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I Cut Again
My friend, James, died a week ago and I had to keep my emotions in because it was best to not let my mother know. She'd ask too many questions and I couldn't handle that. He was like a brother to me and I don't know what I'm going to do without him. I cut my arm and my thigh again and it helped for a little while but the pain came back. I'm wondering if I should do it again.
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I'm sorry about James. Love, I know how it feels to be hurt so much. I honestly did cutting back then, but I stopped. Cutting is helpful, yes, it takes the pain away for some time, but it can also bring us harm. Do you think James would like you doing that? I think no. Okay I know there are some points when you feel like you lost everything, like you're all alone, but honestly you didn't and you're not. Plus James is still with you, in your heart and in your mind, you can talk to him in your prayers whenever you want to. Things would just be a little different, he won't reply quickly, but I think he still would, I think he would give you answers, but not directly. (Everything will be okay soon and I hope you'll feel a bit better each day) And I think James would be happy if you stop harming yourself. (James is in the better place, just think about it, he wouldn't feel anymore pain) Be happy because I think James would be if you are.
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i'm really sorry about James but don't become violent to yourself would he want that for you, you really need to open up to your mom my friend died and he was my neighbor we liked each other and we were secretly dating our parents did not know it made the impact that much more worse for me and when I told them they said that they would get me psychiatrist I went and it actually helped I know he would want you to move on.
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My condolences for your loss. Losing a friend is always hard but the pain does get better.
Cutting is not the answer as is second guessing what a parent can and can't handle. As parents are job is to keep you safe. If your cutting then you are not safe and need help. Moms job then is to get you that help and to get you the proper help she needs to ask questions. I understand you may not like the questions or think she has no right to ask them or is being invasive in your private life by asking them. All of that may be true but if you do not share your feelings then as a parent it is her job to pull this information from you to keep you safe and healthy.
Don't try and guess at what mom can and cannot handle. I assure you mom is much stronger than you believe. She may yell, she may get angry she may even blame you it does not mean she is not handling whatever it is in an appropriate manner. It also depends on the problem, how it is presented to her or the situation in this case and whether or not you are involved in something you were not suppose to be.
There are two sides to every situation. When you say mom can't handle something. This leads me to believe there is something, another side to the story, maybe not this one but others, that you are not telling us. As parents there are a lot of things we know that you think we don't know. In fact all you are doing is reinventing a wheel that we tried to reinvent on our parents who also tried to reinvent on their parents.
There's very little you can do that we haven't done or tried to do when we were your age. This is why we get we get upset or fly off the handle at some things and it looks as if we can't handle things. Most likely because we have tried to tell you not do whatever it is that has brought this to a head and your now telling us about it.
So don't say mom can't handle something. She can and she will especially something like cutting as it has to do with you health and safety. She can also offer you some comfort while you grieve for your friend. Grieving is natural and there are many different parts to grieving and you will go through most of them.
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No you shouldn't do it again. It only appears to 'help'. It's what's called a 'coping mechanism'. And not a very good one. Something you use to cope with the pain you're feeling. When you cut yourself you're feeling in control of your emotions, you are eliciting a response (basically pushing a button and getting an instant and very noticeable reaction). That's why it feels 'good'. You're affirming your ability to control your life and your feelings. It's not just you, it's a common motive behind self-harming. The actual pain and fear of your loss, you cannot control. The cutting is a substitute, something you can control. As you've noticed, the relief is all too short-lived, and you need to do it again. To re-affirm the perceived feeling of control. Next time will be short-lived too. Probably the 'fix' will be even shorter. Then shorter still, the next time. You'll end up a mass of cuts and scars, and the REAL problem still won't be resolved. Which is the feelings you have about the loss of your friend. The feelings will all still be there. It's these feelings you have to 'process' directly, not try to blot them out by cutting yourself. This is why 'bereavement conseliing' exists. We ALL find it hard to process losses like this and come to terms with them in our own way. Not everyone who loses a close friend or family member needs formal counselling. But everyone needs to process it and come to terms with it in some way. That's what you must try to do. Talk to other people involved about it for a start. You'll not be the only one missing James. Share your feelings. Let them talk about theirs. Keeping such strong emotions 'to yourself' is building-up a massive amount of pressure. You need to address this. But please stop cutting yourself. Believe me, the temporary relief you feel when you do it is a dead-end. It solves nothing, and it won't after one hundred more cuts either. My condolences for your loss. Be strong. Would James (if he were still here) like to think of you in this turmoil? Upset, and harming yourself? I doubt it.
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