|
Bossy co-worker
I have a co-worker who is very bossy to me and talks down to me. The issue is that she is my superior and delegates much of my work but the way she does it is becoming extremely controlling and rude. I feel that she is on a power trip and over-stepping her bounds in terms of how to handle me. I feel like I’m becoming this puppy dog following orders and it’s very humiliating and invasive to my personal space. I want to calmly confront her next time she treats me this way but the problem is that we work in the same area as my boss and I feel that it would be awkward to do this in front of my boss. Also my boss has sort of been acting this way too and treating my co-worker this way so I don’t think she would be on my side, so to speak. Time and again I’m in situations like this, where someone is very bossy and controlling toward me, and I never know how to handle it. What should I do?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
I worked for a while in fast food recently enough and one shift manager ended up barking at everyone but more at me. I would feel anger inside and old memories of a verbally abusive husband rise up in me. It was my past that I finally decided to tell her about. One day I just told her calmly that when she speaks to me or orders me about in that manner, due to my past of verbal abuse , it affects me and makes me work slower or make more mistakes. When I finished, she sounded surprised that she was doing that and apologized saying that she grew up with a verbally abusive father and was used to it and didn't even stop to consider that she was doing someething along the same lines. She stopped yelling at me and spoke very nicely however she continued to yelled at everyone else.
If your boss talks this way to her, then likely both of them have been exposed to this kind of treatment in their lives and are doing so on purpose or not aware they do it.
The stress of working in such an environment can build up over months and years to affect a physical effect on you. I used to have all sorts of stress related conditions and illnesses but they went away when I left the source of my stress, my ex and got a divorce. You may not notice anything immediately but it will take its toll on you in the long run. So you could talk to each of them since both do the same thing. You could even make up a story of dealing with abuse as a kid and so this kind of way of relating to you, rattles you too much. It could be but if the boss is a mean unsympathetic creature, he could say to leave and find other job then. Speaking up for yourself isn't grounds for firing so if he doesn't like the fact you did, he would have to make something up. It may be easier to keep working while looking for something different where you can earn the income you need.
Since you say this keeps happening to you, I've learned that if there is something important our soul was meant to learn in our life, that we will find we can't avoid it because it will happen over and over. I can't tell you if thats what's happening here, but it may the reason. If so, then it will help to learn how to stand up for yourself but also to do so in a way that other adults can handle even if they don't like it.
Think for a moment how humiliating it feels, whether you're in the wrong or not or simply didn't know better at the time and were corrected publicly by another adult. It is one of the worst feelings and situation a person can experience, you already know how it feels. They would feel the same if you came right out and told them what they are doing and how you want it to stop.
So if you can find a way to make it sound like something that you or someone close you know does and struggles with, maybe how their counselor has told the family to learn how to understand why they do it but that its okay and right to not accept it, and not be angry with them, and thats what you want to accomplish with them, maybe they will not react in anger. I use this tactic all the time when ever I need to deal with anyone in letting them know that there is something they did or do, that has affected me in a bad way. It almost feels like charming a person first by finding even one thing I can honestly say I admire in them, twisted as it may be currently, but if honest, they will sense it is when you speak it, but then you also need to let a person know what you would like to see change and that probably calls for more professional concise advice than I can give but you can find in a book on how to stand up for yourself, or books on the win-win situation, where you both end up happy and they make changes that make your job more enjoyable. If I were you, I'd start there. Good luck!
]
More Questions: |