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I need some advice! ://
Ok, I have this friend who just broke it off with her bf a month ago. All of sudden she has 'my happiness' on her snapchat stories and all sorts of stuff like that. The next day she comes to me crying. I find out that he is texting her saying that he wants her back even though he is dating someone else. Then today he went up to her and yelled at her face pushing her. I don't want her sad no more. And she isn't over him and he keeps fuxking up her emotions. And mind I say she has been cutting too. Please help me. I don't want her like this. I love her as a friend and I don't want to lose her completely.... ://
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Find an adult you can tell ie: a teacher, guidance counsellor your parents that she was in abusive relationship and you saw him push her and that she's confused and pretending to be happy when not. Tell them she is is cutting herself. Let them intervene. It's the right thing to do. Tell her that he's trouble and she is best rid of him and that NOBODY should shove her or be abusive no matter what. He's also someone who screws around on people he's with. She's free to talk to whomever she wants. Who does he think he is? Aside from asking adults to keep an eye on her and intervene if they see she needs it you've done your part and the rest really has to be her doing the work and realizing she needs support and out of this situation.
Also, she may not know that at this age if someone hits, shoves or physically lashes out at her she can have him charged with assault and have the police warn him to stay away from her. That may be the right route to go. She can also charge him with harassment if he's not leaving her alone and trying to dictate what she does and who she can even talk to.
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This sounds like a manipulative and a nasty guy. He broke up with her to go off with someone else but at the same time does not want her to go off with someone else so that he can go back to her whenever he wants (I assume after he had his fun with his new gf and then got bored). Either way, this guy sounds like someone who is an abusive, controlling douche. Your friend needs to completely cut him loose and if he doesn't leave her alone she should talk to someone about it. I have no idea how old you or your friend is but am assuming you are young so she should try speaking to perhaps one of her parents who she can talk to about how her ex won't leave her alone - then something can be done about it.
However, it is easy to say that this guy is really bad news and she should cut him out of her life completely but this will not happen unless it is something she actually wants. As you said, she is not over him and this gives him the edge and he knows it too, he knows that all he has to do is push the right buttons and she will just come running back to him. It will be down to her friends (you) to talk to her to make her see what he is doing to her.
No one deserve to be treated the way he is treating her - like an object that he can order what to do and what she can't do (like who she can talk to). That is not a healthy relationship and in fact all it will do is slowly eat away and her confidence until it becomes something that is normal, and it is NOT normal. She should snap herself out of this circle of abuse at his hands (because that is what is it if he is just messing with her emotions) and give herself time to heal away from someone toxic like him. She will feel like she won't find anyone else and how she loves him and all that stuff and she may genuinely feel that way now but eventually it will all go and when she does find someone who is willing to treat her with a measure of respect I can promise she will look back and think, "What the hell was I thinking, being with someone like that?!"
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Hey!
The best thing to do is to tell her to cut him off completely, before anything bad happens. Delete or block his number, block him on any social media platforms. Guys like him are manipulative and get what they want. She should try to tell him to leave her alone, but if you're going to do that make sure that it's her telling him, not you, or anyone else. He sounds like he's becoming obsessed with her, which is very toxic and dangerous. It can get violent and someone might get hurt in the end.
Hope this helps!
-Swimmer133
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Aw, what a great friend you are wanting to help her. Even if it might be due to his age and or immaturity at HS age, he still can't be excused for his behavior. See if females of any age keep going back to the guys who mistreat them or show any behavior of being controlling, intimidating, abusive physically or even just verbally, then those guys will be trained to believe that they don't need to treat a woman better because he can treat them like crap and they'll just come back for more. After a divorce, I met guys online who sounded okay but in person I saw all the behavior signs of being abusive as my 1st husband was. And no, I was not imagining it, they actually said verbally abusive things about everyone but me at the time. I had learned the hard way. Where there is some of that behavior, there will be more. So even if not treating me that way then, it was a matter of time before they did because a person can't at core be a friendly, loving supportive human selectively. No such thing. Maybe he will grow up some day but waiting around for a change that might happen in a small percent of young abusers, if not a good idea as it most likely will never come about. I met plenty men who in their 40s 50s 60s must have had women who came back to them even if lied to, abused, etc... and thought it was okay. I was not about to attempt changing them as it can't be done. Change has to come from within with a person desiring to want to better themself before they will really apply them selves and work to change for the better. That situation does not happen very often though.
Yelling at her and pushing her and harassing her by text or phone is both verbally and physically abusive. The part of getting pissed at her and showing it when she talks to any other guys, is a controlling action. She already left him so this isn't quite the same situation as women trapped in an abusive relationship, dating or married. But I felt a couple of videos might come in handy, both by LaciGreen, a college age female who has a video blog on relationships and sex ed. She's done the research with actual agencies, dr.s etc... and does share solid good advice. The first video link I am posting has tips at the end for friends who want to be supportive and help. Heres that link:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
The next clip goes over more of what unhealthy vs abusive relationships are and what to do if someone you break up with harasses you afterwards which is happening to your friend.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
She has to tell him not to contact her or approach her anymore. If he won't stop, its time to alert parents, school counselors and if she is scared and he has said threatening things to her, at that point, the police need to be contacted so that they have a paper trail of his wrong actions so if it continues, its not a just one time occurrance but they can see by history that he keeps re-offending so she can file with police that he can not approach or contact her. There are laws for harassment. States may vary a bit as to what exactly is covered in their laws but I can tell you right now that what he is doing is definitely wrong. Hope everything turns out well.
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