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Is it entirely wrong if my ex boyfriend comes back to me? He has got two small boys but he was having problem with his girlfriend the mother of his kids before like for example, not communicating and not sharing much. We dated for few months and he split up with me saying I’d have my family but I think I can see he indeed misses and loves me still? We’re both on our 30’s. PS: I hope you guys don’t judge as Julia Rogers at. So my question is he takingnice mig of tea. I r
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It isn't a bad thing if he comes back into your life as long as these following are not the problem at core:
1. He has trouble with facing problems and finds it easier to run away than face them. If thats what he is doing with her, then eventually he will do the same with you.
2. You feel lonely and alone and want him back, no matter if he also wasn't a good match for you either.
Depending on when he first met her, he may not have been mature enough to choose a mate with whom he had enough in common. A quiet person with a talkative one do not mix for example and both will have hard feelings.
There is such a thing as knowing what criteria you need in a mate before you go looking. He may have chosen badly with picking her.
It may be that even if he and her are not a good match, that he went back to her because of feeling the duty to be a good father to his kids.
Not always is having both birth parents a good thing for children, especially if the two don't get along or there is resentment built up against each other. You know how much we watched and copied our parents when growing up. Thats how babies and young children learn the basics like walking, and eating with a fork and drinking from a cup rather than a bottle. They watch Everything, even our moods and assume that is normal. If his kids assume that his not so great relationship with mom is normal, what does that teach them for when they get to dating age and older?
He may think being there is better but the children may benefit better from his paying for their upkeep but finding and living the rest of his life with the perfect mate and having visitation rights to his children. I almost wish My daughters had benefited that way but I stayed with a dysfunctional man and now it had affected their idea's of what a good husband is. One daughter is on 3rd marriage and its the worst ever. Another daughter is happy having a bf as long as she can be in control but has no want to marry and thus have to share everything and the last is married to a man who is not a man of the house, she earns the income and he has some of the controlling aspects as well as social dysfunctions.
So if you are okay with his boys becoming a part of your life and if he is willing to share them with you as if they were your own and you a 2nd mom to them, then it should work out fine.
Another thing of importance, is that our brain isn't completely mature in ability to make good decisions until our mid twenties. Its a scientic fact dear, not something I am making up. And so when we reach 30 or enter our thirties, we finally review what is really important to us and decide to choose to be not the person our friends, parents, or other people expected us to be but decide who we really want to be as a person for the rest of our lives and stick with it. So I think if he is keeping in touch with you or keeps contacting you, he is interested and just doesnt yet see a second possibility or perhaps is gun shy and doesn't want to make the same mistake and end up with you to find out later that the two of you really aren't all that compatible. You're at an age where you're more likely to be searching for the person you want to be with the rest of your life, whether married or not. Both of you need to talk. He said you have your family anyway. That was kinda lame to reason that you won't miss him because of that but apparently your missing him was on his mind if he said that. I can't say he feels the same and it was only 3 months time together, not enough for most average humans to determine if they are going to work out.
Now on the other hand, after a divorce, once I found the man I am now married to on a dating site, I was extremely impressed by his letter, we talked on the phone the very next day after I wrote him back and talked for hours every night til we met in person on the following weekend. That confirmed we also had chemistry as far as pheromones go and within a few days, we both knew that we had probably found the right person. So I moved in with him shortly after...as there's no better way to find out if you are compatible. And basically 3 months later were married. It happened so quick and I was 100% sure because I had a list I'd made of what my wants and needs in a guy were.
I can spare the details now but this same kind of list sounds like something your male friend and you could both benefit from. That way, if you get back together, you both can compare your lists to how each other really is and then be able to decide if best to stay together for life or if you both need to move on and keep looking.
I've titled it, how to find Mr. Right but it also works for men too in how to find their lady for life. If interested in this, let me know and I'll share it with you. But you must go to my column and write me from there, not the site where comments go for rating.
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