up here because once i grauate h.s she wants me to move wit her and i was telln her that i cant just up and leave my family. i became very mad and told her like all she do is want to be distant from her fsmily she left us once when she 13 now that my dad died she came back just for the funeral which i think is wrong like if your family is going through tough times why would you leave again i feel like she just run to avoid stuff so i told her that and now shes mad i havent spoke to her since yesterday i dnt feel like wat i said was wrong but im hurtn idk what to do should i apologize or not

Your sis has the right to live her life where she wants to.

You miss her, and maybe the family needs her, but it is still her life, even if she is being selfish or inconsiderate iyo.

Suggest you tell her WHY you got mad and how much you miss her, but respect her wishes or you might make a forever rift.

Q: I'm used to having anal sex with my boyfriend,he loves it and so do I,anyway,I'd like to know what the best and at the same time safer position is,'cause I'm afarid of getting hurt or something sometimes,'cause my boyfriend has a large penis,thanks!

Whatever way feels the best. If you like looking each other in the eye while doing it, the answer is obvious. If you are more carnal, doggie style offeres the deepest penetration.

Q: I'm sixteen and my life has always been a little complicated, but it was up until I became a teenager that it has become unbearable with my parents. My mom always blows up on me about everything, how I don't have a lot of friends, how I spend too much time with my boyfriend, how I never get active, and how I am always so sensitive. Sometimes I just want to tell her that I don't want a lot of friends, that my boyfriend and I are so close that we're best friends, that I don't want to be active, and I am just that way. But I ignore her because I know I can never win this argument. She always complains that I never help her out, and that I'm selfish and ungrateful and a brat. I never ever do anything. I'm not a bad kid. Yes, I'm lazy, and I sometimes forget things, but overall, I make decent grades.

I work very hard to please my parents. I've always been a good kid, and I never have done anything totally bad. My mom makes me feel like a horrible person. The day she found out I wasn't a virgin, she called me a slut and took me to all different doctors and therapists because I had sex with one guy. I felt horrible about myself. I sunk down into depression, thinking I was as ugly and selfish as she told me I was. She freaks out about every little thing. For example, my cat threw up on my bed once and I didn't clean up, because it was 5 a.m. I told my mom the next morning as I was cleaning it up, and she said I didn't clean it up right, but that's because she never taught me how to use the steam cleaner I was supposed to clean it up with. She also gets mad when she says, "You can clean if you want to, you don't have to," and then when I don't she throws a fit. She always dumps her baby on me, I'm always babysitting him for hours on end into the night, ON SCHOOL NIGHTS.

I get so depressed around my parents. They got mad today because I told them that my boyfriend told me he loves me today, and they both started freaking out. We've been dating for almost 8 months, and I know they don't wanna see me heartbroken, but still. I can never say I'm tired or hungry, I'm not allowed to forget things or complain. I'm so stressed out, and I'm scared I'll reach my breaking point. They emotionally abuse me, and when I screw up, like if I don't do a certain thing right, like accidentally leave a bag of cat litter on the front porch, they physically abuse me. My stepdad held me up against a wall and choked me when I told him I forgot to throw it away. I'm so tired of this, I'm not allowed to be human here.

I've been having suicidal thoughts and sometimes I just get so close to wanting to hurt myself that I can't believe it. I have a good life, but sometimes I just sink into unhappiness because of my parents. I don't want to call the cops and I don't want any therapy or social workers. I want other ways besides drama to help me. Please help me. I don't want to kill myself. I don't want to be scared of my parents anymore. I just want to be happy.

Well I won't suggest you seek a therapist, and I wont tell you its no big deal, but I will tell you im 44 now and at one time felt EXACTLY as you do. I took it a step further and WENT to decide how to commit suicide. I cried out to the heavens, and God answered me. I dont know if you are at all religious or not and I wont tell you what to think, but whoever or whatever God is to you, please ask God to strengthen you to help you bear through this trial.

Your parents love you and have a crappy way of showing it. Now older, I can look back and see how God protected me and helped me through hard times.

You are not a slut. You are a NORMAL, HEALTHY young woman who is interested in normal sexual things. Sex is healthy and good, and depending on your moral and religious beliefs, probably upset ur parents because you are supposed to wait for marriage, but I bet your mom had some premarital sex, too.

PLEASE DONT HURT YOURSELF. Fins a sanctuary, a peaceful place you can just be yourself with your thoughts until the feeling goes away. Play some positive music or music that puts you in a good mood, dont play stuff thats all self loathing and destructive.

Its not wrong or bad to not be popular and have tons of friends. Some of us are introspective rather than social. That is AOK.

You will be able to move out soon Im guessing, once you graduate HS, right? Well, get yourself an exit plan. Decide how you are gonna move out, where you are gonna go, work, college, whatever. But think on your plan and work towards it in little steps. That will keep your mind on good things instead of bad.

Love your parents for who you wish they were, not for who they are. They are trying in some weird way, but it obviously isnt working, to show you love. Try to see through the annoyance, and say to yourself, what is behind what is being said?

Love, yourself, first.

Q: How do you get a line or credit to buy things like cars or like when you go to casinos and they give you a line of credit?

Put 500 buck in a bank account and ask the bank for a secured credit card at that limit. NOT a debit card, a SECURED Credit card. Buy things and PAY THEM OFF at more than the minimum payment for 6 months. Then, you should be able to get an unsecured credit card, and a credit score atound 700 is needed to buy any large items. Stay away from store credit cards. They work but interest can be much higher. DONT SPEND more than you need to on the credit card.

Q: I am a 14 year old girl. At home and at school I daydream. I'm usually daydreaming about being in one of my favorite books or TV shows like the Hungergames or Pokemon. Honestly, I sometimes finish work faster than the norm in my class and the first thing I do is put my head down and daydream. Is there something wrong with me. I know no one here is a doctor, but advice would really help.

You are probably more artistic than you think, and thats perfectly normal! Do you like to paint, or play a musical instrument? And, are you passionate about anything that requires your imagination? That's where the focus for your life should go. Schoolwork is boring sometimes... Well, often, but the point is, if you understand the work and your grades reflect it, then daydream all you want! Who knows, maybe you'll dream up the way to invent a REAL Flux Capacitor and invent time travel! you have a great mind!

Q: well basically, i really want a baby because ive been thinking alot about it and i just think its time for me to have a baby. Ive said to my partner but he said he doesnt think we are ready until he gets a full time job.. and a car even though he has a licence. I know i dont have a full time job at the minute as im in full time education but i really do want a baby, what should i do?

Sweetheart, you can't even spell well enough in typing your question, so in love and respect, finish getting your education. Be fully employed, otherwise, you will be another one living off the government programs, and too dirt poor to enjoy providing the physical things beyond love that your child needs. Unless you are 40 and near menopause, I'd wait till you have your life in a little bit better order. Your desire probably means you will be an awesome mother, but get your current goals met first. Your guy probably sees this and is trying to tell you lovingly, OR he just doesn't want a kid with you :)

Q: im 15. how do you makeout.

You take your time and use your instincts as you get closer to each other. Describing it mechanically as move here and do that, doesnt begin to describe just letting your mind disconnect about what to do, and letting your emotions guide you.

NOTE: instead of worrying about how to do it, keep your mind there just enough so you know when to STOP! Dont go further than you are ready to, dont be pushed to go beyond what you are ready to enjoy, and be responsible when deciding. Letting your brain totally go is what gets girls your age pregnant.

...Just the dad in me speaking a lil bit there!

Q: This guy I talk to in one of my classes.. well, we aren't exactly friends, we're more like awkward classroom friends. So I have a big crush on him, and idk how he feels, really. I've read positive signs from him, like him trying to get my attention a lot, staring at me with a small coy smile (especially when he walks right by me), occasionally mimicking my body language, etc. He's this geeky/nerdy/loner type who tends to keep to himself, but the more you're comfortable around him the more he talks to you. This guy and I sit right next to each other in one class (coincidence) and we're kind of isolated from the rest of the class, from where we're located. but he kind of gives mixed signals, like in the beginning of the period he's like energized and tries to interact with me a lot, and then at some point later he still interacts with me but just doesn't appear over zealous. and then usually by the end of the period we're not talking, really, and it's just awkward tension, and he puts his head down on his desk

So basically, today, him and his friend (one of the few others he talks to in the class) had to get random drug tested, and about 15 minutes after they came back, his friend (who sits right behind us) was smiling really big and said that this unattractive, "funny" guy wanted to ask me out on a date, and at first I was surprised cause this guy has literally never talked to me, and then I responded "stop!" in a sort of playful way, cause it was obviously a joke, and I didn't know what else to say. And my crush looked at his friend at the same time, and I don't know what his facial expression was, as I was sort of afraid to look at him after such a romantic allusion (this is how inept I am in this area).. but I heard him make a few groans, and I didn't say anything cause idk if they were directed at his friend or something else, not related to me. also, he put his head down (he does that a lot, though) afterwards, for most of the rest of the period. And now that I'm thinking about it, could this have just been a prank by my crush's friend because he wanted to push his buttons, or could my crush have told his friend that he thinks I like him, but doesn't like me back, so he was just trying to mess with me instead? cause the guy that my crush's friend referred to (the unattractive guy) wasn't even aware of this situation.. and I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me like that, either. WHAT DO I MAKE OF THIS SITUATION?

He likes you. His friend asked because he is chicken to.

Q: If a female is sick can she get her partner sick from giving him oral sex?

Yes. Fluid transfer is the easiest way to catch it.This is the same as kissing on the (other) lips.

Q: I occasionally masturbate but every time I am about to climax I start having thoughts about how shallow it is. I don't try to have these I just do and I lose it. It's getting kind of annoying and have tried many different masturbating techniques but none have worked. Is there a way to fix this? Thanks.

Its not shallow, its part of maturing. Your perception of the act of self pleasuring must change before your mind can let go and enjoy it. Its a pressure buildup inside you that you are just releasing. Men have wet dreams as proof the body needs te sexual release and its normal. Go ahead and get yourself off :) its healthy and fun and it sets your body and mind back on course!

Q: Im 18 & I started seeing someone. Me & my parents told him no sex. I have never had any type of intercourse before cause I wanted to wait till marriage so my parents told him that. Please dont laugh but Id not heard of fingering before. Does that count as losing virginity if he did it 4 different times? He told me it was ok so I let him do it. This was only our first date. I started bleeding & he said it was okay. I told my mum when I got home and she was angry he did that. His fingers still went in my vagina goes so does that mean Im not one anymore? Im so stupid to have listened to him. After this happened I keep getting panic attacks and now they cant stop. Pleae help me.

Your hymen probably was torn which caused the bleeding. but it can even happen from a rough ride on horseback, so i would say you are a virgin with a damaged hymen. The penis is what de-cherries you when it enters, otherwise, a tampon or an adult toy could de-virginize you and that is not possible because they are inanimate. True, his fingers are alive, bub, well, biblically speaking the act of sexual organ intercourse must take place.

Q: Today in school we were watching a video and one guy turned around and looked at me. Then he started whispering to the guy next to him, who has stared at me a lot the past few days but hasn't talked to me. Then he looked at me, then a few more guys joined in. So by the end of class there were was a group of like 6 guys looking at me sometimes. Why!?! Thanks!

They noticed something about you, or were srewing with your head. If you are just starting to blossom, they probably were attracted to your new curves. Perfectly normal for silly little boys! If it made you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, tell the closest adult.

Q: My boyfriend is flirting with this girl that i really hate .. What do i do? he's doing it infront of me and crap and im pissed but not showing it.. Its awkward and weird and ugh! What shoudl i do?!?!?!?? Grrrr...

Boys know how to control girls to get you to 'need' them to fill your emotional desires and self worth. this is the move of a player.

If your father is a good guy and is around, ditch this dude and spend some time with your dad. Boys and competitive girls will come and go, but your dad id your dad forever. If hes not around, tell your boyfriend you hate this girl. if he apologises for his actions and stops doing it, hes a good guy. if he mocks you or keeps doing it after you say, then dump his sorry ass.

Q: Hi,
I found your name on advicenators,

I have a very difficult situation and want to remain anonymous please.

I am a 21 year old very devoted Muslim girl. I am married with 1 beautiful girl and a wonderful husband. He works in IT and I am a stay at home mom who is on the internet much too often.
I was raised in Jordan. We went to a very good school and Quran school. I learned to memorize most of the Quran at a young age.
This is the first time I am opening up about this and REALLY need your advice.
My parents sent me and my brothers and sisters to a Quran boarding school for 3 months out of the year every year since I was very little. I learned a lot. But the man that trained me had sexual relations with me since I was a little girl. He was a very kind man who really knew how to teach well. But sadly I had to have two abortions before I was 17 years old. He was the only one I was ever with. His wife was the one who took me to get these procedures to save my family and myself the shame. I am very grateful to her for being a mentor and confidant. But this is a shameful thing in my past I never told anyone about. I don;t hate him like many say I should. I still respect and honor him. But it did help me understand men and how they function.
This is all in my past.

Now my husband is now my issue. I am a very good friend of one of his girl friends, Fatima and they are very close physically. He does not know that I know about this relationship. My friend confided in me last year that she was pregnant. She is very young and also a strong Muslim. After I pushed and asked, I found out that it was my husband who she did this to.
She is sorry for seducing him. She understands that women have to guard what Allah has made special and she did not. I forgave her and took her to get the abortion. I was re living my life again!!! I was the one who was the comforter now. That is why I told you my past to understand that I am reliving it.
Very ironic huh?

But since then, Fatima and I have become very close friends. After her abortion I was the only one to comfort her. It did cost me a bit of money!! But her relationship with my husband is still on going. I wanted her to stop but she does not want to and I don't want to hurt my husband who I love but taking her from him. I also don't want to lose my friendship with her so I am just quite about it when she tells me they were together. She wants to find a husband too, but now she just wants to finish school. I still tutor her and help her with her classes. I want to be a submissive wife and love my husband. He is after all a very good husband to me. He never yells or hits me, and always buys me flowers and shows me hugs and kisses and puts food on the table. We also have great physical relationship as well--at least I think so. But I am concerned about getting an STD or something. So I bought him condoms, but I am afraid to give them to him when he goes out at night with his friends. I dont know what to do.

If I don't feel judged, i will share about more, but I need advice.

I am confused what to do about this.

Please advise me. Will you judge me?
please reply to jihan.ali@europe.com
Jihan
Anonymous

Has this resolved? If still ongoing, I would suggest deciding what you can and cannot live with. If the STD thing is a dealbreaker, you must intervene. If, on the otherhand, you can accept this sneaky sex on your hubbys part, then keep quiet and live the best life you can from him. If you feel you have the will, lovingly tell him you know, and that it is ok (if it is with you). This is a tough place. You must read these people and respond accordingly to ensure the safety of yyour child and yourself.

bio

I/m a thrice married guy with four kids and lots of common sense about relations, family, and my hobbies are cars n trucks and music. Oh and Chun Li is my archetype!!