|
humorist-workshop
I am afraid I'll reach my breaking point one day.
I'm sixteen and my life has always been a little complicated, but it was up until I became a teenager that it has become unbearable with my parents. My mom always blows up on me about everything, how I don't have a lot of friends, how I spend too much time with my boyfriend, how I never get active, and how I am always so sensitive. Sometimes I just want to tell her that I don't want a lot of friends, that my boyfriend and I are so close that we're best friends, that I don't want to be active, and I am just that way. But I ignore her because I know I can never win this argument. She always complains that I never help her out, and that I'm selfish and ungrateful and a brat. I never ever do anything. I'm not a bad kid. Yes, I'm lazy, and I sometimes forget things, but overall, I make decent grades.
I work very hard to please my parents. I've always been a good kid, and I never have done anything totally bad. My mom makes me feel like a horrible person. The day she found out I wasn't a virgin, she called me a slut and took me to all different doctors and therapists because I had sex with one guy. I felt horrible about myself. I sunk down into depression, thinking I was as ugly and selfish as she told me I was. She freaks out about every little thing. For example, my cat threw up on my bed once and I didn't clean up, because it was 5 a.m. I told my mom the next morning as I was cleaning it up, and she said I didn't clean it up right, but that's because she never taught me how to use the steam cleaner I was supposed to clean it up with. She also gets mad when she says, "You can clean if you want to, you don't have to," and then when I don't she throws a fit. She always dumps her baby on me, I'm always babysitting him for hours on end into the night, ON SCHOOL NIGHTS.
I get so depressed around my parents. They got mad today because I told them that my boyfriend told me he loves me today, and they both started freaking out. We've been dating for almost 8 months, and I know they don't wanna see me heartbroken, but still. I can never say I'm tired or hungry, I'm not allowed to forget things or complain. I'm so stressed out, and I'm scared I'll reach my breaking point. They emotionally abuse me, and when I screw up, like if I don't do a certain thing right, like accidentally leave a bag of cat litter on the front porch, they physically abuse me. My stepdad held me up against a wall and choked me when I told him I forgot to throw it away. I'm so tired of this, I'm not allowed to be human here.
I've been having suicidal thoughts and sometimes I just get so close to wanting to hurt myself that I can't believe it. I have a good life, but sometimes I just sink into unhappiness because of my parents. I don't want to call the cops and I don't want any therapy or social workers. I want other ways besides drama to help me. Please help me. I don't want to kill myself. I don't want to be scared of my parents anymore. I just want to be happy.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
Well I won't suggest you seek a therapist, and I wont tell you its no big deal, but I will tell you im 44 now and at one time felt EXACTLY as you do. I took it a step further and WENT to decide how to commit suicide. I cried out to the heavens, and God answered me. I dont know if you are at all religious or not and I wont tell you what to think, but whoever or whatever God is to you, please ask God to strengthen you to help you bear through this trial.
Your parents love you and have a crappy way of showing it. Now older, I can look back and see how God protected me and helped me through hard times.
You are not a slut. You are a NORMAL, HEALTHY young woman who is interested in normal sexual things. Sex is healthy and good, and depending on your moral and religious beliefs, probably upset ur parents because you are supposed to wait for marriage, but I bet your mom had some premarital sex, too.
PLEASE DONT HURT YOURSELF. Fins a sanctuary, a peaceful place you can just be yourself with your thoughts until the feeling goes away. Play some positive music or music that puts you in a good mood, dont play stuff thats all self loathing and destructive.
Its not wrong or bad to not be popular and have tons of friends. Some of us are introspective rather than social. That is AOK.
You will be able to move out soon Im guessing, once you graduate HS, right? Well, get yourself an exit plan. Decide how you are gonna move out, where you are gonna go, work, college, whatever. But think on your plan and work towards it in little steps. That will keep your mind on good things instead of bad.
Love your parents for who you wish they were, not for who they are. They are trying in some weird way, but it obviously isnt working, to show you love. Try to see through the annoyance, and say to yourself, what is behind what is being said?
Love, yourself, first.
]
More Questions: |