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terrified of university
I'm currently in Grade 12. Most people are excited to graduate, but I am dreading graduation. Let me explain my situation, and then can anyone help me?
I'm pretty much terrified. University is going to be so much different, and I won't have my friends around. I haven't had to face a single day of school without them since the first day of kindergarten, and even then I was introduced to my one BFF within like the first 5 minutes, and another of my BFFs within like 30 min. Like I'm going to be so lost without them!
Starting high school was sorta scary, but I knew it would be fine cuz half the teachers go to my church and already know me and almost half of the gr 9 class was from my grade school, and besides all that, I HAD MY 3 BEST FRIENDS!!!! I honestly have no clue how to survive without them! I am basically totally socially inept and I only ever attend any kind of social gathering because they are there! None of them even considered applying to the same schools as me cuz I'm applying to Christian universities, and they are all going public. But I need them!
And seriously, sometimes I feel like I should decide to go to the university in my town so that I will always be around whenever they come home.(They are each going about 1 hour away from home) But the rest of the time I am pretty certain that school is NOT the place for me, and that I would WAY rather go to one of the other two schools I applied to, which are 3 and 6 hours away, but it is so hard!
I just don't know how I will live without those girls. And it kind of breaks my heart to think that we will make new friends...I mean I've been friends with my one BFF pretty much from birth, and two of the others since kindergarten! I've only ever added to my circle of friends (and only in kindergarten and in Grade 9), I've never lost contact with a close friend. Like that's more than 12 YEARS OF HISTORY! All our inside jokes, all the stuff they know about me that I've never told anyone else, the way we know what each other need without even needing to say so....I can't imagine not having that!
Even now I find it difficult when I am in one class without any of them. ONE CLASS! and next year it's going to be the ENTIRE YEAR! AND THE ENTIRE YEAR AFTER THAT! I mean I'm sure we will see each other sometimes, but what if I go to the school that's 6 HOURS AWAY! How often will I be able to make it home? And how often will I be able to make it home at the same time that my friends aren't too busy! I just don't know! I feel ostracized if I don't see them for a weekend now...how am I going to manage going weeks without them? I am quite simply terrified!
So yeah....I'm pretty scared and it's already starting to stress me out now. It's like my 4 girls are the bubble I've lived in for my entire life. I don't know how to live outside of them. What do I do? How do I keep from being so stressed out? How do I make things easier for myself when I do graduate and go off to university?
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From HS thru college, young people grow tremendously, and often go and grow in directions different than those of their childhood friends. It doesnt mean you abandon each other or never see each other or stay in touch, but it will certainly not be the same as seeing each other every day. I am one who stayed in touch with a best friend even tho we both married and they moved to another state. We only wrote, called and when internet came along, emailed and then FB chat with each other. We've seen each other only twice in person since HS, but I am no longer counting on her as someone to spend lots of time with, I've gone on to make new friends. That is life dear.
For you, it is a bit more scary because from how you described it, sounds like you don't have much self confidence and have leaned on your friends to make up for what is missing inside of you. Think of it like a person who broke both legs in an accident. Of course for some time they need the use of a wheelchair or for lesser damage, crutches for a while. But at some point, you need to go through leg strengthening therapy to regain your ability to walk on your own two feet without the need of crutches or other devices.
In your own life, your friends were your crutches so you are at the point of needing to learn and grow on your own..this is your 'therapy' where you will learn and become stronger as a person and hopefully gain your self confidence. So in your case, I'd say its a good thing none of them will be at your University so that you, like a baby bird being pushed out of the nest and forced to fly, well you are forced to start working with what you already have (your wings are the strengths and talents and such you already possess. ) Its hardest to see our best traits, and boast about ourselves but start making a list. Ask your parents what they see as some of your strongest traits, talents, strengths and ask your girlfriends. You know they'll be honest. When you have that list, write me back with it and I'll see what more I can tell you, how to build upon the list you already have, things to think of, things to try or be open to, and tricks that might help you grow in areas you are weak in too. And I would suggest you start working on these things now rather than wait til your first day at Uni. Hope to hear from you again.
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One of the great things about college and University is it is easy to make friends. In a manner of speaking many of the freshman will be just like you just as scared as you. For just like you for the first time since probably kindergarten they too will have to make new friends.
Your first new friend most likely will be your roommate(s). You will be living together and living together makes it easy to be friendly. Next on this list of making friends will be the joining of different study groups. Study groups are a great way to make friends and to learn a subject better as each of you will have a strong point on the subject different from the other. The common purpose of a study croup being the subject is the motivator to making friendships.
Next on the is list is all the student activities that are available both on and off campus. There should be a list of activities for at the very least the ones on campus in your welcome package. Look through it and find things you are interested in and attend their meetings. Once again the commonality of the interest allows for building a friendships as you have something to talk about. If you can talk to someone you can build a friendship.
Don't let the fear of the unknown paralyze you. College and University life and be some of the best years of your life. Just remember your not the only one who needs to build a new support system. The other freshman will need to do the same. Make yourself open to making new friends and you will make new friends and you will keep your old ones for they will still be there when you are all home again for holidays and the summer.
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Hey!
Don't let something like that stop you from this opportunity. You don't know how lucky you are to be able to get this opportunity to go to a great college. Not a lot of people get to go to college. If you can make a best friend within 5 minutes of your first day at school then you're able to do that at college. Life is all about trying new things, and meeting new people. I was just like you when I was going to high school. None of my friends were going to the same high school as me, and I didn't know any of the teachers. I was scared of getting bullied, having no friends, and having all the teachers hate me, but it was the complete opposite of what I had expected. Don't be afraid to meet new people, if anything meeting new people can be very useful. Start by introducing yourself to a bunch of people at school (if you don't know them). I find smiling really helpful too! Anyways I hope this helps! Best wishes, and kick butt in college! I know you'll do fine. Maybe you're just over thinking it. Try to think of positive impacts in college.
-Swimmer133
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