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My Boyfriend Gaming
I'm gonna keep this short and sweet. Why does my boyfriend always play video games with his friends when I'm over. I realize he has friends. But why can't me and him just spend time together. Everytime I come over, his friends will ask him to play a game (He talks to them on Skype while playing)(PC). Sometimes he'll ask me if he's allowed to play because we've got into before about this and I'll tell him to do whatever he wants. If I say no he's gonna do it anyway just like any typical man. What am I supposed to do while plays. I can't watch TV because his desk is right beside it (his body is in front of it) plus he talks. He wants me to watch him play,come on now. Sometimes when I try to talk to him he won't even hear me because of his headphones. Am I making this a big deal? I just feel like that's a nice line between friend time and girlfriend time. He just doesn't see the line.
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I went through the exact same thing. He would never pay attention to me, I'd be trying to sleep and he would be constantly yelling and playing his game. I loved him truly so I tried my best to stay calm and try to make the best of things. But in the end I realized, he is still a boy. I don't no how old you are or your boyfriend. But both me and my bf were 20. I realized he was not ready to be in a relationship. And sometimes that's what you have to determine. When your in a relationship it will not work out unless both parties are involved. You deserve the best and you deserve someone who will pay attention to you always. You need to determine a line. You need to tell him straight out how you feel and tell him something needs to change. You need to think about your future aside from how you feel first. You need to look into 5 years from now. Do you see yourself with this guy? Do you see him making a change for you? If not you need to ask him so that you can have that. If he gets mad about it, he is not going to change. And it doesn't matter how many times you bug him or get mad. He will not change unless he really wants to. If your old enough to be dating, your at the age where you need to think about your future. You need to tell him, either you make changes or you find another girl. Either he will change, which means he does love you and he wants to make it work. Or he won't and he will get mad or say "whatever" in which you just determined, the guy won't change for you, you need to move on and find someone who is there for you and not this guy. Trust me it will hurt and it could easily end your relationship. But you either keep living your life in pain and sorow or you figure it out now and get your process on to start your life off right. " never settle" life is full of surprises, and especially people. Never settle for something "alright" when "amazing" is right around the corner waiting for you.
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In my opinion, no, you are not making this a big deal. A relationship needs to have both compromise and balance if the two involved are going to be happy. As for your boyfriend, perhaps he feels as though he would be disappointing to his friends if he distanced himself to spend time with you. A lot of men feel that way, even if you aren't asking them to remove their friends from their life. Some men will always put their friendships before their relationships, which is usually because they care too much about what their friends would think of them, or they are frightened to end up alone. The real question is, are you willing to put up with your boyfriend constantly pushing you aside for video games, or do you need him to change?
I hate to say it, but sometimes men need a good push to change. And depending on how bad you feel about the situation, maybe you should consider how happy you really are in your relationship. Being ignored by your significant other can lead to resentment, which never ends well. He needs to ask himself how much he wants to be in this relationship, because if he isn't willing to spend time with you, how are you supposed to be happy?
Giving men an ultimatum isn't something women like to do, because it feels like a trap, but in some cases there is no other choice. He needs to make time for you, or you need to find something that makes you feel wanted.
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When it comes to relationships, we are like tender seedlings that need lots of tender loving care to grow. The list of things that could distract a person from giving enough attention to their mate or bf/gf, is vast. Those things in themselves may not be a bad thing but whats missing is balance. When there is balance, all your needs for interaction, attention, quality time spent together are taken care of.
I assume you love him. The question well may be whether he really loves you. People show love in 5 basic ways: Words of affirmation, gift giving, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch. If he's failing in all or most of those areas, you may want to question why you're with him since he may not care now, even if he once did.
If going to his place is the problem, tell him you are no longer going to his place to spend time with him because you are not into watching him play games, you want to relate with him cus thats what a relationship means, relating, not absorbed by gaming. If he wants to spend time with you, it should be at your place or get him to go with you to events in the city, a concert, the fair, a bike ride, for walks. Make a rule to use cells only for emergency use, like one of you needs an ambulance, otherwise, turn the phones off or just dont look at them.
If he wont go for it and all you can do is see him at his place, then
find a time when his friends aren't over to have a talk with him about this, find out if his feelings for you have changed, if not...then let him know that he is neglecting the relationship because any time that you are in the same room with him, he doesn't have conversation with you and compliment and encourage, he doesnt touch you, giving loving and intimate touches to show his continued desire in you and wanting to please you giving love and sexual contact, he doesnt do random acts of serving like offering to do something for you that you could easily do yourself like fetch you a drink from the fridge, open doors for you like a gentleman, I think you get the picture. Right now, it sounds like you're getting about as much relationship with him in person as you would with a framed photo of him sitting on a shelf at home.
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You're not making a big deal of this at all in my opinion. I am a huge gamer and love my games (PS4) but... when I have people over be it friends or even family, like my cousins (who are also gamers) my PS4 gets switched off and I focus on my guests. If they want to play some games we do so as a group. This was the same when my gf used to come over too - that time was dedicated to her and myself so no games, no long chats on the phone with friends etc.
Talk to him about this and explain your side of things and make it clear that when you come over you would like that time to be his and your time together. It is NOT a lot to ask for in my opinion at all. Most women I know would never put up with this kind of thing and although you have not mentioned your age or his age - I certainly doubt there are many women around who would be completely happy about something like this, especially if it happened all the time repeatedly. If he asks you permission then tell him no and explain why (you want you both to spend the time you have together - not you watching him play games with his friends online - he can do that any other time when you are not there). You can't say yes (because he will do it anyway) then get angry he did because all he will say is that you said it was okay.
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You leave out some important details, like, your age and what sort of plans you make together, but in the end, what your boyfriend doing is not okay.
Whatever the rest situation is, the first thing you need to do is start telling your boyfriend the truth. He probably knows what he is doing is shitty, but he still deserves to hear the truth from you.
You are basically lying to him when you say you are okay with this - you aren't. And he's being a childish brat to ask if he's 'allowed'. Of course he's allowed to be rude, ignore his guest and girlfriend. Being allowed or not is not why he shouldn't be treating you this way, He shouldn't be treating you this way, because it's a shitty way to treat someone
When you spend a lot of time with someone, it's totally acceptable for them to spend some of that time doing other things. Doing homework, cooking or cleaning, reading a book, or even playing video games. If you over there every day, then it's not wrong for your boyfriend to want to get some time in with his hobby. If you are seeing him once a week for a few hours, that's a very different situation.
If you are honest with him about how rude and hurtful this behaviour is, and he still does it, and you are old enough to get yourself home, then just go home. You have better things to do with your life then watch him play video games, so go do those things. You may also considering spending less time with him. If you used to go over for the whole day, only go over the morning. Instead of going over the 'hang out', go over with a plan to do something together. Just 'hanging out' is how this sort of rudeness becomes a habit.
In the end, your boyfriend is being exceptionally rude, however, I get the sense you are also young and sometimes our expectations for 'together time' are unrealistic when we are really young. I'm an adult living with her boyfriend and we really only get 4 or 5 hours of good 'together time' each week. The rest of our time is spent working, cleaning, shopping, or just being so tired that we flop in front of a movie and don't really have much energy to chat. If we get two or three meals together, an one afternoon outing together, it's a good week.
So stop putting up with his rudeness, but also change your focus. Instead of focusing on getting a certain amount of girlfriend time out of him, make some plans to have more meaningful together time. Make plans. Don't 'hang out' for hours or days.
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