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Talked behind a friends back
I've been friends with this girl for like 6 years,and in the past couple of years she's been so focused on herself that 90%she wants to meet or go shopping with me,she stood me up.her exuse is always "i forgot " also i know that she has told peole iin the past the secrets I trusted her with,let's call her A.
A was with this really nice and kind guy and she told she was just using him to do her projects for her,and she really talked shit about him.He really loved her and still gets tears in his eyes when her name comes up.in the past year i have been talking to that guy and we have became really good friends,and i told him that she's not good for him and she talks behind his back about him and his family and she's using him.so today ,
I recently went on a trip with A and another friend( B).it was the worst trip ever,they were on their phones all the time and i had stopped in the middle of an important project to go on trip with them.B also knows the guy A was with.
When we returned ,i told the guy about how bad the trip was for me and how i didn't enjoy it.in the days since our return,B has been acting really wierd with me and I thought I should give her space.today my guy friend called and told me I should talk to A&B cause they told himthey're upset with me.i called A and she started with why i have been talking to him instead of her and he's worthless and why itold him everything about the trip.i told her that he's a close friend of mine,but i have really talked shit about her to him,in my defense she has been a really awful friend and just calls me whenever she needs something. When I talked to her she started to fish for things she thought I said.she had also texted the guy but he told me he blocked her at 9pm but she was still calling me and asking me to tell her if i had said this or that until 10:30.the only person i've been telling these things beside the guy is B.and she's been quite about this evening but apparently had a alot to say about me to the guy,A basically told me she doesn't want to be friends with me (we haven't been real friends in years,she has put me in bad situations for her own gain,i just stayed friends with her to have someone to talk to in university).A is insisting on setting up a date to gather and talk,and I'm tired of pretending that she's a dear friend.the thing that pissed her off is that I talked about her relationship and the fact that i've been upset with her behavior has been pushed to the side.i denied talking shit about her,but she kept bringing up new things and knowing the guy has blocked her,only B remains to tell her these stuff.
How do i get out of this situation without making a greater mess?
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Hey!
Talking shit behind her back makes you just as shallow as her. I'm not defending anyone. I'm just saying it's really messed up to talk shit about people, even if they've treated you badly. An easy way to handle the situation without making a bigger mess is to leave her. If she's just using you, that doesn't make her your friend, and just hanging out with her alone is going to cause more problems. She's not worth your time and energy, if anything, she's manipulative, toxic, and fake. I know you can find better friends, that care about you.
Hope this helps, and good luck!
-Swimmer133
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Hey Hon, I'm siding with Dr. D wondering why you'd remain a friend of hers when she treats you so bad. You don't need any enemies when you have a friend who acts more like an enemy, but you do need good friends. Sounds like A is a user and doesn't care at all about others, just loves her self. If this is occurring in her twenties, she may not get much better than this as most people make their major character changes and decide who they are going to be for the rest of their lives by around age 30. So either she will be headed for a personal crisis soon that helps her wake up and decide to better herself or she will continue to be like this for most her life.
I want you to know that just because you befriended her to have someone to talk to in college, it doesn't mean you owe her a life long friendship. Through our lives, we come across people we think might make a good friend. Then once you have spent enough time together, you begin to see their faults. I have often come across so called friends who were not treating me as friends and so I stopped associating with them or doing things with them. If they ask why, I just explain that I have changed in my personality and no longer feel compatible with her as a friend. This way you are not pointing the finger at her as the problem true or not, so she can't say you are making up things and get angry at you. The goal is to part ways as peaceably as possible so she doesn't come back to haunt you in the future, making trouble between you and others.
As for telling the guy friend about her, there are a couple different ways to look at that. Some older people who grew up with different morality taught, may say that it is unkind to ever say anything behind someones back. I say there are valid exceptions to every rule.Not often, but there are circumstances.... I believe God looks at the intent of the heart. So My take here is that if he dated her before, didn't know she was using him (many have trouble reading people and their intentions) and he was now your friend, and you were only telling him because you care about him and don't want to see him hurt any more by her, wanting him to be able to move emotionally, then if you spoke with that concern in your heart, and not to talk bad to steal a boyfriend, etc... then your heart was in the right place and what you said was for the right reason, not to get her in trouble but to give him the whole missing info bit so he can now make the best decision for him self, to stop hoping she might come back to him and be a loving mature gf. She or B can only make you feel guilty if you believe you might be guilty for talking about her. If talking about people behind their backs is not something you usually do, then you are not the one with any problem. I suggest cutting A off as a friend and checking to see how things go with B. She has a choice to believe A or you and side with one in her mind. There is nothing you can say or do to make her believe the truth if B thinks you are in the wrong. Lots of people make a decision before they have all the facts and then when the facts do come, they still don't change their minds. So if you must lose B also, don't worry, you can make better friends and you'd still have the male friend. Good luck.
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Hiya! Dr.D here!
Quite the position you got here friend. But If A is such a bad friend, why continue being friends with her? You did the right thing, dont you know? You told this man the truth, and it spared him from getting even more hurt later. So why does it matter if you want to be friends with A. She is no good for you. You should try making new friends, people with personalities that match yours and dont use others. Friend B sounds like she is just caught between the two sides, you and A. Talk to her, and keep the friendship strong between you to. If this girl is nice, then she is more fit to be a friend then the other girl. Now this is all just a suggestion. But you need to choose which is right and wrong for your own.
You can either try to patch up what happened between you and A, and put this behind you. Or you can make new friends who wont do these kind of things to you.
I wish you luck. Make the right choice.
-Dr.D
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