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is this normal, or am i just overthinking
long story short my boyfriend chats with a lot of girls
it might not seem like a big deal, so let me break it down in the easiest way possible. when we had a break, he chatted with one of my friends that he knew i disliked, after we got back together, he chats with one of my close friends, and once while we were on a date, we swapped phones and i was on his messenger and i saw that 9/10 person that he chats with are girls. im not talking about like a short conversation but its like they chat 24/7.
i understand that he has his own friends and i shouldn't be so jealous, but i couldnt help it, i mean i just dont feel special ...and he asks me to stop chatting with one of my best friends bc is a boy which i did stop for his sake...
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Something like this can drive a person paranoid, try not to let paranoia drive your actions
If he asked you not to chat with a guy friend then you are well within you rights to ask the same of him.
If he refuses to stop chating then you are free to chat with whomever you like.
Try to be close friends with he girls he chats with. They can let you know if he is planing on cheating. and it nver hurts to have more friends.
If you can not resolve the issue and it starts driving you crazy just keep in mind you interacted with about 1.5 new guys everyday. So he is replaceable.
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I am starting off with him b/c he asked you to stop talking to a male friend. That is a problem. I was an abused wife in 1st marriage so I am really in the know as to what kind of behavior from a guy is a red flag that he is a controller and is or will become abusive later. When a male attempts to tell you who can be your friends and who can't, that is not good hon, cus that is controlling behavior. Males tend to go after females who are easier to control and that would be the gals with low self esteem and no self confidence. I know we don't see these issues in ourselves and I don't know you so you may not have these issues. But you did make a bad move, perhaps out of naivity/inexperience? You said you stopped talking to a best friend for his sake. You may feel you had a choice...and yes you did, to reject that concern of his. A healthy relationship will have balance in it and real love and concern for the other. The balance here is missing cus if it is okay for him to chat with other females all the time, but you are not allowed to chat with other males, that is not even rights for both of you.
I don't think you are over thinking it.
Lets say, he has all these female contacts and he encourages you to continue friendships with other males, and his time spent talking to other females is not interrupting the amount of time he has for you, then there is no problem. But since that is not the case, he is the problem.
There are different stages to relationships starting with attraction then talking to, then dating. But dating comes in 3 forms, first dating just to discover if you like a person enough and there are no behaviors that would hurt you or kill a relationship. If all is well, then a couple go from dating for discovery to making a commitment to each other. Unfortunately, lots of the teens and 20 somethings of today know little about making a commitment let alone other things important to a healthy rewarding relationship. He may one of those dating for the 3rd reason, using it only as a way to socialize, but it is nothing serious to him Any feelings here will most likely be lust rather than love. A male will say what they have to , just to get a girl, even asking you to be his girlfriend, fiancee, when he doesn't really care and certainly is not ready to make a commitment, nor do some ever want to make one...just remaining single all their life.
If you decide to keep dating him afterall, keep in mind this isn't good behavior in a guy. ANd while it may not be an issue yet, he will take more control little by little so be on watch for any times he tries to tell you what to do, isn't happy with who you are and tries to change you in your looks or personality. That is another sign that the guy is trouble. My ex did those things with me and yet I stayed with him 30 yrs cus of kids. Looking back, I know better now and with the knowledge I gained the hard way, through the school of hard knocks, I have found a wonderful man to enjoy the rest of my years with. I didn't know any better at age 20 when i married the ex. I hope to help other gals to be as cautious, just in case. I could be over reacting to what he said but hon, you need to know one last thing, that males who feel inferior to other males cus they have a low self image, are always going to feel threatened by another male, even if that other guy just happened to glance your way. Its way worse when being their girlfriend or wife cus then they feel they own you and treat you more like a pet dog with giving you commands to follow. He can be the master of a pet but a male should never be allowed to become your master. The easiest way is avoid that is simply to walk away and break up if you ever get to that point. Good luck.
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