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Self conscious and going on beach holiday
Hey I'm 18 years old and in 3 months I'll be going to Spain with a few hundred people I know to celebrate exams ending. It's a beach and pool holiday where everyone spends time shirtless. I'm about 5'11,74kg and about 17% body fat. Shirtless I feel very uncomfortable and even sitting down with a t shirt on I suck in my stomach. I'm up every night thinking of how I'll avoid going to the pool or beach and how I'll get an excuse to keep my top on. There'll be girls everywhere so it concerns me to reveal to them that there's quite a belly down there. When fully relaxed I look pregnant. I changed my diet a few months ago and eat eggs every morning,less white carbs,more fruit and veg but haven't seen any results. I don't have a particular question but was wondering if anyone can give me advice on what to do? Considering I have a lot of study to do,is it too late to trim the fat in 80 days? Thanks in advance
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Your mind right now is your worst enemy.
Solidadvice was right. Half the people there will be worried about how they look to others while the other half don't give a crap. You are imagining the worst, that people, girls in particular will find you unattractive or hideous at worst case. You are showing a classic case of anxiety over your looks. What you think, your thoughts, are controlling your behavior like keeping shirt on and planning on not being by the pool.
I've recently read a book called "When anxiety attacks" by Dr. David D. Burns. He's a psychologist who used to use medicine only to help people until colleages told him about a new way to help people...CBT, Cognitive Behavioral therapy. He found that more were quite quickly cured without meds by using that method. In his book was a story of a man in his 30s if I remember correctly who came to see him. The man was very shy around women. His greatest fear was repulsing women when he sweats. He felt that he sweated excessively. The Dr. had to discover what started this phobia and then out of several exercise for the patient to do, find the one that worked best to cure him by basically proving his fears wrong. I found the story quite cute and will share it as I am making a point that you need to do the same and if you cant, you'll need to see a psychologist to help you with it.
Dr Burns took the man for a walk on an extremely hot day and when they came to a small grocery, Dr Burns took his bottle of water and emptied it all over himself, asked his patient to accompany him inside to buy a bottle of water and watch what he did. Dr. exclaimed loudly in front of customers and cashier, "Whew, what a hot day. I am so sweaty." remember that he looks drenched in sweat due to all that water. Not a single person looked at him or paid him mind and he paid for the water and left with patient. He then explained that most people really don't care and all the worries we ever have are blown out of proportion in our heads.
They walked on to another place and he told the patient it was his turn to do the same thing, pour water all over himself and go inside the next place to buy water and say the same thing. Only by putting himself in the situation he feared could he prove himself wrong. He panicked, and didn't want to do it. It wasn't until some time later a female looked at him, he was a model type man in looks, really handsome. SHe started the conversation by saying something about how hot he must be and didn't seem perturbed by his sweat and they actually had a great conversation and ended up getting together.
I would think doing something like that right now several times before going to Spain may help to cure you. If not, you will need to see a specialist who knows CBT to help you.
You would only need one afternoon at a park on a fairly hot day. Casually work your way over to stand or sit next to a female of any age and say, "It sure is hot today isn't it." People tend to start convos using weather often. Wait a bit, wipe your brow with your hand, then turn and say, "I'm getting a bit too hot, would it disturb you if I removed my shirt?" Most people would say no or look at you weird as if you neednt ask their permission in the first place.
Or you could just skip that comment and remove the shirt after saying you're getting a bit too hot.
Watch to see what their reactions are. Do they laugh at you, even bother to really look at your chest, as they so disgusted that they move away?
Move on to another part of the park and do it all over again and keep repeating it perhaps 5 times, until you have seen that the majority do not care what your chest looks like, do not actually really focus on it and no one says anything derogatory about it.
If thats not good enough and you want peoples opinions, get them. But instead of asking that first off, ease into the question you want by first making pleasant convo with a gal and putting her at ease with you first. Comment on something going on around you. If watching a tennis match, "Who do you think will win?" Make a compliment that you mean. If you like the shade of her lipstick, or the color green looks good on her, or she's wearing your favorite color, or you truly like something. Give her a chance to chit chat back and forth with you a bit before you end up at the point where you take your shirt off.
You could even take the path of apologizing and confessing your fear like so. "I don't like taking my shirt off usually but its so hot I just have to." Take it off and then say, "You see, I have this fear that I look too skinny, too sickly, too unattractive without my shirt on." This statement most likely will provoke a response in a person to let you know they don't think there is a problem with your chest at all. Only a shy, introvert may say nothing. But you could wait and if no comments come forth. "Sorry, I hate to bother you, but I wonder if you agree with my thoughts of how I look." Or state it in your own words. You might start first with talking to a couple of women who seem to be a generation or so older than you until you feel no one is going to react like this is strange and then try it with gals closer to your age or who seem in their 20s or so, old enough to realize its not a pick up, just honest request for their opinion. If you are afraid of doing this alone and have a female sister or cousin you can confide in on this test you want to do, she could accompany you and play along so the other female doesnt feel you are hitting on her. When you ask your question your female sis/cousin could say, I already told you, its okay but you didn't believe me. So what do you think, does my brother/cousin look really weird with his shirt off? Theres all sorts of ways to do this. In the end, you should no longer have a fear of people seeing you with your shirt off.
The way you look now is not how you're going to look in 10 years from now or even 5-7.
GOod luck.
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You know those skinny girls at the beach or pool all of them are self conscious about everyone looking at them and how they look. Almost everyone there feels like that.
The other half don't give a shit and are going to have fun no matter what. If someone doesn't like their body than there's nothing they can do and screw whoever views them in a bad light. They like their body for who they are and what it is. You have to get to that place and just enjoy your vacation.
The right people including girls will gravitate to you because you're a decent person and nice to be around and not for the size of your stomach or physical stature.
It's healthy to want to weigh what you should for your height but you are going about this wrong. You should consult your doctor and a nutritionist and draft up the correct diet and exercise plan to lose weight. You will succeed then but even if you haven't lost a lot of weight by vacation time just be you and forget about how you look because even the skinniest person there is worried about people looking at them and judging.
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First, i must congratulate you on the diet change. That is definitely a great first step. However, it is not just what you eat, but it is also exercise.
Exercise will help your calorie loss to equal a difference of burning and eating.
In 80 days it is absolutely doable to loose a few. try running, or the elliptical with a bit of weights. www.toneitup.com has amazing work outs that are just challenging enough to feel the burn.
Hope this helps :)
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