|
Same crush as my best friend....
(Girl, 15) hey! I have had a crush on this one boy in my grade for a few years now. It was okay, until I found out that my close friend has a massive crush on him too. I don't wanna tell her that I like him, but I wanna date him as well. What should I do if he asks me out? I don't wanna ruin my friendship with this girl, but I really like this boy.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
If he asked you on a date the choice is up to you to accept. She would probably not think twice if he asked her about you first.
If you value the friendship you could say to the guy so-and-so likes you and that you want that known first and want to tell her first so there is no tension. You really don't owe the friend and by telling her first you make her aware you value her feelings.
The other thing is there will be a gazillion guys interested in you both throughout life. If you think accepting a date from one knowing she likes him will tear things apart don't. It's a signal though that your friendship wasn't on solid ground if any guy can destroy it.
You have a choice here you can choose not to act on feelings and let the other person see if the guy likes them or if asked out go.
I think what you need to do right now is talk to her. Explain that you were not aware until recently how she felt about him. Be honest about liking him too and that he has expressed interest not in her but you. Let her know you don't want to act or hurt her if he decides to ask you out.
You can point out he's in to a lot of your classmates and not just one and that you don't think he has interest in her but want the friendship and her feelings coming first. You might want to back off of the guy and see what he does rather than spark a rift. Catch 22.
]
Ask yourself if you think your best friend would accept a date if he asked her first and she knew you were crushing on him. She probably still would.
Females get quite competitive when it comes to guys and having a boyfriend falls to a more important spot in their life than anything else at this stage. Teen girls act as if there is a shortage of males, like 5 to every 50 girls and I can assure the imbalance is not that great. Yes it is nice to have a male acknowledge you, and that is an actual need in teen girls, but it is possible to have a boyfriend and yet keep your girlfriend. Unfortunately, most teen girls are not yet secure in themselves as a young woman, and have low self confidence whether they realize thats the problem or not. That combined with being young and not having learned how to handle jealousy, or even know much about males or relationships and how to talk to them, makes it very difficult to successfully do both, keep a guy and keep your best friend. My first thought is that keeping it secret doesn't help.
Since this is just a crush, and not in the realm of a real relationship yet if it will ever be, friends can and should be able to share who they think is cute and comment to eachf other about and make wishes about and dreams about. My girlfriend and I did that as young teens, it is really a normal thing.
But crushing is not near being a real relationship. Neither of you have approached the guy to ask him out. Neither of you know if he may not be interested in either of you either.
I say that enjoy this stage of learning for what it is, not a real relationship but having fun sharing the dream with a girlfriend and neither of you going after him in real life. Take the time to start making a list of why you are attracted to a guy, him or any in the future. This list will help you at the stage you're looking for your life partner and you will make many changes to it along the way.
For now, learn to figure out what attracts you to a guy and hopefully it isnt just skin deep like how handsome he is. What about how he treats his friends, is he polite, smart and a good student, does he have a great sense of humor and a wonderful sounding laugh, does he dress well, etc.
This is the best thing I can think of for right now. I don't even know if either sets of parents would even allow you to date at this age. So use this time to help yourself with the list making, and as a bonding time with your girlfriend. When you are older and more self secure and confident, you'll know when its time to make your move on a guy. The gal who asks first, more often is the one who gets to date the guy.
]
More Questions: |