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Frustrated
I am in my 20's and I have a very hard time meeting guys. When I do meet guys I like I feel like they aren't interested and guys that I am not interested same thing- I'm not interested. It's a never ending cycle.
A while back I met this guy and we've talked on and off for years. I am not sure if he likes me. But he doesn't always initiate conversation or hold it. We reconnected in the last couple of years. He has asked me what my type was, teased and asked if I liked girls. Asked to hang out at night to cuddle but I told him I had to get to know him first. He then respected that and didn't push it anymore.
I want to know if he likes me. He has also said we've talked on and off for years, it's nice but it is also a tease and I felt like he was hinting on wanting to hang out. So he finally said welp, you should ask.
He also says he's shy when it comes to girls and in general. He also said if I invite you, it should mean something.
I'm just not sure if he likes me or not, is he giving me hints? Maybe I need to hang out with him to get a feel for him? We have casual conversations but yet sometimes he gets forward like that. And when he does that it makes me think he may like me.
Should I give up on this guy?
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You would be crazy if you gave up on him. Trust me, he likes you a lot and wouldn't be asking to cuddle let alone talk to you consistently if not. Guys just don't put that effort in otherwise. I get it that you are both shy and fear rejection but you must make a move.
Tell him you need to get to know him one on one to see if you could end up dating or just be friends. Choose an activity you both like and invite him out and or go on a group date. You will be happy in the end for exploring this.
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Is he giving you hints? YES! I will list them for you.
A guy will not talk to and thus encourage a girl to go after him if he is not attracted to her and doesn't like her personality .
So, if he has been willing to talk to you before, thats a good hint. It's even better that when you reconnected as people who know each other, that he was wanting to talk to you again. This shows that the initial attraction was for real, not something that faded over time.
Next, he asked you what your type was. This is actually very telling. A person has to be sure what they like in a partner before they can even go looking for and recognize the qualities they like in a person. He was asking you to tell him if he is the type of guy you are basically attracted to or not. He is trying to find out if he has a chance at all with you. I do not know if you answered him at all or what you said, but if he's still not sure, I am betting you didn't give him a clear enough answer so that he could know.
Don't know if it was the same convo, but you mention teasing and asking if you prefer women. In these days, thats a very real possibility. If you said no but you do not respond to his or any males advances, all he can think is that you aren't sure yet what you want, or feel you are gay but embarrassed and want to deny that part of you but while not acting on being gay and going after women, you also are not responding to a man. Thats confusing for him.
Next you say he asked if you'd be interested in hanging out and cuddling. Think of the most disgusting to you, guy, that you can think of and try to imagine your self asking that guy to cuddle with you. What on earth would you be doing, thinking of asking a guy who is so disgusting to cuddle with you that it makes your stomach turn? Do you like to torture yourself this way? Or are you playing with his feelings like a nasty mean person waiting for him to say sure so you can tell him, I was just kidding. Now turn the tables again. Do you really believe your guy is continually talking to you and asking to cuddle if you gross him out? I don't know of any humans in my world who would be brave enough to do that. And why would he want to hang around until you finally respond to him that you like him and then you never hear from him ever again. Is that what you are really thinking? Watch your thoughts dear b ecause humans tend to over think and do a lot of distorted thinking and focus only on a reality in their minds that are not true in real life at all.
Another hint is that he was polite and didn't push it. He was a gentleman. A guy who cares about a gal, more than just the sexual side of things but as a friend is going to treat her with tender loving care, really caring about her limits, her needs, understand her moods and be willing to do whatever it is she wants.
Without saying outright, I like you and want to date you, are you interested, he said the same thing in different words when you wrote this:
He has also said we've talked on and off for years, it's nice but it is also a tease. He is saying that it feels like you pay him only enough attention as you would any classmate, but not a good friend or someone you are interest in romantically. Just when you say or do something that makes him believe you are interested, you do or say something else that make him doubt what he just thought he saw. And so it comes across to him as you just messing with his feelings and teasing him, encouraging him in some ways but not in the next.
I am only assuming here because I don't really know what you are doing. It may not be what you do but what you fail to do in response that has him not sure. Males and females alike, both want a partner who is willing to be in the relationship, who is really there for you in mind, soul and body and who will carry their half of the responsibility for the relationship and that would include the beginning of how two get together. A guy doesn't want to initiate 100% of the time. That makes it feel like the lady doesnt care what he does and will just go along with it, not protest and let him do all the leading and that get tiring for guys after a while. It also leaves room for doubt if she doesn't make any moves towards him. He may think she is not really into him but has resigned herself to the fact that she has to settle for someone and might as well settle for a guy who at least seems somewhat interested even if she isn't. It isn't just women who need their man to pay attention to them. Guys need it too dear.
He also told you that if he invites you out, you should be able to realize that it really means something, that he is interested and yet you never take the bait and respond. So if anyone has reason to be frustrated, it's this guy. SO its a great thing you thought to ask for advice here. Don't take the chance of losing him to another smart female who realizes his potential as a wonderful attentive bf and asks him out first and asks him to be her boyfriend. Once that happens, he will be loyal to her if he has equal interest in her as he had in you. After a while, if one person doesn't respond favorably, the other may decide to move on when another person shows interest.
So don't wait dear. Ask the guy out!!!
Some shyer types won't ask the girl out in those exact words but leave plenty of hints. I am older with more relationship experience so I recognized plenty of hints from him. You may believe you are leaving him hints as well but it may be way too subtle for you. It's actually quite funny in a way, both of you thinking you are leaving enough hints for each other but both still not sure. Trust me, he's interested, very interested in you.
My 2nd husband contacted me first on a dating site. I responded. We chatted by phone for a week before meeting in person. There were plenty of signs to each other that we both were really into each other early on but he did not make the first move to kiss. He wanted to leave it up to me not because he was shy at almost age 50 but because he didn't want to push any faster than I was ready so without telling me I had to make the first move, he just waited. He didn't have to wait long because I made sure to kiss him. I also had to initiate our first time of having sex, even though I could tell he wanted to. Again, he left each step up to me. I didn't say but in his written message on dating site, he said he wouldn't bother me again and would assume I wasn't initially interested if I did not respond back. So I also had to write him back which was another step he left up to me, because he was a gentleman. Your guy may be the gentleman and also shy so You need to make the first move dear. Invite him out. Give him a hug in greeting and when you end the date, give him a kiss on the lips. That should be all the encouragement he needs to get started.
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No don't give up on him, he sounds like a guy you could have a great relationship with if you and he put a bit of effort into it. The hints are there that he is interested in you but he is most likely also fearful of rejection . You may have to break the ice and ask him out.
You have great phone conversations so you could say ask to meet him for coffee. Your to young to meet for drinks so coffee is good. You could also invite him to dinner if you like to cook.
I know guys like him the shy retiring type. They never make the first moves in any part of a relation ship including going to a next step. You will have to make those moves. When you do he will treat you like a Queen. Most guys like him literally will worship the ground you walk on.
My Niece married a guy like him and he gives her everything. They had a beautiful house but she fell in love with a larger house. Fortunately he is a great provider and is also great saver investor and could afford to buy up. Presently he took family of 3, his mother in-law and his sister in-law on a two week vacation to Europe he paid for everything.
I believe this guy is the same type of guy. His worshiping of you means if he can afford it you will never want for anything. That doesn't mean you ask him for the world. It means like my Niece and Nephew in-law you should have a loving relationship.
So don't throw him out; try him out knowing you will have to show him the ay as you want to become more intimate in you relationship and probably lead him to pop the question when your ready to marry if you relationship leads to marriage.
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