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Bi curious
Hi I'm a 18 year old female
I always swore I was a straight girl and that I would never do anything with a girl. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. We have great sex.
One day looking through his phone I saw that he was searching for transsexuals near him. I confronted him and he denied it , he even got very mad about it , I then saw it again about 2 to 3 times , his excuse has always been that the guys he works with like to mess around and look at "nasty things like that" he erases the history I've noticed so I don't see . I started doing research and reading articles , ever since Iv Ben fantasizing about being with woman. I've been getting turned on to seeing lesbian porn. I've even touched myself now and got orgasms over watching 2 girls. I really want too experiment with being with a girl now. It's driving me insane it has become like my main thing now . The reason I spoke about my boyfriend is because ever since I've seen those things it's been happening. Maybe it opened up my mind in some sort of way? Help? Opinions?
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It doesn't matter how or what caused you to become curious but staying safe and having fun in your exploration. As adviceman mentioned, the boyfriend seems to be way too embarrassed to handle anything other than heterosexual sex and forget about the many gender identities. My impression from his reactions, he is like a little kid who gets his kicks from things like 'potty talk' either to see how others will react or feels its all wrong and naughty and must be kept under wraps. If he can't get past that and open up to share with you, then it may be due to fear, lack of trust (to share even just his fantasies like that), or he is just too young and immature to handle what he may be able to handle a decade or so from now.
As for being bi curious, I used to attend swing clubs with my ex. It was not the reason for the breakup to rest your mind, but it can be for many couples. I have seen very few girls your age at clubs but can't say that they didn't do anything just through meeting people on the internet. There is a site called Swappernet.com which is set up to put your own profile and you list what you are looking for. Although there are bi men, that is way more rare from what I've seen. Bi women are a pretty huge group. ANd believe it or not, it wasn't younger women who were bi curious, it was all the housewives and mothers of at least late 30's and on in age. I remember attending a house party we were invited to by friends who were told to bring friends and the place was very large and could easily house the 50 or more people who showed up. At one point, I noticed only men left lounging a round their swimming pool and asked where all the women were? A couple of husbands said that a certain event was going on, just bi women having fun in a private area of the house and almost all the other women there to watch or perhaps play a bit since they were bi curious. I probably counted only two women like myself who were not part of that and not bi curious. So actually hon, its a very normal thing and especially so happening in older women. I think its because as adults we have a process from end of HS and onward where we learn to gain self confidence and no longer let anyone tell us what we should or shouldn't do. We decide what we want or check it out. ITs that simple.
Another fact is that from my interviewing women, I discovered that a great percent of females were the ones who got the idea to try a swing club or swapper net instead of the guy and had to convince boyfriends or husbands to participate with them.
Its mostly couples involved but there are a lot of singles too. The best thing I've witnessed is husbands who attended a swing club just to be there for wifes protection and company but he took her so she could find some bi women to enjoy for the night. When asked if he was there to partcipate and enjoy others, he was not and just enjoyed the music or whatever but did not hook up with any other female.
The worst I've seen is men and women who when told "No, not interested", didn't honor that request until multiple times told. ANd the other would be the wife or husband of a married couple getting jealous if they see their partner enjoying someelse too much for their peace of mind.
What is going on is 'jealousy' and that is a fear of losing something. That ones mate can find someone better rather than realizing they are just enjoying something different. Different isn't always automatically better. Lots of insecurity comes out at this subject and worse if one or both try to experience it. So just realise that in moving forward to check out the bi thing, you may upset the boyfriend enough that it causes more trouble between you and he could split up with you. Since he's not very forthcoming right now anyhow, I would see that as a good thing. Why?
If in checking out being bi, you discover you truly are and want to keep it up, then you don't want to be the other half of a relationship with a guy who isn't understanding, overwhelmingly supportive and not jealous. You would deserve the kind of guy like the husbands I talked to who were only there to give the wives a chance to have some fun with other women. It can backfire if they truly want to help you but eventually want to be able to have sex with other women as well. Whats good for one should be okay for the other but this is a time when the female who has been having her fun all of a sudden is jealous cus she discovers she has problems sharing her guy.
Lots of men do not see another female with their girl as a potential threat so he may be okay to begin with but men see other men definitely as a threat if they're insecure to begin with.
Keep this all in mind. If you do choose to go ahead and end up with questions, ask others who are bi, or you can always write to me specifically on here and I will share as honestly as I can from experience.
Finding the right people is the hardest first step, ones you truly like and trust. So how do you broach the subject? ITs too tricky for face to face convo with people. Best to find your partners on the internet through sites set up for others who have the same interests already so all you have to do is choose between them.
Be safe and don't allow others to your place first or go to theirs. Just as with hetero dating sites, be safe and just meet face to face in a public place the first time (not for sex) just to get a good feel for the other. If you decide its not right, then don't go setting another meet.
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I don't think the concerns with your boyfriend have anything to do with your sudden desires with lesbian sex. There is nothing wrong being Bi curious or even being Bi.
Most women become Bi curious at a younger age as they become more sexually aware. The same with masturbation. Pornography of most types heterosexual or lesbian, threesome's or group sex will generally turn anyone on. I see nothing wrong with what you are feeling right now. I would not say your a lesbian and there is nothing wrong with being curious. You can't call yourself bi until you actually engage in female to female sex while remaining heterosexual as well.
One word of caution. Your boyfriend needs to be straight with you for if he is doing more than just looking and is participating in and gay sexual activity then your health is act risk. IF you are having sex with him make sure he uses a condom. Condoms protect against most but not all STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus. You should both be tested for STDS and the HIV virus. If he won't get test you should.
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This has nothing to do with what your boyfriend was searching for at all. That is a separate issue
It's troubling that he lied about it and tried to hide it. His excuse that everyone at work looks at it doesn't hold water.
I would be concerned about whether he has acted on this with anyone online and any risk it may pose to you. The fact is you can be straight in your case and still be interested or curious about lesbians and that kind of pornography or turned n by the imagery. If you have no interest in females sexually and only males you aren't gay. You shouldn't let it drive you insane. Even if you were it's fine and up to you to figure out whether to act on any of the feelings or curiosity. There's nothing wrong with you.
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