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My roommate is extremely disrespectful and rude!
So 25/female
I used to think living with a guy for a roommate would be so much less drama but I was wrong.
I live with my best friend, well the guy I thought was my best guy friend. And lately he is becoming extremely rude and insulting and I don't know what to do anymore because we have another 5 months of our lease and neither of us can afford to break it.
I don't know if this started around the time I rejected his advances romantically. Well actually it was more sexual advances than romance because he doesn't do romance. And he knows I don't do casual sex so I don't know why he even tried. He knows me better than that.
But anyway there is specifically this one thing that he's doing lately that drives me absolutely insane and I've tried ignoring it, I've tried responding, I've tried just being nice and I lose every single time. What he does is everytime there's people over or even when there aren't but not as often, anytime I say something or make any sort of move or even come out of my room hell loudly joke with me asking me why I'm so angry all the time. Or I say something and he'll respond in front of everyone "don't get mad" and then him and his friends all laugh. It drives me crazy because I'm not mad not even a little bit but if I say that he'll respond "it's ok you don't have to be mad" or they'll just laugh more. If I ignore it they'll take it as "see she's pissed now you got her mad" and laugh if I smile and say something nice they'll still take it as I'm mad. I don't have an out.
I tried speaking to him about it in private and his response is the typical "I'm just messing with you Ashley relax, don't be so sensitive"
And I even tried not to care. I'm learning about Buddhism, meditation, psychology, how to not let things get to you. But when every move you make they Call you the angry girl and laugh it really ruins my day no matter how happy I am that day.
It's so stupid and immature. So I guess my question is what can I do or say to get him to shut up. Like a really good comeback or action I can take to get him to leave me alone until I can move out. It's really stressing me out.
Thanks in advance.
- Not mad.
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As you revealed, his response to you was "I'm just messing with you Ashley relax, don't be so sensitive"
It sounds like an honest response. I like to tease people too. So it is very possible that he truly is only teasing you. I don't think it is pay back for refusing sexual advances. As you said, he already knew where you stood on that before becoming your room mate or shortly after. Even if a guy knows you are not attracted that way to them, a guy will at times possiblly ask again, Are you sure you don't want to have sex, its just part of their makeup and wishful thinking and a hope that just maybe the gals attitude changed. I had a male friend who gave me a place to stay with him while I was saving up to get into an apartment and he knew before offering for me to stay there that I was not into him that way and yes he did at times ask me if I was sure I still didn't want sex and I'd smile and tell him that it was a chemistry thing and I was one who needed to feel that to have sex and since how I felt had not changed, that my answer is still no. He was a gentlemen and remained a good friend. YOu can't blame a guy for asking. As long as he keeps his hands to himself.
He may feel at odds as to how to talk to you since he is attracted to you at least in lust. Perhaps his joking is the only thing he can think of and he may have no real idea how to tease. To keep stating the same old thing each time he tries to tease you, shows he lacks inspiration, but so do other people. I like the suggestions of how to answer back.
If you show that you are constantly vexed by his choice of questions, then there is a reward for him, to at least get a response of irritation from you. If he is truly saying what he says to just get a rise out of you, then if you tease back and do not show how it irritates you, you essentially take the fun out of it for him and that means there is no longer a reason for him to tease. If you do come up with a great comeback, it might challenge him to find a different way to say something teasing to you and he might retort back with something else. Then just joke back again. Pleasant teasing is a better way to pas the time as roommates than giving each other the silent treatment. Its hard to do that with a room mate and makes things even more awkward and uncomfortable. Here's another idea for a response choosing the interpretation of crazy for mad rather than sngry. So next time accused of being crazy, you could say, "You think this is mad? You obviously have no clue what being a mad person is. (Then do a few seconds of acting like pulling at your hair, prancing agitatingly, rolling your eyes or doing a cross eyed look and screaming or babbling like a crazy person. really ham it up and add, "Now this is what a crazy mad person looks like. It would be even more fun to do so with his buddies there so you could enjoy the success of their laughter at how you one-upped him. Sometimes the more unexpected and outrageous your response, the better it will go for you. You could even chose to show him that he has not embarrassed you or ruffled your feathers in front of his friends by enlisting their help. I have done this sort of thing to tease a person...going up to flirt but not seriously with one of the other people present, and it will not be taken as your interest in the other guy if you overact the part and use exxagerated motions. I would turn to a pal of his, start batting my eyes profusely and walk up to him swinging my hips and come to a stop close to him, if he's seated, then bending closer so that your face is closer to his, then using a sultry Marilyn Monroe style voice, ask him, "Honey, does this look to you like the face of an angry woman?" He could say no. If he say's yes trying to join the teasing, then you could say, Gee, since the consensus seems to be that this kind of face (big smiles) is an angry, mad face, then perhaps I have my emotions mixed up. I guess that would mean that this is my happy face. Then do an exaggerated frown and angry look and maybe growl a bit. Then stop and laugh. I'd enjoy hearing back to hear how it went. Good luck!
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I know exactly where you're coming from I hate when people accuse me of being mad when I'm not mad, that actually makes me mad. I think you should play a little prank on him. Tell him you're moving out and he has to pay for the place himself. Tell him you talked to your landlord about the problems you have with him and they decided to take you off the lease. If he is at all affected by this let him know it was a prank or not and let him know you have decided to stay but if you really have to you will leave. See if that shuts him up! Good luck!
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There are several option open to you.
1) be laid back, carefree and make a lot of jokes to undermine the belief that you are a angry person. this will take time to change public opion
2) defuse the joke by fainting ignorance.
roommate: "why are you angry?"
ashley: "what?"
roommate: "why are you angry?"
ashley: "am i?" looking down at your self to check yourself
roommate: "yes"
(as some point this will end a boring conversation if not make a joke)
ashely: "well, if i am angry, it probable because of this boring conversation"
3) If you want you can get mean about it.
roommate: "why are you angry?"
ashley "Sorry, I'm just tired of guys with small dicks hitting on me" (make sure to have a smile on your face)
there are a huge number of ways to gracefully deal with this problem but hopeful these ideas help :)
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