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what do I do about my life?
I am a 26 year old female and I don't really where to start but here goes I was molested by my dad when I was 3 and when my mom found out supposedly she called the police and they seperated because of this even though I was so young when it happened I don't remember any of it but what I was told. Then my mom and dad finally divorced a year later when I was 4 and then my mom married my stepdad who is black and it caused a whole war between her and my dad's side of the family because they believe in interracial marriage and they said she lied on my dad so she be with my stepdad.my dad died when I was 12 so I can't even ask him his side of the story of what really happened so my life has been in turmoil ever since I was 3j not knowing who to believe. My life is a mess. I started living wild wjen ai was 16making sleeping around , going to wild parties, and smoking pot kust to put my mind at
ease.Then when I turned 23 I stared going to church
after 7I years of living another life. I found myself going back to wear I was before and now I feel like a complete failire like a mistake even though I talked to my pastor about my situation and he says to go easy on myself that I don't have to be perfect kust to try to put my past behind me but how do I do that when there is so much going on in my head?
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First off I agree with your pastor to go easy on yourself. Nobody is perfect. I can see where life has thrown you a curveball and how you have reacted to that throw is understandable, there are better ways to help yourself then going back to your old ways.
I would be surprised if you weren't moderately depressed over all of this. Not to the point of needing antidepressant medication but to the point where you could use the help of a disinterested third party to talk with and help you see things more clearly. someone to help you put things in a better perspective so that you can have a better outlook on life and enjoy life the way it should be.
TO do this you can try talking with a psychologist or ask your pastor to recommend pastoral counselor both work with you just by different methods. I recommend the psychologist as they are trained to work to help you help yourself through talk therapy. A psychologist is someone you can tell your deepest secrets to knowing they go no further. You can discuss anything and everything with your therapist to find a better way to deal with something and properly put it behind you.
As for is you mother telling you the truth about your dad. Given what you say about your dad's family's feeling towards your mother I would say she has told you the truth. Though it is easy enough to check out. Arrest records are a matter of public record as are any court proceedings.
If mom had your dad arrested and he went to trial there will be a record of his arrest and a transcript of the court proceedings on file at the courthouse. If you know where you lived at the time it is just a matter of contacting the courts and asking for copies of those records. There is usually a transcription charge for sending you this information. If you still live in the area you can visit the courthouse and view the records at no charge.
I would suggest that you contact the court and find out if there is an arrest record for your father around the time you were 3. If so either go to the courthouse or send for the record and any trial transcript. This will put your mind on this matter at ease once and for all.
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Well first off think about your situation with your mom. True you father isnt here to tell you his side of things but what mother would willing make up some shit like that and tell their child they were molested?? even for the simple fact of remarrying, why would she do that? ask yourself is she seems like the dishonest type, and based on her history that you know of, or tract record if she has one of lying about things if in YOUR mind you could see her doing something like that.
Is she mentally ill or very damaged as a person to the point where she would lie to her own child for the sake of this?
Try to use logic and not let emotion rule you too much. People who are ruled by their emotion can be extremely unstable and even dangerous. Is she that way? or is she the grounded, honest, realistic type? once you have your answer on this try to remember that you ARE here on earth living on this big spinning ball of dirt along with the rest of us. Your life is yours and yours alone and it is what you make of it. If you want it to suck it will.
But you could try being more positive and maintaining the hope that you can still have a good live no matter where youve been because life isnt where youve been, its where your going.
Going to church is fine if thats what you feel you need in order to keep yourself going, i fully support that. Im not a religious person i AM a spiritual one and i do not believe that everyone needs church better themselves just better friends and a support system of people around them that want to see you get better and succeed.
You may not know this but all the little things in life really do count. IE, keeping a clean place taking regular walks to help you clear your head, listening to up beat music and doing things you enjoy that dont necessarily need another person to do them can really help you in the long term. things are things that can help you to be ok with being by yourself and accepting yourself as the flawed human that you are just like the rest of us.
If you really want things you get better you will find a way to make them happen, but you have to really want it with every fiber of your being and willing to change or adjust to whatever comes your way in order to reach that goal.
you have alot of reflecting and thinking and looking inward to do first though, so work on that stuff, stir clear of chaos, and try to stay calm in the face of anything negative that comes your way.
good luck ; )
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