|
humorist-workshop
ungrateful toward my parents
So recently I have started to feel rather ungrateful toward my parents and I'm feeling a bit guilty about that.
I really love my parents, I do. They've done a great job raising me and are quite supportive. They want the best for me, and I know they love me a lot.
But recently I keep thinking about things they've done wrong. Rules from my childhood that may have been detrimental to my development. Things they have said and done recently that are harmful to my mental health. I keep thinking that they have hurt me, they have left permanent scars on me.
I don't know why I'm feeling this way, and I don't like it, but I can't get these thoughts out of my head. They are in no way abusive, I have no reason to be feeling resentful or ungrateful. Literally as I am writing this, my mom is texting me to help me destress about this school thing that had me really anxious. She cares, yet I can't stop thinking badly about her and my dad. What's wrong with me?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I understand you very well. I, too, feel ungratefulness towards my parents at moments.
My brain doesn't think normally like other people, because I'm severely mentally ill. These mental illnesses are highly genetic in my mother's side of the family. So when I am overwhelmed with anxiety and depression, I often blame them, saying they "knew that I would have these issues because it's been clear to them ever since they've known each other that mental illnesses are genetic in that side of the family" so why would they conceive?
Why couldn't they have simply adopted? Often more than not, it horrifically bothers me deep in my skull.
I know it sucks so much to feel ungratefulness, but they love you. I know my parents love me with all their heart, and it's so very clear that your parents love you unconditionally.
There is NOTHING wrong with you. It's just a feeling. Please do NOT think you are a bad person because you're experiencing a negative feeling or emotion. It is normal to feel negativity sometimes. There's nothing abnormal about it.
Just continue to remind yourself of all the positivity of theirs that impacts your life. Every single person has made mistakes; they're not the only ones. Accept that they'll make mistakes. Remind yourself everyday of all they do. Therapy might be helpful if you find yourself suffering from this feeling.
Just remember that nothing's wrong with you. :)
With love,
Eunoia
]
There is a funny thing about children and becoming a parent. Children are not like a new car they don't come with a buyers guide or handbook. They are their own little individuals even as infants. Parenting one child will not be the same for parenting a second child. We try to be fair with our children and treat them equally when we have more than one and maybe this is where we make our biggest mistakes as parents not recognizing them as individuals.
You say, "I keep thinking about things they've done wrong. Though you give no specifics. You say, "Things they have said and done recently that are harmful to my mental health." Once again you have not given specifics. Without giving any details it is hard to offer any help beyond the fact that parents say and do things that are wrong and sometimes very spiteful. Were human we make mistakes but the one thing you can count on is our love.
I am not going to belittle your problems for they are real and you are not the only child to feel as you do about how your parents raised you and how it may effect you latter in life.
Your school should have a counseling center I suggest you go and make an appointment for some counseling. If you allow his to eat at you it will turn into a full blown depressive episode at some point and you want to avoid that. I've been there and it is a dark hole you never want to go down. Some talk therapy will help you put this in the right perspective and avoid getting depressed over it.
]
You may be an adult, but you're a young one, a female who has not had children yet. You will understand better what they've done for you once you are a parent. Then you will understand that even though a parent loves their child, some times the ways they go about showing it and raising a child just don't seem the very best they could have done.
Have I ever questioned things my parents did? Sure I have, non abuse stuff like one example of the parents seeing me having an interest in gardening, trimming the hedges, digging up dandelions, planting new flowers and snipping dead flower heads, etc. and not suggesting or encouraging me to study botany in college and get a degree in horticulture or become a Master gardener. They also witnessed how I was drawn to anything artistic, painting, writing, other art projects and did not encourage me to go for an art degree.
I did not know at 17, 18 what I wanted to study and as a result, have no degrees as I married at 20, money was tight and I worked full time while hubby finished schooling and then I was full time mom while working the rest of my life. Yes, I know there are people at close to retirement age and older who do go back to college. It is something I do not wish to do now and get tied down by a job.
But I always wonder if things would have turned out different.
I wonder if somehow they did see some questionable behavior in the guy I was engaged to and said nothing or if in truth they were also totally fooled by him. because a few months after I got married to him, his verbally abusive behavior came out and was still there when I finally left him after raising the kids.
So, I can't say why you feel this way other than not seeing them from the perspective of being a parent yourself. Have I said or done things I wished I'd never done with my kids? Oh hell yes!!
It wasn't abuse, but what I believed at the time to be the most important and best ways to raise my children. For one, I was way too rigid in my church beliefs when they were younger but by their teens I has loosened up or more correctly, made adjustments to what I beleived, in some cases a total turn from my stance or perspectives of before. I am happy with the Mom I am now to my grown children. I am their sounding board, to come to if they want advice but I no longer tell them what I think they should do, they are adults.
If you find how you are feeling disturbs you enough to distract you from being able to handle every daily concern, task, schedule, then maybe its an issue that will require professional help, seeing a counselor. You did mention you were stressing out. If you find you are more often stressed than not, perhaps it would be a good idea to search for things that can help you to de-stress. I do know that constant stress can lead to depression, the temporary kind, not clinical depression. Either one is not fun. If that is an issue for you and you want to talk about or try things to help alleviate the stress, often there are things you can do that involve your thoughts and emotions. Just let me know. I am no doctor but only sharing what has worked for me and learning to recognize what situations I can not fix the amount of stress I feel and which ones require totaling cutting out of my life the things or activities that cause my great stress. I still use this way to deal with stress today, though I don't have many bouts of stress I can't handle.
]
More Questions: |