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My mom won't let me go
18/F .. I am 18 and a few months and my mom is still telling me when to go to bed and what to do. She is constantly trying to run my life and won't let me do things on my own. I tried talking to her but she just brush it off. I'm sick and tired of it. I just want to do my own thing and I need her to let go of me a little. Please help me??
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There are two ways for me to answer this. The first is that if you are living with your parents and under their roof, they make the rules and you just have to follow them. I am older than you and living with my parents means that I still have rules I have to follow.
The second is that they are your parents and no matter how old you get, how much anyone will tell them you are now a grown adult, in their eyes you will always be their baby girl/boy. Yes it is annoying but take it from me when they stop fussing over you so much you will end up missing it. Many parents hate it when their kids reach adulthood and just don't want to let go - you have recently turned 18 so many your mom is having some trouble letting that go, let her enjoy it for a while longer. If she asks you to go to bed then just ask if you can stay up a bit longer instead of trying to argue your point that you are an adult and she can't tell you to go to bed. She's far more likely to listen to you (and you get your way) if you just ask and be polite instead of trying to argue a point that she knows is true but just isn't quite ready to give up and then after a while (month or two maybe) try talk to her (not argue) about it again?
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There is an old saying that is very appropriate here; "You live under my roof, you live buy my rules." I don't know a parent that has not said that to, a newly minted, 18 year old adult.
Yes by law you are legally an adult and we as parents have no legal right to tell you what do, when to do it or anything else. In the same vain we no longer are legally responsible for you. We no longer are required to feed you, cloth you, see to your health needs or pay for your higher education. We do this because we are you parents and we do feel the necessity to see to it that you get a good start in life.
Right, not what you wanted hear. But you are also correct in that you mom should not be telling you when to go to bed. This is something she should have stopped doing years ago and switched for telling to suggesting. At your present age she does not have the legal or moral right to even suggest when you should go to bed.
If it is every consolation every teenager who has graduated high school and turned 18 has this problem with their parents. The operative words here are graduated high school. If you are still in high school there is this gray area in the law that a parent finds themselves in regarding your education that keeps you in the child zone until graduation.
If you have not graduated high school yet and will graduate in June then the best advice I can offer you is this. Start nicely reminding mom that upon graduation you will be a full legal adult. That you love her and you will respect the house rules in regards to civility and such. But bed times, who you see, where you go and when you go is entirely up to you. If there is a family event she would like you to attend with enough notice you will do your best to accommodate her but you cannot be forced to go.
You need to also remind her that as of your 18th birthday she no longer has control of you medical health. She cannot tell a doctor what she wants the doctor to do, she cannot force you to have female examination and she cannot be in an examination room with you without your permission. This is a law she has no authority to override and no court will give her unless you are found to be incompetent.
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Hey! Don't worry! Doctors on the case! Mothers naturally have the sense of directing their children because they feel as if they still must help and aid them, even when you are an adult or are standing on your own two feet. Its in their nature. Now for advice, I think you need to show your really independent(unless you live under her roof, you might have a problem). Just joking! But you need to show her you indeed want to be treated as an adult, and are independent. This may not be the best advice, but its all i can prescribe.
Have a nice day!
-Dr.D
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