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Long distance relationship - trust issues
Hi, i am in a long distance relationship and some days i really like the way things are going, my partner has alot of girl mates who he gets along with and hes still friends with his first ex-girlfriend and at times i feel like i havent given him much sexual attention and i obviously cannot do this physically so im scared that he might go and do something with someone else (his first ex) ive confronted him about this but have not mentioned that im worried because hes getting close with his ex ive just told him im scared to lose him and that he might do something stupid, all he replied was "well i havent done anything yet"
and a friend of mine asked him hows things going between me and him he didnt answer he said that his ex wants to have sex with him now that she isnt in a relationship anymore. also a few months back she even confronted him about her feelings towards him and how she still has feelings for him and now shes getting closer to him and he likes it
so what should i do? should i end it ? should i just trust him ? should i confront him about this girl ? because he hasnt said that he still speaks to her i have found that out from my friend
what should i do?
i dont know what he does in his spare time whether he lies to me when he says hes going work or going out with family etc i dont know :'( i feel like ending it with him but i love him so much to the extent where when he asked me "if i do something dumb would you take me back" and i said yes because i truly love him and i understand the situation we are in
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It's very hard to let someone go that you love. But if he doesnt have respect for you, and if he is saying 'well he hasn't done nothing yet" that means that he is waiting for an opportunity to do something. I will would break up with him before you get hurt because yourself matters more than anyone else! If he is liking that his ex girlfriend likes him again, then they probably already did something. Long distance relationships are pointless to me, and I just don't trust them. I am pretty sure that your beautiful inside and out and there is probably a guy out there who is looking for you! so don't beat yourself up and don't waste your time on someone who has their options open. You should be the only option on their mind! Do me a big favor don't get into another long distance relationship again!
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The fact that he asked "if I do something dumb would you take me back" that makes my heart sink. And I'm not even in your position. Honestly I'm in a position where my boyfriends first girlfriend just moved back here and all she did was message him once and ask if she could see the dog. That situation alone made me feel sick to my stomach, I can't even image what you are going through. But honestly, the way he is acting and the way you feel. It MEANS something. You can say you trust him all you want, but you don't and you never will. Anything a guy says sticks in a girls heads forever. Those words and his actions will never be gone. You say you love him truly but it sounds like the feelings art mutual. If he truly loved you, he wouldn't put you in the position where you would feel like that. You need to tell him and be firm. You need to set things steight before you end up living your life with someone and hate yourself for doing it. Love is the greatest feeling and thing in the world. Don't SETTLE for something that does not mean the world to you. Please for heavens sake, don't let him control you and make you become a bad person for his actions. Think about your future, in 5 years, do u think you would be able to forgive him? Do u think that all the feelings you have now are just going to disappear. There NOT. This feeling will forever haunt you. And no matter what you will always have the feeling that you cannot trust him because it will always be in your mind. You need to think about you. Think about it as, if your best friend was going through this. What would you tell her? Your too close to the situation itso hard to see the cold hearted facts. Be smart girl.
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for the very two reasons you mentioned, LDR's fail. It's impossible to build trust issues over distance and trust in vital to a relationship.
Second,people need touch and its a vital part of relationships too, sexual relations included and that is one thing people who meet on internet can't do. So its not you or him, it's the context of this relationship. Texting instead of face to face convo's and LDR'S instead of in person dating seems to be popular these days. Unfortunately, young people are becoming so used to these methods of contact that they no longer know how so converse in person and courses must be taught in schools to teach this to people. Some have no clue how to go about an in person relationship but those who have tasted an in-person live relationship WILL know what they are missing and the draw will be irresistable when compared to a real live person equally nice compared to the on line bf/gf who one can never touch or kiss and has never met.
And then, there is one final thing that can mess things up even if two people found a way to meet. A relationships foundation is 2 things, being a best friend = to the emotional connection and the love, and 2nd, sexual compatibility = sexual desire due to a pheremone connection. We emit pheremones as human beings, animals do too, it is what attracts the opposite sex, like what attracts the tomcat to the female cat when she's in heat. Pheremones can't be picked up on via the internet, only in person. I used internet dating to find my 2nd husband. I met several before him who sounded promising after only a week of talking on line before meeting and once in front of each other, discover there is absolutely no pheremone connection, no matter how handsome and ripped the guy was.
I do feel on line penpals of the opposite sex is a good way to get used to conversing with and understanding the opposite sex in how they think, what they mean, problem solve, arrive at decisions, etc. And good conversation is important in a relationship. However, one must keep in mind that your mind imagines and makes up and fills in the parts you can't possibly know or feel to make it more real, so an LDR becomes nothing more than theater of the mind. The mind can cause strong feelings...like think of the last movie that made you cry. You know its all actors and a made up story line but our subconscious mind gets sucked in easily emotionally. It happens in LDR's too, even when there is not enough vital info to know whether there really is a chance the two are perfect for each other in all areas.
So you are right, there is more temptation to go with a relationship in person than one on line. It is easy to lie too on line but you have no way to prove it being long distance. It's not like you can drive past his parents house to see if his car is there on a day he says he had plans to go there.
So basically, you have only a partial relationship. With a couple who knew each other for years and are in love but then he goes into the military, an LDR has a greater success rate because now the net is being used to 'stay in touch' with a loved one. Its always been established in person they have the pheremone connection, that they can trust each other and the touch and sex they can't have in person becomes do-able and works for them because of their already established sex life, its easier to have phone sex, cam or skype with a loved one via the distance. In your case, you don' have that going for you. You c an go through the motions of doing phone sex but when neither of you have a previously established sex life together, its far too common to find when finally meeting, that it all falls apart.
You are better off telling him you'd only like to remain in touch as friends, give your heart time to heal, and look for a live in person relationship next time around. I dont say it because I am convinced he's a slimeball and can't be trusted, just because the facts are, that you will never have the boyfriend or future husband you seek by going this route, and never experience all a face to face relationship can be.
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sweetheart ditch the b***h
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No no no no NO. You need to END IT immediately. "I haven't done anything yet" YET? That right there is your red flag. Also him asking you if you'll take him back is his reassurance to do something because now he knows that you'll just take him back if he does that. NOT OKAY. I know it's hard, but you cannot stay with him. He clearly is still into his ex and if he hasn't cheated already, he could do it any minute OR EVEM RIGT NOW. Dont let him hurt you like that. Be the person to walk away, because it hurts less, but it still will hurt. You have to end it, though.
Hope this helps~
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