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My mom wont let me go to prom!!
So my mom refuses to now let me go to prom because of one incident, or mistake that i have done. I am 18 years old, and i decided to get my nipples pierced just because I've been wanting to get it for a long time...my mother is very strict and is christian, so she is against all types of piercing, tatoos etc. So she found out, and bans me from going to prom, and the last day to pay for the ticket is in a week. I already bought my shoes (which was very expensive ) and i got my dress, well sort of. Is there any way that i can convince her to let me go? U have been planning out prom for as long as i can remember, and now all of my dreams are crushed...please help me, i need to convince her to let me go, but she wants to be in control of my life forever...
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Although you are 18, and have the legal right to get your nipples pierced, you're living under your parents roof, and therefore they do have the right to make certain rules for you. Unfortunately, you're going to have to compromise.
What if you struck up a deal with your mom - you'll take the piercings out, with the intention of letting them close, in order to go to prom. You can always get them re-pierced later, when you're in college or out of the house otherwise.
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If you decided to get the piercing while you were 18, not before, then you had the right as an adult to do so. If you are financing your attending prom and your dress and don't need the parents to pitch in, then it comes down to a matter of your wishes as an adult versus theirs.
I understand the views of the other advice person in that while under a parents roof, you must abide by certain rules, their house rules for you while living with them.
However, how one interprets what a parents house rules can apply to with an 18 yr old or older child still living at home is up to various interpretations, just like the bible. You'll need to decide how you interpret the situation and act according to your beliefs.
So here's another way to look at it. A parent has a right to make rules that personally affect them and any others living under their roof and can say who is welcome in their house and who is not. Anything that you wish to choose on that does not directly affect them, they have no right to give a yes or no or make a rule or try to enforce it.
For example sake to be clear, here's things that would affect the household: you bringing a boyfriend in the house they've asked you not to, playing music loud late at night, expecting you to continue to do chores as a member of the house and cleaning up after yourself, paying for any food you use and giving something to them to offset the water or electric bill. Once you are 18, remember, they are no longer required by law to provide for you shelter, clothes, food. So you can not continue to ask them to buy you things, even a prom dress. Although it would be nice if they did but its not required.
As long as they are from now on not financially providing for you in some way, financing your college, providing free rent, buying you things, you are obligated to follow their wishes. So for example, if paying your own way, to college, they can't tell you where to go to college. Any personal choices of what foods you eat, whom you associate with outside of the house, how you dress and adorn yourself and what you believe are all personal choices and may not meet the standards they had for you while you were growing up but as an adult, these are your choices. You have a right to go to prom if you are financing the whole thing as an adult.
I know of 23, 24 yr olds in college or now working and still at home for financial reasons and pay a small rent to parents but they forbid who their adult child can see, where they go and continue to interfere in every little thing and they keep saying they are forbidden to do something. Yeah it sucks when parents cant make that transition to having adult children. Its hard on them too. But if you allow them to continue to have a say over you in personal matters, it will train them to do so even more.
Due to their beliefs, they can and will have a right to tell you to move out if they get angry enough with you going to prom. But remember this is way bigger than just going to Prom. You need to have a talk.
Thank them for raising you with the beliefs they taught. But remind them that at 18, you are an adult and while you respect them and their home, this is a personal choice that does not affect them or the home and you believe that they can no longer put you on restrictions for doing something that you have a right to do, even if it differs from what they think is right. They have more experience in the world than you and so they may find many of your choices to not be up to snuff but it is up to you to determine what choices and learn from them. Something like this is a good way to let them know you intend to go to prom and are not expecting them to pay or will pay them back for anything they've spent on it already. Borrow a dress from someone if you have to to be able to afford going.
But be prepared, they may throw the adult version of a tantrum and tell you to move out. You may want to start thinking about if this is a time you're ready to do so and if so, who you'd ask to live with and how you'd do it.
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Well, this is a bit of a complex situation. First off, you are 18 and thus technically an adult in most regions. That being the case, you (again technically) have the right to get tattoos, piercings, etc. just as you do to vote or buy tobacco products. However, as much as you may or may not like it, if you are living with your parents, even as someone several years older than you are, they do have the right to have ground rules for residing in their home.
Just for the record, the fact that your mother is a Christian shouldn't really factor in here. While the Bible actually has no prohibitions against tattoos and piercings (even though people mistakenly interpret that it does), sadly a lot of people have a problem with them, Christian or not.
My only suggestion is that you try to work something out with her, even if it means removing the piercings and promising you won't get any while living under her roof. She still has the final say though.
Once you are on your own, you can make these decisions for yourself.
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From a totally legal standpoint at 18 years of age you no longer need your parents consent to do anything. In the eyes of the law you are an adult free to do as you wish; legally.
Also from a legal standpoint you mom is no longer legally required to provide anything for you. Not food, shelter, clothing or anything she has provided for the past 18 years. Yea this legal stuff can be both a blessing and a curse.
If I were you I would sit down with mom and explain to her that you are 18 now and things are different. You tell her you are 18 and legally an adult, that she can no longer force her view or principals on you. You tell her you love her and that as long as you live under her roof you will abide by the rules of the house such as doing whatever chores she asks you to do, keeping your room clean and you will respect school night curfews if you have one.
Punishing you as she has in the past is no longer possible as she cannot take away the privileges of being an adult. In fact among the things she can no longer do is have any say over any medical exam or treatment. speak to any of your doctors or receive any medical information concerning your medical information without your expressed written permission to the doctors. If you want to get very technical she cannot make a doctors appointment for you, though most doctors are not that strict on that point.
As a parent who has already gone through this life changing event it takes time to get use to this new normal. When you talk to your mother do so calmly and with great respect for she is your mom. She has cared for you for 18 years and she will always be there for you. It is those 18 years of caring for you and to suddenly realize that the game has changed and that you now have certain rights she cannot take away from you; that takes getting use to.
Just remember one thing; mom has been around along time and in the past when she has punished you it was mostly a teaching moment not just to be mean. Mom is still a fountain of useful information and a resource for you. Make sure to tell her you will always be open to hearing suggestions from her.
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