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DO NOT like my BFF's fiance... What do I do?!
23/female
So we've been best friends since the first day of kindergarten, and even through my family moving 2 hours away, my best friend and I have remained close. 6 months ago, I got a call from her rejoicing, she just got engaged to her boyfriend of 2 years! And I'm the maid of honor! I should be thrilled but from the moment I heard the news, my stomach has been turning. I dont... HATE her fiance? But I majorly dislike him, and I think the timing for her to be getting married is just awful. She just graduated with a bachelor's in cinema, and is devastated at how hard it is to find a steady job in her field, and regrets her decision. She is also very depressed with her weight, her state of mind right now is just not equipped to handle such a major life event.
She has tried to arrange a get together so I could officially meet him, but we gave up since he insists his "social anxiey" makes him too nervous to meet new people (even though he meet her other friends just fine). So I've met him in passing, like me picking her up and us small talking while she finishes getting ready. Fine, but no joke, every single time I see him, they have a fight in front of me. Every time. And it's for silly reasons, like he was being a prude at the party, or he didn't want to drive 2 mins to deliver something she forgot, etc. One time, they had an enormous screaming fight in their room while I was over because he doesn't like when she has friends over. So I can't come to their apartment, and she can't have friends over anymore because it causes drama...
He's 2 years older than her but he's so immature it drives me crazy. There are so many red flags on him, but I have to start working on the maid of honor speech and plan a party, and I cant. I keep putting it all off because it makes me sad to think about. I'm going nuts because the wedding is in 2 months and I'm against it. I've talked to my boyfriend of 4 years and my mom about it, and they don't know what I should do. I so badly want to be happy for her, but I hate this wedding. What do I do? Thanks in advance for any advice.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
As her BFF, I can understand the big concerns you have for her that this fiancee may be a big mistake. I see red flags too, especially him fighting and not wanting her to see any of her friends. If its only not wanting friends over at the apartment, then have her come to your place or meet at a neutral place away from him. But if he is trying to cut her off from all family and friends and support, then it's not him being protective, but possessive and thats not a good trait at all and can lead to much worse conditions as time goes on. I married at 20 to a man who was quite messed up mentally though even my family couldn't see it at the time. Once married, he changed his tune and treated me like crap. I still stayed until the kids were grown before I left. What I am saying with sharing my story is that I made my own decisions, and later when his behavior of me worried my family, they told me to leave him and I would not listen. I had a lot of growing up to do yet and make that decision for myself. It is the way it is for all woman with a crappy bf, fiancee or husband. You can not cause them to 'see the light' to see what you see, to make a different decision. All you can do is grin and bear it and as adviceman explained, be there as her BFF and support her wishes and choices. Someday she may wake up and realize she settled for less. Maybe she never will figure that out. Either way, just be her friend and help her to enjoy the wedding as I did mine. The real discovery on the relationship is yet to come and that is for her to discover, realize and make a decision to stay or leave. When she does finally want to leave him later if it comes to that, then again, support her in her decision. Yes, I know its hard when you believe she's making a mistake. But think of this, you can't just break off long time friendships with any friends, especially a BFF because you don't approve of her choices, even if it turns out you were right about him.
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Your BFF has made a decision, a life decision that is not your place to second guess her about. You may not like her choice but you do not have to live with the choice she made; she does.
For her part she has turned to her BFF and asked that you make this the best day ever for her. As a brides wedding day is meant to be the best day of her life. Put all the negativity you have in you pants packet and do all the things a maid of honor is expected o do for your BFF.
If your BFF had wanted your advise she would have asked for it. she hasn't. Maybe you see things she doesn't and maybe she does see the things you see. You may not see things she sees in him. Regardless of what either of you see if you are her BFF you will put your personal feelings aside and do this for her to the best of your ability. You will remain her BFF and be there for her should as you may foresee this marriage fail.
This is what being a BFF is all about being there for them when they ask for your help and when they need your help or just being there friend.
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