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Is asking guys out useless? They'd initiate if they were interested, right?
I have a huge crush on someone in my art class. I'm 25 and he's 33. This man is seriously everything.... not only is he handsome and brilliantly talented, he is by far one of the most interesting people I've ever met (very sensitive and unique spirit) and he's also just a very warm, generous guy. The level of detail in the work he brings in every week is inspiring to me, and I'm pretty overwhelmed by how incredible he is. Every time I see him, I become more and more attracted to him and it's reaching a point where I feel like I should probably do something about it. However, I'm feeling stuck because I don't know if making a move (me being female) is a very good idea. If I suddenly started texting or calling him in a social manner or asking him out to go places, I'm afraid he'd find it weird and creepy, and not want to work with me again. He is one of the most passionate and dedicated artists in the class and the worst thing I could do, obviously, would be to fuck everything up and lose him as a project partner.
I first met him about 4 months ago at the start of the fall semester. Though he is gregarious and connects with people well (he works as a waiter), I get the sense from talking to him that he isn't the most confident guy on the planet. He definitely doesn't have great self-esteem, but I don't know if that would necessarily affect him in a dating context. If he were interested in me at all, wouldn't he have reached out to me outside of class (separate from the work we've done together) at some point? No guy has ever shown even the vaguest interest in me before and I don't see why he should be any different.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Not all guys initiate if interested. There are the shy guys who are just not going to make the first move because they are as scared of doing so and of rejection as females do.
Then there is a 2nd type who have heard too much about sexual harassment that gets blown out of proportion that they don't want to make the first move. ( I have a family member who asked a girl out and she said no. After some time went by, he tried one more time and that time she reported him for sexual harassment. Asking someone out is not sexual harassment but due to what is and isn't harassment getting muddled in peoples minds, this becomes a real fear and guys won't try. )
Lastly, the third type of guy will be friendly and courteous and willing to talk to you and seem interested but not ask you out because they are trying to be gentlemen and leave that up to the lady to make the first move so she doesn't feel pressured by unwanted attention. There can be a variation of this. I met my 2nd husband in online dating site. He made the first move in contacting me and told me it was the only time he would write me if I did not respond. He would assume I was not interested and fade into the background as if he had never written. (His real words) I wrote him back and we talked every day for a week on phone before meeting on the weekend. We met a few times at his place. He had a teenage daughter close to age of one of mine and she liked me and approved of me. However, despite how he was treating me, acting around me so I could tell he was very interested in me, in the second stage of kissing, he also left it to me to make the first move. I got frustrated that he hadn't made a move yet so I kissed him. I also had to initiate sex the first time also. But once he knew I was okay with it all and wouldn't go ballistic on him for kissing or sex, he initiated half the time after that.
Lots of shy people won't make the first move but are slow to warm up and once comfortable with the other person, will become confident and lose the shyness in that relationship. So give it a chance and ask him to go for coffee or some school sponsored event or for a bite to eat. All he can do is say no. Now if he says no, it might be a knee jerk answer to feeling overwhelmed and scared and thinking you are too far above him to remain interested once you get to know him. So continue to be friendly and treat him as a friend, and try again some time down the road after he's had time to get used to the idea that you asked him out. Then ask again and if you want, ask him 'as friends' as that sounds less terrifying initially than as a 'date'. Once he gets to know you, if there is chemistry as far as attraction on his side as well, then he will warm up to it. If you get to that point and he hasn't kissed you yet, just ask, "I'd love it if you'd kiss me right now" or just kiss him.
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You have nothing to loose and everything to gain by asking him to coffee or inviting him to dinner at you place. Just make sure he is not married before you try to start something and don't let the difference in your age bother you or him which may be his problem. Once you become of legal age your numerical age is just a way pf saying how long you have been on this planet and should not effect a relationship. You can say it just that way to him.
When interested in shy men a woman sometimes has to take the lead. I know this for I use to get very tongue tied around girls. I could talk for hours on the phone but not in person.
My wife and I had to talk on the phone every day as part of our jobs but I never worked up the courage to ask her out. Then I had to go to her office for training and we met. She took the lead brought me lunch as I had not planned on it. I was going to get hot dogs off a street vendor. In NYC this is what you do for a quick lunch. She asked me to go out for drinks. Ten months later we married and that was 46 years ago.
So ask him for coffee or drinks after class. Then as my wife did asked me over for dinner. After that we were inseparable.
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